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Serenity
My husband smokes marijuana ALL the time!?
I've been with him for 8 years. When we met he did smoke and I didn't really mind because he wouldn't do it around me if I asked him not to. His habits continued onto our marriage and that's when I realized how much he was doing it. We have a 4 year old & a 2 year old and he doesn't do it around our girls but I want him to stop because of them. He's a great father and husband, when he smokes he still functions normally but he's high ALL the time.. everyday. I recently talked to him about it, he doesn't think marijuana is bad for you. What should I do?



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2008-06-10 15:54:56 +0000
well you can't change him..he is the only one who can make the decision to quit or not. Hopefully he will make the right decision.

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2008-06-10 16:03:21 +0000
If its not doing any harm then let it go. Pot is NOTHING like the TV or movies make it seem. It's not even a real drug, its a plant. It's like God's medicine. There is nothing wrong with it besides the fact it is illegal and why its illegal really baffles me (except for the fact the government can't make money off it). It's WAY better than him drinking all the time! My husband smokes all the time I figure if it makes him happy then let him. It's not doing any harm.

btw- anyone who says it is bad for them is very ignorant

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2008-06-10 15:56:01 +0000
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I would only say that you DID know about this behavior before you got married. "That's when I realized how much he was doing it"... yeah right... denial ain't a river in Egypt.

Your only recourse now is to let the issue lay, or confront him with the end result possibly being ending the marriage.

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2008-06-10 15:55:12 +0000
smoke with him, blaze it honey.... just kidding, this sounds like you need ot have an intervention its ok to do it once in a while but its not a life you want ure kids to see, he needs some professional help, its not healthy and its dangerious (and a waste of $) i hope this works out for you

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2008-06-10 16:16:22 +0000
A start might be to show him the facts at this website:
http://www.whitehousedrugpolicy.gov/publications/marijuana_myths_facts/
No matter how much people who smoke pot try & rationalize that it's not bad ultimately it is.
It is just as addictive as something simple such as caffeine.
Bottomline though you can't make him quit. No matter how severe or minor a drug is if someone is addictied to it they will only quit when they are ready.
Being "high" all the time is not good.
Getting "high" everyday is not good.
Having children & doing these thing's STILL is not setting a good example as a parent.
Children grow, they get older. To put it in another perspective that may help him consider being ready to quit is one day when your children are older & he finds out they're smoking pot will he be ready to deal with that?
Will he be ready to deal with them getting into heavier drugs or getting addicted to something worse such as coccaine or meth?
Just because he can stop at just getting "high" doesn't mean your children will when they reach an age they think they might want to experiment with drugs.
These are thing's he might want to think about.
He may be a great father & husband in many aspects, but continuing to smoke pot & setting your children down a path where thing's could lead to worse scenarios isn't one of those great thing's.
He's either going to quit on his own or not & you yourself have to consider this as your children get older as well.
Children come first no matter what & you have to do what's best for them.
I was in this situation myself not too long ago. I had to leave for my children because unfortunately their father didn't think it was bad. Unfortunately for him not only was he smoking pot, but he "had to have" a few beers "every night".
Even thing's that seem harmful only progressively get worse unless something changes. He did not want to change for himself or for our children so we as a family decided to leave.

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2008-06-10 16:23:14 +0000
You should realize how stupid you are.

What you are doing is putting your children at risk.
Marijuana is illegal. And punishable by law.
Child Protective Services will take your children away from you and your pot smoking husband and put those children into foster care.

If your husband pisses the wrong dealer off, well guns will be blazing, or unwanted visitors with threats that are serious will be visiting often and calling.

You should give your children to your parents or someone else that will be responsible and protect them.

The children have problably allready have gotten a contact high!

You both are not responsible, loving parents.

Give the kids to your parents and seek counseling for yourselves.

Or move out and give the pothead the choice, to either quit or lose you.

And this is why all the other countries around the world call us STUPID AMERICANS.

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2008-06-10 16:06:30 +0000
If he functions normally, then why would you want him to stop functioning normally? Listen, the only thing wrong with marijuana is the STIGMA attached to it. Marijuana is the safest form of medicating that exists. You say you want him to stop for the children. Why? is he abusing them when he smokes? Is it the fact that it's illegal? I think marijuana is a healer so I'm probably not helping anyway. But I know one thing for certain. If your husband is the man you have loved for years and he has been smoking marijuana, then expect a DIFFERENT MAN and don't expect someone calm, cool, and collected. Expect someone who is tense and anxious all the time. How is your husband smoking marijuana harmful to your children? I just don't see it. I think you're probably just jealous because he does something that doesn't involve you and it makes him happy. I've smoked my daughter's entire life and she's seventeen...4.0gpa, full time job, mathematics scholarships, and she believes what I've taught her. I've taught her that marijuana can't kill you, it's a natural calming agent, it's not for everyone just like everything else it has it's negatives. Some people run (like my daughter) marathons, some people go to church, some people drink alcohol, some people do LSD, methamphetamine, legal prescription drugs, some people murder, some people hate....I smoke marijuana. We have the most wonderful family in the world and I, along with my family wouldn't change a thing.

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2008-06-10 15:55:34 +0000
If he smoked before you married him - it's not surprising he hasn't stopped. I hope that he is not driving your girls around when he's high. Marijuana is bad for you even though most pot smokers don't think so. You should talk to him and let him know that you don't want him to smoke anymore, maybe if he see's how serious you are, he may consider quitting.

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2008-06-10 15:56:19 +0000
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I think you need to leave him alone. It would be bad if he didn't know how to control his habit but he obviously does so you should get off his back.
I personally don't think weed is bad either. Its a good way to get relaxed and rid of a lot of stress but again as long as you know how to control it.

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2008-06-10 16:33:28 +0000
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When compared to alcohol, marijuana is not as lethal to innocent bystanders. However, there comes a time when you need to grow-up and stop using the justifications of it being better than alcohol. He needs to start thinking about being alive to see his daughters grow-up and see the world from sober eyes. He's been doing it since you've been with him, but what happens when he stops? You've only known the "stoned" version of who he is and the sober version will need your support because he's never been completely sober. So, I would tell him to quit being selfish and stop making excuses and to start thinking about you and the kids. Good luck!

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2008-06-10 16:39:48 +0000
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oh man, i have been in a similar situation.
my oldest daughter who is 5 her dad does it, and he still does. he says it helps him concentrate.
I actually left him because of this, and other reasons of course. i now have two other children with another man, and we are together now, he has smoked pot, but doesnt at all.
so back to your problem. obvioulsly, he doesnt think that it is a big deal, and you have talked to him about it, and he is not really ever going to realize that its a problem really.
does it really affect your life in any way?
Does it only bother you because he is doing it? and its considered an illegal drug?
i wouldnt want him to be doing it, especially when you have children,
but you have to remember that it is used sometimes for medical purposes, so it cant be that bad.
also, he might be addicted to it...my ex is for sure i know for a fact, he quit smoking cigarettes, but cant stop the pot.
i hope this helps a little,
good luck

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2008-06-10 16:49:05 +0000
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You realized how much he was smoking "after" you had children, or it "bothered" you after having children? Just a question to ponder. I can't tell you what to do but I can tell you that I had to put a stop to it in my relationship. I am not married nor do I have children, however once I noticed that his smoking was affecting his personality and he became Mr. narcissistic, know it all, and the "obnoxiously I'm right you are wrong" person constantly due to the side effects it was having on is personality- I had to make a stand... I was about to move out but HE was the one that quit smoking to save the relationship. It was his choice, he decided what his priorities were when he realized "it wasn't working for him anymore" Now since getting that under control, he no longer buys it but will only have in on special occasion... but I still notice a drastic personality change. So, its not over... but its all about priorities..... wisdom has taught me not to put up with other peoples BS..... it also taught me to choose my battles. Good Luck! PS.... I have heard fathers say that they really don't smoke as much after having children... perhaps he will grow out of it if he has more responsibility with the children which you can control.... wink wink!

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2008-06-10 16:02:01 +0000
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Give up trying to control a grown mans actions. Mine smokes too, It's psychologically addictive. If he don't get it he's not going to be nice. I've given up trying to change him, This is one of those things he'll have to decide on himself.

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2008-06-10 15:56:41 +0000
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Unfortunately, people don't change just because they get married. He may feel that because you've been so accepting of his habit right from the start that it's really no big deal to you after all this time. Myself, I don't think I could put up with my husband doing anything illegal around the kids (it's illegal here anyway) and I'd have to make an issue out of it. He may need help, as it's an addiction at this point.

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2008-06-10 15:56:46 +0000
Try to get him counselling, he has an addiction. I like cigars good liquors and yes a good joint is yummy too, but that doesnt mean I do it daily, or even weekly, or even monthly. But be warned trying to get off might render him unpleasant and nervous.

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2008-06-10 16:05:20 +0000
"He's a great father and husband"

You living in some sort of fantasy world....

1) You need a new definition of "great father and husband"
2) You need to understand how you could be so naive that you would believe a drug addict who told you that being a drug addict is not bad for you
3) Decide whether you want to live with a drug addict and then decide what you need to do --- he has made it clear he doesn't think it is a problem and not interested in stopping (which if you study addiction you will learn means 100% he will not as long as things remain the same).

Stop rowing down "de nile" river. You are responsible for these kids and the fact that you knew and condoned the drug use could cause you to lose custody of your kids to social services. "But your honor my drug addict husband told me using illegal drugs it is not bad for you" ---- one sentance and you are unfilt and the girls have a foster family.

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2008-06-10 16:10:48 +0000
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http://www.marijuana-anonymous.org/lovedoneofaddict.shtml

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I am experiencing a similar problem:
I recently found pot amongst my husbands belongings and confronted him about it (he had been lying to me about it for over a year) ... and then last night he revealed yet another addiction. The hard part is that YOU can't make them stop. You can't reason with them if they want to do it still (they will rationalize it). It has to be their choice. Its so hard, I know. You can look into support groups for loved ones of addicts (I included the link above) ... it can help you know what to say, what to do, how to help but not enable. You have to take care of yourself and your children ... that may mean making a hard decision down the road. I am not ready to give up on my husband ... and I am not encouraging you to either ... seek support, find out ways to talk to him ... find appropriate ways to tell him how hes hurting you and your children without pushing him away ... research ways to help fight this addiction. I wish you so much luck, this is breaking my heart, and I can only imagine how you feel. *HUGGGGS*

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