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aliciande22
My husband has a female friend from work he doesn't want to introduce me to?
My husband met this girl in the gym at work. They started meeting in the cafeteria for lunch almost everyday. He tells me all about her and says she has a boyfriend. I know all of his other friends but we have 2 children and I don't go out with the group very often. Last week he went over to this girls house just to hang out. He told me where she lives and that they are just friends. Right now I believe him but the situation is really suspicous. Why does he want to hang out with her alone and not want me to meet her? He texts, emails (flirting, but I know he acts like that with all women), and or calls her everyday. He tells me these things but doesn't want me to make friends with her eventhough I am friends with all his other friends. I check his phone now that I know about her but hes changed his email password. I don't think hes cheating on me now he only goes out once a week, and he never lies about where hes at. Is this a sign hes trying to start a relationship? What should I do?



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2008-02-11 19:44:12 +0000
I have to agree with Walt and Misty on this one.

Sounds like your husband is very attracted to this woman; and perhaps he's told you what you know so he can continue to see her without you "rocking the boat."

Sorry, but this sounds weird....As many have already said, the fact he doesn't want you to meet her IS a huge red flag!

I wonder how he'd feel if the tables were turned and you were constantly meeting another man...and you didn't want your husband to meet him. HOW would he feel? Would he feel everything is OK? Or would he be angry and worried?

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2008-02-11 19:32:19 +0000
mmmm.. not good. I cant say hes cheating, but its never good to have an opposite sex close friendship when you're married. It just isnt a good idea and can be way too tempting. he may be being honest, but the friendship just isnt appropriate, especially if he wont introduce you to her. And he should not be going to her house to hang out, I imagine if she had a boyfriend he wouldnt agree with it either.

You should talk to him and tell him you dont like it and don't think its appropriate. And as a married man he should respect you and your marriage and not take this friendship any further. It just makes things too tempting and I imagine he has plenty of guy friends, so he wont miss her friendship.

As a married woman I don't go out and make friendships with guys, I have a hubby for that and plenty of female friends. And the guy friends I do have are mutual friends/couples of ours. and my husband does the same. He slipped up once by getting to close in a friendship with another woman and I had to nip it in the butt real quick before something happened.

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2008-02-11 19:39:34 +0000
She doesn't even know he is married. He is cheating if you haven't meet her yet. Get with it and deal with it now.

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2008-02-11 19:35:37 +0000
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He's already cheating on you. Don't think for a single second that he can't make time to be with her. Just because he comes home every night you'd be surprised at what people are capable of. Ever heard of rent by the hour? Parking garage? Maybe she lives close to work. YOU do not know! He's already cheating on you especially if he's hanging out at her house without you. How can you not believe this?

If he acts this way with all women, then what kind of man are you married to? It's not ok to flirt with others and make you feel uncomfortable. It's just not. Quit sticking up for him and quit acting so gullible.

Not only is he cheating on you and your children but he's even telling you about it without coming out saying, "We screwed." He's telling you, he's warning you, he's cheating on you. You don't even need to try to find the clues yourself. You don't need to check his phone or email. He's already told you. And know what? He doesn't even care. He's trying to snowball you. He's a complete idiot is what he is. I would not waste a single second on this idiot. How embarassing for you. Do you know what a fool he's making of you? I feel really bad for you I do!

You need to leave this guy! He's a complete jerk who is so thoughtless that in a round-a-bout way even tells his wife about other females. Get out honey! Even if he didn't cheat, I would get rid of his *** just for acting this way.

You're better than this! Change the locks, call an attorney, and tell him to go have lunch, dinner, and breakfast with this bimbo from work.

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2008-02-11 22:36:28 +0000
I don't let my man have women friends we can't both spend time with...Sounds a little suspicious to me too. How can your husband give this woman all this attention and still provide you with what you need? Trust your woman's intuition, it is right more often than not, even when we don't want it to be. Why is he keeping secrets? If he had nothing to hide, he would hide nothing.

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2008-02-11 19:29:25 +0000
NIP this in the bud!! Something is terribly wrong with this picture. How would he react if you were doing this. Whether he is cheating or not, you could hire an investigator and probably get him for adultery in most states!! He has no business in her home or having lunch with her each day - or calling her. The fact that he is changing his passwords should be a big deal her. He has something to hide! He may not be cheating yet, but it's on the horizon and there is plenty of time to do it!

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2008-02-11 19:31:37 +0000
Yikes. First don't freak out.
Second just ask him about it. Communication is the key. Tell him what you are feeling and that you think it is inappropriate. Trust your gut. If he gets super defensive then something may be up or about to be up. If he is causual about it and says you can hang with us too then make it happen. Get a sitter and do it. He should want to spend time with you and your kids over some chick at work. He is at work enough.

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2008-02-11 19:37:13 +0000
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the only reason he would not introduce you, is if he has something he doesn't want you to know about. I wouldn't trust those alone times... thats bull!!! He is not at her house watching a movie by themselves. Men dont do that kind of stuff unless he's gettin some. He may be telling you the truth... but it doesn't sound like the whole truth!!!

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2008-02-11 19:34:44 +0000
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Well first you need to raise your suspicion to his attention. If his answers don't seem to clear then I would confront him after a few days to see if he stops "hanging out" with this mystery woman.
Then ask him why doesn't he invite her and the alleged husband over to dinner so that everyone can be friends.

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2008-02-11 21:37:32 +0000
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Sorry to say the signs point to him cheating than otherwise.Act quickly and try to terminate this so called "friendship" of your husband's.A married man needs to spend time with his wife not with some bimbo at work.Take care.

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2008-02-11 19:32:23 +0000
Oh dear God. Listen, this is a classic case of cheating. He's telling you all these things (where he is, what he's doing) in hopes that you seriously believe him. But in actuality, he's crossing his fingers that you don't show up, etc.

The mere fact that he changed his password should tell you right there.

Oh, and how about this line you wrote:

"Last week he went over to this girls house just to hang out."

Sorry honey, but a HUSBAND doesn't go over to some girls house to "hang out" without his wife.

You need to look into this further and like someone said above me, trust your gut. This is just WRONG.

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2008-02-11 19:31:11 +0000
YES!!!! Confront now!!

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2008-02-11 19:30:49 +0000
A married man does not need to be "hanging out" with a female other than his wife. This is a recipe for disaster. That's if it hasn't already happened. Put your foot down now before it's too late.

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2008-02-11 19:47:22 +0000
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This is leading to nowhere good. He should not be having one on one lunches with her or going to her house. If his intention was to be just friends with her then he would have no problem introducing you. This is how affairs begin. He needs to get his priorities straight. The time, energy and effort he is putting into her, he should be putting into your marriage. I[m sure you'd like lunches, to be flirted with and have him to hang out with & have fun. Right? If he did that wouldn't it make you feel good and want to do special things for him. You get what you give. Tell him that you are the one that needs attention and as his wife its what you deserve because a marriage is supposed to last forever and to do so it needs to be nurtured.

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2008-02-11 19:37:28 +0000
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Let him know how you feel about it. Instead of telling us, tell him. If that makes him angry, it may be too late.

You can't play games in a relationship and have it work. Can he have female friends, yea, can he hang out with them, yea. Can he exclude you from his extra life, not if you are going to have a relationship that lasts)

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2008-02-11 19:30:52 +0000
Danger will robinson.

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2008-02-11 19:36:55 +0000
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i definitely agree. where there is smoke there is fire. he is hiding something, and keeping you out of the loop. the female may or may not even know about you, but he certainly knows he's married. it sure seems that he has placed you in a neat little corner while he's out doing what he likes. if something has not happened yet, rest assured it probably will.

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2008-02-11 19:29:04 +0000
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Trust your gut! Where there is smoke, there is fire.

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2008-02-11 19:39:40 +0000
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There is something more going on...those that have nothing to hide will hide nothing...the mere fact that he doesn't want you to make friends with her...is a FED FLAG!...I would kick my hubby's azz if he even THOUGHT about hanging out with a girl that I didn't know.....

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