Undoing the damage... can it be done in this case?

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Andraya - Snark's Sister	Talk with her. I remember being that age and thinking nobody on the planet gave a rat's behind about what I thought or felt. I had one aunt who showed me how untrue that was. She talked to me, we went for lunch, to see plays, for walks, to our many local festivals, out for spa days etc. but she always talked with me. I can't recall a single time that she talked TO me, she talked with me. She asked my opinions, let me say my share and was genuinely interested in my life and what I had to say. My eldest daughter is 11 and yesterday she told me that she was glad I talked with her. She has a friend who doesn't tell her mom anything because her mom always turns it into a lecture or puts her down. My angel told me she is glad I care what she is thinking and she thinks I am the best mom because of that. It really doesn't matter what you are doing as long as you are interested in her as a person and you show her that. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

JAG	That's great that you are setting up the summer and spending time with her. The single greatest way to bond with someone is to share time and experiences with them. Create memories and capture them with pictures. Maybe have an ongoing summer project of a scrapbook that you can work on with her to capture those golden moments. That said, make sure that you spend quality time with her not so much 'on the go'. Bake cookies, work side by side on art projects or in the garden or walk the dog, do laundry - any kind of task that keeps you in close proximity. Keep conversation light and non- probing but provide plenty of opportunity for her to open up to you. Use your past to connect with her Relate to her by how you used to feel - ex; I remember when I'd cry in front of my family and I alwasy felt no one understood me.;... something like that. Don't push her to explain how she feels but give her little comments like that to think about and maybe at some point she will feel confident enough to share. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Theresa S	Poor girl. Be a good sister to her and make her feel first off accepted and of course loved. Make sure her feelings do matter and she sees that they matter. Help her to regain confidence as a human being. Tell her when she looks pretty, share your interests with her, and share in hers. Let her hang out with your friends and help her feel like one of the girls. I hope you have a great Summer and that she continues to live with you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Tonia	TELL HER that she is important and that you are proud of her because she's been so strong. Let her know when she makes good decisions and compliment her positive actions as much as you can in a matter-of-factly or adult-ish way... not like she's a baby. Maybe share some hair style ideas and let her know she is pretty and that the ugly words of others are just that words of a small minded individual who cannot properly express themselves in any other way. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mike P	Show her love and say little about the problems. Just be kind and take her for a walk or go to the mall. Let her know that love is here for her in this world with no strings or judgements attached and it is coming from you. Be a loving sister and friend. Just be kind and loving. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

rustylamoza	WOW, what a tragic cycle for this little girl. The best thing you can do for her is be a stable rock of support in her life, and make sure she knows this. She will need to find strength through you. It is a burden for your shoulders too, but you sound like you have the capability and the love to be there for her. Best of luck to you both :) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No