Should i ask for more openness or is it too late?

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newenglandjoy	You should not intrude. You are not the mother I am sorry to say. When you gave her up you ceased to be her parent. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

7rin	What d'you mean, don't want to intrude?! It's your ******' kid ffs! You shouldn't be feeling bad about wanting to ask this, what you should be feeling bad about is abandoning your child. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sizesmith	It can be very beneficial to the baby, but at the same time, you might address the A-parents, who might overreact and not want any contact if you ask. Ask them something like, "I know you are her parents now, but perhaps it can be beneficial for her to have 3 (or 4-not sure about the dad) parents who love her, and care for her." I'm an adoptive parent, and would love for our son's first mom to visit him, however she doesn't. No one can speak for anyone else here, and no one knows either you or the adoptive parents, so use your own instinct. It might make them a little more open if you ask to meet them in the park, or in a police station parking lot, or anywhere that they'll know you're not trying to take the baby back. Some adoptive parents are not as nice, and are horribly selfish, some aren't. I wish you luck and the worst they can do is say no. Also, you might ask about a myspace page where you can post pictures of yourself, and where they could have one with pictures of the baby. Good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Stop the Hate Love instead	It does not hurt to just ask and see if they will be comfortable with having a yearly visit. I have read of open adoption that have become more open that’s the thing stuff can always be retooled it’s not set in stone. Since the baby was just born I would wait a while since their currently bonding with the baby and as a family. They may say no but that is certainly their right since they went into this agreeing to a semi-open adoption (exchanging of photos and updates) not an open adoption that includes physical visits. However you will never know until you ask and see they could be fine with it or maybe they will need some time to think it over that’s ok. You should ask them about it but maybe wait a few months Jan/Feb 2010. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

love my life	What can it hurt to ask. You know what they say nothing ventured nothing gained. If they were willing to sign an agreement to send you pictures and such they just might be open to letting you visit on occasion. All you can do is ask. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

BrandyB	Please ask them. I gave my baby up when I was 21. I got to see him once a year for five years. Now I get photos and phone calls. It won't hurt to ask, then you won't have to live with what if? Right now you are confused and scared, and all emotional so I'm very sure they will understand. Adoption is hard for both parties. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

gypsywinter	Ollie.....Honest to God...many times I can really not be offended by anything you write, about anybody. But for God's Sake, woman...this mother/woman only gave birth to her child a few weeks ago. If you as a woman cannot even have a small measure of compassion for her, than truly you are not human at all. Your answer, so help me God, was one of the absolute worst, cold-hearted things I have seen you write here. There has been times you have even made me laugh, but this last answer of yours...was truly even lower than I would even have expected from you. Ollie, there is Karma in this world...I have lived long enough to witness it...and it most assuredly does happen...What goes around, comes around. I doubt you have given birth to your own child/children. No woman who has given birth, could ever be as heartless as you have shown yourself to be here today. To the OP: I am sorry that you chose to surrender your baby, but only you know why you did. I know nothing about Open Adoptions, other than they are in no way, shape or form legally enforceable. I dearly hope that the trust you have in the apars you chose for your own child, uphold their moral agreement to you and your child and that they honor the moral agreement they made with you. Just hearing that your baby is only a few weeks old, that she was out of your life at a day old...sent a searing pain thru my heart and so many memories flooded back about my own painful experience of losing my newborn to adoption, almost 45 years ago. Reading your words, for me, was a terrible reminder of all I lost so long ago. And all the sadness and sorrow that would envelope me for so many years. I don't know what to tell you..other than I am sorry...for both you and your baby. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Rosie	Oh sweetie, you are not intruding. Loving parents will honor your wishes and do their best to include you in their family story. You will always be her first mommy and she needs to know that you love her as she grows up. Whether they are still as kind after the adoption is final, may be another matter. You have surrendered all the control of the child's welfare over to a set of people who you do not know. It is an act of faith and hope that they will keep their agreement. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

DevonChaos	It is not intrusive. This child lived inside your body for longer than she's been outside of it. You have the right to ask to see her. Don't feel bad, don't feel like you are intruding. This is your child. Don't listen to those who say otherwise. The stronger the relationship between yourself, your child, and the adoptive parents, the better. It will get easier with time to ask to see her, if you keep open communication. You should ask. Don't be afraid. This is your child. I am adopted, and I WISH that I had the chance to see my first mother. I wish she had been able to come and see me, to let me know she still cared. It would have been a lot better than growing up feeling that she didn't want me at all. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Walter Ford II	I'm adopted and although I have never met my biological mother I still consider her my mother in my heart. I'm trying to find out who and where she is but my aps are making it impossible. I wish that my biological mother was a part of my life growing up. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

monkeykitty83	I see no harm at all in asking. They may say no, and you seem to realize that, but I don't see why they would. You appear to have a good relationship with them, so it's hard to imagine why it would be a problem for them. It's certainly not too late. Personally, if I was in the adoptive parents' shoes? I would MUCH rather have you ask, than know you wanted to ask but were worried about my feelings. It's not intruding at all; it's giving them a chance to give you what you need, which they otherwise wouldn't be able to because they wouldn't know. There's nothing to lose by asking, and if you don't ask, it could become a major regret. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

H******	You can ask. If the baby's only 2 weeks old the adoption is no way finalized yet and I would think changing your mind or amending agreements would be possible Please excuse our resident troll and pot-stirrer. You will always by your daughter's mother I bet you have the stretch marks to prove it! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Aislin	Don't listen to people that say you aren't the baby's mother. You are and always will be. Asking for more openness is not an intrusion. The more openness you all have the better it will be for the child. Go ahead and ask them. If you need help you can ask the agency to help you. I've been there and had to figure out a good way to bring up the subject. If you need to talk feel free to email me Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Damitra	It does not sound intrusive. It actually may benefit her life to be able to see you and know that you love and care about her. If the a-parent's really care about your shared daughter, they would probably give it a try. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Ferbs	As an adoptive parent, I can remember the feeling of just wanting to "get on with parenting" and it was unsettling at first. But that passed quickly. Since then...we've learned a lot about the benefits and misguided fears re: open adoption. Seeing as the adoption "journey" took one month between our profile submission and bringing our son home....we were still a little shell shocked too. I say the above for a reason. You and the adoptive parents seemed to have climbed that mountain already. You seemed to have developed enough of a relationship that they wouldn't be threatened by a simple request like yours. You sound like you are very considerate (to even think of it as a possible intrusion shows you are trying very hard to be respectful) so I am sure they will recognize that. I wish you all the luck in the world with this. It certainly is worth a try. I hope they will be kind to you given that you would be especially emotional after this pregnancy. One thing is for sure...you will be able to tell a lot more about them once you've addressed this. And to be honest...since the relinquishment period has not ended...they are likely to agree with just about any reasonable request. They are also insecure right now I'm sure. I hope everyone can work together. Please take care of yourself. AND you will always be your baby's mother. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No