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Brad
I Found Out That my Husband Is Spying ON Me?
I found out that my husband was downloading spy ready soft wear to spy on me. I don't know why would he do such thing. I never cheated on him or even gave him a reason to be suspicious in any way. Married 4yr have 3yr old child, I'm 26 he is 36. I have career and I pay 70% of the bills we have different accounts 'cause that how he wanted since he was making more money than me at the beginning and he had trust issues since his ex wife stole all the money from his account. Should I ask him why would he do such thing.



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2008-11-10 12:45:24 +0000
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Don't bother asking him. The answer is that he doesn't trust you. Please divorce him before it gets worse.

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2008-11-10 12:51:25 +0000
The best thing that you can do is talk to him about it and tell him how you feel. Honesty is one of the most important things in a relationship

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2008-11-10 12:49:34 +0000
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Only confront him in front of a psychotherapist in marital counseling and have the proof in your hands or copies of such. You might need it one day in divorce, and certainly., OFFICIAL records which a therapist can sewer or hear is part of the testimony for mental cruelty.

He is in need of professional testing, your man. 6 Anxiety disorders testing PLUS emotional and behavioral disorders complete tests at an adult psych outpatient clinic opf unit form a hospostal with a psych unit. Something is wrong in his head for real!!!!

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2008-11-10 13:10:51 +0000
iv always heard that people who are that worried about there mate cheating, have something of there own to hide,you need to nip this in the bud now.you need not judge you by the *** he was married to before. i agree with the one that wrote in and said 50% all you need to pay. and by the way ,what ever you do. keep the seperate accounts.i was left for 6 month, he took all the money, he was whoring around ,going to bars, i was pretty much broke, and the real kicker. when we were together,we never ever went to bars, because we could'nt afford it,im still have anger issues about the way i let him treat me.now i look back, and think , who was that girl taking that crap? never again.oh and by the way. he still denies every thing. even when i saw him do this stuff. he dosent know, i know. im just waiting to see if he;ll come clean. its amazing the old excuse we were'nt together. but we were still seeing each other,ask him, but i would not count on the truth.

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2008-11-10 12:47:09 +0000
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Well you just said he has trust issues. It probably has little to nothing to do with you, but rather his trust issues.

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2008-11-10 12:45:10 +0000
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If he makes more money than you why are you paying 70% of the bills?

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2008-11-10 12:56:47 +0000
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My man did the same thing only I didn't catch him he told me about it. A few things he told me was he was driving by the house when I was off from work to make sure no men were coming by and he said he did some other spying but didn't go into details. I was a little shocked and laughed because I know me and I have nothing to hide so he was wasting his time but he found that out. I know why he did it he has had some really bad relationships before me he also had an ex take money from his account and at first we didn't have a joint account but for years we have now because he trust me.

My point is even if I would have found out he was spying I wouldn't have cared because I love him and if this is what it takes for him to trust knowing what he went threw then it was fine for me. I said for better or worse threw thickness and thin and I meant it.
While this is not a problem all people go threw it is something more people go threw than they know they just did not catch it.

ADD ON- I want to add the fact he didn't tell me that he was doing this until years later I don't know how long he even did this. From what he was telling me I gather it was during the first year we were together thou.

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2008-11-10 13:00:21 +0000
I wonder if you are jumping to a conclusion here. I've several software packages that have 'spy' in the name that I use to track down and kill trojans and spyware and other nasties on the computer - I have one that sits and watches for any suspicious activity, which frequently gets reported by the virus scanner as spyware. He could be looking to get into your accounts and clean you out, or he could be protecting you and your computer. I'd make very sure / ask around my friends about the software if I was you.

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2008-11-10 13:36:57 +0000
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He's making more and you're paying more but you're worried about being spied on? I'd worry about the whole relationship.

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2008-11-10 16:10:35 +0000
I would play a joke on him. I would ask a friend to create an e-mail address like "Mike", or else, then I would imitate a nice romance with this "Mike". It would be interesting to watch him getting more and more nervous. I hate spying spouses, but even this site is full of them.

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2008-11-10 12:46:24 +0000
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are you sure he is trying to spy on you.there is a company out there named spyware that helps with viruses and security issues on your computer not to spy on anyone.

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2008-11-10 12:46:53 +0000
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You need to confront him with what you found out. Tell him that you are not going to pay for what someone else did to him. Ask him how he would feel if you were spying on him.

By the way, you should neve be paying more than 50% of the bills. Stop that right now.

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2008-11-10 12:45:35 +0000
Sure but I think you already know. There is something he sees that makes him not trust you.

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2008-11-10 12:53:30 +0000
If you haven't given him reason not to trust you then he has no right to do that...if you do not have trust then what do you have.."NOTHING"

Sounds like he has brought his baggage from his last marraige into this one..he better get a grip soon... This kind of mistrust will eventually lead to divorce court.

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2008-11-10 12:52:53 +0000
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its him not you tell him you are not his x wife but you will be if he keeps this up.

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2008-11-10 13:31:09 +0000
First, it is illegal even within the home, in most states, to spy on someone over the age of 18.

Second, you need to have a serious sit down with him and address these issues. He obviously is insecure, and in an effort to save your marriage you guys should work together to try to make him feel secure. I was cheated on and know what it is like to have trust broken. It doesn't excuse the spying, but it explains it. If necessary, seek seek counseling. You've gotta get this worked out early.

(remember he is older than you and probably feels insecure about that)

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2008-11-10 12:53:02 +0000
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when i first started working where i do, everyone showed me all the cameras. i said then that if i am doing what i am supposed to be doing, who cares? let him look if it makes him more secure. you only have something to worry about if you're doing something you shouldnt be.

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2008-11-10 12:50:31 +0000
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Ask him why he put it on there. Ask if he thinks you are doing something bad.

There is a chance though that he is not so worried about you having an affair, but if you are spending money and and not telling him, based on his ex.

He could be curious to see if you are looking at porn. That is why women put it on computers, to see if there hubby's are looking at porn. The diff is that when the hubby sees his wife is looking at porn, he gets turned on and not mad.

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