Home | Links | Contact Us | Bookmark
Legal Forum Search :
   Homepage      News     Legal Directories      Legal Forum      Dictionary  
Legal Forum    Marriage & Divorce
Legal Discussion Forum

 A question for the married men...?
with children and full time jobs. If your wife stays at home with your children, what do you do (besides work full time to support your family)? I was just wondering if I expect too much.
I ...


 how much should you say i love you if your married?
me and my husband have had problems and we are doing good now but he says that i say i love you to much that you don't have to say it all the time and i should all ready know it when a few ...


 Why won't anyone answer my questions?
I have a couple of pending questions related to anger issues. Please help....


 For ladies only, do you poo in front of your husband/significant other?
We've always had an open door policy in the bathroom, but my girlfriend says no way, too intimate......


 Guys, I desperately need your opinions??
Today this man proposed to me. He is everything i ever wanted except for one thing. He is NOT ATTRACTIVE...
If i say "yes", I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone I...


 Would you stay in a bad marriage for the sake of two young children?
...


 Have you ever checked your partner's texts or recently called numbers on their mobile phone?
without their permission?

Why did you do it and did you find anything untoward?
Additional Details
I'm not giving the thumbs down, not sure why they are doing it as I ...


 what do you wear at night when?
you go to bed @/sleep??...


 Is it wrong to have a boy toy if your husband has abandoned you emotionally?
My marriage is a joke, but i've no plans on divorcing, at least not yet. My husband has already cheated once that I know of, but the lifestyle I live with him caused me to overlook it. He is ...


 Married people 18 & over:?
My husband is over in Iraq for a year & he wants me to send him very explicit pictures of me over the camera phone ( of...u kno what). But i dont feel comfortable doing it. I know he is my ...


 Why is masterbation necessary when you have a partner?
I just wanna ask the people out there... first the ladies. How do you girls feel when you know your partner (boyfriend or husband) masterbates while you are just there and can do it the right way? F...


 I kissed a guy & I liked it! ?
I am a married man. Went out over the weekend, met a group of other married men. The next thing I know I am doing body shots off of one of them, then making out.... I thought it was hot. I don't ...


 Why would your significant other lie to you about where they have been and who they were with if not cheating?
...


 Would you consider this cheating?
My husband and I have been married for almost two years. Shortly after we were married, I found out that he had sent a text message to his ex-girlfriend telling her that he loved her. At the time, he ...


 How to deal with a spouse that is addicted to sex?
My husband of 3 years has just admitted to me that he was addicted to sex. He has cheated on me several times, has gotten two other people pregnant, and continually text messages girls, and watches ...


 Is it normal to worry about your relationship when involved in a "threesome"?
We have had one before and I think she was more into my hubby than into both of us. So now we are talking about doing it again and the thought of last time is in the back of my mind. My husband and I ...


 I don't want to do it but he insists I do it!?
My bf is scared senseless of sex. even if a condom is used he's still scared. He therefore insists that we do it over the phone. and my problem is I HATE IT. I hate lying there on my own trying ...


 IS it true............?
Our silence can keep us isolated from ourselves and from those we love...In order to grow together in marriage, we must let each other know how we think and feel.
Additional Details
...


 my husband doesnt want to have sex with me...?
it is like he could go years without it and not care? What is it,what can I do?
I can throw myself on him and he will get a erection but doesnt want me........why?
Additional Details<...


 A hypothetical question - What do you do?
You have been married to someone for many years. You have a home, kids and a life. All is good, lots of pictures to prove it.
One day you are in the garage and you are going through some old ...



Faith
How can husband tell me he is not attracted to me anymore, but he still loves me?
We have been married for almost three years and together for five. We have a two year old son. I have gained 40 pounds in the entire time and he tells me he wants me to lose weight. That he is not attracted to me anymore. That no man wants their wife to weigh the same as their husband, how the only thing attractive about me is my face, that no one notices me anymore. He has crushed me... I don't know where to go from here. He says he still loves me though and wants a good marriage. How do you recover from that?? How do you stay with someone knowing he isn't even attracted to you anymore.. I am so hurt and confused... He also did all of this right in front of my son as I sit there crying...



Show all answers
Post your answer

Debra d
Soooo, he loves you like a sister then? Hammm. Well, sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do doesn't it? Something tells me he's looking for a excuse for some reason. Has his neck turned to rubber or has his eye started to wander? He may also need good swift kick in the pants!

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



MrsImpartialAnswer
Rating
Your husband is rude and tactless. There are other ways to express his concerns about your weight. Having that said, I'd like to see you turn this thing around and lose all this weight and I want to see your confidence boost from the lack of that you currently have. If you knew you looked good, these words from your husband would not have affected you the way they did... you would just have said "I think I look hot, too bad you don't see it the same way". But you know you have let yourself go and therefore feel fat. So turn it around and get to work!

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



jacpen
I would be crushed, too. There is no reason for him to be that harsh to you, his wife. When you really love someone, you don't say things that cut that deep, unless you really mean to hurt that person.

Is this weight left over from the pregnancy? Some women have a hard time losing those extra pounds. But if you are going to lose the weight - do it for you. Because when you do it for you it makes you feel better.

Next, is he that fit? And is he willing to help you get fit? If he can tell you all of this, he should be willing to help as much as he can.

Last, I am really sorry you are going through this, you will handle this situation. But you also need to call him on his harshness and lack of respect when it comes to talking to you and about your feelings.

I wish you nothing but the best. Good Luck

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



Syndi
Your weight isn't the problem. The problem is you married a shallow and immature little boy. Tell him that no wife wants to be ashamed of her husband because of his childishness.

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



Mrs.M
honey same thing happened to me recently! i've been married 3 years as well. its not a weight thing, he choose that as an easy target for a reason. i suggest u go online look up some sensual sexual things u can do to spice up the bedroom. it'll change ur sex life. however if he's like my hubby he wont go for it always. so even though ur craving it or atleast the attention, ignore him and create a way to turn him on, be it porn etc. and ignore his moves on u. my hubby told em the same thing and 2 weeks later we were watching a porn and i noticed he got hard and was in the mood, ofcourse i played dumb like i didnt notice. and when he wanted it, he came to me expecting me to jump on it! so i played like i didnt want it i was tired and not turned on. i made him beg a little , actually work for it. this worked to get him to sleep with me again. but the best way to get him "attracted" to u again is do thing u normally wouldn;t do, like do ur hair different, put something on a little more dressy, just for the hell of it and if ur hubby asks, just say u felt like it. act like ur not attracted to him, he'll notice and then he'll want u more. its like a stupid game, u bacame comfrontalb eand normal to him, he wants a challenge, so if u act like u got a million guys wanting u cuz ur so hot, and feel that way, then he'll want ur attention and want to be the center of ur universe again.

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



marypoppins
Rating
you gained 40lbs! that's ALOT. i think he's being TOO honest, but it sounds like he loves you, but if you'ren ot wiling to shed some pounds to improve your marriage, then i dont know what to say. i would be very upset with my hubby if he gained that much. i love my hubby, but i'm only human. i'm not attracted to large large men, so it would effect our sex life. i think you should work on yourself and lose weight and at least dress in nice clothes that make you look skinnier. what..do you think you can blow up like a whale and your hubby wont mind! part of marriage is WORK ..work at looking good for each other.

that being said, i think you hubby is insenstive and you should talk to him about his approach. and also tell hiim that this is a private matter, not to be discussed in the presence of your son.

good luck

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



Back 2 normal
Rating
ok, this is why i say some woman are never satisfied. he told you the truth, as harsh as it might have sounded is better than him lying to you and then you question would have been different..exp:"why my husband doesn't sleep with me any more, is he cheating?)

Start doing something not only because he told but for yourself esteem, health and your son.

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



meanno
He went about telling you his feelings the wrong way.But he still loves you, so why don't you work out and get yourself in shape

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



GarryC
Rating
Lady .. what if he's really telling the truth? No, not meaning to upset or insult you at all .. such never entered my mind & would not .. my wife & I are both heavy, so I know where this comes from .. & we both wish for different. Just not enough effort on both our parts to make it more than just a wish, is all.

Come on lady .. think about it for a moment .. when you first married & the two years before it ... how did you look ... how was your appetite, sex life, appeal for each other .. how was your self-esteem? How was he? Were things different back then? Were you both so proud of each other ..so pleased with each other .. so attentive .. so willing to live? And now? Still feel the same?

I can't know for sure logically .. but maybe he's a health-buff too .. one who thinks keeping the body in shape really matters .. or maybe he's one who just feels so proud being with what he deems a truly beautiful woman ... I could go on with the maybe's for some time, I assure you .. but why do that?

I can't know for sure how you feel about your .. your state of body (fitness, looks .. so on & so on). I can't know what you think of or believe about being fit & healthy. I can't know what you think or believe about him viewing you as truly beautiful & so proud to even walk down a public street with you .. in fact I can't really imagine a thing about pride .. in either of you. I mean, even sexuality or sex drive .. is it what it was? No, no need to answer me .. it's for you to know. I can honestly say though .. wife & I just don't have what we used to as far as youth & excitement are concerned .. that's for sure. We've accepted that. I'm up for a heart attack anytime I'm told & she's handicapped .. so we've just learned to do with less so to say.

But it seems it matters. That's obvious. At least to one. Fourty pounds in all that time .. five years. To some, fourty pounds in twenty years is a bit much .. really, specially if they're really health-minded. Is he health-minded? Are you? Some want to look & feel good physically, till married .. the catching is done .. no need to think of that now .. is that you? Some lose physical appeal, physical energy as in, even a walk around the block .. or playing with the kids without huffing & puffing. You still got any of your clothes from that time .. earlier? Bet you have .. bet you've also changed your entire wardrobe too .. you had to. No, not meaning shoes & such of course. Clothes.

Truth is .. I'm thinking your son was there because he would have been old enough to know only words were spoken, without tones of bitterness or fighting .. son was shown people can discuss or even let out .. without intending torturous harm .. without wanting to physically hurt, or even threaten.

How can you handle all this, you ask? There is a simple way .. honestly .. & it works really well .. I know .. I've done it twice on doctors advice. I ate steamed vegetables only for a month .. & watch weight just fall off .. second time, about a year later, did it for six weeks .. was just astonishing. Didn't lose any physical stamina .. it increased in fact .. didn't lose anything at all but weight .. made a big difference .. really did. And you know .. I felt better too. It really felt better. My walks were brisker without a doubt .. my heart wasn't going as crasy near as fast as was before .. my cheeks & under-chin .. like they just vanished. Yeah, it made a difference to how I felt about myself .. really did. And saved money on food too of course.

Please, bring back the health-conscious you. Watch the changes .. feel the changes .. cause I know as you do, you'll also hear them .. from him too. Wanna bet? You can't know till you give it a go.

Come on .. be healthy .. you'll find it's not just a body-thing at all. You'll feel good about you - & everyone will tell you they see it too, not just in body .. in everything.

Think of it in another light if you will. You don't do it .. & you're giving him permission to degrade you like that .. is it worth it? I married only once & still there & I ain't no young-pup .. my promises were what I said they would be, to me too. How about yours?

What is important, will be done.

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



Wesl
At least he told you the truth. He could have not. Most men just start see other women. Suck it up work out. You can start by walking. If you eat the wrong thing like sweets- stop. You can stop drinking soft drinks anything with sugar in it. You will loose 2 to 3 pounds in a month just by doing that. Stop eating white bread products. Eat whole wheat. You will see a difference in no time. Do a little at a time. It will help. If you want your husband to love you and stay with you. DO IT.
I have lost 20 pounds in the last 8 months with a healthy diet. I do not eat red meat. I do not eat white bread. Only whole wheat or whole grain.
High Fiber is very good.
I do not drink anything with sugar. I try to not eat sugar or salt products. It takes time but you have to want to do it.. The only exercise I do is walking. My husband love my new body. I am as small as I was in high school. We have lots of sex again.
Try it. Its worth it. Life is to short to not be happy.

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



Pinolera
He has a right to express how he feels but he could have used more tact. However, not infront of your son or anyone else for that matter. Weight is something you can work on. However, the problem I have, what if you suddenly become disfigured or something, what then? He seems to be shallow and his love maybe does not go deeper than skin. But, don't let your marriage end because of what he said. Weight is something you can loose and for health reason it might be best. Do not allow his words to beat you down.

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



the voice
How to deal with this? Simple. Rebecome the woman he was attracted to. Loose the weight. You can do it, you know you can!! Set yourself a healthy, reasonable goal , of how much you want to loose and in how much time you want to do it.
Than, go get a gym membership, and frequent the gym EVERY day. Also, when you get up in the morning go outside and do some running for 1/2 hour, at least once in two days.Get some DVDs with dace routines that help you burn calories.

If you like sweets, try as much as possible to replace them with natural sugar (fruits) . Try to split each dish you have in your plate in half. Have days when you eat lacto-vegetarian only. Once a week, let's say, make it your day of "treat"- day when you can eat sweets and what you like.

Keep track of your progress, and be patient with yourself. If you believe you can do it, you will do it! Than you'll see just how attracted your hubby is with you again, and how men turn their heads after you on the street. :)
Good luck!

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



kpopp
You need to respond, tell him how much you resent his remarks. Crying doesn't do it. But may I suggest that you try to loose weight. And please realize that part of the reason why you put on weight has to do with not replying to your husband's remarks. His putdowns hurt and you like everyone else eat to alleviate the pain in your stomach. Learn to speak up, girl!

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



Big Jong
You whine like baby.. stop feed a face, do execise, and reduce size of stomach.. all problem stem from you fatness.. go away now, and no snack.

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



GORGI
love has nothing to do with attraction, so why don't you try to lose some of the weight and tell yourself that your doing it for health reasons and not him, if it turns out that after you lose the weight that he's attracted to you again then your victory is two fold,

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



belle
He told you the truth and it hurts but if i were you i'd do something about it.

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



pr3tty3y3z2007
Although it may hurt, you have to think... are you the woman that he married? 40 pounds is not easy weight to lose but you can do it. I think that although it was wrong for him to say it in front of your son, he is being honest with you and giving you a chance. He told you he still loves you and wants your marriage to work but he's giving you an ultimatum. At least you know that he loves you enough to not just up and leave like some men do because they are not happy with their wives appearance anymore. I think that its great that he is trying to save your marriage by telling you this. How would you like it if your husband gained 100 pounds and let his self go? Not saying that's what you did, but you have to have an attraction to someone. Suck it up, hit the gym and I promise that you wont regret it. And just a little tip, I lost a lot...and i mean a lot of weight in a short amount of time on the Atkins diet watching my carbohydrates without even spending lots of time exercising. Hope all goes well for you, and remember, your husband is just looking out for your marriage.

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



David Devoted
Rating
The way he said it was harsh. And it is a pretty shallow statement. But if he had said it in a sugar coated way, would it be any easier to take? He would still be implying that you are overweight and not the attractive woman he married.

He may lack tact, but he is honest, and he loves you. My wife gained 40 lbs. since we were married and had 3 kids, but she carries it well, and I still find her attractive. There would be a certain point, though, where I would begin to find her unattractive, and I wonder, how could tell her? Is there any easy way to say "I no longer find you attractive?"

Yes, he was an a** the way he told you. I suggest you tell him that. Tell him he could have been much more tactful about it, and that now you're pissed. Demand that if he wants you to lose weight, then he will take the leadership role an come up with an exercise progam, obtain gym memberships for the both of you, create a healthy diet plan, and work with you on this. It is much easier to lose weight if you have the support from someone else.

And then tell him that if he ever talks to you with such lack of tact again, you'll kick him square in the stones.

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



Lee B
Rating
This is common, a lot of women let themselves go after getting married and having kids, they gain weight, cut their hair, an stop looking attractive. Us guys are visual creatures, we want to like what we see, and see what we like. He can still love you, and yet not be that attracted to you at the same time. When you stand naked in front of a mirror, what do you see? You have been hurt by his honesty, and that is sad, but you need some self pride, and some will-power to get into a little better shape. Two years after childbirth is plenty of time for your body to heal, and be ready to get back into shape. Good luck

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



Debi
Lose weight for YOU. Get on a vegetarian diet and watch the pounds fall off. Get healthy, get thin, get your hair done, put on your f*ck-him shoes and walk right out the door with your baby. Find a man who knows how to discuss problems politely and respectfully with his wife, not a jackass who makes her cry in front of their child.

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



♥AhManDuh™
Rating
He wants you to look good, and you should want that for yourself as well.

Tell him to help you...ask him to workout with you, to eat better with you. I gained about 20 pounds after having 2 kids and I hated my body, my husband didnt hate it, but I could tell he looked at me different, so I told him to help me fix it and he did!! He was my partner and I lost 27 pounds in 4 months.

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



CamM
Rating
You don't seem to think that is much. It's 80 pounds in 10 yrs, 160lbs in 20....

In 15 yrs you have gained my wifes total weight!

Men ARE visual. He may not have said it in the best way, but you need to act on it by the sound of things.

Cut your meals by 1/3 of their size and you WILL lose weight. Good luck.

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



mil0
Rating
Ok, that was very insensitive. I am sorry to hear that it hurt that much. After I had a baby, I gained most of the weight around my tummy and it looked like I stuffed a tire inside my shirt. My ex said basically the same thing. Now, I am not telling you to do what I did but I eventually leave him. Only because of that? No way. It lead to other behaviors and nasty comments. His fat comments were just the beginning.
Now I am back to my old skinny self and HE is fat and all alone! What comes around goes around. If you don't feel good about the baby weight, then lower your calories intake, put your beautiful baby in he carriage and take a long walk. Don't do it because of him, only to make YOU feel good. Feel better

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



Katrina
Maybe a nicer way of putting things would've helped him through this. Doesn't he wonder if you'll ever be able to be naked if front of him again? It's okay to not be attracted to fat people but I would've thought that the mother of his son would be different. But because it's not maybe you should both come up with a plan to help you lose the weight (if you can still stand to look at HIM) Being in a relationship and having kids almost always packs on the pounds, I gained 100lbs!!! between the time we met and the birth of our 2nd son. My husband always made me feel like the sexiest person alive! I've lost all but 20lbs of it. He, of course, tells me now he likes me better now LOL. Lose the weight, have fun doing it, you'll feel a lot better! with or with out the husband.

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



Poppy
Well it was cruel but it was also probably honest. You know what he wants and you also know you probably do need to lose the weight for your health's sake. Just do it. Start eating better and exercising. Honestly you'll feel much better about yourself and life in general. Tell your husband he better not put on any weight either or he's going to hear it from you. Good luck dear!

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



rooney
He's right, he is telling you exactly what he wants. Hit the gym!!

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



Dads boy
You both have a problem . Your fat and he is ignorant . Work on it .If you lose weight and he stays ignorant dump his butt

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



Shαnnδn
Rating
He's was brutally honest.
He loves you but excess weight is unattractive.
It's not 'you' that is unattractive, it's your weight.
You can control your weight.

40lb is same amount of weight my wife and I gained before we said we're not taking care of ourselves and not keeping the promises we made to each other.

It has been two years; it's not like he didn't give you time to work on it yourself.

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



It is only my opinion
Rating
That is harsh. But honestly would you rather him live a lie? Lose the weight. Do your hair and make up. Just start taking better care of yourself. AND sit down and tell him that his behavior towards you was not ok to do in front of your son. And tell him he has crushed you. And tell him that he didn't have to be so harsh about it.

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



Valerie X Account #21
Ok, you can't MAKE yourself attracted to an overweight person. And that DOES NOT make you a shallow person so some of you people can just be quiet......you probably are overweight yourself.

40 pounds is a LOT of extra weight.

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No



carlaerickson
Ok, that's terrible that he decided to say this in front of your son, so I'm really sorry for that. I can see why he would feel this way, but his choice to relay his message to you was in extremely bad taste--and sounds as if it quite hurtful.

However, I have always believed that when we marry and say our vows... we then have a responsibility to keep up what we have brought to the table. I'm not saying we need to stay exactly 110 lbs for the next 30 years, but we should still try to remain as we were for our partners. Can you imagine if my hubby gained 40 lbs? I'd be worried about him and sex would likely suffer. Hey, you had a child so yeah, you're going to gain a bit of weight. But there's no reason you can't lose it. If I were in your shoes, I'd go find someone to help me get on track (I'd actually seek out a naturopath before a nutritionist or dietitian because the latter are too liberal in eating crap still I've noticed and don't seem as educated enough to truly know what they're doing). If you got a good exercise regime going, drank tons of water, cut out sugars, artificial flavors, additives and white flour and upped other things like yogurt and veggies oh my goodness you'd find it not difficult at all to lose the weight. I lost 20 lbs easy that way it just melted right off.

Your husband did something in a jerkish way, but he obviously still wants to be with you because if he didn't he wouldn't have let you know this was bothering him and he would've just let it get worse. He's trying to be honest with you (though he's terrible at it). I'm sure you are just as beautiful and attractive as before you got married, it's just that the state you were in before is what got his engine revving. Own up to what is happening with your body, and also realize that all women are beautiful even with the extra lbs it's just that this doesn't mean our husbands will still be attracted to it, you know? Don't be so hard on yourself. This is something you can change. You can tell him the way he got his message across was inappropriate and somewhat degrading, but you do see a side to it and understand what he's getting at.. and that maybe he can be a little more sensitive next time he needs to tell you something. Oh and remember... do this for YOU as well. Imagine how good you'll feel in the end.

Was this answer helpful to you?  Yes  /  No






Archive: Forum - Forum - Links - Links1 - Links2 - RSS - All RSS Feeds
Trusted legal information for you. 0.044
Copyright (c) 2007-2010 Find Legal Advice Saturday, October 25, 2014 - All rights reserved - Terms of use - Privacy Policy