My parents are pushing for adoption now what?

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Marnie B	I was thinking the same thing Alicia said. You have to be at least 5 months along to find out the sex of the baby, by then you'd be showing & your parents would already know, & didn't you say you were 15 on one of your other questions? If this is real, you need to see a counselor to help you decide what to do. This situation is too serious to be taking advice from strangers on the internet. Also, the counselor or your doctor might know of couples who are truly interested in having an open adoption. ETA: I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions, & I must have mixed you up with a 15-year-old who asked a similar question. Please accept my apology. I hope you'll consider talking to a counselor who can help you decide what to do. It would be a good idea for your parents to go along so you can all talk about your feelings & hopefully come to a solution that works for everyone. Tish, I stand corrected. You're right, 16 weeks is 4 months, not 5. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Alicia	so how do you know your having a girl? if your far enough along im sure your parents would have noticed your absence for drs appts. and what did you do about insurance? if you are on their insurance, they would have known by now that you were going to a dr, and if you were on medicaid, you would have had to have their information to even pply.. neways, as for the answer to your question, i could tell youwhat i would tell them, but it probably wouldnt be appropriate for on here. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

ladyellei	Sounds like you want to keep your baby. Good for you. You should do that. An am not Catholic, but in our town, Catholic Charities has three homes for pregnant mothers to stay while expecting and when their babies are young. There is a curfew and everyone is expected to do chores, go to school or work. People donate maternity clothes, baby clothes, diapers and other necessities. There are people to help you get on your feet. Contact your local bar assoication or contact legal aid. They can help point you in the right direction as far as social services are concerned if you cannot find a home for expecting mothers. You are almost 18, so you might have to move out on your own soon anyway. If you want to keep your baby, an attorney might be able to hook you into social services that will help you with food and housing and possible continuing your education. Good luck to you. If you want to keep your baby you should. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lisa C	Do not let anyone push you in any direction. This is YOUR decision. This site....especially Adoption...is very anti-adoption. It does not depict what really happens in most adoptions...though they will and do often bash me and those wanting to adopt. And are convincing I might add...some have valid points..others are just on here as a political forum. Your parents should not be forcing you into adoption. They have a right to their opinion but do not choose adoption just based on what they are going to do. If you WANT to keep your baby there are ways in which you can!! There are government programs. Sign up for WIC now and for medical assistence, food stamps, temporary cash assistence. I had my first son at 17. My parents freaked out too but they came around. Wait until they calm down and take it all in. They are worried about you and thinking yur life is over. It isn't over...just going to be different. Completely. You mention church..maybe your church could help somehow. My church has a food pantry, counseling center and supports a women's shelter. I wish you the very best of luck with your decision and your life. God bless EDIT: By the way.. and before other innocent people get feed lies or misinformed.... Open Adoption...IS legally enforceable in many states...ie, VA, MT..and a growing number of others are following suit, enforcing the original agreement between birth parents and adoptive parents when there is no legal reason in which the adoptive parent has not followed the agreement. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Zing!	Wow...some of you ladies are just unbelievable. This is the question asked, whether it's completely true or not...WHO CARES? Either answer it or don't and move on. I don't know where you are from, but in Texas you're considered an adult at 17 and you can be kicked out. It depends on the state. As for your parents trying to forcing you into adoption, not cool. It's ultimately your choice. I feel that Lisa C. is absolutely right. The adoption section on Y!A is extremely negative and bias and it isn't a good survey of most adoptions. Please don't listen to all this anti-adoption propaganda. Do your own research and see what you find to be true. Do you have a relative you can confide in to help you make this decision? You aren't doomed if you keep your baby. Just remember, it's all been done before and people do make it through. First, finish high school, it's important! You will still be able to go to college (FAFSA grant $$ goes up when you have a child!), you can still get married and live your life with your baby. It will be difficult, but life isn't easy anyway. Not keeping her because you aren't "ready" isn't totally realistic...I don't believe anyone is ever truly ready for what comes with motherhood. Though, if you feel you can't love this baby or that you might resent this little girl, then adoption is a good option. There are plenty of children who need to be adopted and there are plenty of people who want to adopt them. No one is trying to steal your baby. This is your life and your decision. You need to make it what you want it to be. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

dylans.sarah	I would say go back to the crisis pregnancy center. a good center will have counselors who arent going to judge you and let you talk it out and decide what is best for you and your baby. There are alot of children who grow up in adopted homes knowing their biological parents loved them so much and wanted what was the best for them. That being said You will regret doing anything about this baby that is against your will. You have a daughter and no matter what you decide you will always have a daughter. Really go back to the crisis pregnancy center I am sure they might even have options like housing as well if you decide to raise her. I am absolutely pro adoption in most cases (my husband was adopted) But also with the right help you could be a mom and go back to school and have career. Of course it will be hard but it is not impossible. If your parents are being too narrow minded that they cant even support you in your decisions then find someone ie: counselor, pregnancy resource center) that can. You obviously dont want to end up destroying your relationship with your parents. they do love you I am sure. So talk to them again as well. Good luck to you Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tish_part deux	your parents don't sound very "godlike" to me. . i would just tell them, you are not willing to give up your baby. the end. the call i would make is to the department of social services to find out about emergency programs for young mothers. good luck. many on here (the so called "anti-adoption folks) have actually BEEN PREGNANT, DELIVERED BABIES, et al. hence, our opinions do matter. we are not liked "or mocked" because we tend to piss on the fantasy of adoption. oh, and open adoption is still not legally enforceable in most states. and the states where it is, the legislation is to skewed towards the adopters that it's laughable. oh...and marnie, 5 months to learn the sex???? LOL!!!! are you serious??? i knew the sex of all 3 of my children at 16 weeks gestation. just like most women who are pregnant and have regular scans. you know, when they put that ultrasound "thingy" on your abdomen to see inside of your uterus??? please do not give advice that you know nothing about. it's insulting. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

grapesgum	Shame on your parents for trying to force you to give your child (their grandchild) away to live with strangers. Please ask them to read this about grandparents and adoption loss: http://www.exiledmothers.com/speaking_out/message_for_grandparents.html Also, do not be lured into open adoption lies. It makes no difference whether open adoptions are sanctioned by the legal system. They are not enforceable unless you have deep pockets to pay lawyers big $$$ to take your case to court. If the adoptive parents want to close the adoption, they can and will. "Open Adoption = Open Lies, How Adoption Brokers Knew It Would Work": http://www.keepyourbaby.com/open_adoption_research.html Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

7rin	DO NOT ABANDON YOUR CHILD TO ADOPTION! Seriously. Adoption Truth @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOZGwqHVnKs What you should KNOW if you're considering adoption for your baby @ http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index.php?id=1 Also, don't listen to anyone suggesting that open adoption is the way to go - it is almost never legally enforceable! Many parents have lost access to their children due to "open" adoption promises. Please read http://lifemothers.com/thewall.html and http://www.bringperihome.com/history.html and http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/wish.html and http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100709095305AAjeM4z before listening to the hype. I was abandoned to adoption at 7mths old. I didn't have a bad adoption - my afamily are the best I could ever have chosen... but if I'd been able to choose, and I'd known then what I know now, I'd've chosen to be aborted before birth instead, 'cause at least that way the lifetime of agony I've gone through would've been over in minutes, instead of the decades that I've been suffering for now. I've been in reunion with my bfam for a few months now, and even that's proving to be completely agonising. Taken from Nancy Verrier's book, Coming Home to Self: http://www.nancyverrier.com/self_book.php For the adoptee every day is a challenge of trying to figure out how to be, although he probably doesn't understand the difficulty this presents for him. It has been true his whole life and, therefore, feels normal. However, it takes a great deal of energy and concentration. And it never feels quite right. He never quite fits. Therefore he feels as if /he/ is never quite right. (pg 50) Abandonment and neglect are reported to be the two most devastating experiences that children endure - even more devastating then sexual or physical abuse. That's why some neglected children do naughty things to get attention. Even though the attention is hurtful - being yelled at, hit, or otherwise harmed - it is better than neglect. /Anything/ is better than abandonment. Abandonment is a child's greatest fear. For adoptees, it is also reality, embedded in their implicit and unintegrated memory. (pg 102) It is sometimes difficult to spot grief in children. After all, it isn't as if the child sits in a puddle of tears his entire childhood. As one adoptee said, "Of course I played, laughed, sang. Do people think that if you're not sitting in a corner with your head on your knees, you are not sad? I had happy times, but the sadness was always there, even when I was having fun." (pg 117) Please, if you're not gonna abort your baby, then make damn sure you parent it. Read http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2009/03/breaking-silence-on-living-pro-lifers.html - it's by someone who made both choices at different times in her life. Links that can help you learn how to be able to keep your baby. There are also links that will show you how adoption affects a Mother and her child: Unplanned Pregnancy without Crisis @ http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm Considering adoption? Don't feel you have any other options? @ http://www.keepyourbaby.com/ Single Mom @ www.singlemom.com/ Mentor Moms/MOPS/Teen MOPS (support!) @ www.mops.org/ Angel Food (food assistance) @ www.angelfoodministries.com/ Co-Abode (housing assistance) @ www.coabode.com/ Safe Families (for emergency/crisis care) @ www.safe-families.org/ Teens @ www.teenbreaks.com/pregnancy/pregnancyho… Concerned United Birthparents @ www.cubirthparents.org Adoption Crossroads® and Adoption Healing @ www.adoptioncrossroads.org Adopted Child Syndrome @ www.amfor.net/acs Origins-USA @ www.origins-usa.org United Family Services @ www.unitedfamilyservices.org/ Family Assistance Foundation @ www.familyassistancefoundation.com/ Safelink Wireless @ www.safelinkwireless.com/ Good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Doodlestuff	Your parents can't throw you out at 17. They are responsible for you. If they do, just call the police and they will help you. I'm sure your parents don't want to be embarrassed to have all their neighbors wonder why the cops are at their house. Also, be aware that your parents certainly aren't christian for wanting to throw their granddaughter away. Constantly remind them of that. Their choice is to THROW THEIR GRANDCHILD AWAY! My parents bullied me to give my child up. It's all about them. They could care less. You are the one who will suffer as will your child. I was too naive at 16 to know that they couldn't have kicked me out and even if they did, I could call the police. I didn't know. You do now! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Pip	Take it from somebody who has been there, worn the t-shirt, worn the cap, been reunited and written the book (yes seriously), had three articles written about my story, been on tv twice and radio once you will regret it for the rest of your life if you surrender. Just because you're 17 doesn't mean your life is ruined or you can't go to school, have a career and get married if you raise your baby. If your parents aren't prepared to support you then that is their problem not yours. Hold your head up high and prove them wrong that you can have a good life and raise your child. I was 18 and working so was more than capable of raising my son but my parents were adamant he was adopted. I believed their lies and the adoption agency lies which is why my son was adopted by a 'God fearing couple who couldn't have children'. Reality was they weren't God fearing and they could have children. My family then rubbed salt in the wound by lying to my son when he found them when he was 18 and told him they didn't know where I was. Nor did they tell me they had contact with him. I found him when he was 23 but if I hadn't they would have kept up the lies. It took reunion for me to forgive my parents for what they did. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Delilah	keep ur baby don't listen to them find somewhere to stay maybe a family member or a friend get a job u will regret it if u give ur baby up Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Siera	maybe you could stay at another family member's house or friend's house and then when you turn 18 you could take college online then also apply for a WELL paid job then you can buy a house. And also, your job could also pay for your education. So adoption isn't the only thing. Once you get a boyfriend, you out together salaries and then try to buy an apartment with 2 bedrooms and then as you save up your money you can upgrade and renovate your house and also before you buy the house try to save up enough money to pay about 2-5 years rent plus a little child support and then after that you'll be able to get back on your feet Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Helena B	they cannot do that, it is illegal. pay no mind to Lisa C, she just wants ur babby girl for herself. shes the yahoo babby troll. I was raped by my adopted "father". the ppl here know how evil adoption is. you needto keep your girl. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

.	I was overweight when I was pregnant too. You couldn't tell I was pregnant til I hit 7-8 months, unless you touched my belly, I just looked like I had packed on some pounds! Move out, go get on government assistance, get a job, and finish high school. You parents cannot legally kick you & a baby out. You do not have to give your baby up either. You about to be a mommy, so you can make all the decisions for yourself & your daughter. Go to social services and talk to a social worker on getting you a home, food, TANF, heating & cooling assist & medicaid. Go live with a friend until them you'll be pregnant & 'homeless' so you'll get right in on a section 8 house. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

snowwillow20	Ask your mom how she would have felt if someone said give up your baby or else?? She needs to realize that this baby is her granddaughter, these people just make me sick. In 1972 I gave up my daughter because we had shamed everyone by being unwed. That was 38 years ago and it still hurts more than you could know. We thought our daughter, we were told that our daughter would be better off without us. That was just a bunch of BS. We have been in reunion since 2001. i lost out on 29 years with daughter because someone said that she would be better off with someone else. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Aislin	Your parents can't legally make you but they can make life so miserable that you see no other choice. I don't know your parents so it hard to say what might make them see that this is not the answer. You can go to http://www.connections-usa.org/forum There is a forum for expectant parents and they will help you find resources in your area. They can support you through this and if your parents want to join and talk to first moms and adoptees they can. I am so sorry that your parents aren't supporting you. With help you can successfully parent without them. They might be more supportive once they see that sweet baby girl Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

♥ ~Sigy the Arctic Kitty~♥	A "God fearing couple"?? Just as well that I'm not religious then because I can't understand someone ever threatening to throw their daughter out if she was pregnant to make her adopt out their grand daughter, and couldn't imagine taking a baby from a girl who was pregnant and scared. It sure as hell isn't Christian in my book. But anyway, like someone else has said, your parents can Not just throw you out if you are under 18. And for real, you need to talk to someone who is knowledgable about what resources and support are available for single moms in your area. If nothing else, call a women's health centre or Planned Parenthood and tell them your situation. Someone will put you onto what your options are and where you can find help. And they won't be judgemental or have a hidden agenda. That will be much more helpful to you than random people here who may be totally clueless or worse, people who want to get your baby. And like I said before, having a baby doesn't mean your life is ruined! Difficult, yes. But you Can get an education and a career and a nice life for both you and your daughter even though it will be a struggle. Many women are doing it. I gave you a link to the Young Mommies site when I answered your earlier question; http://www.youngmommies.com/about.html I think that keeping your baby is almost always the right choice but I don't want to influence you. If you talk to someone they can help you make the choice you really want and feel is best. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

LinnyG	It is illegal for your parents to throw you out. They can be charged with child neglect and/or abuse. It is also illegal for them to force you to surrender your child. They ONLY person who can do that is YOU. You will only be young for a while. That is temporary. Adoption is PERMANENT and as we talked about earlier, open adoption is a lie, and is NOT legally enforceable. Tell your Mom that God would not want a child separated from his or her first family- that God would want them to help you raise your daughter, who is their Granddaughter...their very own flesh and blood. Give them these links to show how adoption will affect you and their grand child. The link to CUB will have resources for you to help you parent your daughter, and give you support you need to fight any ridiculous pressure your parents may put on you. Your baby wants you to fight for her. She does NOT want to be raised by strangers, "God-fearing" or otherwise. Remind your Mother that Adolph Hitler was "God-fearing", too. http://www.cubirthparents.org http://www.exiledmothers.com http://www.amfor.net/acs http://www.origins-usa.org http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm http://www.keepyourbaby.com/ http://www.thegirlswhowentaway.com/ http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php Books: The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier Lost and Found: the Adoption Experience AND Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness both by Betty Jean Lifton The Adopted break Silence by Jean Paton The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler Adoption: Uncharted Waters,by David Kirschner Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self by David Brodzinsky http://ijo.sagepub.com/cgi/content/abstract/36/4/323 http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/abstract/122/8/858 eta: open adoptions are NOT legally enforceable. Even is states that "claim" to have enforceable agreements, there is a MAJOR loophole, created especially for, guess who, the adoptive parents. The agreement it must be part of the final adoption decree (so incorporated by the court) for it to really be so. And attorneys and baby brokers (agencies) rarely file them. Again- take no advice from anyone here who does NOT have your best interests at heart....and that certainly means not listening to someone who is actively looking for a baby. A baby GIRL, to be exact. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No