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Sally
How do I tell him, he scares me.?
I think I am ready for a divorce. The feelings aren't the same any longer. Shortly after we got married he started calling me Horrible names and became physical when he gets upset. Nothing has improved in 2.5 yrs except the names are getting worse and so are the temper tantrums.(throwing stuff, breaking stuff, screaming, and pulling all my stuff into huge piles) He doesn't like me pointing out his flaws, ( I admit mine) he keeps throwing my stuff out when I mention seperation.
He told me last week that heis going to ask the doctor for something to help his temper before the end of the year. I reminded him today and he got MAD!! I don't know what to do and am scared.
Additional Details
We dated for2 yrs and this never happened. I wouldn't have married him !



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2009-12-31 06:37:20 +0000
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I really think you both need marriage counselling and I would be getting him to sit down calmly and explain this...tell him he scares you sometimes and that you are worried. If he does not go, I would still be going.

He must have been like this before you married..I suspect it is not something new ? It may be something that has just gotten out of hand since you married (ie money problems, etc )

You both really need to sort out your problems and find out why he is so bad tempered. I would have figured if he was concerned himself and said he would see the doctor...he would have gone the very next day. Just seems like he is just making excuses..so you stop asking.

Good luck..

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2009-12-31 06:33:42 +0000
Why bother to tell him? He knows that he's scaring you - that is the entire point of all his abusive behavior. It's domestic terrorism. This seems like a case of emotional and physical domestic abuse with no extenuating circumstances. You are right to divorce him. Get on it right away and do not waste a minute. These things NEVER get any better. They just waste your life. Sometimes they even kill you. No one deserves this - just move on.

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2009-12-31 06:35:58 +0000
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i say you should go for a divorce, though he will get mad, i prefer you tell him with people around just incase things get ugly. or if you really love him and want things to get better than try to go to a therapist and get him to go without loosing his temper about the idea.

call 211 so they can help you over the phone.
i swear, this phone line is about proffessionals helping you with your dating problems.
good luck!

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2009-12-31 06:32:27 +0000
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call your parents and ask if they can make room.. get divorced, sounds like the best option. life is too short to be with a D!ckhead.

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2009-12-31 06:33:21 +0000
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Umm i think you should talk to him with a doctor but pretend youre not driving there =P and then he might not lash out when your inside a building wiith people.. Because of how he is, if you leave him youll probably not be ablt to come back to him. if you do he'll probably get real mad and who know what he'll do do o.o

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2009-12-31 06:42:49 +0000
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You don't. You get away safely then go talk with the police to know the procedure you should take so he cant just get out of jail the next day looking for you.

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2009-12-31 06:32:40 +0000
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If you have friends or family you can stay with then go there and then tell him on the phone after you are away from him and tell him how you feel if you feel that afraid of him. Just don't let him know where you are at, you need to be away from this guy if he is being physically abusive and don't ever be alone with him. A restraining order may be in need if he won't leave you alone. Good luck.

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2009-12-31 06:31:38 +0000
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Say "Goodbye" and then leave. He knows why already if you talked to him about it

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2009-12-31 06:42:01 +0000
have a close friend come with u say what u need to give him the papers and leave saying you'll be back to pick up things and the papers. keep a cell phone on you and be ready to call the police if need be.

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2009-12-31 06:31:30 +0000
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Leave him.

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2009-12-31 06:31:22 +0000
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straight up tell him that he scares u

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2009-12-31 06:36:14 +0000
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Men like that can be very dangerous when you leave so you should leave when he is not home ..or call for assistance to help you get out without a problem.Pills won't help his temper..he is a brat.
picture him as a two year old and maybe it will make more sense ?
you have good reason to be scared..run fast and don't look back..call your local abuse hot line..they can explain your options..no harm in calling and learning about local resources and shelters.

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2009-12-31 13:30:57 +0000
WOW Hun. First off, if you have family or great friends. Go and stay with them and then tell your husband that he scares you and he needs to fix it NOW!!!

but.... My suggestion is you need to file for divorce. With this said and what you explained here, I have enough information to suggest you need to get some counseling to let out the suppression he cause in you. People don't realize they are now the carrier of the abuse. In fact if a person was in a controlling relationship, she becomes controlling in her next relationship or any kind of relationships (i.e. friends or family etc).

I was seeing a younger gal not too long ago and she was in a very controlling relationship. 3yrs. She seem sweet in the beginning and then she started demanded and questioning things that it wasn't what another couple would ask or in the tones like normal couples do. Do you know what I mean?

What I see is your marriage is doomed if he WON'T and I don't mean Can't. He Won't. So you advise him him about his DR. Appt and he went off on you and no one was there to watch this behavior. Well You need to get out and stay with family / friends and tell him goodbye.

He is an abusive jerk and very controlling himself.

Grant it we all have issues and are to blame for our part in relationships but.... this kind of actions are uncalled for.

My feelings is if he has done the things you say, then he has had to get some physical with you. Get Out now without him knowning. I mean go with what you have or take your pictures and things u can't get back. Plan it with family and friends when he is at work.

My feeling to you is go now to family and don't go back to your place until you have adequate protection. Call the cops when you go back to move your stuff out. Hun never let this guy try to coy you into thinking he is changed. You don't change over night.

Please email me if you like more ideas or what else to do.

Happy New Year. You can still be happy and enjoy life. Smile you have a friend here. :-D

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2009-12-31 06:30:54 +0000
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just file for divorce already.

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2009-12-31 06:31:42 +0000
You call the police.

If he is abusive, secretly call the police with a mobile phone.

Then when he is under arrest, then tell him you wanna divorce him!

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2009-12-31 06:48:37 +0000
You could hold out and see what the doc. gives him for meds,or you could contact a lawyer and get the ball rolling and then leave him a couple days before the papers are going to be served. Keep him in the dark and don't let him think anything is up; play the good wife. Pay attention to his schedule so you can tell the person the best time to serve him divorce papers so he is at home.

Good luck,
LIsa

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2009-12-31 06:52:18 +0000
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people change they put on fronts for so long. the damage is done so why tell him your afraid, he already knows it, he can see it in your face. i am going thru this now myself and i can tell you it does get worse when you think it cant. if therapy would help then why not 2.5 years ago. hes not stupid he will get you where it hurts so just leave when he aint home and leave a note. dont try to talk it out or fix anything cause he will tell you what you want to hear and hurt you worse for going thru with it. get away

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2009-12-31 06:30:59 +0000
Jeez, aren't you supposed to get to know the guy before you marry him?

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2009-12-31 06:42:34 +0000
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Divorce is a much too common occurrence.


Before divorce, try this.


First off, move out. Do not divorce, move out. Take yourself out of danger.

Then help him, find out the root of his anger problem, help him through it.

Do what ever means necessary to fix the problem. Divorce is not the answer unless he has been unfaithful.

After you feel it is safe to return to the home do so, if the problem continues, then you will end in the tragedy of divorce.

Love is NOT a feeling. Those butterflies in the stomach? That's lust, my dear. Love is the willingness to do something for a person, to help them, to make them happy throughout the day, to put them before yourself and anyone else.

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2009-12-31 06:31:23 +0000
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You don't need to tell him anything. Just leave.

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2009-12-31 06:34:05 +0000
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Tell him "You scare me". Then Leave.

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2009-12-31 06:34:04 +0000
Get your sh*t packed while he's at work and rent a room somewhere for a short wjile, or ask to stay with a friend. Get one of your friends to come over, and at the same time break the news to him. If he throws a tantrum, your friends will be there for you. If a man ever called me a horrible name, I'd take a pan to the side of his head.... MADEA STYLE!!!

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2009-12-31 06:33:52 +0000
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Get your courage up, get a friend over and get your things packed (slowly, a parcel at a time). When the time comes, you just LEAVE!~!!!! He's going to really injure you!!!! I'm telling you this from personal experience. Get out while you can still walk!!! Make sure you have a friend to go to or call the women's shelters!!! They'll come immediately!!!!

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2009-12-31 06:46:00 +0000
You ARE ready for a divorce. Don't think any more about it. No woman needs to put up with that kind of physical and emotional abuse, get out NOW before he can do anymore damage to your confidence. Arrange another place to stay - even if it means moving in with family, or a good friend. Then get your lawyer to file for a divorce. If you need a restraining order to keep your future ex-husband away, then make sure you get one. Take no chances. This man is completely untrustworthy, and it would take YEARS of serious therapy to get anywhere close to changing him into a normal person. You honestly don't need that kind of problem in your life. Good luck. :-)

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2009-12-31 06:35:08 +0000
Stay at a friends house and when you ready to tell him, have a friend be their with you, also have a friend be their when your going to get your things. Angry me either try and convince you to stay and promise it will be better (it may be for a week but it goes back to shite) or lock you in the house and threaten you. I know because it happened to friends of mine.

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2009-12-31 06:32:53 +0000
you actually took to long to ask your self this question! you should never let anyone treat like this. you need to leave this guy, he is a wife abuser, and you do not need to put up with it! love doesn't hurt, and he might get out of hand nest time, just imagine if you have kids with this guy. what type of father is he gonna be? do yourself a favor and find someone who respects, love you.

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