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My husband used to be gay. He still insists on talking to his ex and claims my worries are stupid. Am I wrong?
My husband was gay when we were dating. He actually cheated on me with a guy he barely knew while we were dating. I married him anyway. We are newlyweds, and we rarely have time together. We talk for about ten minutes a day unless we are fighting. However, he insists on constantly calling a guy he used to sleep with and refers to him as his best friend and will not compromise on contacting him. They talk about 3 hours a week. He thinks it is irrational that I think it is dangerous for him to talk to his ex more than his wife. He makes me leave the room or he talks to him while I am gone. I do know that he talks badly about me to him, and tells him things he "is not comfortable" telling me. I told him this is not going to work, but he claims he's not relenting. Also, he once told me during a fight that he's thought about sleeping with him when I make him angry. Yet, now he claims that there is nothing there.(I think it is because I want him to stop talking to him). Am I really that irrational?
Additional Details
Excuse me, actively gay.

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Kristina S
Used to be gay? .... It's not something you just snap out of. He is still gay and by the sounds of it is more interested in his "best friend" than you. I know that has got to suck but I would say you are better off without him. If you are newly-weds and already having this many problems then it will more than likely just get worse over time. This should be the fun part of your marriage. I do not think you are in the wrong for telling him you are not comfortable with him talking to his ex but I think that marrying this guy was not the best decision. Good luck to you though!

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Your an idiot! Point Blank Period!

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Baba Booey!
People are born gay, it does not go away. He didn't "used to be gay", he IS gay.

I am not sure why he married you, maybe he has some issues and thinks he can make it go away but the truth is he will always be gay. Maybe he is using you, or maybe he is confused. Sounds like he still loves the ex. And if it is not the ex, another guy will come along who will steal his heart. Sorry.

You either have to accept that it will always be this way and he may very well cheat on you (likely since he has already done it) or break up if you cannot deal with it. I do not understand why you would want to stay in a relationship like this, it sounds awful. Find someone who loves and appreciates you (and is not gay).

Edit: and no it is not normal that he is talking to his ex this much (for any relationship, straight or gay), it is not normal to talk only 10 minutes a day to your wife, and it is not normal that he is not comfortable talking to you. It is not normal that you have to leave the room or that he talks to the ex while you are gone. It is not normal for him to threaten to sleep with the ex when you fight. From what you describe, your relationship does not sound positive, I am sorry to be so blunt but I think you need a reality check.

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wow, why in the world would you marry a man who "used to be gay"? i don't think this is something he can just turn on and off whenever he wants to.

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friday!!!! is here

you don't 'used to be gay'!!! get a clue woman!!

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I would divorce him. He's obviously not in love with you if he won't stop talking to his ex lover(s). That is just too weird. I would never date a guy who was gay, you never know when he's going to want some brown again.

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Even putting the sexual preference aside, him talking to his ex-partner more than to you, preferring your absence whilst his phone conversations, and claiming that he's thought of sleeping his ex is, in my opinion, enough to make you disturbed.

I suppose there are things you still admire about him, but rethink about what you want in a relationship. You're only newly weds and this is happening... how would this develop, perhaps in 5 years?
I hope your husband isn't like the majority, but many of the cheaters do repeat their habits. You might want to clearly state what you want out of the marriage and from him, because you don't want him later saying "I told you" or "I thought you were fine with my past." I know this is hard, but good luck.

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NOT AT ALL! damn girl. dump his sorry ***. i hate to break it to you, but i think he's straight out gay. he probobly married you with the intention of trying to get over his feelings and lead a "normal life" but you cant hide from your sexuality forever. love is blind, but it shouldnt be stupid. you sound like a good person and deffinatly do not deserve only ten minutes from your husband everyday....and hes deffinatly sleeping with this guy! as hard as it is to admit, and its not your fault in the slightest, you need to end this, for both your sake and his. he might fight it because then if you leave, you blow his cover, but this shouldnt be about him, it should be about you. best of luck darling. be strong and dont settle for anything less than what your worth!

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Bailey B
Your husband is still gay. Kind of reminds me of Victor/Victoria saga.

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If he's gay, why in the world did you marry him? He's never going to be in love with you like a husband should. You were irrational when you got married to him. I suggest you file for divorce as this will not be a happy marriage. He'll either cheat on you with a guy or he will spend the rest of his life miserable since he's lying about his sexuality and his true feelings.

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Kandi B
You both need to grow up. This man is gay! And yes, he is cheating with the other man.There should be no more contact with an Ex. (That's why he hides his conversations from you). You better hope and pray that you don't get AIDS.You should have yourself checked at least every six months. I would try to get an annulment.

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Elliott N
Men who used to be gay are still gay. My wife's best friend dated a guy who "used to be gay". He "went straight" to please his mother who was dying. She was informed by one her gay friends that he was still picking up men in gay bars. She dumped him. This man is not straight. He might possibly be bisexual and is most likely gay. Your relationship in danger, and your health may be also.

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Ummm...wow. You're probably going to get a lot of this, but you shouldn't have married him in the first place. Gay is gay is gay. You're never gay one week and straight the next. You're not being irrational. His behavior is very unusual to be talking to just a friend. If it was a girl he'd slept with that he was talking to, would you still be suspicious? I would.

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The K!LLER Anna
you need marriage counseling...NOW. you are not irrational- the feelings he has for men will never go away, and his "best friend" isn't committed to spending the rest of his life with him. it sounds like he's a bit immature to be married. you should not tolerate your HUSBAND talking about you behind your back to his boytoy. marrying him in the first place might not have been a smart move, actually. as much as this marriage sounds like a bad idea, it's possible you could work it out and live 'happily ever after.' but these issues HAVE to get resolved, ASAFP. good luck!

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sounds like he is bi...

either you accept this and stay married.

or don't accept this and move on with your own life

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I’m sorry, but how can someone be gay then change their mind?

I have to be honest here but you’re either gay or you aren’t. There’s no middle line. If you’re bisexual, you like both, but you’re still in that “gay” category.

I would be concerned about STD’s first off. Especially if there’s man/man contact. And I’d also be worried that I’m never good enough because if he had it before you, why wouldn’t he want it again?

Sorry, but I think you have every reason to be worried. I know I sure as hell would be.

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You married a gay man-- gay men don't stop being gay all of sudden. He wants the other dude and unless you grow a dick and have the urge to give it to him you probably need a divorce.

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I don't think there's such a thing as "used to be gay"-you either are or you're not-if he cheated before more then likely he will again

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He's gay. Always will be.

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Umm.....I don't think being homosexual is akin to catching a cold and having it go away.

There is no such thing as 'used to be gay'.

This only goes to show how ignorant people are of some things.

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Sounds like you brought this on yourself.

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say it all...
He's either gay or bi...you married him knowing that now you have to live with it...

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no, because he is bisexual this is no different than a straight guy talking to an ex wife for hours on end. if he doesnt understand that, maybe you would be better off with someone else. you might be surprised, if you lay it on the line, facing losing you, i bet his tune will change. it is one thing boasting that he isnt going to change, but it is another when a person faces it becoming a reality.

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Mia Wallace
regardless of him "being gay, used to be, whatever," he needs to stop talking to that guy all together. It is very disrespectful to you and to your marriage. He should not have gotten married if he still wants to play around like that.

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well, I think you should use the word bisexual rather than gay, cause a gay person wouldn't like to have sex with women at all, so he wouldn't get married to a woman in first place.

about your question, I think you should tell him that if he likes you and wanna be with you (in another word, you would leave him, if it is otherwise), he should stop talking to the people that he used to have sexual relationship with. and lets hope he likes you alot and will stop talking to his ex-es.

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