Alcoholic or casual drinker?

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2008-01-08 18:30:45 +0000	I have read your post and tend to disagree with many of the answers that tell you to "chill" and "relax". Alcoholism is a serious condition; and it tends to grow instead of diminish as time goes by. People never start drinking a six-pack or a bottle of liquour overnight. If you don't drink, do not like your husband's attitude and the example he gives your kids when he's drunk, then you have a problem in your hands. You'll have to consider several options because it it not an easy thing to handle. The excuses people give, like "I do it to relax" and "I don't drink every day" and such are really just the beginning of a long ordeal. The truth is they cannot stop drinking. While I agree that everyone needs "me" time and also needs friends to hang out with and to chat with, he's an adult, he's married and he has kids. So he should think things over if this is stressing his marriage. Unfortunately, people who drink usually do not admit they like it so much they cannot stop; and the idea of "controlling" alcohol is just an illusion. If your therapist thinks what your husband is doing is OK, I'd consider getting another one. The fact is that you don't feel comfortable with your husband's attitude, and you are entitled to your own opinion. Don't let others tell you to back down, since it's your marriage and your peace of mind that are at stake here. (I married an alcoholic and went through hell....Got a divorce years ago and am now happily living with my child.) Good luck, and take care of yourself and your kids. (Remember- we can change NO ONE- except ourselves.) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2008-01-08 18:01:55 +0000	i dont think its a big deal and i dont think he is an alcoholic. you said yourself that he's either in the garage or at his freinds house. you know where he is and who he is with. he's just hvaing fun. are you upset that you dont get to go out with your freinds on friday or sat? ask him to watch the kids some weekend. have fun yourself. the only thing i would be concerened or pissed about is if he was driving drunk home from his freinds house Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2008-01-08 17:55:00 +0000	wow give me a break drinking once a week???? hell when i was in college i drank every thursday friday saturday and sunday thats 4 out of 7 days of the week. besides you dont know what an alcoholic is. my aunt is an alcoholic she cannot function without alcohol and buys it before she buys food. she drinks heavily to the point of passing out every day. that is an alcoholic. drinking once a week is less then casual. casual would be like a 1-2 drinks per day. which is actually healthy for you. getting trashed though is not but still fun. anyway dont get between a man and his beer and find something else to nag him about. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2008-01-08 17:53:31 +0000	You are controlling!! Leave him alone!! Everyone is entitled to have a little fun on their downtime now and then! Jeez...reading this makes me want a beer! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2008-01-08 18:14:56 +0000	You are right for your concern, but it is sad to be in therapy for what to me seems a minor adjustment. If your therapist has not suggested adjustments then you should fire him. Once a week drinking is ok as long as done in moderation with friends. If he is getting sh!t face drunk when he gets home at 4 am is wrong especially if you have young kids. What if something horrible happens, will he be there and able to drive any of you to the emergency. You both seem to have a power struggle happening between the two of you. Your husband will feel defeated if he give in. But you both need to talk about it calmly. Make a suggestion that you are fine with him drinking as long as he agrees to be home by midnight. You both have to find a median. If you therapist has been unsuccessful in achieving that, then you should fire him. Marriage is not about winning and losing, but it is about compromising, communication, love and respect. Good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2008-01-08 18:03:51 +0000	Drinking once per week at home or with a friend is NOT wrong. The man has EVERY right to hang with his frirends once a week or so and have a few drinks. Why don't YOU hang out with your non drinking friends during those times? Something tells me you are that type that doesn't have any friends and are resentful that your husband does! Be warned, women like you that nag and complain a good man wind up ALONE! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2008-01-08 17:56:59 +0000	once a week, and your complaining??????????????????? be happy i dont think that should even be an issue. be thankful he is the garage or at a friends and not the strip bar. so because your in your 30's and you have children, people shouldn't have any fun anymore. maybe you need to pick a day and hang with your girlfriends. i don't think it is as big of a deal as you are making it. QUIT WASTING MONEY ON THERAPY-CAUSE YOUR GONNA NEED IT FOR THE DIVORCE!!!!!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2008-01-08 18:36:28 +0000	It's kind of weird to stay out drinking at a friend's house once a week until 4 am. Is it a party or do they just sit around and chat with eachother? There aren't really any sports games on TV that late, so what exactly are they doing together? Just drinking? Anyone who drinks to get drunk has an alcohol problem. The person might not be an alcoholic, but they do have some issues. Any licensed therapist will tell you that. It sounds like you got yourself some kind of quack therapist. Ask where he went to school, and what his certificates are. Unfortunately it's very accepted nowadays for people to drink to get drunk. A lot of people think there is no point to boozin UNLESS you get wasted. This is typically a problem that many college kids face. By the time you settle down and have a family, the behavior has to stop. Of course everyone has a few nights a year where they kind of drink too much and wind up staying out much later than planned. It happens. But it should not happen once a week. You are not being controlling or unreasonable at all. Find a better therapist. Oh and to the poster above who said ."my aunt is an alcoholic she cannot function without alcohol and buys it before she buys food. she drinks heavily to the point of passing out every day. that is an alcoholic" This is NOT true at all. Most alcoholics are fully functioning in society. They have jobs and families. Often times they are fun to hang out with so nobody ever tells them they have a problem. Being an alcoholic has less to do with how much you drink and more to do with why you drink. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2008-01-08 17:50:22 +0000	I think it's ok for him to want "his time" and to hang out with his buddies and drink a little, especially if it's only one night a week. What I don't think is ok is that he stays at it until 4am. That is not cool at all and no I don't think your being controlling. Let me guess the next day he isn't good for sh*t and you are the one who has to take care of the kids all day while he nurses a hang over. So in essence its two days a week he's dumping on you. I would say pay him back with a good ole dose of his own medicine. I guarantee he will have something to say about it to the good ole therapist then! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2008-01-08 18:22:19 +0000	Definitely being controlling. I don't think his one night a week is grounds to call him an alcoholic at all. I think the issue is the time he's coming home...THAT I would have a problem with...other then that...let him have his night out with his friend. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2008-01-09 05:24:07 +0000	When someone is not satisfied with there marriage (wife). It could drive them to drink. It sounds like he is very unhappy in his marriage with you. Think about your part. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2008-01-08 17:59:06 +0000	no you do have a point its not what or where but why so long yes if he was a better husband he would have a few and come back home maybe 3 hours or so no i think you are only being fare as far as a alcoholic sounds like there are some signs of concern Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2008-01-08 18:19:48 +0000	to go out with friends is ok for you both but this drinking every week isnt good for him or you the money and time should be spent with the kids doing things with them as a family you both need a break from the house and each other but not every weekend you have kids to think of how does this look to them and find some thing for the family to do go for a drive a movie play a family game and no husband or wife should be coming home at 4 in the morning unless its from work or you both where out Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2008-01-09 01:22:04 +0000	With a dumb slut as a wife it's no wonder he does this. Move on ***. You are a nag and a ***!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2008-01-08 17:50:25 +0000	I don't know why a therapist would say it is ok for that behavior to continue when it is obviously upsetting you. They usually try to stop that kind of behavior...or at least I thought. I don't think you are being controlling! I think it's sad that he would rather get wasted than spend time with his wife and two children! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2008-01-09 05:20:43 +0000	You need to STOP nagging him. Let him live his life. It's probably time you found some activities of your own. You probably do not have much going on in life from what it sounds like! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2008-01-08 17:51:26 +0000	That is the most absurd thing I have ever heard. Hun, you have to let him have "his time". Everyone needs it. Drinking one night a week is completely fine. You married him like this. Dont try and change him. You will eventually drive him away. Trust me. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2008-01-08 19:07:51 +0000	First of all-time apart and him spending time with "the guys" to unwind and relax is perfectly fine-and actually healthy not only for his mental well-being, but for your relationship as well. You two spending some time apart doing things that you want to do is HEALTHY. Maybe when he is out with his boys, you should go have a girl's night. You don't necessarily need to drink, but you really should get out as well. I (personally) think that is why you are getting so upset over this. You are being left alone and you want to suck up every free second of his because you may not have anyone else like a friend or sister to hang out with....you feel like you are stuck at home with nothing to do while he has friends that he can go hang out with. As for your therapist-he shouldn't be necessarily taking "sides", but i get the feeling that he is maybe just trying to tell you that it is healthy for your husband to have "guy time". What he also needs to do though is have you and your husband comprimise on what is the appropriate amount of guy time. Maybe your husband should cut it down to twice a month (every other friday) or start coming home at a more appropriate time, such as 11pm. But on that one-what time does his "guy time" start? If they don't get off work or dont start until like 11, then 4am really isn't that bad. But if he started at 5pm, then he should have no problem getting home by 11 or so. As for him being an alcoholic...no. He is not an alcoholic. Just because someone drinks once a week does not instantly make them an alcoholic. Personally-if i was him, I probably wouldn't come home until 5am either if I knew I was just going to come home to someone accusing me of being an alcoholic and trying to start a fight with me just for hanging out with friends. My advice-get some friends of your own and go have a girls night when he is out. Your life will feel more fulfilled and you wont be so jealous of your husband having friends. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2008-01-08 18:03:12 +0000	I dont see your husband as an alcoholic but see it as casual drinking. Coming in at 4 or 5 am is unacceptable is my opinion. I agree that couples should have their own time but staying out all nite is pushing it. Tell him he can have his time and do his drinking but you cant agree with staying out all nite. Hope you can compromise. Good luck Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2008-01-08 18:01:31 +0000	Good GOD woman...you need to chill. It is only once a week. He needs to have time with his friends and be able to choose what he wants to do. You are not his mother...you are his wife. I totally agree with your husband that you are too controlling and obsessive. Let him have his once a week drunk night with his buddies. If he is hard working man bringing home money, being a good dad and husband then cut him some slack..PLEASE..before you push him away. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2008-01-08 17:50:19 +0000	I think your right to an extent... if he works all week hard days/weeks work a few beers is good for him and to be able to hang out with his buddies.... But on the other hand.. that is too early to be coming in. talk to him see if he will compromise on a time. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2008-01-08 17:59:52 +0000	I agree with "Stuey" you married him and he was already like this.....did you think you could change him??? Guess what? YOU CANNOT CHANGE A MAN. You are controlling. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No