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Emily B
Can a three some hurt a marriage or make it better? Should there be rules set or whatever happens, happens?
my husband wants us to have a three some and I want to as well but I don't know what type of 3rd person should be involved? I want rules set but he doesn't think thats fair. Could this be a way for him be with some one else with out actually cheating? Or should I let this happen and let it take its toll to see if this hurts the marraige or not. I'm a very jealous person what do I do? Its my fantasy too!!! Help



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I have been in a few threesomes in my lifetime and have learned the dangers and the joys. The only way it can work out is if you and your partner decide to include someone you both can love and trust. If you both can not love this person, whether male or female, then don't try it. There is always a chance that one of the primary partners will fall in love with the third and someone feels left out or jealous. The easiest threesome to build is MMF. There are plenty of guys who would love to be there if you asked them. Harder to find a female willing to participate. If you asked your hubby about another guy joining in, and he reacts negatively, you have your answer. It should go both ways. Remember, that avoiding contact with the same sex third is nearly impossible, so depending on the sex of the third, you should be agreeable to at least a little bisexuality.

Good luck.

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letterstoheather
Rating
if neither of you have any dignity left or self-esteem go for it.

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The Alchemist
Sounds fun. Just remember, its all fun.

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baby
Rating
NO that's like you are cheating and you don't know what you can get.....

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Shut your mouth when u tlk to me
*Well I say if you truly are comfortable with the whole idea, and from what I gather from what you said, you are interested....then do it. I have the inclination to have a 3some with a married couple, not with the intention of stealing a husband...it's just the "excitement" and it's a new experience, b/c I have never done it before. I don't know...I mean I've been saying this in all of my posting, but "You only live once, so live well." And if it so happens you are interested in a 3some and so is your husband, and you both can come to terms and agree with it...then go for it woman! What is holding you back?~ Live like you won't see tomorrow. Be spontaneous.

....ugh...sorry i'm being very pushy about it. But I hate when people refrain from doing what they "fatasize" about or "wish" they could do...whether it's something sexual or even something like skydiving or bungee jumping...WHY HOLD BACK...just do it!! Take risks. Live a little. Experience Yourself and other people and what you like and want.....lol...seriously. It can't hurt.

~~So I encourage you to move forward with this idea, that is if you seriously and truly are comfortable with it though.~~

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lisa baby...
Rating
the question i want to ask you is.. IS your marriage worth the risk? i see alot of problems with this. For one..trust may become and issue for one if not both of u. As one other smart yahoo member suggested...tell him you want a threesome..BUT u want it with another male..that will surely change his mind..OFCOURSE its his way of having sex with someone else without actually cheating...its alot of mens dream come true... BUT how many of those same men..wouldnt mind the '3rd' person to be another guy?? i bet not alot of men would like that... and i think ur hubby is prolly one of them also..
but more then that, i want to ask you again....is the 'fantasy' really worth risking your husband over.... maybe theres some less risky fantasies u guys can try..? just my thoughts on the matter...since u asked.

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dawnb
Rating
You can't possibly be serious!!! You didn't pledge vows to your husband and vice versa so you could start adding more people to the mix. Hurt your marriage? Do you Think!! Leave fantasies to just that.

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Sadie
Rating
If a marriage is based on love and mutual respect and commitment, you wouldn't even be considering this.

If not, you'll probably end up getting divorced anyway, so what is there to lose?

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lanea017
Rating
You have got to discuss this with your partner. It really depends on your relationship. Set rules if you guys are worried about ANYTHING. Ask yourself, "Is this what I want?" Please, if you are worried about cheating, meet someone new, get to know them, contact them only through you. Never go to their home or vice versa. Be careful. There are counselors for this sort of thing too, if this doesn't help. Think about things such as; kissing, oral, protection, birthcontrol, etc

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Jamiel L
I am very surprised that no one mentioned anything about possible diseases. Although my first concern would be my marriage, it kinda sounds like your marriage is already on the rocks and you are hoping this will help. In order to be ale to do what you are suggesting you would need to be in a very trustworthy and healthy marriage to begin with. If this is a fix it situation it will only hurt your marriage considerably. Also I agree with many writers that a stranger would be ideal and someone you don't have to worry about # 1 taking your man and #2 running around and telling all your mutual friends about the experience. ( they will tell someone) However using a stranger brings up the disease points and that is not something you want to deal with either especially if the whole plan goes south and you end up single again, that is not something you want to have to tell a new parnter. It does lsound like you need to spice things up but i would recomend finding a sex store and purchasing a new toy and a few videos together. Live out a different fantasy. Not one that could ruin your whole marriage. Good luck

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huff
make rules and say that you can stop if anyone gets unconformable with it

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peterfl999
ok it should be discuss and compromise
all the rules should be laid out
try to have either a 3 somes with 2 males and u
or 2 females and ur hubby

email me for more details cant explain it on here

peterfl999@yahoo.com

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CC Babydoll
You asked...you are both sick and YES I think it will ruin what ever type of marriage you now think you have.

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Pete
I have been in theesomes before and once with me, another guy and his girlfriend ...her 40th birthday wish.....The thing about 3somes is that its better when you dont know the others very well...then you arent talking about it at the thanksgiving table some day. The other 3somes i have had were with 2 women...they were usually friend looking for some kiniy fun and they wanted a guy to please them both...it is lots of fun..but when you have to please them both it becomes a challenge..and boy do i love a challenge ..lol..

.i would say to you since you are married and it will be with your husband and another woman...it might get ugly...think about this....what if he doesnt get you off as well as he takes care of the newbie. Then it would suck for you..you would feel like you came in 2nd. If you really want to know the truth , i think he wants to have his cake and eat her too!

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Isaac F
You won't know in your particular case unless you try, will you? Go on, life's an experience worth living

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Mrs.W24
Rating
Even though your married and you both agree to have a threesome it is still infedility. You got married to one person and that person is the only person you should have sex with. If you and your husband are wanting to have sex with other people then why the hell did you get married in the first place. Marriage is sacred and sex is very sacred between a husband and wife and no one else. Yes I think your husband wants to sleep with other people and wants to just add you in to make himself feel better. Don't do it you will regret it later and it will ruin your marriage.

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Owen E
Never do this it is one of most guys fantasies and if he wanted this he should have done it before he tied the knot with you. Really crap like this will only damage a relationship!
It is also adultery in the eyes of God!

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sonya h
Rating
Ask this question in Divorce court and see what the judge says.

I have been married for 20 years, and I know how to satisfy him, if i need to resort in to bringing someone else in, then I don't need to be married.

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searching_please
You've gotta set rules. Find someone off the net that you both don't know. Make SURE the third is NOT someone he already has in mind! It will ruin your relationship (might anyway!)!. Good luck.

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Tony S
Rating
I too, did not want any rules and I lost the woman I loved. I am not saying that there has to be restrictions, but rules none the less.

Like, the third person should not be anyone you know. You can locate either a man or woman on one of the various websites out there. Neither one of you are allowed to be with the third person naked without the other in the room.

Those are just a couple of rules I recommend. Good Luck!

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JT
Rating
If you are a jealous person, it sounds like you are not a good candidate for a threesome with another woman. Imagine your husband making love to a woman besides yourself and if that upsets you, I think the situation could harm your marriage. The person who said you should focus on satisfying each other is right.

People who get involved in the lifestyle are very secure in their marriages (most of the time). They know their partner truly loves them and the experience is very much enjoyed by both parties in the relationship. You must trust each other completely and feel solid in your partnership. Only then can you consider involving outside persons in your bedroom.

Good luck

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nin
I feel you will be opening up a big old bag of ugly. Hurt feelings, mistrust, jealousy...I would really give this one alot more thought.

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Maria A.
Caution and care with that one. I told my husband that I have had lesbian fantasies, and had a moment or two with a girl, and wow did he get excited about that, he said would you ever want to have a 3-some, and the answer is flat out no, as my fantasies are not about my man getting it on with another woman, but about me. He was surprised, as he thought all women who fantasized about women would jump at the idea about a 3-some, not true. If you are the jealous type, it won't be an easy sight for you. There was an episode of Sex and city about that, they are all there ready to get it on ( the older blonde chic), and that jealous thought hit her mind, and she kicked the woman out of their bed, it was so funny, that is how it would go down for me. Good luck, tell him you will just have to think about it, and if you decide to do it, have lots of rules.

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Thomasina
From talking to people that I know that have done this the only way it had no affect on the marriage was if it was a stranger and no one was left out. Equal time and enjoyment. The people that I know that did it with a friend or acquaintance either the friendship or the marriage did not last. Hope I helped.

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kendell c
Many people have them, many people swear they work well. Few actually succeed. Someone will always end up hurt, getting jealous or the primary relationship will fall apart. I have known many three way relationships in my life, all have failed with devastating consequences.
Your husband wants a threeway because he wants to cheat, he wants to hump someone else and quite honestly does not care if you watch or get hurt. At this point, for him suggesting this, I would advise you reevaluate your relationship and calculate how much you would get in a divorce in alimony, property and child support and possible seek the advice of a lawyer. If you do not go through with the threeway he will cheat anyway. if you do do you honestly think he will leave it at that? Threeways are best left to casual acquaintences not people who commit themselves for life.

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SouthernGrits
Rating
Most fantasies should never be lived out. That is why you have them in your head.

This is a very risky thing you are considering. You should be focusing more on satisfying each other than looking to bring someone else into the problem.

Its also adultery, whether you give consent or not.

Reconsider. You may be kicking yourself later on.

***curious to see how many men here are for the idea as opposed to women***

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getriel1
Anytime you add a 3rd person to a relationship you are jeapordising the marriage.Now it does work for some people....I am NOT against it so please dont' think that is the case.Just think thru our decsion.YES there should be rules!! if there is not then it is a free for all and both parties can get hurt.You are taking a chance either way....best of luck

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Sheri
I've been there and we both decided we just can't do it. You will get jealous.. or he could get jealous... or you could get mad if he doesn't get jealous... or the 3rd person could start wanting to come back... and you don't want her to, or your husband could start talking to her behind your back, or you would always wonder if he liked her better than you... or if he would start wanting that in the future... whew... toooo much drama drama... no way. Stay away from it. Just watch it on a movie and fantasize!!

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kja63
If your husband really wants a three-some, then insist the other person be male. I bet he changes his mind very quickly!

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laneydoll
Rating
Rules are very important! I have had 3sums before (MMF) and think I may be able to shed some light for you if you want. But, I would rather not do it here. Email through Answers and I will be more than happy to share what I learned :)

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