Should We Put Our Child Up For Adoption?

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2010-11-10 19:02:41 +0000	No. i would let him live with a family member that can hear. He will be able to learn sign language in a couple years, and also very hard to let your son go after being with him for 4 years. hopefully this helps Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-11-10 22:18:15 +0000	Are you insane? No you should not you selfish people! For one if you lay down and made this child then you knew what you were doing..and knew full well he wouldn't necessarily inherit being deaf. Even in worse case scenario he grew up 'not understanding you culture' it would do less damage than taking a child who can remember his Mum and Dad to put him up for adoption and probably not get adopted and just be passed from foster home to foster home would do WAY more damage. You have no idea what you are suggesting, I do hope you are a troll. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-11-10 20:35:31 +0000	Absolutely no, not only would you realise how devastating adoption is but so will your son. Don't listen to other people, what's best for him is being with you. I have hearing problems but my parents never dreamt of treting me differently or adopting me out because of it. I suffered bullying because of this but I wouldn't have wanted my life to be different. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-11-14 04:39:21 +0000	No, You should keep him. Just think how he will feel, with his parents giving him up. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-11-11 00:20:41 +0000	He will be happier with his parents...period Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-11-10 22:30:16 +0000	no, you aren't. you should have thought of this when he was born. giving him up now, is not gonna solve anything. it's gonna make matters worse. he will be depressed half of his entire life if you give him up. don't do this. i cannot stress enough. i don't have kids, but IF i didn't have the ability to hear or stuff, i would give him to someone i know will take good care of him. don't give him up. but you guys are the parents, and it's your choice. but just by someone who has experienced, i wouldn't do it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-11-10 19:00:13 +0000	dont. he's too old. if you give him away at this age, he will have depression issues. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-11-11 03:14:30 +0000	I don't think you are making a good decision. Children's love for their parents in unconditional. Don't give up on him, just teach him. Think about how many children grow-up with parents that speak a different language then they are learning at school, your situation is no different. You need to educate him that people are different and that is what makes this world a wonderful place. So what, you're deaf, does that mean you love him any less? Or is the real reason you're thinking of giving him up because he doesn't fit into your world? I think you might want to consider if this is Truly his issue or yours? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-11-11 05:07:10 +0000	I don't think that adoption is the answer here. Hearing is a gift for him, and with the two of you both being deaf, he might need to have some help with speech therapy and talking more. This would probably catch him up with everything. Invite a friend over some time that's his age. By meeting kids at places other than school, such as a Sunday school class at church, it might be a place to make friends, and at some bigger churches, they now have interpreters for sign language. By letting him know he is loved, and taking the best care of him as possible, you're doing a great job of parenting, and overall, a better job than kids in the foster care system are. Even though I'm not deaf, my 3 year old and I sign to each other, as if it's our own special language that no one else notices. Last year, I printed a calendar for his grandparents, and his first parents (he's adopted), and it says "I Love You" in sign language. They all loved it. Perhaps by going to the school and doing a demonstration for the kids in a few simple words, it might help them understand better, making it something to not be afraid of. Good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-11-10 19:04:58 +0000	Is there anyway you can immerse him into a hearing group of kids? I think putting him up for adoption is a little extreme. That would hurt him more than being shunned by a community who is discriminating against him because he can hear. It makes me sick to think you would still want to socialize with these people after they treat your son like that. How would you feel if your parents put you up for adoption because the hearing world shunned you and they couldn't find it in themselves to take you to a community where a deaf child would be welcomed. That's kind of twisted. Are you able to go outside of the safety of your deaf community to do something for your son so he would fit into a place where he's not punished for being able to hear? If not than your putting him up for adoption probably would be the best thing for him since you're too selfish and self pitying to go outside your circle of comfort for his sake. I'm sure if your parents were able to hear, they went out of their circle of hearing friends to bring you into a community where your deafness was accepted. And they'd probably never engage with hearing people who shunned you because you were deaf. Oh no, that would be discrimination. But you think it's okay that your deaf friends shun your very own son? It sounds to me like you and your husband may be hateful and jealous of hearing people. Poor kid. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-11-10 23:23:31 +0000	I know you are trying to do the right thing for your child, but i believe you should keep your son and raise him or yourself. Don't worry about what the people in your community has to say about your son. whether you can hear or not doesn't make your love any weaker or stronger then anyone elses. My brother has a death sister and she has four kids and is doing a wonderful job raising them. Don't get discouraged. You'll do find. Besides, what if you have another child. Are you going to give that one up too? Think about it. Your child will adapt as he gets older. He will also get to experience having regular finds as well. Teach him sign lanuage if you haven't already. On the other hand, if you still do decide to give him up for adoption. Make it an OPEN ADOPTION so you can still have the opportunity to be in his life. And don't let the negative answer you have gotten on this question get to you. Your are not a bad person for wanting to do what you feel is best for your child. But i would rather you keep him. I HOPE THIS HELPED AND THAT EVERYTHING GOES WELL. THINK THINGS THROUGH PLEASE. You can do it!!!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-11-11 00:53:20 +0000	I have a few questions here....Why is your hearing son in a school for deaf children?????? Wouldnt moving him to a school more appropriate to HIS needs, not yours, be far better for him insead of abandoning him to adoption because he was born with an ability that you dont have? Why do you assume that your son would be treated like an outcast for the rest of his life? What, because he was born to a deaf couple he can only intergrate within the deaf community? Teach your son sign language, send him to a hearing school so that he can learn to communicate effectively within the wider community and then VALUE the contribution that he will be able to make within BOTH communities, as a hearing user of sign language maybe he will be able to help bridge the gulf between those who can hear and those who cant. By your theory, sighted children born to the blind should only ever be taught to read braille and walk with a white stick. Your lack of hearing should only be PART of who you are......not all of who you are. As someone who has taught their child to use Auslan sign language (Im in Australia) so that she can more effectively communicate with all of her community (shes not deaf and neither am I), I find it quite insulting that deaf people apparently choose to be segregated. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-11-10 19:13:22 +0000	No. If you were both hearing, and your child was hearing impaired, would you give him up? No. You would seek out a community where he could find common ground and build relationships. You would teach him life skills to cope with those who are different from him, and you would advocate for him when he is being mistreated based on something outside of his control. You're a parent. You will have to change your world a little, and be uncomfortable to make sure your child is getting what he needs. That's what parenting is. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-11-12 21:20:38 +0000	I wouldn't. The negatives of adoption, in my view, far outweigh the positives. Instead of being the only hearing child in a group of non-hearing, he would be the "adopted" child. A very similar, but far more psychologically damaging situation. And he would still have the memories of the distress of the current situation. Adoption would be a very permanent solution to a very transient problem. But I would suggest that you consider other alternatives for his education and social activities. If you have enrolled him in a school for the hearing impaired when he is not it is as much a disservice as expecting a hearing impaired child to attend a school for designed for those that can hear. Just as a hearing parent would have to make special arrangements and allowances for a hearing impaired child, you should make special arrangements and allowances for your hearing child. I would also suggest that you talk to him about how all people are different. Each difference can present both a disadvantage and an opportunity. Being really tall is great for playing basket ball or picking apples, but not so much for walking through doorways or doing the limbo. Your son is in a situation where his hearing, an advantage in much of society, is a social disadvantage among deaf children (at this age at least). In time, his association with hearing impaired folks and with hearing folks will turn to be an advantage. (He will probably make one heck of an ASL translator! And he will better understand the issues in the relationships between the two groups.) Treat this unusual situation as the great opportunity it is, and take the longer view. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-11-11 12:18:23 +0000	If he was deaf and you were hearing, would you want to give him to deaf parents? I think you should keep him. He may have some special things that need to be addressed, such as spending time with hearing people but that is by no means a reason to take him away from you. He will already be able to speak and sign. That is great thing. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-11-11 19:49:07 +0000	Oh my goodness, NO! Would you consider giving him away if you and your wife could hear and he was deaf? No, you'd put him in a school dedicated to teaching deaf students. You'd be looking for occupational therapists or other specialists that could teach you how to help him. Well, that is what you need to do--only in reverse. Put him in a pre-school for children that can hear, get an au pair or other live-in help to encourage language development in the home, find specialists and others with similar situations to teach you to help him live with his ability. I am American, but my kids were born and raised in a non-English speaking country. They spent the first few years of their lives speaking English with me...they even thought it was our own private, secret language for a while. When they began school, everyone was sooo concerned about their lack of fluency in the other language. It took a few months to get them really up to speed, but children adapt so quickly, learn so easily. Of course deafness has a much more profound effect on your lives than simply living in a foreign country. Adoption might place your son more easily into the hearing world, but you will create a ton of other problems for him. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-11-10 19:33:22 +0000	What!? You can't seriously be thinking of putting your 4 year old up for adoption because of cultural differences. I am a hard of hearing female and just imagine how hard life can be for me. I don't fit in either the deaf or the hearing culture. I think you need to talk to other families to learn coping strategies. Your son is young, he doesn't understand fully what deaf and hearing are, but he will get there. Don't go and do something drastic. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-11-10 20:10:44 +0000	He is at a difficult age to understand these things. He will catch on soon now that he is in school. Sure he will fit into your culture! Give him time. Disabled people raise "normal" kids all the time. They grow up just fine and well adjusted. How would he feel if you gave him away just because he wasn't deaf? I have a blind daughter who's parents didn't want to raise her JUST because she is blind. They are smart, stable, well off. I am dreading the day when she realizes this. It will not be a wonderful adoption story for her. Your son would basically have the same thing. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2010-11-11 01:38:44 +0000	hi. i am somewhat aware that the deaf community is pretty insular; and tends to shun those with hearing. so i do empathize with that. in addition, i can only imagine the importance of your community for you and your wife. i would suggest in addition to deaf community members, try to find some who are deaf/hearing discordant. not only will this help your son with his transition; but might help you and your wife also. regarding adoption: i do not believe it is the best decision. primarily because at his young age, he will not fully understand your reasons. i do believe you can work this through, without giving away your son. i do sincerely wish you well. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No