2010-02-18 23:29:47 +0000
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Its important to let the past go, I am still with my fiance even though he cheated on me twice, (once almost two month ago) but if you are planning on staying together, you are going to have to simply forgive him. I know how hard it can be trusting someone again after infidelity, and obviously its still really bothering you. I know I personally am still getting through the day to day..
Maybe you guys should sit down with someone (a professional) and try and work on some of these feelings. You can't simply live your life afraid constantly honey. Computers might make communication easier, but if something is wrong in the relationship its not going be made better or really even worse by getting a computer. Maybe keep the computer in an open place so your aware of whats going on? I know that something the paranoia gets intense.
Good luck with everything, my heart really goes out to you!
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2010-02-18 23:22:30 +0000
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it surely makes things easier, like hooking up
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2010-02-18 23:33:45 +0000
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I would liken this question to be the same as saying "Guns Kill People" It is not the gun it is the person pulling the trigger. They could use a bat, a car, or their fist just as easily. The computer might allow access to some of the dating sites but in no way will it contribute to infidelity.
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2010-02-18 23:38:34 +0000
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a computer makes it very, very easy to cheat, of course it does.
20 yrs after we got married we got a computer, he started with porn, later on dating sites
[just for curiosity, yeah right]
then he went on a dating site while overseas and met a skank philipina. she gave him sex for money and gifts.
she wanted a green card.
well it ended, but he has broken my heart and things will never be the same.
there are millions of whores out there who are more than willing to have sex,
but without a computer he won't have as much opportunity.
it only sounds logical.
i know people who don't cheat and have computers, i'm just saying it makes cheating very easy. sex is right in your face on the internet.
yes your daughter will see bad things on it also some good.
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2010-02-19 00:08:39 +0000
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What I would say is that yes, the internet does present all kinds of opportunities. It presents opportunities to literally get your hands on just about anything, meet just about every kind of person and get involved in just about every kind of group that you can think of, and some you probably cant.
The cases you hear about are extreme cases, where people were already interested in cheating and they just used that as an outlet for it. If they didn't have the computer, they would just go find a bar somewhere and meet someone that way. So yes, this is what cheating on your spouse does. Once your husband cheated the first time, he gave you no reason to ever trust him ever again.
As for your daughter, just make sure that shes smart about the internet. Don't go overboard with trying to protect her by hovering over her while shes online, or grilling her about what she was looking up. Just make sure that she knows that there is nobody fact-checking what people post online, and that people can lie, so treat everybody she chats with as a stranger until she has reason to believe they are exactly who they say they are.
There are content filters such as net nanny or equivalent programs that allow you to not only block known adult sites but also prevent her from viewing web pages that have specific key words or phrases that would hint at it being adult material.
Just make sure that your family knows not to be cautious, and not to give out personal details of their lives like where they live or where they work unless they know the person they are talking to. People who victimize younger kids are going to try and talk them into meeting in person right away, or try and get them to open P.O. boxes or make plans to travel and see them. Its not worth going overboard. Just make sure your family knows not to be careless. I have known plenty of people who have never had a problem while on the internet.
there is one more thing that you might consider doing. If you suspect that your husband is being unfaithful to you, you can purchase something called a key-logger. I will make sure I post a link to what it is exactly in the sources section. A key-logger will keep a log of everything that is typed on the keyboard of your computer.
So yes, your husband has cheated on you before, and is fully capable of cheating again. If he is committed to staying faithful to you, then he will not engage in any cheater behaviors. If he is not trustworthy, not getting a computer is not going to prevent him from cheating. He will just find another way.
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2010-02-18 23:28:28 +0000
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The answer to you're question is a resounding yes. But its like you said, if he intends to cheat again he will do it with or without a computer. Having a PC is just another avenue used to meet a need. As for your daughter, well you are right to be concerned. There are programs you can buy that filter out what she can and cannot do on the internet. CNET.com is a good place to search for them. But you can only do so much. If you do buy a PC I suggest you buy a desk top and keep it in an open area of your home where you can watch what's going on.
I also suggest you listen to your gut instinct on this as well. If it says no, then listen to it and don't allow a PC in your home. Good luck.
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2010-02-18 23:28:39 +0000
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It may very well make things easier but not buying a computer will not stop him straying.
If someone wants to cheat you can not build a fence high enough to keep them in. So your seriously considering living in the dark ages forever because you have such little trust for your husband that you couldn't have a computer at home?....If this is the case the marriage is the problem, not the computer.
EDIT: he cheated on you before didn't he? And since you don't own a computer he must of cheated without the use of technology....Get your child a bloody computer, they use them a lot for their education!
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2010-02-18 23:58:29 +0000
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for the desperete people yes they seek each other out online for the hookup. you usually get you a fat chic or dude and probably one with herpes.
disco stu they is such a thing as the public library where they have free computers
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2010-02-18 23:28:32 +0000
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Yes it happens BUT....With my husband and I we both use computer to look up info,,ebay,,mail etc...Since we love each other and respect each other WE BOTH have no need to go to chat rooms,,etc. We both have NOTHING TO HIDE as we BOTH are doing nothing wrong .I know his email he knows mine...etc..
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2010-02-18 23:26:53 +0000
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it doesn't contribute to infidelity - it just gives more choices to a cheater. Someone who is a cheater is going to cheat whether there's the internet or not. Even if he didn't have a mobile phone or computer, he would have cheated by picking up a girl in a bar and calling his wife to say he had to "work late" or had a "business dinner" - or he would have cheated when he went out of town on business. A faithful man is not going to cheat just because he MIGHT meet someone else online - he could just as easily meet someone else at work, at a restaurant, at the gym, etc
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2010-02-18 23:27:44 +0000
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Are you the last person in the western world without a computer? Where the hell are you now? An internet cafe?
The internet doesn't cause infidelity. People who have the urge and the opportunity to cheat cause infidelity. If he's going to cheat, he's going to do it with or without a computer. Time to join the 21st century.
Add - LMAO @ Disco Stu's answer!
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2010-02-18 23:40:29 +0000
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It can happen with or without a computer. Just like getting hit by a bus can happen even if you don't own one... There are many reasons to get a computer, one is for your daughter. She is going to need it for homework. It is true that kids do a lot of Communication with their friends on the computer, and if you monitor her activity it could still be safe.
Don't live in worry, life is way to short for that. Good luck!
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2010-02-18 23:23:21 +0000
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You don't have a computer? How are you doing this - two cups and a string?
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2010-02-18 23:29:29 +0000
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I don't think a computer makes cheating easier. If someone was going to cheat they would do it without there being a computer sitting at home.
If you are worried about where your daugther might wander to on the internet install a "net nanny" program that will block the kinds of websites your are fearful of.
The internet can open up a lot of really cool and neat learning avenues. I've been connected to the internet for a very long time. It hasn't destroyed my marriage, no on cheats and no one's mind is corrupted because of it. It's a matter of common sense just like "real life."
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2010-02-18 23:23:56 +0000
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Don't worry about it. Your husband has proven men will cheat with or without a computer.
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