Does anyone think those adopted as babies or very young children should NOT try to find their birth parents? |
Before anyone goes crazy, let me make two things clear:
I am not adopted.
I am not judging anyone who does want to find their birth parents. I just want to know the other side ... |
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Why does everybody hate on the "infertile" people? |
| Seriously, I am beginning to wonder. I just read an answer to a question about adopting as a way to save the planet and one response was "at least its not b/c they are infertile" Time and ... |
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Do you think Jesus would rather a woman choose abortion or adoption for her child...? |
| Many say aboortion and adoption have nothing to do with each other; many say they have everything to do with each other. Both options exclude parenting the child. So, if a woman does not want to ... |
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Do people who have been adopted blame others all their lives for their adoption? |
| I see it a lot on this section where a person will put the blame on others who choose to adopt, for themselves being adopted and having a bad experience. I also see a lot of I was treated like this, ... |
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Let's put the question to those who apose abortion. If you apose abortion, how can you support adoption? |
| What more can I add. If you are against the cruelty of abortion, then why do pro life's suggest adoption is a better option when there is little choice involved and it can be a very cruel ... |
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Adopted persons...how do you feel when people say your adoptive parents "took you in"? |
| I am entirely turned off by this. I wasn't some poor little waif wondering the streets like a stray cat that someone decided to take home. I was a child who was eligible for adoption. My ... |
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Do you think the stigma against childlessness causes many people to adopt...? |
...when in reality, at their core, they don't truly want to be parents?
I wanted to ask this question a while ago, but I forgot about it (der)...Someone's answer to another ... |
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If you couldn't get pregnant would you adopt a child or stay childless? |
I was talking with my best friend about trying for a baby soon after I get married and she brought up infertility (her sister is going through it).
I said that if I couldn't get pregnant we ... |
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Should I report my neighbor? She is a single lady in her late 40's that has 5 foster adoptive children.? |
| My husband and I feel that she only has these children to get a check every month. There are many signs that she doesn't care about them, but I don't know if I should report these things. N... |
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Why is it that some adoptees reject their adopted family trees? |
| When we are adopted we become just as much a part of that new lineage and so do your children. This becomes your heritage to embrace.... |
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I'm thinking about adopting a kid but is it a good idea? Do they tent to be rebels? |
Or as what TV makes it look like, the lonely kid that no one cares about or the rebel that always complaints to her parents.
Any suggestions?... |
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Should people who smoke be banned from adopting children? |
I say YES!
Smoking is filthy and people who smoke those disgusting death sticks don't deserve the right to children.
Europe has banned smokers from adoption; well the UK ... |
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i'm 2 months pregnant and debating open adoption.? |
I'm only 15, and I can't handle having a child right now.
But it really depresses me when I think of all the things I'll miss out on if I do a closed adoption.
I want to be ... |
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Do you think putting my baby up adoption is the right thing to do? |
| I always wanted a baby and I was even happy to fine out I was pregnant. But yet I'm kinda scared. As for right now. I don't have my own place, and it's just me and my mother. I do have ... |
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If fathers stuck around, do you think we'd have fewer adoptions? |
| i need to clarify my other question and i thought about deleting it because it offended someone (sorry about that) but i didn't want to have the thoughtful and insightful answers deleted either ... |
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Whose fault is it? Hum? |
| I have been thinking about what some of you say in here and that led me into one thought. Not the only one I have but the current headline in this mind of mine. I have read people saying over and ... |
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Do those that disagree with me see my side of the issues? |
I have made statements that have been blasted by some, and embraced by others.
I am wondering if the people that blast my comments are blasting them because they truly believe that there ... |
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Adoption, i need someone to listen, thanks? |
Ive asked a question here yesterday but i have another now or maybe its just venting cause i have no one to talk to that undertands how i feel.
Here it goes, Im 19 weeks pregnant with one ... |
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the rest of the story on why I asked if I can give my baby up without the father's permission...? |
I did not post the details of my situation when I initially asked if I could give my baby up for adoption because I knew the hate that was likely to come in my direction.
However, since I ... |
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forzasiciliaaaa |
The biological father won't give up birth rights, can I still give my baby up for adoption?
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I'm 17 in three days and I'm about 10 weeks pregnant. The baby's father is 18 and says he will not sign any adoption papers. He's the stubborn type and that's not about to change. I'm pro-life, and the last thing I want to do is have an abortion, but I'm not ready to have a baby. I can't afford it, I want to go to college and travel and be young and I cannot be a mother yet. But the babydaddy says he doesn't want our child to be raised by strangers.... is there any way I could get around this in court and give the baby up without his consent? Additional Details I don't think I was clear about the father. He is an oxycontin addict and an overall bad guy. I'd want this baby to be raised by people who could really give it a good life. and he really can't.
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loving mother
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Well, there would be a way around it if "you didn't know who the dad was". If there's no father to put on the birth certificate, there's no one to need consent from.
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acesbutterfly88
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I would say you don't know who the father is. they would have to do test before just giving the baby to him.
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cmc
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Sorry to hear you are in this position. I can't help you decide if abortion is right for you or not - that is your decision. In terms of adoption I recommend you talk with an adoption agency about your options. I suspect his rights can be terminated if he is as bad as you say. Also it may well be that he isn't interested in parenting - he just doesn't want to cooperate with you. Maybe you can have a social worker talk to him about the situation. His family may also help convince him to cooperate but you would be a better judge of that if you know them.
You also should consult an adoption attorney to see what the law says in canada for terminating his rights. In the US it differs by state. We were talking to a woman in California about adopting her baby, and she was in a situation similar to yours, but unfortunately she had married the jerk. In that case it was very very difficult to adopt without his consent. However if they hadn't been married it would have been easier. In the end she decided to raise her daughter herself, so we never pursued it legally. I believe you can get free legal advice for something like this since usually the adoptive family pays the costs, but it might differ in canada.
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colts0000
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He is just 18. So he is probably no more fit than you to raise the child. However, if he is willing to get a good job with insurance and is able to find adequate child care for the baby then you could give him sole custody or you could get weekend visitation or something. I have a feeling he doesn't want to raise the baby himself but refusing adoption is his way of forcing you to keep the child and raise it. If you do not want to keep the baby and you don't believe he is able to adequately take care of the baby I suggest talking to an attorney.
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Randy B
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If he won't then no you can't. At the same time however he can't force you to raise the child alone.
If it was me I'd play hardball with him. Let him know that if he doesn't sign off on the papers then he will have some choices: 1) pay child support for the next 18 years...and hold him to it; 2) HE can raise the child himself; or 3) Consent to adoption.
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Kelly
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Yes. You can go to Utah. Contact an adoption agency in Utah. If the father won't sign, they can fly you to Utah which has very strict laws in favor of the mother. I recommend A Guardian Angel or Heart to Heart. They are great with their birthmoms.
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dirtydeeds
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You weren't clear because you never mentioned it.
If he is a drug addict and such a bad influence, why did you screw him? get over yourself.He has EVERY right to be in his child's life.Quite being selfish.He would always clean up his act as well.
And stop projecting your relationship issues on this situation.So what if he had two girlfriends for a year? You have no room to speak.
Grow up.
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LadyCatherine
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a judge can make this happen, you can either try to have his rights taken away and have the adoption go through or you can have the judge make the adoption happen if the father won't sign papers..
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LaraSue
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It depends on what state you live in and their laws. Your best bet is to talk to an attorney. In most states if a man doesn't do certain things to establish paternity, he doesn't have any rights and yes you can place the child for adoption. Men are not guaranteed paternal rights, they actually have to jump through a lot of hoops to establish them and to have any say.
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picklebreath
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You need to consult an attorney.
In most states YES YOU CAN. You may have to have his rights terminated by the court, but the court has to determine it is what is in the child's best interest.
Also, if he isn't planning on being at the delivery of the child, he will have to file documetns (again, in most states...) claiming to be the father of the child. Most douches like him will threaten it but won't do it.
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Lady Rowan
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No you cannot give his baby up without his consent. Shame on you for trying to deny a father his chance at raising his child.
Addicts can get clean. It's called rehab. Also, giving you baby away is no guarantee he/she will have a good life. The baby could be abused, sexually, physically and mentally. The only way to make sure that doesn't happen is to keep the baby and raise it yourself.
So he was good enough to have sex with but not good enough to have a child with?
ETA: I am disgusted at the people telling you to lie and say you don't know who the father is. That's called fraud, and it's illegal. And people wonder why I get so pissed off sometimes.
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ஐ♥Julian'sMommy♥ஐ
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If the father won't sign and he is fit then the baby will go to him.
Did you know that BIRTH CONTROL is FREE at the health department? Just wondering if you knew or not so you will know in the future.
I think you are bashing him because he is not wanting to give his kid up. I am not saying your lying but how bad of a guy was he when you were having sex with him without the use of FREE BIRTH CONTROL? How big of a pill head was he when you were having sex? How much of an interesting person could he be if he is a dope head?? Don't get how you are saying all of that and then say he is a piece of trash.
Look your 10 weeks..By the time the baby is born he could straighten completely up and be granted custody of his baby that you are not wanting to be responsible for. I think when girls/women get pregnant they should have to take care of their kids. If you didn't want too then i think you would have been on birth control or atleast spent 75 cents on a condom. I don't think he is being selfish, i think he wants his flesh & blood.
I do not get why people get pregnant like this and then give it away. Before i would give a kid up of my own i would of had an abortion.
I cannot help it but that is what i think about it. Not trying to be mean but come on people you know what causes pregnancy and if you cannot even make the effort to get on birth control or buy a condom then you should not of even had sex in the first place.
By the way you said he is sooooo exciting...How? Is it really so much fun being around a dopey??
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Bethany
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Just want to add that claiming you don't know who the father is, is adoption fraud and could cause problems later on. Like, he could get the adoption overturned, gain custody, and *you* won't have any rights.
Your options are:
1) Abortion because you make this decision without him.
2) Waiting for him to see if he changes his mind.
3) Waiting to see if he settles down and becomes a dad. It does happen to some people.
4) Raising your kid by whatever means necessary.
If he's declared unfit by the courts then he'll lose parental rights. This is the only legal way to give his baby up for adoption because, like it or not, the baby is his too.
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'šcúšε mε wнιℓε ι ķίşş thé sкÿ
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why not ask his parents to raise him?
remember : adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
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Tricia
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in the uk if his not on the birth certificate he has no rights anyway so you need to check if he legally has a right without you putting him on it if so either you have to raise the child otherwise it sounds like he will, go through with aq termination which i also am against or fight in court that he is not fit to raise a child and that neither are you to let the courts decide for you
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Pip
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Unfortunately for you whether he is a good guy or a bad guy he does have legal rights just the same as you. You are being judgemental of him by assuming he wont change his ways and be a good dad when the baby is born. Legally he has to sign his parental rights away so if you don't give him the opportunity of doing so that puts you in the wrong. It can also cause problems if he chooses to oppose you and do you really want to make your child suffer because you two are at war.
In this day and age you can afford to raise your child as there is help out there, you can still go to college, you can travel and be young. The truth is you're choosing not to be a mother because you're not ready to be one.
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Linda
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Ok so you're young, you were having a bit of fun, you never planned to have children with this guy or settle down with him but this has happened. I'm not going to judge you because at your age (which was only a few years ago) all the guys I dated would not have made nice fathers, I was just lucky and my birth control worked. I'm pro-life too, so I'm glad you're not getting an abortion.
Here's the facts, you can't sign away a parent's rights without their permission. To do so is illegal. Are you really sure you want to give this child up? Relinquishing a child is horrible, I have recently been reunited with my natural mother and she has missed me everyday for all my life, couldn't watch fireworks without crying (I was born on fireworks night), she has suffered with depression, even now she cries whenever I go home after one of our meetings and she says the only thing that has made it even slightly better is that I have had a good life with loads of opportunities and my adoptive parents have loved me to bits. When it comes to me though, all the good things can never take away how much it hurts that I lost my natural family. As I am in the UK I have had access to my files and original birth certificate so I have been able to find all my natural family but in some states in the US, the records are sealed and adoptees are denied access to their OBC and their identity. Would you really want that for your child?
You may well change your mind when you have this baby and decide to keep him/her. There is support available and if your boyfriend refuses to allow adoption, he should have no problem with working and earning money to pay child support. Talk to him about this, see what he has to say on that. You could also look into legal guardianship, which temporarily changes the child's legal guardian, without them losing their past in sealed records. I get that you want to travel and be young, I'm the same! But maybe you can put these plans on hold for a while. You can still travel when you're older, but you can never get back what you lose to adoption.
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Chickidie 96 ;)
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No sorry, You could just say to him if he wants this baby so much why doesnt he look after it, you shouldnt have to if you dont want to, it's really selfish of him to just expect you to just give up your hole life and then maybe in 2-3 years time for him not to even see the child and you are left with the financial state, but if you feel that the child would be better or with an adoptive family you should tell him stuff such as you cant provide a great life for this child, i mean there will be tons of couples out there who will want a newborn baby. But dont regret giving him or her up theres nothing like the feeling whene you hold you first child good luck.
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Rosie
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No. I'm sorry, this question gets asked a lot and the answer is no. Talk to your kin and his kin about this life changing event. The father's family has the same right to support him in parenthood as yours does.
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Doodlestuff
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No. He can take the baby and put you on child support if you don't want to raise the baby yourself. You cannot get around this unless you can prove that he is unfit. If you can prove that he is an addict, then you have a very good case.
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kit
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If you were not ready to raise a child, then why even have sex at all? Before agreeing to have sex you should come to terms of what can possible happen ; If something went wrong by u getting pregnant, std, sti, hiv, aids etc. Since you feel like you cant take care of this child, then let him raise for you, he seems very mature for someone whos 18 years old. Idk why your just thinking about yourself and not him, at least hes taking responsibility and stepping up . I'm glad you decided to keep your child instead of having an abortion but, its not all about you, its about him you and your unborn child.
sorry im not trying to lecture or get all parental on you, but i dont like girls who abuse their power and try to act like the father does not matter etc unless hes a total jerk... idk the whole story between you him and im sorry to sound so one sided. but think about it, guys nowadays dont stay with the girls they get pregnant..
overall try to stay positive and raise your baby, u never know this could have possible been the best decision you had ever made...
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momof3boys
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Give the baby to the dad. That may be your only option or doing a joint custody situation. Some states will grant adoption without parental consent but those cases are also under review. This is a part of him as well remember that and there will come a day the baby will want to know who his/her father is. Your saying you aren't ready, but what about the babies dad, would he be willing to take on being a dad to raise his baby instead of allowing strangers to raise him/her. If you try to go behind his back he can still fight it and stall things making life miserable for the baby and the adoptive parents.
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parental unit
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unless there was a valid, legal reason for the court to terminate his parental rights, he has every right to raise his child. You also have the right to terminate your parental rights and give sole custody to him Or partial custody, or visitation. There are many, many options besides abortion or adoption, and you have months to figure this all out.
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SW
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No, you can't. Why are you trying to take a child away from it's father?! If he wants to be in this childs life, why can't YOU sign over your rights? Let him raise the baby and you can go about your life.
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Allanas
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Nope. No way around it. He has to sign for the adoption to go through.
Just give the kid to him. What's the big deal? You're walking away, so what do you care if the kid goes to him or if it goes to strangers?
Seems to me the kid might be better off with family. Hey, it takes 2 to tango, and he needs to live up to his end of the deal!
EDIT TO ADD:
Having a baby changes everything. You never know. The child might settle him. Won't be the first time that a man actually did "man up" to his responsibilities.
And if not - he has relatives that may be able to raise the child. For that matter, so do you. Just something to consider before you drop the kid off for good.
And if he is proven unfit, in a court of law, THEN you might be able to proceed with the adoption. Unless the grandparents try to step up. They also have a case for the child.
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Mom2Max
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No you can't.
Why can't he have your child? He is the father. He has rights and deserves to raise the child if you don't want to.
I don't understand how, or even why you would even think about denying him his child.
Funny how he wasn't an addict and a bad guy when you were doing the deed that got you in this position in the first place. The courts will decide if he is an addict, not you.
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LinnyG
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Nope. Its not up to YOU to decide if he is a fit parent or not. You dont have the right to give another person's child to strangers.
Your age is temporary. Adoption is permanent. You will regret giving your child away for the rest of your life.
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