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 Do you still call it "reunion"?
Apparently the adoption industry has decided that "reunion" is a bad word, and that we should instead say we are "making contact."

What do you call it?
Why is the ...

 do u think its wrong of me to give it up for adoption?...read?
i am pg and dont know if i am stable enough to have a baby i am 17 live a state away from my family with my boyfriend and about to be in college we just lost his job so not sure if we will still have ...

 Were your adoptive parents so old people thought they were your grandparents?
This happened to me in elementary school. At the time I didn't think much of it, because I lacked perspective. I did think EVERYONE else had "better" parents, because they resembled ...

 when a child is adopted at age 1 (or less), when they get older, can you put them back up for adoption if you?
don't like to take care of them anymore? or you just plainly don't like them.

ex: you adopt a baby at age 1, at age 13, you want to give them back...
and demand a refund (...

 Do you think adoptive parents that are slightly older make better parents?
I'm talking in good health people, who are mid-late 30's to mid-early 40's adopting for the first time. Do you think that their age and life experiences help them be better parents ...

 Would you rather have been adopted or eaten by a shark upon birth?

 What do you think of this statement?
This is a partial clip of an answer a PAP gave a young woman faced with an unplanned pregnancy. While most AP's, N-Mom's, and Adoptees told her to REALLY sit and think about it, this ...

 should i change his name?
well im adopting twins from Russia and one of the boys is actually named George (the other is Tristan) and i worry that maybe that name is a little dated and he will be made fun of. what do you think?...

 controversial adoption ?
Okay i've had a class debate in ap english 11 and 12 do you believe that it's best that a black family adopt a black baby and a white family adopt a white family. I've kinda stayed on ...

 Am I weird to be stalking my bio parents?
OK, so lately I've taken to calling the numbers I have for my bio parents, just to hear their voices. The numbers I have are work numbers, so I just call to listen to their answering machines, ...

 how do i tell our 8yr son that his daddy is not his biological father?
we live in different countries and no contact since before ...

 Is Mr. Krabs' daughter adopted?
On Sponge Bob Square Pants, Mr. Krabs has a daughter, Pearl, who looks nothing like him.

She seems to have a lot of problems--do you think any are adoptee related? Does she suffer from ...

 Adoptee's... what's your opinion? This is what the birth mother wants me to tell my son when he's older.?
The birth mother of my son wants us to tell our son that she got pregnant with him for me (I can't have children, I've tried many things). But this is not the truth. The truth is she ...

 Changing an adopted child's name?
I was wondering what others think of this. I've often heard of people adopting children from other countries and changing their names to "western" names. Obviously, not as much of an ...

 Anyone have any positive Adoption stories?
Whether it be with an agency or private family. Whether you be the birth mother or the adoptee. All I've heard were horror stories of the child growing up to resent their birth parents. It can�...

 what happens if i put my baby up for adoption?
Ive decided against abortion. but what about adoption? what if my life improves and i can take care of the baby after all? can i keep my baby? im still confused but i know im in the right ...

 Do you ever wish that...?
...you hadn't been adopted?

Alternatively, do you ever wish that you had been adopted?

How do you think your answers to the above questions impact your opinions on the ...

 So, just how grateful will these adoptees need to be?

 Why do people continually disregard medical science/studies?
when it comes to some of the negative effects adoption? If someone asks a question such as "Do adoptees have a higher rate of depression and/or suicide", people will respond with links to ...

 I want to hear your opinion on adoption?
I'm 17 years old, just found out I'm pregnant, have one year left of highschool, can't aford to take care of it or anything, I refuse to get an abourtion because I believe it's ...

How do I give my 11-yr old child up for adoption?
I love her. I love her more than anybody in the entire world. Everything I do is for her. I had been contemplating suicide until I found out I was pregnant, then I thought she would be the only person in the whole world who would love me.

I promised her when she was born I would be here for her as long as she needed me. My mother never cared for me, and told me so. She told me that my older sister was her favorite, and myself and my younger sister were there for her to play with. I have been tolerated by everyone in my life, except my daughter. I thought.
I've moved to places with the best schools. She is beautiful, and she is smart, and she made the National Honor Roll last year. She is very well behaved, she does everything you tell her to do. I'm on social security for mental problems, so I don't have a lot of money. I've tried to buy her everything she wants within reason so she'll be happy. My favorite thing to buy her is books. I have agoraphobia attacks so most of the time we can't go outside a lot. I just found out she hates me. I don't want her to be unhappy, so I need to remove myself from the picture. I realize now that if my own mother never cared for me that I have been expecting too much for anyone to love me. This is how things are meant to be. I don't belong here. What are the procedures I need to follow to give her up for adoption, so she'll be with someone she loves, and who will treat her right, and give her the love, care and attention she needs. She used to like lots of hugs. Maybe she'll like hugging them.

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Black American Christian Woman
This is exactly why I say that not all people should be parents. If your mother hated you and your younger siblings so much then she should have done you all a favor and put you up for adoption. And for your information. Your child does not hate you because you are her mother, She hates you because you let the grief you had to endure as a child burden you and her in your adult life. So much that your grief and your living in the past is ruining your life and hers.

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Giving up a child for adoption is a way of ending the legal relationship between the biological parents and a child.
If the biological parents of the child are alive, they must both consent to the adoption.

Consent must be voluntary and may not be rewarded with cash, gifts or in any other way. However, consent of a parent who is mentally ill, has deserted the child or has ill-treated the child, is not required.

Both the mother and the father must sign the consent form to allow the adoption by a specific person or couple.

If the biological parents are not married, the mother must first get the consent of the biological father. However she only needs to do this if the pregnancy was not the result of violence, and if the father acknowledges in writing that he is the father and has made his identity and address available.

Biological parents can withdraw their consent within 60 days of giving their consent.

If the child is ten years or older, the child must also consent to the adoption.

If the child is in foster care, the foster parents must also certify that they do no wish to adopt the child.

When the child is adopted all rights and duties between the child and its natural parents end. An adoption is final once the adoption order is finalised.

Putting a child up for adoption is a difficult thing to do and adoption agencies will provide support services to assist you. These can include counselling and even accommodation.
For more information contact your District Office of the Department of Social Development or an adoption agency in your area.
These facility categories:
Social Development District Offices

SIDE NOTE - I'm not saying she should, but the question was "How do I" not "should I".

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are serious? this seems a little odd

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you need immediate help .go to the police station ad ask for it

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Amanda b
thats a very hard thing im sorry i have a place in my home for her if you would like i have kids and would love to have another to love and my girl would love a sister so let me know she would have a great life we love to do lots of fun family things and lots of love to give hanks

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Proud parent
Hello mom,

Don't let this illness come between you and your child, help is out there. Seek family counceling and individual counceling for you and your daughter. Be the back bone that your daughter needs and know that this is just the preteen stage. She needs you now more than ever as she goes through this frightening yet I wanna be independant stage. You can do it, if not for you, for your daughter. If this doesn't work after you've given your all and I mean your all, contact me and I will help you gat through this.

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Wow, you story really touched my heart. But I agree with some opinions on here. She does not hate you (all kids say that at one time or another) like others have said she hates the disease that has taken you away from her. Buying her things is not what love is all about and I feel you are trying to replace your problems with objects. There is alot of help for you and her. I will pray you find it and get healthy for the sake of both of you.

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You need a medication adjustment. I swear you do. Please, please, if you ever take any stranger's advice, take mine- go to the doctor-

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all children say that they hate there parents at least once in there lives i know that she really loves you and just because your mother done you wrong doesnt mean that you cant be a good mother.you might struggle from time to time to take care of her but we all do but the lord will never put more on you then you can handle so pray about everything thats going on and i promise that he will make things better for you and your little girl..

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UHhh, seriously.
She does not hate you she is being stuck up.
& You just see how much she loves if you were to give her up for adoption. She would hate to be adopted because she would have the hardest time getting used to her adopted parents , plus its harder to find adopted parents for older kids. You just need to talk to her. I think your giving her way to much .

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I think you should work on yourself and be their for your child no one and i mean no one can take better care of your daughter than you children go through the stage where they say i hate you and they don't talk to you from time to time and that's the part of being a parent and them growing up don't give her for adoption you will regret it and she will never forgive you for it just be there for her and when she grows to be an adult she will thank you for being strong to carry on for her.

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she loves YOU
if u heard her saying she hates you that doesn't mean she really does .. think of how much damage you will cause her if you turned your back on her .. she's your daughter and she needs YOU .. no one else .. maybe she doesn't get why things are running this way now .. but when she gets older she will understand everything .. you don't know what kind of people will adopt her
i think she should stay with you .. try to give her as much love as she can .. and from time to time just tell her that you wish you could give her the whole world to make her happy and you would if you could
don't give her for adoption i don't think she'll ever forgive you for that

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Why don't you talk to her. Get her opinion on whats going on. Try to figure out why she hates you. Why don't you just let HER go outside so you don't have to.

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Totally agree with everyone... My daughter is now 16 and she also says she hates me cause I took her away from her droggy friends and her bad environment... I was only allowed doing this in my province until she is 16 after that she can do what the heck she wants and I am afraid I will also find her dead... her bad friends were from her visits to her fathers so of course she just wants to live with him and all that crap. But she is safe now for one year at a student exchange program in japan... I know when she will return she will say she hates me and moves at her father's place but that was the best thing I could have done for her under my rights at the time... so i am hoping that one year away will help her mature and say no to drugs and drinking...

You can do it too... you can fight what it is that is causing the stress in your life and you will succeed... never give up.

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she is a child she will say that i am 16 and i say that dont worry

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Please go see someone for help. See a psychiatrist. They can help. You are not alone. Many people have phobia's that can be assisted through counseling and an appropriate prescription therapy.
I'm sure your daughter does not hate you and loves you very much. She will be happier with you then in foster care, and you owe it to her and yourself to seek help. She is getting into the age where she may say things she doesn't mean and act out, but don't take it to heart.
Best of luck. :)

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She loves YOU. She wants YOU. And when she needs hugs they need to come from YOU.

She didn't grow up in a vacuum. You did right by her and have provided all she needed and more to thrive. Finances had nothing to do with it.

However, your anxiety disorder is making this seem impossible right now. She is growing up to be more independent (good job mom!) and her need to spread her wings is being internalized by you who can't see past her phobia to go out and do the same.

PLEASE reconsider and take care of your mental health. The workings of doing this can be terribly frightening and seem like death itself...but if you contact the nearest mental health centre or call a mental health line, you can access the resources you need to get well. There are drugs to aid in this as well as cognitive behavioural therapy.

All the reasons you state for keeping her, nurturing her and now...to send her away...are the reasons you need to get well and CONTINUE being her good mom.

If she said or acted like she hated you...that's hormones. She needs you to stick by her while her mind and body go bananas right now. PLEASE seek help and show her that courage and strength come from fighting our hardest battles WITH help. What an example you would be for her.

If you tell us where you are...perhaps I or someone with training or knowledge can direct you to help.

You came this far honey...don't give up now! Look how well you've done already!

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Dear Mother,

Please don't leave. You don't know whom you will hurt.

Please. My family just lost a child 2 days ago. He was found dead by his mother.

Please get help for yourself. Your daughter loves and needs you.

Your daughter will be the one who will hurt the most...if you leave.

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It's Just Me
I agree that you need to work on yourself. You are not your mom. You don't have to be her, either. It sounds like you have done a great job so far raising your daughter so please don't give up. Get help for yourself. I can help you with adoption resources if you PM me. But I honestly would rather know that you are going to find a way to not repeat the past. You are not your mom. Just remember that. You can do it better.

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It's not uncommon for children-- especially teens and pre-teens, like your daughter is-- to go through phases where they "hate" their parents. It's part of the natural process of seeking independence and rebelling. It can be very hurtful to the parent, but even while she "hates" you, at some level she loves you, too.

Children don't get to choose their parents. You don't abuse, neglect, or mistreat her. Your daughter can't have a new family just because she feels angry or distant with you. That's not how life works, and the worst possible thing you can do for her is give up on her and give her away. She needs her mother to be strong. She needs you to hold on, even when her behaviour is at its most wretched, or she'll start to see your love (and all love) as conditional.

I'm sorry you and your daughter are having a tough time. I suggest you both get some therapy, both individually and as a family. I think your past with your own mother is influencing your relationship with your daughter negatively, and that's something to work on with your counselor. I also think you need to be pro-active in working on fighting your agoraphobia, so you can be there for her as a healthier parent.

But placing the girl for adoption is like getting rid of your leaky roof by burning down your house-- it appears to solve the immediate problem, but it causes a thousand much more serious ones.

Your daughter needs to know that you love her, even when she's being a pill. So stick it out with her. She'll outgrow "hating" you. And I'm sure that deep down, she loves you even now. Kids go through phases, and they don't get to ditch their families because they're feeling negative.

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The best gift you can give your daughter is your health, that you fix yourself - it will be a gateway for her to be able to conquer her own deep fears and be a healthy adult.

She doesn't hate you, she hates your disease - she's 11, she has a hard time expressing whats going on in her heart she just knows your disease is a big barrier to your happiness and freedom and so she resents you when she should be unhappy about the disease. Work on yourself so that she knows how to do the same for herself, and how to be free of fear.

Really, no child hates their mother, they may resent her but mom is always and first-most one's only and truest love.

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IF this is true, what you need to do is get some help, some support for you and your daughter. ALL 11 year old girls hate their moms sometimes sweetie! I promise!

All kids go through a time where they don't want to be hugged....

Do you have family members who could be a support to you.....

Read some of the posts by kids who were given up for adoption....no matter how imperfect, children want their parents.

Please try and get help. If you're comfortable telling us what state you live in, maybe the people on the board can help you out.

Everyone disagrees so much on this board, but the ONE thing everyone agrees on is that adoptions should be done only when it is best for the child...we just differ on what that is....

Please don't give up without help!

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