2008-10-16 13:25:17 +0000
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you should make her leave she is the one cheating. i would get all the proof you can that she is cheating if you leave take your son with you she can not stop you don't let her take him until you get Temporary custody of your son if you let her take him before then then she dont have to give him back. good luck
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2008-10-16 13:08:06 +0000
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Why do you think it's your fault for her actions? She leaves you and the baby at home to go get some strange and you think it's your fault? Boy, she has done a number on you. Go file for divorce, get temporary emergency custody of your son and a restraining order on her and change the locks.
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2008-10-16 13:06:45 +0000
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What she did is HER fault, not yours. Stop taking responsibility for her actions. Since she's the one who cheated, she should be the one to leave.
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2008-10-16 13:04:38 +0000
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don't leave, make her leave... you aren't the one in the wrong, she is...
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2008-10-16 13:10:20 +0000
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I think you should make her leave and fight for full custody of your boy. She is the cheater, so she should be the only one to have to suffer. It was her choice to cheat so she should loose custody in my opinion. I think you have a good enough claim.
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2008-10-16 14:54:00 +0000
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Kick her out. Not for the cheating, but because she wants to destroy the family. So it is destroyed.
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2008-10-16 13:33:48 +0000
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if this is the whole story, how the heck is this "your" fault? she has been:
1. communicating with her ex right in front of your face. why would a married woman need to be conversing with her ex on a regular basis? did you not think that that was weird?!?
2. lying to you about her intentions and her whereabouts. i'm betting that if she lied this time and got caught, she has lied before and has not gotten caught.
3. treated you as a doormat because she knew that she could get over on you. that is why she is screwing her ex and doesn't care if you found out or not. that's right...she doesn't care if you know, because she feels that you won't do a darned thing about it, because she feels that you are weak, spineless, and powerless. the truth hurts.
it's time to get your power back, my friend.. it's time for you and she to sit down and have a serious chat. first, i would talk to a lawyer. tell him everything that is going on and find out your options. then, tell her that you will no longer tolerate her insolent behavior. show her the proof. ask her if she wants out of the marriage. i'm betting that she will say yes. immediately after her answer, hit her with the divorce papers. you need to be the one to strike first. please, please, please do not stay together for the kid. get out while the child is still too young to remember any fighting, screaming, etc. that will be the hallmark of your homelife together if you stay. if you have any joint accounts together, you should put an alert on them so that both names are required for any withdrawals.
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2008-10-16 13:22:48 +0000
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If you're going to divorce, try to be the first one to file and serve. It helps your case. Go for custody if you can, she abandoned you for days to screw her ex. She doesn't deserve the kid. She's not worth it. Staying married "for the kids" is not good enough. It actually does more damage than good. Get a lawyer and get it started.
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2008-10-16 13:08:47 +0000
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DONT leave. Get your lawyer involved immediately!! Get a private investigator to get some hard evidence that can be used in court.
wait until she is out of the house, change the locks and make sure your lawyer is on speed dial. This is her fault not yours.
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2008-10-16 13:07:03 +0000
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leave if you want to.. i would.
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2008-10-16 13:08:03 +0000
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First, you are right, dont leave because then you will be charged w/ abandonment. Go talk to a lawyer, most consults are free, they can tell you legally what to do. I wouldnt worry about her getting FULL custody, your the father and you have rights too! What I WOULDNT do is think that this mess willl work out, it appears that she wants out, and you will only lose in the end if you 'try' to make it work. Good Luck!
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2008-10-16 13:09:02 +0000
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Get a divorce. Leave her she is not worth it. Get custody of your son she is the one who cheated maybe the courts will see that as an unfit mother. Not sure though not a lawyer.
But good luck wish you all the best with you and your son.
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2008-10-16 13:14:45 +0000
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You need to get out of there. Dont worry about any abandonment issues and definitely dont bother with hiring an investigator.. it will do you no good in the eyes of the court. I would immediately contact an attorney and file for divorce after leaving so that way YOU are the one that has the papers written up the way you want them. You will not get full custody, period (she has to be an unfit mother to get that); your best bet is to file for joint custody so that way you have a say in the child's life.
I was in the same boat as you 3 months ago and that is exactly what I did & everything went totally smooth. My divorce is final Oct 24th, and I still have full rights to my son.
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2008-10-16 13:28:34 +0000
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I am sorry to hear of you wife's wrongful doing, and it can be hard to deal with (been there) You have a child to help you keep your mind focused (been there too) I try not to blame myself for what other people do to me no matter the reason. We can not control what people do to us only our own actions. hiring a p.i. will only help in granting a divorce it in no way proves her to be negligent to her child. Does she drink, do drugs, does she leave her child with people incapable of caring for a small child? If she does and you know at the time she is bring an officer with you when you go to get ur child, this will help support Evidence to the court by making a report. Please do not run off with ur child u are being negligent of her rights those are grounds for loosing domicile custody( that's how I lost domicile rights) being level headed is the only way you will come out on top. decide who stays who leaves, if it is you, keep contact with ur child, visit, help with coast, keep a record of everything, Phone calls, purchases, txt messages. keep a job a secure home to live in, no partying, you want to appear responsible to the judge. mostly hire a good attorney one with a track record of custody grants, he will also be able to advise you on ethics to prove u as a loving responsible caring father. Good luck, I hope It works out for you.
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2008-10-16 14:40:51 +0000
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yeah leave with your son why would you try to work things out
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2008-10-16 13:37:50 +0000
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Personally she should leave, but if she doesnt then you should go. You cant stay around and make something work if she doesnt want to make it work. No need to hire an investigator, her actions are telling enough
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2008-10-16 13:06:41 +0000
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If she wants a divorce tell her to hurry up and file for one and get out, but leave your son.
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2008-10-16 13:19:29 +0000
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Your instinct that a divorce would make things worse is correct because ending a marriage does not mean that the hurt or the problem/s will go away. You may carry all that baggage with you until you decide to deal with it. You and your wife, both. And the only victim will be your son, who will think, at this young age, that it's somehow got to be his fault. He could get a step-father or step-mother, but that person will never be able to replace either of you and the place that you have in his heart.
You mentioned before that you'd like to work things out. I think that a 5-year marriage is worth saving, considering that you will get at least 8 times 5 more years of being in a great marriage if you do end up saving it. It's worth the effort. So, the thing to do is, first, appologize for your mishaps, show by your action (changes in attitude, behavior, language, etc.) that you're serious about this relationship, then go to couples counseling together (so that she can also see her part in this... of course, don't put it to her like this!). It took 5 years to break down your marriage. Expect that building it back will take a leettle more time.
I don't know about others, but I think that it is definitely worth a fight to try to get love and trust back in a case like yours.
And if after this, it still doesn't work, then you can say in all clear conscience that you've tried and can file for that divorce.
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2008-10-16 13:06:03 +0000
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The cheater should leave! Good luck, and God bless.
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2008-10-16 13:08:21 +0000
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Just leave before it costs you more.
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2008-10-16 13:07:02 +0000
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Have her investgated and then take her to court. If she is a cheater than she can't be a very fit mom.
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2008-10-16 13:11:58 +0000
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don't leave...if you leave the marriage, you will be accused of abandonment. Make her file first if she wants a divorce and then if the courts request you leave the home, you didn't abandon your child.
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