I have a very serious question, I'm not making fun, I really need help.?

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2010-01-18 18:37:12 +0000	Stop and don't jump to any action just yet. The first thing you both need to understand is that sexuality is spectrum, it is not "straight or gay". He might only be a little bit into dudes and think that means he must not really like women. Even if your sex-life has been craptastic in the past, that easily, easily could have been because he was struggling with it. The best thing you can do is accept it and love him anyway. My wife is Catholic and struggled with her sexuality for a very long time and I knew she was attracted to girls but I never really knew how much, how often, etc... because we never talked about it and she was afraid of admitting it to herself and to me and was guilty that she had such feelings. Very quickly after everything was out in the open and she believed that I wasn't going to leave her and still loved her, our sex-life drastically changed for the better. So don't listen to the crazy insecure women saying zomgwtfzors, leave him!!! You've been through a lot together already and denial around this core issue probably had something to do with it. ... The "born" gay or "deciding" your gay is very easily testable. Try to make yourself gay. I cannot do it. I've tried. You have to get past the homophobia and, say, envision yourself doing homosexual things. If you don't enjoy them, you're not gay. I didn't enjoy them. Ergo someone who is 100% straight cannot decide-to-be/make-themselves a little gay. [If you did enjoy them, then we wouldn't know if you were gay or made yourself gay.] Done-deal, closed-case. It's who you are not what you choose. Another good analogy is your "type". Try to change your "type"... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-01-18 16:45:35 +0000	This is the case where marriage counseling will really benefit both of you. A man doesn't just wake up one day and think that he might be gay. Usually, by the age of four, the child knows he's different and sometimes they will fight their feelings their whole life, hence the reason for bragging about sexual encounters more so than others. He may be bisexual, if he's attracted to both sexes. If these problems have occurred in the last six months, then it's something else alright. He's unhappy and is focusing on the closest person near him -you- as the reason why he's unhappy. Good luck, hun. ONly you can decide if you're better off with or without him. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-01-18 16:48:25 +0000	Yes he really could be. I don;t know a single straigt man that would say he was gay for any reason. I suggest counselling for both of you as a couple and him alone. He has alot of things to figure out for himself. You will have to accept if he is, he simply is and that is a case where a marriage would split up without any one being "at fault" Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-01-18 16:58:49 +0000	Wow...i have a friend whose hubby and she split bc of same issue.....not good.......talk with him and see what he wants...does he want help, is he sure, does he want to remain married, does he need time to think it through....he is your husband.....try to put your confused and hurt feelings aside for just a little while and see what's really going on with him...remember he's just as confused as you. Try to work this out together...and still be friends at the end of the road...tough situation...good luck...be patient. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-01-18 16:40:21 +0000	I don't know any man that would say he is gay if he is not,even trying to hide cheating.A wife might forgive cheating but being gay I don't think so. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-01-18 16:46:52 +0000	If he is this smart he may be picking the one thing that you can't deal with on purpose. It's not like you can compete... if it were another woman, you could compete. Also, there is a social rule that you can't touch him now or be angry... you are forced to accept him as gay as if it happened TO him and he had no choice. He probably knows that you will be ostracized if you try to out him. Also, courts will favor him now. If this is a ploy, he IS smart. If he is gay, get away before you end up with a disease. He has probably been sexually active which means you should get tested right away. Ask who his lover is. Encourage the gay behavior... if he is gay you lose anyway. If he is not gay, this will bring it to light. Tell his friends that he is gay and that you support him but 'oh darn' you can't force him to stay with you because you care soooo much. Either way, you end up looking better. If this is a ploy, you will want to leave anyway, so really, why would it matter if he is gay or isn't? Just leave. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-01-20 11:55:45 +0000	Dear Give Him Some Space & do u have a child Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-01-18 18:49:34 +0000	It wouldn't be the first time some one was suprised like that. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-01-18 16:56:48 +0000	Set up a counselor right away to deal with this. If he is then it is up to you if you want to stay with him, but in all honesty, it would be best to separate and let him find a man he can be happy with. Then you under go some deep therapy to handle the change in your life. If he is lying about this it will come out in the sessions, if not then he won't be living a lie and you will be free to find someone that will treat you right. If you do think he is gay, or cheating then don't have sex, Aids is a terrible decease. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-01-18 16:46:09 +0000	The answer lies in the fact that he cheated previously. You've heard it said - "once a cheater - always a cheater." Why is that? It's because cheating and lying are concrete CHOICES that one makes. In the course of marriage, he gave you a pledge....a vow / a promise that he would never do that. Yet he did anyway. This is all about personal integrity. Ah - he has none. His word is worthless. It was from the beginning. You could be right about him saying he's gay to circumvent another cause. We're back at the same issue - he has little to no integrity. Perhaps it's time to cut the strings on him and walk away. He is never going to be in the relationship 100%. He never was. It seems you were, but it takes two to make it work. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-01-18 16:53:46 +0000	If you are both not willing to try counseling, then ask him if he wants a divorce. He cannot have both - he will eventually cheat on you if he has not done so already. My ex, I suspect was a closet gay - some things I found (won't go into them) lead me to believe he could have been or was bisexual - if it was true (something he would deny - but I found proof), it would explain a lot of why the marriage was like it was (mainly lack of sex, refusal of sex, and other things). There was also abuse invovled - maybe his way of pushing me away. I divorced him for several reasons (not the gay part since he would deny that if confronted). You have to decide what is a healthy marriage and make that decision. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-01-18 16:52:47 +0000	Why would you need to do anything? If you have spent 11 years with a man who you feel is manipulative, sneaky, distant, cold, a braggart and exhibits all the classic symptoms of narcissism, what's the problem with it now? His sexual preference is not the problem. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-01-18 17:45:22 +0000	I don't see any straight man saying that he is gay just to try and get away with something else. I don't think that if he's not gay, he would say that he is. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-01-18 17:01:27 +0000	Some women can live with their men being bisexual - most can't. He needs to do the leaving - not you. If he is truly gay - he needs to face this to himself first and then to you. Meanwhile, make sure he knows what condoms are for. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-01-18 16:38:56 +0000	I would get tested: asap. I also wouldn't be intimate with him. The two of you should get into therapy -- intensive, and like YESTERDAY. He's up to something and you're right to be worried, especially since he has prior infidelity. Good luck, Sweetie. xoxoxoxoxo Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-01-18 16:51:58 +0000	Although, the concept of being "born" gay or "deciding" if you're gay are subjects for debate, I also think that if you've made a commitment to someone than that is the commitment you honor. So, although he is obviously struggling with his sexuality, he is also struggling with his commitment to you. So, I would have to agree with Scarlet Cougar's advice. Separate from him and allow him the chance to sort this out on his own, you cannot force him to be one way or the other, that is ENTIRELY on him. Don't let it be an ambiguous period for him to sort it out, flat out tell him: You have exactly one month (or whatever you decide is appropriate) to decide what you want. Be firm on this, don't waver no matter how difficult it is on you. You MUST stand your ground on this or be subject to his inconsistencies. Also, I'm not sure if you're religious or not, but if that is an issue you're having (i.e. the whole married 'til death), talk to your pastor or priest about the issue. I know in catholicism, it is not considered a valid marriage if you married someone you later found out to be gay. Good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-01-18 16:40:03 +0000	I can't imagine any straight, normal man using that as a diversion. Real men just don't do that. The gay tag is an insult to them. They wouldn't put it on themselves. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-01-18 16:38:30 +0000	Leave, and give him the time and space to figure this out on his own. There really isn't any other option that I can see, whether or not he actually turns out to be gay. Realize that this is his issue, and there is nothing that you can really do to help him at this point, other than give him time and space. I'm sorry that you are going through this. Take care of yourself. And whatever you do, DO NOT have sexual relations with him! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-01-18 16:56:58 +0000	I don't think he is lying to you if he was he could have come up with something else to tell you you both need to find a great marriage counselor right away you will need help dealing with all this know-matter how it turns out but if he really is gay their nothing you can do but move on without him in your life so go talk to someone right away you will need therapy together and separately GOOD LUCK Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-01-18 16:40:50 +0000	test it out, next time your out together ask him to look at a guy and judge if he is sexy Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-01-18 16:42:22 +0000	He has already answered this for you.if he was not gay he would not have said he might be. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No