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GINA
Is it appropriete for a happily married person to go out alone and stay out til early in the morning?
My husband and I are having some issues. He says I "smother" him. Always wondering what hes doing, who hes talking to and where hes going. He feels it is ok to go out with his friends and stay out til 5 or 6 in the morning as long as hes being good. I say that if you are married you have no reason to stay out that late, regardless if your not doing anything wrong or not. I feel like clubs and places liek that are not for married people to be at alone with friends, especially single friends. He doesn't feel the same. Please help me out!



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2007-12-07 18:26:31 +0000
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No. Till 5 or 5 in the morning is really wrong, i would really question that...

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2007-12-07 18:21:22 +0000
i think you should sit him down and talk to him!!! it is not normal for a married person to be doing things like that!! express you feelings about the subject!! goodluck!!

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2007-12-07 18:40:30 +0000
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Well then you start doing it to and when he says something tell him well you go out I do not see why I can not go out and have your friends come over and have partys of course nice party but have partys and if all else fail then sit down and talk to him or when he gets home at 6am turn the music up clean the house and make all the noise possible.

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2007-12-07 18:30:47 +0000
Hmm that is odd. myabe once a month would be fine, but not on a regular basis. And if he isn't willing to freely share information about what he is up to and where he goes then something is up.

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2007-12-07 18:20:36 +0000
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There's no reason married people or those in non-married relationships shouldn't be able to go out with friends and party, as long as they aren't disrespecting their significant other.

As for staying out until 5 or 6am, that's a bit excessive when one is out without their partner. The only excuse I can think of for that, would be if the one out partying became too intoxicated to drive home safely, and thus crashed at someone else's place until they sobered up.

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2007-12-07 18:29:13 +0000
Your husband is being very inconsiderate. It doesn't matter what he's doing, his behavior is inappropriate for a married man. And I will bet money that he is being unfaithful. I look at things as Judge Judy would, using common sense and no man OR woman would behave in this manner unless someone else is involved. I will tell you to keep your eyes and ears open, you have more coming. After anyone goes clubbing and even picks up something to eat, they're still home before dawn....especially when thry are married. My husband does not go to clubs but I may end up in one a few times a year and I call him on the way home or asks if he wants something to eat (when I stop) just so he knows where I am and what I'm up to.....I smell a rat!

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2007-12-07 18:21:17 +0000
Keep your eyes wide open. Yes I agree that men do need time alone with their friends to do the man things (not cheating or looking to cheat). But not till 5am or 6 am. All single friends? I smell trouble.

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2007-12-07 18:20:45 +0000
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I feel like a person gets married to quit going out and staying up till all hours. He's not being very respectful to your marriage, imo.

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2007-12-07 18:20:47 +0000
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That's not right on his part. He should be home with you - the fact that he chooses his friends over you is not respectful.

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2007-12-07 18:21:34 +0000
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This issue is entirely up to the individuals involved. There isn't any hard and fast rule about it, socially speaking, but if one member of the relationship isn't comfortable with it, then the other should probably not engage in the activity.
If he doesn't want to be smothered, there's plenty of early evening and weekend stuff to do.
I attend EAA (Experimental Aircraft Association) meetings and take a few college courses, which gives me more than enough time away, doing interesting and productive things.

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2007-12-07 19:25:12 +0000
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If as you say in your paragraph, he is not doing anything wrong, why care how late he is out. As long as he is being faithful and he is not missing work for thes nights out. HOw often does it happen? It is possible for one spouse to smother the other. Let him get away now and again and he will feel better.

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2007-12-07 18:26:52 +0000
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I'm having trouble with the 5 or 6 o'clock in the morning part. I do party without my husband sometimes b/c he doesn't like to go out. I go out with his permission, with my friends that he knows and I am always home before midnight. And I don't do it all the time. So NO, it is NOT correct what he is doing, nah, nah, nahhh..

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2007-12-07 18:22:18 +0000
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I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN BUT AT THE SAME TIME THE MAN NEEDS TO BE WITH FRIENDS ONCE IN A WHILE AND JUST BE A GUY. I DO NT THINK HE SHOULD BE OUT THAT LATE OR AT A CLUB. BUT ONCE IN A BLUE MOON IS OKAY. MY HUSBAND GOES OVER TO HIS FRIENDS HOUSE AND DRINKS UNTIL 2AM AND THEN I USUALLY END UP HAVING TO GO GET HIM CAUSE HE HAD WAY TO MUCH TO DRINK....

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2007-12-07 18:29:41 +0000
How often does he go out with his friends and stay out until the next morning? If it happens every week or more, you may have legitimate cause to worry. But if it's more like once a month or less, I wouldn't be so concerned. Even a happily married person is till going to want to spend some time away from his spouse and out with his friends from time to time. If he doesn't have much time to see his friends or hang out with them otherwise, it's understandable that he might want to stay out late and get in as much time with his buddies as he can.

If you feel there's a legitimate reason for you to be concerned about what he does when he's out all night, then discuss your concerns with him. But if he's never shown any signs of being unfaithful to you and spends time with you on other occasions, just let him be and schedule yourself the occasional girls' night out.

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2007-12-07 18:26:19 +0000
heck no it's not alright. marriage doesn't mean you give up having fun, but it does mean consideration. you two need to talk. good luck.

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2007-12-07 18:25:27 +0000
I would think that if he was old enough to commit to marriage, then he should be old enough to stop the partying. But, then again, some of them never grow up. Maybe you should turn it around on him and ask him what he would think if you did the same thing.? I normally believe in the do unto others theory, but my ex used to do the same thing. Only he would stay out for days. I did it back to him one night just to show him how it felt. I didn't like doing it, but there was no other way to express the feeling other than letting him experience it. It did show him what it felt like, but he didn't stop doing it. Hence, the ex part.

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2007-12-07 18:25:02 +0000
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He doesn't feel the same because he doesn't want to stop!! No, it isn't for married ppl to go out without their mate. You start doing the same & see how he feels... Tit for Tat!

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2007-12-07 18:26:06 +0000
Hell no, that man know he's dead *** wrong.....married men don not have any business outside by his self after 2am. 4 or 6 in the freakin' morning....hell no....do it to him and see if he likes it.

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2007-12-07 18:28:31 +0000
I dont think its right for him to stay out that late either. He should want to go home to his wife but he doesnt. It seems to me like your drifting apart, because he is saying your smothering him. I wouldnt put it past him that he is cheating on you. Think about it... What married man stays out untill 6 in the morning just "hanging out". He calls that being good? That all in itself is not being good, I dont care what hes doing. I would let him know if he wants to save his marriage he needs to come in at a decent hour. It doesnt have to be 10 pm but maybe 12 the latest 1 am.Thats enough time for him to get away and have fun without jepordizing your marriage. He needs to have more respect for you and you need to put your foot down and stop just excepting it.

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2007-12-07 18:25:21 +0000
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NO...a husband's place is with his wife and vice versa

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2007-12-07 18:28:43 +0000
Trust me when i say this he is cheating i had a husband just like yours and believed every word he said it took me years to learn this i was at home raising his babys he was out playing with i cant count his flings if hes not cheating then why is he in clubs married men dont go to clubs without their wifes

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2007-12-07 18:30:27 +0000
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you are correct, he needs to grow up or find another woman who will put up w/ his crap... good luck! =)

let him know there are women out there who will tolerate him partying... but, you are not one of them... don't stand for it... =)

tell him to go stay w/ Britney Spears, or something, lol! pfffttt...

My husband never goes out late w/ his friends never goes out to party period, that's a real man... we have kids... =) I am truely blessed w/ a stable, real man...

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2007-12-07 18:27:37 +0000
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Your husband is right, you are smothering him. Be this I mean you are inflicting your standards and beliefs on him. If you trust him I do not see an issue, except the time he returns. But as another poster all ready stated, no DUI if you crash until sober. Sooner or later those hours are going to catch up with him.

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2007-12-07 18:46:43 +0000
No its not appropriate. How would he feel if you were going out with single friends & coming home at that time???? I'm sure he'd be furious

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2007-12-07 18:21:47 +0000
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You have a "rebellious teenager" on your hands. You need to set the rules and tell him how it's going to be or else.

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2007-12-07 18:36:55 +0000
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First off married people do need some alone time. Be it going out with the guys or girls, or just going for a walk.

That being said, there needs to be limits. There is no excuse for a married man to stay out until 5 or 6 am unless his wife is passed out right next to him.

If myself or my wife go out with our friends, we make sure we are home by 12 or 1 (all depends when last call is).

But how often that happens is rare. I'd rather take her out with me

He needs to grow up and realize his life is not just about him. Its about the two of you.



Hope it works out.

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2007-12-07 18:19:41 +0000
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if he were happily married then he should want to be w/u!!!!

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2007-12-07 18:30:51 +0000
I agree. Going out to a club is for single people trying to hook up. Not married people

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2007-12-07 18:37:50 +0000
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I don't see anything wrong with your spouse wanting to go out and party with his male friends. You should be allowed to do the same. The problem is when he feels the need to go out alone with them EVERY weekend and EVERY time he goes out he doesn't come back until 5 and 6 am. It is not smothering to inquire about when he will return. That quetion is usually for safety reasons and also just plain respect for your spouse. Though he is married, he should be allowed to hang with his single buddies but I don't think it is appropriate for him to be clubbing with them every single weekend until the early morning hours. He is not single anymore and he needs to act like it. How would he feel if you were doing the same to him? Basically, it is okay for him to hang out with his single buddies on occasion but it is not appropriate for him to hang out with his single buddies at the club every night and not call and let you know when he is coming home.

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2007-12-07 18:33:11 +0000
Marriage is a committment. A committment to be in each other's lives. Doesn't have to be all the time, but there is a difference between being married and being single.
If he wants to continue his single lifestyle, then he shouldn't have gotten married.
Now, is there a "possibility" that he goes out with his friends and stays loyal? Yes, there's a possibility. Is there a possibility that he's out with his friends because he claims you're smothering him. Yes.
However, that doesn't make it right. Apparently, he's either A) not ready to let go of being single. Keep in mind, that letting go of being single does not mean messing around. I mean, doing whatever he pleases, when where and who. Or B) he's in a phase where he feels he's escaping the "smothering". This is something you don't want to let him do, but by sympathetic.
As a married couple, you should sit down and talk this out. There's an underlying factor to this behavior. And of course, he'll say "smothering". Marriage is also about compromises. You do it everyday. So, compromise. Tell him you'll be less smothering if he spends less time with his friends. You're not cutting him off, just less. At least come home at a decent hour.
Now marriage is not the end of the world. Therefore, don't think that clubs aren't for married folks. Clubs are for dancing and having fun. Married folks can still dance and have fun.
Secondly, don't limit him on spending time with his single friends. Remember, you have single friends too. However, don't make this a game. Don't say, "well, I don't spend 3 days a week with MY friends." This is not a game of comparison. Instead, approach it like you generally care for him. Let him know that you worry about him (to the point you're sick) when he's out till 5am. Tell him that you miss sleeping beside him. Tell him you miss spending time with him.
On the other side, don't make any accusations for cheating unless you have good evidence. Don't even bring it up. Bringing it up will spark a defensive stance and possibly a fight. Take this thing one issue at a time. #1: Smothering #2 Staying out until 5am #3 Spending too much time with friends and not his wife
And wrapped in all of this. Try to iron out whatever that is making your marriage "troubled". One thing leads to another. So, go to the root of the problem. Hopefully, fixing the root cause will eliminate all these other behaviors.
Good luck.

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