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 My husband of 25yrs just said he wants divorce,he found someone else. I don't want a divorce, what can I do?
He told me this on the phone just 9 days ago. It was a total shock. I'm so scared. I have never been on my own. I was totally dependent on him for everything....


 where and how old were you when you first met you husband or wife?
just ...


 I don't think it would work but i am doing it for my kids?
i am 20 years old and i am about to give birth to my twins which is great but what is not great is marrying their father coz i don't think it would work. i don't know what to do he is ...


 what do you think about strip clubs?
how come men don't think that going to them is cheating and that there is nothing wrong with it? Then I talk to the exact same guys that say they would think it was cheating if their wives or gf&...


 Why won't my husband do this?
I asked my husband to give me a hug this morning and he flat out ignored me and played his guitar for our son. So I got mad and prepared to leave then he wanted to give me a hug and asked for a kiss. ...


 Does anyone else think that marriage counseling made matters worse for their marriage?
I had an affair and my husband and I are now trying marriage counseling. To no avail it has made me think of the guy I had an affair with even more now. I thought I would try reconciling, but now I ...


 Do you know anyone who waited until marriage to have sex?

Additional Details
please explain if they had a good marriage/ sex ...


 Do you think it is ok for a husband and wife to work in the same building together?
...


 My wife doesn't satisfy me. Is that wrong?
Ok, that's not accurate, but it got your attention. The issue is I feel like a nymphomaniac with my wife. I can never get enough of her, NEVER! I have no interest in anyone else (as it should ...


 What makes a man extrememly verbally abusive?
What makes a person like this? Do they have a self esteem issue...do they hate their own life and want to make someone else miserable? I dont' understand why someone would treat another human ...


 do you think my husband is cheating?
I been married 28 years I discover he has shaved his privates-parts for the last few months he has never done it please help me he does goes out on fridays almost every friday please ...


 my husband resents me for everything that i am and everything i am not. How can I make my marriage work?
I got married two months ago and I can honestly say that it has been nothing like i had imagined it to be.My husband resents me for my past, he says that i am shallow, dirty, unpure, he doesn't ...


 If a husband take his wife body when she say no to sex, would that still mean he rap her ? the bible said wo
women are to submit to their husbands. epheasians 5:22.. It seems women liberation has made it hard for a man to enjoy the gift of a woman that God gave him. .. Also women has no right before her ...


 He cheated with a man, should I leave him?
My husband and I have been married for 13 years we have 4 children together, about 5 years ago he made friends with a gay man, they became best friends. About 6 months ago I overheard a conversation ...


 Is it paranoid to assume my husband is having some kind of extra marital affair if he doesn't want to have sex
with me? Although I am 9 months pregnant and I know he masterbates, I know he isn't attracted to me so I assume he must be having something going on outside of our marriage. I know a 9 month ...


 having a baby to make my parents aprove of ym future wife?
Well, im enganged, but my parents dont want me to get married. BEcause everyone in my family knows my fiance was a former stripper and has a daughter. She quit for me and has a normal job now. But i ...


 an unfaithful husband.......funny?
The unfaithful Husband.....

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making
love with a strange woman. The wife became immediately upset.
"You are ...


 What if a man has love, friendship, loving family and sex from wife, but...?
he wants other relationships with other women that just border between love and friendship for them? And he does not tell them that he is married. What should the wife do?...


 how could he be so hurtful?
me and my partner are splitting up we've been together for 8 years and we have 2 children. he said that now we are separating he can go and sleep with how many whores he wants, and that no one ...


 get rid of cheating spouse?
Theres lliitle evidence, but how do I catch him to be able to file for adultery, divorce?...



Barbara D
My husband filed for divorce after 29 years of marriage, Help!?
My husband filed for divorce and his attorney says I do not need a lawyer, but the papers she sent me state that if I do not retain one I may lose everything. Also she told him to open a bank account in his name only and take all the money out of the joint account. To make things worse for me, I have been married for 29 years and all that time my husband said I was not allowed to work. So I haven't had a job in all this time (who wants to hire someone at my age without any skills who hasn't worked since 1981)., no current skills (they don't use shorthand anymore), no money to get my own lawyer or go to school to update my skills. I am 52 years old and clueless. Anyone know what resources I have (I have no where to turn for money to pay an attorney and they all want it up front). I live in PA. Oh, I was also told not to use any credit cards because from the date he filed any balances will be my problem. Please help, I don't know where to turn!!



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2010-03-07 16:47:29 +0000
Please sort this out by talking to your husband.

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2010-03-07 17:00:56 +0000
I am not sure about PA but I think that since he filed, he is liable to pay for your attorney as well. Attorneys offer free consultations, this may be the way to go. You should be able to get half of everything. If I were you I would close down the bank account or take all that you can out of it. All the answers are great ones. Maybe sift through them all and come up with your won plan.

I am sorry that you are going through this. After being married that long you would think that you know one another. Your best bet is to get an attorney, there is just too much at stake not to get one.

I wish you the best!

mb

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2010-03-07 16:45:30 +0000
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In Canada we have "legal aid" for people who cannot afford lawyers. You should research available resources in your town, I'm sure there's something.

You must not let him take everything. He should pay alimony to support you until you remarry, if you do, as he has done through the marriage.

You absolutely do need a lawyer, and if there's not something like legal aid, try to find one that will work on retainer until you get a settlement...

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2010-03-07 16:48:59 +0000
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Sorry to hear about your misfortune. It's a real problem when someone you have depended upon for so long suddenly changes the rules.
First up, be prepared for a very difficult transition. See it coming, know that it will be very tough for you. Keep your eyes open and do not "think" that everything will be fine. It won't be. It seems the hubby has arranged his exit strategy so that the odds are stacked in his favour.
You need to speak with legal counsel. If you still have access to any money, take as much as you can right now.
During the divorce hearing, explain your case that you were not allowed to work so hubby has a duty of care to provide for you.
Learn new skills online for free.

Good luck

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2010-03-07 16:48:09 +0000
First get a lawyer. Most lawyer will work with you until you get your settlement from him or are able to work. You can even stipulate that he pays both lawyers fees in your settlement. Do not listen to anything his lawyer says, only to yours. He is not entitled to all the money in the checking account; only 1/2 as PA is a community property state. Your lawyer can help you figure out the rest one step at a time.

The State does offer help with education which would be updating and upgrading your job skills. Look for the local Careerlink office in your telephone book.

But the first thing you must do is contact a GOOD divorce lawyer. Ask friends, family for referrals.

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2010-03-07 17:05:56 +0000
your husband sounds like a real jerk and i hope someone sets him on fire.
go after him with everything you have, he shoudl have to pay you alimony after all he is the one who wants out, not you! go after it, dont let him screw you over.

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2010-03-07 16:51:10 +0000
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Not to worry I'm sure he will have to pay you alimony to keep you living the life style your accustom too ;-) get yourself a lawyer, sounds like they are trying to intimidate you, don't let them... fight for what you are legally entitled to

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2010-03-07 17:03:15 +0000
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Take money out of the bank immediately,don't sign any paperwork
what the other lawyer told you is illegal, get her to put in writing
that you don't need a lawyer, get a pro bono lawyer, get information
out of the courthouse, fight back, don't let them push you around.
Afterwords get financial aid, study on line medical billing and
coding 7/8 months course, you can work from home or at an office
full time or part time, you can make 50/75 K Yr
Next....none of my bus. but since you don't say why he did it
and obviously somebody cheated, I think Hmmmm

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2010-03-07 16:45:34 +0000
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Get a lawyer NOW.
You WILL need a lawyer, because since you have been a housewife, he will have to pay you alimony to support you. You will get half of everything, no matter what they say to you.
You can find an attorney who will not take payment until it is settled. You can also offer to do a payment plan, as you go. Stick it to this jerk. Also, take half the money out of the account and put it in a new one for yourself. Go NOW.

Edit: The person below is right, don't sign anything, and if you did then it can be argued in court that since you did not have representation that the contract is void, his lawyer should know better than that.

Also, check for all his bank accounts, he may be hiding money in stocks, out of state accounts and offshore accounts. Your lawyer can check. You also get part of that as well.

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2010-03-07 16:55:32 +0000
Get a lawyer ASAP for sure of coarse your being told not to that was yer partner can take everything:} don't be a fool and now your dealing with someone different not the person you once married so think differently. i'm sorry its painful as hell and the process leaves everyone feeling like they failed but truth is your partner gaveup on your relationship not you:} In any relationship when the communication slowly stops or sex starts to back off for months n months its a warning sign.
you wrote: Also she told him to open a bank account in his name only and take all the money out of the joint account. To make things worse for me (see) and listen their are programs out their coarses to help return you to the work force. let yer lawyer know that too go for spousal support to survivre . and if you have children still younger get for them too. i'd get a female lawyer :} for yourself ASAP . remember his lawyer works for HIM he will tell you anything to win this case! and seperate bank accounts now. The day he walked out was the day he gaveup:} I was 38 when I went back to school ladies older were their its never to late:} stop selling yourself short and listen join a support group for single ladies:}

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2010-03-07 16:50:52 +0000
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Go back to school, and get something with a license in a medical capacity. X ray tech, Registered Nurse, Respiratory Therapist, Speech Therapy or Speech Therapy assistant. All of those careers take 2-5 years to obtain their particular degree. Community Colleges are set up for single moms, divorced women and under employed people. You're NEVER too old to start school. Once you get a job, most places will reimburse you for tuition, or further tuition should you want to get advanced degrees.

My aunt divorced at 48..with a GED in her hand. She now is 73 and has a Ph D. in counseling.

How old are you going to be in 2-5 years if you DON'T pursue these careers?

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2010-03-07 16:47:01 +0000
You need to get your own attorney. Find one that will take your case and a good one will make him fork out the money for your attorney. You are entitled to a lot of things.....DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN ATTORNEY. 29 years will get you alimony and all kinds of things. You are entitled to his retirement benefits as well. Do not communicate with him or his attorney anymore, until you have your own.

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2010-03-07 16:52:32 +0000
If you were to hire an attorney and pay by credit card that would be best.

If you have sacrificed a career to be his wife he needs to compensate you for this. In the United Kingdom the two largest divorce payouts of all time were on that basis.

Before you start thinking of working, I would try and get the divorce cleared up first. That way when, or if you decide to work you will not have all of this on your mind.

I cannot stress the need for a lawyer. It is wholly important. You may have a point or corner that you wish to argue, but unlike TV, a judge will need it quantifiable unto the law, and that is why a solicitor is important. Try and get records of him saying you don't need one. Ask for everything in writing. I would also suggest you don't have any contact with him unless it is official and through his representative.

I'm quite limited in the advice I can give because I have no knowledge of the likes of Pennsylvania, but I'm guessing things like divorce must be on or around the same basis. Another thing you need to do is make sure the kids are on your side, not by buying them stuff, but by saying how badly he is treating you etc, he is public enemy #1 to you and that should be the case with your family.

I know these measures may sound a little cold, but rest assured, if you don't behavethis way he will do all of this and take you to the cleaners. Also it may be worth taking on a lover just to put the emotional boot in.

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2010-03-07 17:14:14 +0000
There is already a LOT of good advice here (which I've thumbed up).
This is a horrible situation.
Very, VERY IMPORTANT: Do NOT listen to a thing his attorney says!!!!! (And, it bears repeating: DON'T SIGN a single thing without running it past your attorney!)
She is HIS lawyer and she is working solely for him (and the fat fee she hopes to get). She will say and do anything to guarantee him the most out of this.
Contact "legal aid" in your city.
If there's a "women's hot/ help line", call them too. They should be able to direct you to where you need to go for good, affordable counsel.
Stash as much money as you can. Technically he should not be able to close your joint account yet he can certainly almost empty it without the bank asking your "permission". (Could you beat him to the bank and seize a sizable portion for yourself?)
About the credit cards, it is entirely possible that you could be responsible for any debts he runs up on them. Check this out asap with the card company, the bank or, better, if possible, a city ombudsman/ info bureau.
Do NOT "officially" leave (move out of) your family home. In some places this can be seen as abandonment and can affect your rights to property.
Don't worry about your work situation until you have found out all your legal rights from a qualified adviser (attorney).
Your husband cannot expect you to stay home out of paid work (because maintaining a household and supporting the outside wage earner is most definitely WORK) and be financially able and/ or prepared to now, suddenly, care for yourself. The court should take this well into consideration.
And, certainly, the length of time you have been married counts for something. You may be entitled to a percentage of your husband's pensions (PLURAL) -- a percentage of his future social security payments as well as something from any private pension plans to which he has contributed.
Laws vary from state to state (country to country), so you really need to start with your own lawyer.
Do you have close (trusted) friends and/ or family to whom you can turn for legal contacts as well as for support, both emotional and possibly financial (if need be)?
Pennsylvania is a fairly progressive state. Hopefully this is also reflected in their divorce laws.
Good luck!

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2010-03-07 16:51:28 +0000
You need to consult an attorney, i don't know how it works in Pa. but in Michigan the husband has to pay for the wife's lawyer. Since you never worked, he's probably gonna half to support you(forever). All the property and moneys are 1/2 yours, when he find out how he's gonna be taken to the cleaners, he may reconsider the whole thing. If he is being unreasonable then ask your friends for the most vicious lawyer around.

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2010-03-07 16:51:21 +0000
Take one of your credit cards, go find an attorney, try not to sleep with him (the attorney that is), and get your case in front of a judge. Being told what to do for over 30 years is not good, but then again, a military person who is a lifer leads the same lifestyle, so it is recoverable from.

While you are dealing with the divorce proceedings, find out what it is in life you want to be when you grow up. Fifty two is no spring chicken, but hey, you got to do what you got to do to get by, and feel good about yourself. Does nursing interest you? Look into an LPN program, and then maybe RN.

Look at this as a second chance at life. You are still young, still beautiful, and still got a lot to give to a man. Love will find its way to you, just don't try to rush it.

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2010-03-07 16:50:11 +0000
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I am not sure if this is at a local or state level but there is free legal aid to people who qualify for it and you definitely sound like you qualify. You could probably look in the yellow pages and find it. You can also find lawyers who will do a free consultation and perhaps guide you in the right direction. You definitely need an attorney. Of course his lawyer will say that you don't need a lawyer because that makes it all easier for them. I was married for five years and my husband filed for divorce and convinced me that I didn't need an attorney. I ended up losing a WHOLE lot that I wouldn't have lost had I gotten an attorney. I know it's a hard time for you right now but try to stay focused on what is going to be best for you. Good luck and try to keep your head up.

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2010-03-07 16:55:08 +0000
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Get yourself an attorney pronto!!! You need to protect yourself immediately. He or she will tell you what your options are and what you can legally do. I would assume that you are entitled to half of everything and may even be entitled to alimony since you have no means to support yourself and no job skills. You also may be able to make him pay for your attorney since he's the one that wants the divorce. You NEED an attorney NOW!

Like I said, immediately after you finish reading this, log off the computer, go to the phone and find an attorney. Ask your friends if they know any reputable attorneys and get one now!!

































You haven't called one yet?

Go on, do it!! You're about to embark on a completely new phase in your life and you need to be prepared, strong and smart. My husband died when I was 50. I had a job and I had to carry on with my life. I'm remarried and live in a completely different state now. Don't let this crush you. 52 is not old and there are opportunities out there that you are not yet aware of. Your husband is making a huge mistake. Most likely he has some young thing on the line. He has no idea what the future holds for him other than the fact that he is going to keep getting older. When he starts to age and things start to go wrong and that sweet young thing says she didn't sign up for a sick old man, then he will realize what he has lost. He is giving up his history with the woman that would have been willing to take care of his old butt!! It is ultimately his loss, not yours. Be strong and don't let him take you down. He's already on his way down, he just doesn't know it yet.






















What? You're STILL here!! Get going and make that call!!! Good luck to you!!

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2010-03-07 17:03:26 +0000
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His lawyer told you that you dont need a lawyer.
Your husband is now your legal enemy
Dont believe his lawyer !

Also, save any bank statements you can online or whereever and whatever other things that you can.
The day he files for divorce... thats when the money is divided 50-50
He cannot go empty out the account whether you worked or not.

Call your county's Social Services and ask them for reference help.

If he hasnt clean out the bank account yet. Go directly to the bank president and tell him the situation NOW. They will freeze the account.
The job situation is horrid, even WITH skills. Nationwide.

Go on Yahoo.com and search IN QUOTES
" free legal assistance" " your city"..and see what shows up.
Or " legal aid" " your city" ( of course, put your city in there !)

This really ticks me off. How dare he. He cannot do these things.
Again, dont believe his lawyer.
Oh and on here, under Politic/Gov > Law and Ethics.. they might be able to give you more advice. Be sure to say youre in the US, as its people from all over.
I know what a rug this is being pulled out from under you.
If you dont get a lawyer, they'll take it all. His lawyer is a shark.

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2010-03-07 16:47:12 +0000
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After 29 years he'll be screwed big time. You'll have more than enough money to go to school for whatever you want.

As much as I don't want to see him screwed like every other guy who gets divorced, you do need an attorney.

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2010-03-07 16:56:36 +0000
Of course his attorney is going to tell you that. YOUR attorney would tell you just the opposite and make sure that money is accounted for. There is legal help available. Check with the nearest legal aid society. The most money gets the better attorney but somethings are simply obvious and his attorney is obviously trying to screw you good. Don't let it happen. You will come out of this better than you are thinking at this moment. Just don't give up!

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2010-03-07 17:07:56 +0000
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GET A LAWYER FAST. DO NOT TALK TO OR SIGN ANY LEGAL PAPERS FROM YOUR HUSBAND'S ATTORNEY. EMPOWER YOURSELF AND YOUR FUTURE! TRY TALKIING TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY FIRST FOR A REFERRAL, BUT IF THAT FAILS CONTACT YOUR LOCAL BAR ASSOCIATION FOR A REFERRAL. YOU CAN FIND THEM IN THE BUSINESS WHITE PAGES OR ASK ANY ATTORNEY'S OFFICE FOR THE NAME OF THE LOCAL BAR ASSOCIATION. KEEP LOOKING UNTIL YOU FIND ONE THAT WILL TAKE YOUR CASE AND AGREE TO GET THE ATTORNEY FEES FROM YOUR HUSBAND. (THAT IS VERY COMMON).

IF YOU HAVE NOT WORKED AT HIS REQUEST, YOU WILL BE ENTITLED TO ALIMONY AND
HALF OF ALL MARITAL ASSETTS, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO ANY EQUITY IN YOUR HOME OR OTHER REAL ESTATE, PENSIONS AND PROFIT SHARING PLANS, IRA'S AND 401K'S ETC. YOU WILL ALSO BE ENTITLED TO 1/2 OF THE MONIES IN ANY CHECKING OR SAVINGS ACCOUNTS AND IN ANY WHOLE LIFE INSURANCE POLICIES. YOU WILL BE ENTITLED TO A VEHICLE IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN ONE. AS FOR THE DEBTS, IT SOUNDS LIKE EVERYTHING IS MOSTLY IN HIS NAME SINCE YOU HAVEN'T WORKED, SO HE MAY GET MOST OF THE DEBT.

IF YOU HAVE NOT FILED YOUR 2009 (JOINT) TAX RETURNS, FILE BEFORE HE DOES IF YOU ARE ENTITLED TO A REFUND. DO IT ELECTRONICALLY SO YOU CAN HAVE IT PLACED IN YOUR OWN BANK ACCOUNT. YOU CAN WORK OUT THE DETAILS OF IT LATER AS FAR AS ANY CREDITS TO HIM.

HIS ATTORNEY REPRESENTS HIM AND CANNOT GIVE YOU LEGAL ADVICE. YOU HAVE RIGHTS TO THE MARITAL ASSETTS SO DON'T JUST LAY DOWN AND ROLL OVER. STAND UP AND GET WHAT YOU ARE ENTITLED TO!

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2010-03-07 17:09:34 +0000
First of all, the marriage is over. As hard as that might seem, accept it.

Read;

The divorce handbook...take voluminous notes.

Read:

http://www.bangordailynews.com/detail/110071.html

Get into a divorce support group. Make sure to take whatever you can and change the locks in the house, and barricade all windows so he can't return. You absolutely will need a lawyer, and you might be able to get one who will make3 a motion to the court that your ex to be must cover all your expenses of living, from rent, oil, heat, electric, food, clothing, repairs, car, insurance AND LEGAL BILLS.

Do not have sex with him ever again, even if he sweet talks you. He will be a liar! Believe me!

Do not speak to husband or his attorney until you get a DIVORCE lawyer. Call legal aid and ask them what does a person do in these cases?

Remember, 1/2 of all funds in his name will revert to you on the date of signing final divorce papers. Make it hard on him, and do not cooperate and hie is NOT your confidant any more. Do not tell him anything., Do not cook, clean, shop, anything! Nothing for him. He is your worst enemy now, despite how you feel and the fact you are in shock.

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2010-03-07 17:25:03 +0000
So you allowed you're husband to become you're Father? You're not allowed to work?? And look where that has you. In Canada we have something called Legal Aid it's in place for those that have little to no income. Look into this in the States. Also DO NOT SIGN A DARN THING till you get a lawyer. And without a lawyer you may just come out of it with nothing. Funny how you're exe's lawyer is saying you don't need one but look at what you're exe has gained by having one. He's a smart cookie...GET A LAWYER and FAST

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2010-03-07 16:57:32 +0000
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You can get funds and student loans to go to school that aren't based on credit or work history. And as far as a lawyer goes you can tell the judge your indigent and they should be able to work something out.

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