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LinzM
Is it wrong to date while going thru a divorce?
I filed for divorce almost a year ago and my soon to be ex is dragging his feet. At the beginning of the divorce he was seeing some women. I have recently gotten a new lawyer to help finally get this divorce final and she stated that , unbeknown to me one of her rules is you don't date for 2 years and that I am 100% still married!
Additional Details
I filed for divorce almost a year ago and my soon to be ex is dragging his feet. At the beginning of the divorce he was seeing some women. I have recently gotten a new lawyer to help finally get this divorce final and she stated that , unbeknown to me one of her rules is you don't date for 2 years and that I am 100% still married!
I feel that the marriage is broken! We were married for 7yrs and he domestically abused me.
I am not out looking for a serious relationship but I don't think that I should be closed of to the possibilities. Especially if he is just dragging his feet to control me.
I don't feel that it is right either to introduce anyone to my children at this time. Nor would I take time away from them to see someone.



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2010-05-17 21:19:22 +0000
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NO ITS NOT WRONG, BUT LEGALLY IF HE FOUND OUT THAT YOU WERE DATING BEFORE LEGALLY BEING DIVORCED FROM HIM HE COULD CLAIM THAT YOU WERE ADULTEROUS, AND COUNTER CLAIM ADULT RY FROM YOU!! IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN THEN IT MAKESYOUU LOOK BAD AS A MOTHER .

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2010-05-13 23:48:45 +0000
she's right, you don't date while still married.
its best for several reasons.
guys always take advantage when they sense a girl is lonely and/or vunerable
you need to work on yourself at this time and explore other facets of life

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2010-05-13 23:38:33 +0000
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I don't see a problem with it personally, especially in your case when your ex is dragging his feet. I would try to take it slow until its over but I would say go ahead and date

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2010-05-13 23:39:16 +0000
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As a matter under the law, you are still married until your divorce is finalized. But, the marriage itself is over in the emotional sense. You are finished with it. You've moved on.

No dating for two years? There is a general rule of thumb. For every 3 years of marriage it takes 1 year to get done with it emotionally. That might be true for some people and untrue for others.

If you want to date then date. Maybe you don't want a serious relationship right now. Maybe you just want to hang out and enjoy the company of someone. Maybe you do want to get married as soon as the right guy comes along. Why wait 2 years because an attorney said so?

As someone who has been divorced, you don't wake up one day and realize it is over. But unless you are in deep denial, you know when the marriage is doomed and can't be saved. That often comes before you file the divorce papers. Sometimes that moment arrives years before the papers are filed.

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2010-05-13 23:36:14 +0000
Not necessarily wrong, but it isn't the smartest thing you can do, either. Clean up one mess before making another one.

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2010-05-13 23:40:46 +0000
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No, not wrong to date while going through a divorce. But sometimes you should just finish one thing before starting another.

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2010-05-13 23:43:23 +0000
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Once you know that divorce is inevitable, I feel dating is just fine. My husbands ex-wife left him for another man and six months later he met me and we started dating. One month after meeting me he filed for divorce from his wife and we seriously dated throughout the entire time. We were married one year after his divorce was final. We are very happily married and about to hit our 23rd anniversary. Divorces can drag on forever, why should you have to wait to move on with your life? Life is short, don't allow your soon to be ex to prevent you from finding happiness. Good luck!

P.S. My husband had custody of his 3 teen children at the time and we are 16 years apart in age, but everything has really worked for us.

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2010-05-13 23:36:22 +0000
no

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2010-05-13 23:36:02 +0000
Nope not at all

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2010-05-14 03:09:15 +0000
the reason your lawyer does not want you to date,is because they don't want you to fall in love while going thru a divorce.
love will take away your reasoning and you will give up much more than you should just to get it over with to be with your new person.

the extra year is just to get your head together after your divorce.
there is no legal reason for the no dating suggestion.

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2010-05-13 23:42:17 +0000
Well, a lawyer can't dictate your social life. But she's correct about the fact that you are a married woman.

I personally don't see a problem with very casual dating, but that's easier said than done, because you could start developing feelings for someone. This is Rebound 101, they almost never work, and it's begging for trouble. Even if you're the one who filed, it takes time to figure out where you went wrong and to recover from all this. People behave in patterns, and you'll make the same mistakes if you don't identify and correct them. Also, smart people - men and women -have enough sense not to get involved with someone until the ink is dry.

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2010-05-13 23:37:01 +0000
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He committed adultery you should get half of everything he has. Two wrongs don't make a right you are still committing adultery if you date inside your marriage. It sucks yes I know but you sadly have to wait til the divorce is over because he could put that against you in court when you already have him in the bag why mess up things just be patient it will happen pretty soon.

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2010-05-14 15:35:34 +0000
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of course not you have to move on

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2010-05-13 23:39:21 +0000
The court will look at it as irreconcilable differences. Both of you at fault for adultery, so the split is equal.

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2010-05-13 23:41:27 +0000
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Of course it's not wrong. It's your life not your lawyers so f*** her rules. You can't put rules on peoples love lives. As long as you're happy.

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2010-05-14 00:03:50 +0000
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unbeknown, what the hell is that, some legalistic jargon? See this is the way I see it. You are paying for this lawyer, so you make the rules. You want to date, date, she wants to hate, let her hate on someone else.

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