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Crystal
My son got a girl pregnant. Should I force him to marry her?
I love my son, but he is a huge headache now. The girl is 23, and he is 17. He impregnated her even though I repeatedly told him to STAY AWAY from her because she's nothing but trouble (she's already been arrested twice for DUIs), but he chose to ignore me. He sure enjoyed himself, and I told him now it's time for you to live up to your responsibilities. State law says he can get married as long as I grant permission and a judge signs the license. I told him that I want him to move in with her ASAP after they marry, but I also told him he's free to do whatever he wants because he's G-O-N-E the minute he turns 18. I also talked to his girlfriend, and oh boy, was she happy. She told me she's in love with him and would be thrilled to live with him. I think this is for the best. I've given him way too much leeway, and I need to cut the apron strings - dont you think? Is this the right step? Of course I can't FORCE him to do anything, but I feel like it's finally time to be a parent and not a doormat and push for responsibility.



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2010-06-17 22:06:07 +0000
I don't think you can or should force him to marry the girl but you can kick him out of your house and force him to be responsible for his child and supporting it. If he's taken advantage of you then there's no reason you should have to bear the responsibility of his child. But don't forget that this is your grandchild, like it or not. You can still be a supportive mom/grandma when he needs you but it's important that you let him learn to be a responsible father and grown up since he made the grown decision to get that girl pregnant. He probably needs your support more now than ever before but don't continue to be a doormat, it's his turn to be the parent and learn what life is all about on his own. He'll figure it out.

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2010-06-17 21:32:58 +0000
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I am in the same situation except my son and his girlfriend just graduated high school. My answer is no, I would not make him get married. I would make him own up to his responsiblities. He is only 17 and still needs some guidance. If he marries and lives with this woman he will end up having the same lifestyle as she does. I know you said you told him to stay away from her, but how many 17 year olds do you know that would turn that down? An older and I'm sure experienced woman. He would have to prove himself and get a job and some responsibilities. I would give him a time limit and if it wasn't met then I would show him the door.

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2010-06-17 21:16:40 +0000
I would do the exact same thing you're doing if I had a son and he knocked up some woman. He would be OUT of my house.

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2010-06-17 21:25:04 +0000
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Sounds like your a great parent, lets force your son to marry someone he will most likely hate in the future, yea that sounds like a great idea. Lets kick him out when he turns 18 so he feels like he has no where else to go, yea you sure are a good parent aren't you.

Glad your not mine!

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2010-06-17 21:21:24 +0000
You shouldn't force anything on him. My mother did this to me and it was absolutely horrible after wards. I ended up resenting my mother for all of the horrible stuff she has done to me in the past. I would suggest counseling to him, maybe even being more comforting and talking to him about how he feels about the whole situation. He has to be freaking out, and I'm sure when you threaten him and scold him, it isn't making anything easier. I'm sure he knows he messed up and he is probably very upset over the whole situation. As for the girlfriend, obviously not a wise choice on his part, but she is now apart of the family, and I'm sure if you ever want to see your grandchild, you should be more caring towards her as well, even if she is a complete screw up.

Good luck with everything

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2010-06-17 21:20:08 +0000
No. He may resent her greatly, and divorce has worse effects on children than if they grow up with two single parents that take care of them.

Encourage him to take care of his responsibilities and to be in the child's life equally, including having the child stay with him for half of the week. This will be a good doze of discipline for him, and he "won't get off easy" by letting the mom take care of the baby all the time.

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2010-06-18 01:25:14 +0000
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It sounds like you just can't wait to get rid of him. Remember, when that baby comes I'm sure they will NEED you more. I think you should not make him marry her. Though he did enjoy himself with her he will one day become mature and resent you for making him... excuse me I mean supporting him to marry her. He can still be a father without marrying her. He's already made one mistake, don't help him make another. I know what you mean though, these kids nowadays are some else, but you still have to be a parent. Once you are a parent, you don't stop being one after they turn 18!!!

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2010-06-17 21:26:48 +0000
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No despite what he or she has done you cant force anything on them
A child is not a plaster and wont hold them together ?
My guess is it wont last anyway
He now needs to grow up and be responsible for his child ( your grandchild )
There is a difference between cutting the apron strings
And advising him to do the wrong thing
Because thats what you think he should do ?

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2010-06-17 21:25:54 +0000
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Stay out of this , unless to Pay for DNA testing.

He will be GONE in less than 1 year

Advise girl to have Abortion

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2010-06-17 21:24:46 +0000
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That really must be terrible for you. I don't think you should make them marry each other. He doesn't need to be married, he needs to take responsibility for his actions. I agree that you now need to be a parent and push him to be responsible (being involved with the baby if she keeps it, being there and supporting her etc.) I just don't think that having a ring on his finger is going to help with that. Please don't throw him out of your life now, he needs you. Do your best to be a loving and firm parent though this whole process. It won't be easy, but you can do it. Best wishes!

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2010-06-17 21:31:06 +0000
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what does he want to do or have you asked him? the girl will be happy but what about him and how did he get involved with a woman 23 years old any way, was he that hard headed? well he's got a good lesson to learn and learn it the hard way he will if he marry this woman because that is what she is i think that she should share in the responsibility for getting pregnant too. with her being her age i don't see that he forced her to do it and he couldn't have done it all by himself. no i don't think you should force him to marry that woman and yes put him out when he is 18 but let her find some body else to help her take care of her and that baby yes it might be your grandchild but i have doubts about that. because i don't think that it was all his fault even though he was hard headed she had a great deal to do with it.

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2010-06-17 21:17:50 +0000
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I wouldn't recommend it. That can cause lots of problems in the future and really that is some age difference. Kick him out at 18 and let him first learn responsibility. Once they're kicked on their *** a few times, something might start to smarten him up.

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2010-06-17 21:32:38 +0000
NOOOOO! Marrying someone just because they are pregant is a mistake. You need to have love, trust and friendship among other things, otherwise it just won't work. Just make sure your son is responsible, pays child support and is a good father.

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2010-06-17 21:29:05 +0000
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Good job! The 23 year old will have 2 kids now!

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2010-06-17 21:28:55 +0000
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No!!! don't force him, that would make things worse with time. what you can do is teach him how to be responsible, be his Friend. What would you do if you were him? what can he expect from his Father? ask him what does he want to do about the situation?

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2010-06-17 21:23:43 +0000
So in a few years your gonna help him pay for the divorce right. Why force him to get married just because the gfriend is preggo it's no longer the 1950's. Obviously neither one of them are mature enough for what's headed their way but the least you could do is be supportive. Admit it this has alot more to do with disappointment and control than anything. You can't control every situation.
It's called acceptance

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2010-06-17 21:18:49 +0000
Time for some tough love. He made a grown up decision to have sex, now he can face the grown up consequences for his actions.

I don't think you should force him to marry her, that would be a HUGE mistake, but it's time to make him face up to his responsibilities. He's not a child anymore, he's a father-to-be. Time for him to man up.

He needs to move out, get a job, and start making preparations for his baby.

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2010-06-17 21:22:55 +0000
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The sad part of all of this is that if you force him to get married and it does not work out, he will blame you. If you force him to move in with her and the have more children and it does not work out, he again will blame you. What you are asking is only a win situation for you - you get him out of your house, but a lose situation for everyone else involved. The best thing you can do is to stay out of it and stick to your original mind set, he is out of the house when he turns 18. Whatever he does then is his problem. Good Luck

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2010-06-17 21:18:02 +0000
he needs to take responsibility, he got her pregnant, now it's time for him to raise a human being

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2010-06-17 21:17:01 +0000
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Go get 'em mom. You can't force him to do anything but you can persuade and NOT enable.

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2010-06-17 21:47:58 +0000
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Forcing him to do something is not going to work. It doesn't sound like you've been a doormat. Quite the opposite. He probably would hear your insistence as just one more example of your pushiness.

Telling him to stay away from her? Did you ever sit down with him and have a rational conversation about why you're worried while ALSO allowing him to rationally explain what her good points were? Did you teach him to live up to responsibilities, or just constantly tell him? (Not the same thing.) Did you begin teaching him about relationships, sex, alcohol, drugs, etc. from an appropriately early age in an open way that invites his questions? And now you're telling him you're looking forward to getting rid of him at the earliest opportunity like you're swatting a spider out of your house? (I'm not saying adults should stick around their parents houses for too long, but you sound like you're just trying to get revenge against him for not obeying your holy law.) It's pretty obvious why he's rebelling-- You keep telling him what to do instead of teaching and guiding.

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2010-06-17 21:20:38 +0000
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you need to show him that he needs to be responsible for his acts, hes going to be 18 and there is going to be more cases like this in his life

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2010-06-17 21:17:09 +0000
no you should not force him to marry her!!!!!! what kind of mother does that...

what you should do is TEACH him to take responsibilities now as a father and show him the way to be a good man..
advise them get their own place or at least him get a J-O-B.. to support his child and himself

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2010-06-21 13:25:07 +0000
Don't punish the poor pregnant girlfriend and saddle her with your worthless son. Give the girl a break. Kick your son to the curb, until he grows up. Tough love.

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2010-06-17 21:20:36 +0000
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Your very right, he does need to take responsibility for his actions and take care of his child, but don't force him to marry her, if he's not happy with her the marriage won't last. i suggest finding other moms who have been in the same situation and talk to them, and figure out whats best for you and your son.

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2010-06-17 21:16:54 +0000
Definitely not. Don't MAKE him get married and don't pressure him to either. He got her pregnant, and he has to deal with that. Marrying her and living with her is NOT going to solve any problems or make anything better. If he wants to do that by choice without any outside influences, good for him. Otherwise, it's not a solution to the problem, and it's a ridiculous way to get one last punishment in.

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2010-06-17 21:34:08 +0000
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hahaha if he cant be responsible now how is he going to be responsible when he is married?

who cares if he gets married.. just kick him out of your house.

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