Wife cheated?

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Dood	She screwed up and needs to pay for her crimes. You can forgive her, but don't let her escape punishment so easily. If you do, she will lose respect for you and cheat again. You need to have some long talks and find out why she cheated. Whatever issue(s) she says will need to be addressed and agreed to work on. And you will NEVER be able to fully trust her again. There will always be that tiny bit of doubt in your mind. You cannot expect things to be the same as they were before. She cheated, so therefore your relationship changes. Personally, I would drop her if I were you. If you and your partner want to fool around with other people, then that's something to discuss before it happens on accident. If you and your partner want to be in a relationship with no other partners, then there needs to be trust that is never violated. If she cannot handle the responsibility, there are other women who can. Go find one of them. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

MOs fishin	Once is the start of many more times, Women make up their minds before doing something and know what the out come will be. Unlike us me that think with our P~~~~ I been through it and tried to make it work with the girls mother, but once the trust is gone you will always wonder and second quess everything.. Good Luck and I feel for you MO Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

crystal	listen my parents had the same sit. my mom cheated on my dad 3 years ago and they thought they could work it out but they didnt and me and my little brother has to hear it all the time he calls her whores sluts every thing you can think of personaly i wish that they didnt get back together because i have to listen to her crying and my dad tell her to get the hell out of his house we hear it every day and i think my brother is going to turn out like it cause he is even meaner and he is only 14 years old so i think you should just move on to a different person i knoe you might not listen to me but i knoe what i am talking about please move on you dont need her you can find a hole lot better then that promise Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sesshomaru X Kagome	Sometimes it may be because she's afraid of this love. Or maybe she just doesn't think she loves you. Sometimes she feels 'lust' for someone else but like they say, "Lust and Love are totally different!" You really don't have to forgive her if you don't want to. Just because she said she is sorry doesn't mean you can forgive her right there. Maybe you should find out why she did it in the first place. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

jennie s	Hear this and hear it good.... Once a cheater always a cheater if you stay you are showing her what she can do to you and you will still be there.... she has done it before they are always sorry. but she will do it again... you need someone that willl never do that to you Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Zaferus	What troubles me the most with your story is the reason she gave for cheating on you. I agree that it has to be more than that and as much as the truth may hurt you need to know what caused her to throw away her vows to you and take her clothes off to be with another man. It also sounds like you are the one wanting to make it work - what effort has she been putting forward? If it's not twice what you are putting in I would speculate that "I'm sorry" can be read as "I'll say sorry next time too." Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

volleyballplaya72	you could go to a couple therepy sesion. they will ofer many things that fit your needs. good luck with your wife! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

John O	If she didnt tell and you found out on your own and she protected his name from you then she still cares for him more than you, and your just supplying a roof for a women that doesnt care if she gives you aids .She wants out , so help her pack. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

P.J.	So you said " I found out that my wife cheated on me." So in other words your wife is not the one that initially told you, correct? Well to me then this tells a story of it's own You would have never know if someone else besides your wife did not tell you. Now to me you do not only have a cheating wife, but she also is manipulative and she is not an honest, trusting person at all. She let you live a lie until you found out on your own! She is not sorry until she got caught! Really, you should think about all that she has done to your heart. Why would you want sloppy left overs all the time when you can have a fresh main meal with desert by finding a real woman to be true to you. Kick her to the curb! I know you must love her, but honey she did/does not love you to have slept with another man/men. I promise that she will and has probably done it more that 1 other time. You will not ever be able to trust her again. Do you want to worry every time she walks out of the door if she is going to have another man in the bed today? Do you really want to think about this in the bedroom while making love to her all the time? You do, and you always will! So she feels you wasn't her friend. Come on, she is just trying to throw the guilt trip over to you and make it all your fault and it is working so far! Dear you are letting her get by with it too. Think, think, think!! She is a sorry example for a wife and I am sorry to say it but you must be pretty meek yourself to believe her. Wake up and smell the coffee. I am not a young one, 44 in a few days. I have been through a lot in my life time and this is something that I went through years ago with my ex-husband. Now I have been Remarried for 13 years to my soul mate and I have the best marriage I could have ever asked for. So I am living proof that the grass is greener on the other side. I just have to help by keeping it watered. Best of luck to you. I hope you find you another wife that you can trust for the rest of your life.... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

NONAME	It will be hard to trust her again cuz the image will never get outta ur head u will NEVER 4get what she did 2 u and thats the part that sucks when u have sex w/ her u'll be thinking hmmm did she do this w/ him, did she enjoy herself w/ him a whole lot of questions will pass thru ur head and yes u can ask her all about it and she can answer every question but it don't matter ur still gonna think it...When my hubby did it all I wanted to do was get him back let him have the image in his head of me doing some1 else...Have I no...have I had opportunity yes...why didn't I hmmmm I ask myself that often... Ur in a tough spot right now and u really need to decide if ur gonna trust her or not cuz if u can't then move on cuz ur always gonna assume she's still doing it and u 2 will be fighting so much that it won't be worth it...If u decide u will trust her again then it may work but its gonna be hard cuz like I said them questions will always be there and its not something u can continue bringing up to her cuz then again u 2 will constantly be fighting and everytime u fight and say she leaves to cool off ur gonna wonder "who" shes cooling off w/... It really really sucks to have the 1 person ur suppose to trust and trust to love u and not hurt u to go and stab u right thru the heart like u mean nothing to them and as if u have no feelings. Ur a good guy make sure shes worth the effort cuz theres alotta girls that would die for a man like u! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

jestersand	trust is gonna take so long to grow. speak to her and ask her where she feels you werent there for her. Sad to say, she will do it again...ive seen it so many times in my own freinds marriages and in one sister too. Thruthfully, I feel like when a woman cheats...thats it.. There is no second chance because what she is going to do is walk all over that second chance. I can almost predict she will keep contact with the man and you will once again find out. In time you will be fed up with it and eventually leave her. Its just not the same a man cheating on a woman as to to woman cheating on a man. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Brittni	You guys should go to counceling. My parents never did...and now they're bitter...and they keep bringing it up in arguments. You need to deal with it all now...and then move on. That's pretty much all I know. Hope it helps. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

jude	begin with some christian counseling, lots of communication where she feels safe when she talks to u. don't ask for too many details on this if your trying to move past it. she will need to make u understand that she knows what she did hurt u, it will be work and it won't be easy. if u want to work it out know that it won't happen quickly, and u will have good and bad days because you've been wounded, and your hearts been ripped out. but it can be done if both of u are honest and communicate, and she allows u to talk to her about your hurt. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

caligirl	i dont know you or much about your relationship, but dont go blaming yourself it takes 2 to have conflict she could have told you she felt neglected her action is the result of a issue she probably had w/ herself not just you. if you dont want to walk away i would just try to be her friend for a while take a break, trying to glue things back the way they were so soon could put a strain on what you have left together. You can forgvie but never forget Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

grr_16	You could start by trying to trust her little by little and see what happens. Belieave me you will never forget what she did and you will always wonder if she is really out shopping or out cheating on you AGAIN!!!! But for now try your hardest to trust her again. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Veronica The Great!	maybe with time, you can trust her and I put emphasis on the word maybe. Maybe some time on your own would benefit you. The time alone to reflect on the relationship and where you possibly stand. Ever hear of the phrase "cooler heads prevail"? Its because if you grant your self some time and maybe find some clarity, you'll reach a decision. If you forgive her too soon, you will most likely resent her and might feel like she wasnt punished enough. Youre hurt and you want her to hurt, thats why you need time so if you say something you may regret its not out of anger, but honesty. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Nikki	It's hard but it can be done. You have to start with having a heart to heart with her. She needs to be open and honest with you about the affair and why she did it. Then there has to be ground rules. Trust is something that will have to be built back. There is going to be a period of time where she's going to have to let you know every move she makes, she'll just have to deal with it. After a while the trust comes back, you can forgive but forgetting doesn't happen. It's not something that you can throw up in her face on down the line when you have an argument. I have been cheated on and these were somethings me and my husband did and it worked for us. In all honestly after several years past, our marriage was better than before. Everyone is different and you two need to figure out what your ground rules will be. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

evita	Well, before you make a decision why don't wait while to decide. She'll be anxious for a decision , but beggars can't be chosers. Get away, by yourself, and think. Time has a way of cooling you off and get things in perspective. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

madeline.watkins	i give you credit for trusting us to awnser but sadly for some people you wont ever forgivr or forget but try counciling and im very sorry that you had to deal with such a pain ful experince email me if you ever wanna talk........ but if that dosent work well maybe you should try to move on im sorry again but someone like you would fine someone better if your trying to forgive you are obvisly a great guy .......... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

VROD	My wife cheated on me with my best friend.It had been going on far a while and she denied it all along untill I caught them myself.We seperated for a while and she wanted to come back home.I love my wife and I let her.It hasnt been easy.At 1st I questioned everything she did and where she was.She said that she loved me and she knew how bad she had hurt me.She said she had a concience and she couldnt deal with what she had done and she wanted to spend the rest of her life making it up to me.I told her I wanted her but not because she felt guilty,but because she loved me. She stayed and we have been working real hard and I can tell the difference in her and our relationship and myself as well. We are all different people with different ways of dealing with small disasters in our lifes.If you truely love your wife,only you can tell if she is sincere or not and if you can work it out.I was able to because I care about and love my wife with all my heart,but still it is always in the back of mind but it lessens each day because she is truely rebuilding my trust in her back in our day to day lives.I wish you all the best,but be true to yourself first and then be true to the both of you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Thumbs down me now	trust wont happen over night she has done something that will take a while to heal from and she will have alot to do to earn that trust back....just take it one day at a time and try to leave the past in the past. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

carebearsrsweet930	I highly suggest you read this book. "Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It's GREAT! And it sounds like you both haven't really figured out what each other's love language is- she wants a friend- so maybe some quality time with you. Other love languages are physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts. Once you both figure out your love language, you need to try to act on it. This way your "love tanks" are full. The book is great- my fiance and I had to read this,and I'm very glad we did. I hate reading books, but it's not too long, easy to read, and great! I know it'll be tough to get over the cheating part.... But if you both are pleasing one another in the ways you need to, you'll be happier- both of you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Kc	I think that the fact that she confessed to you herself, does show that she does want to be honest with you, that she truly regrets it and doesn't like lying to you, probably because she loves you and can't live with what she's done. So, I think that it's great that the two of you want to work it out. It'll take time obviously. She hurt you, and although telling you was the right thing to do, it does make you see her differently from the wife you thought you knew well. You must try and communicate more with her. It's not because she went elsewhere to get what she wanted from you that it means that you're to blame and have to try and answer her every need. SHE is the one responsible for not talking to you and tell you how she felt, what she needed. Even if, you are also responsible to listen to your mrs, not just to what she says, but what she doesn't as well. It's commun to have to get close to lose what we have, to realize how much we actually don't want to. How much we love our other half. Besides trying together, you should also try marriage counselling, it may help both of you come to term with what happens. Good luck. What you need to look at, is the greater picture, what you two have worked so hard to achieve. xxx Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

angel	If you really love her and willing to forgive her the best thing you can do is have better comunication with her. And if you do decide to forgive her make sure you never bring it up again, since that will only make things worst. I will also take time to think things over just to make sure that you do really love her. its easy for any one to just say "leave her" but you are the only one that has been through so much. Good luck Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Go Bears!	You need to get marriage counseling. That should help. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

GREEN LANTERN	You need 4 witnesses or a confession. Since you got the confession then there is some understanding that needs to take place and decisions that you both need to make. Escuse for actions is not an escuse. Oh Eve when will you stop bringing the rotton fruit to the table? Mistake made in endless repeating. When do you think they will learn not to screw around behind our backs? There is one thing you don't do to a man in your trust is unsanctify what has been sanctified by the Lord. I suggest you begin to research her intentions and that will give you your answers. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

My Tractor Is Green	I would start with marriage counseling. If your insurance doesn't cover it, you can get it for free at many churches now. You'll have to call some of the larger ones in your area and see if they offer it. Good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

loriloriloriloriv	sorry. it's a long road ahead of you, but first you have to make up your mind here & now if you are willing to work it out then you have to really try...you can't keep throwing it up in her face, you just have to let it go...until then there is nothing you can do... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Freakalicious	It takes time to rebuild trust. You need to go see a marriage councelor. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Brown Water Drinker	I know how you feel, my wife did about 4 years ago. It still hurts. It will take more work from you than her, which sucks. Good luck. Here is a thread you might read. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Apxcd8u7pu.z.aoEu3UUVsHsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071030092122AAb6Y7A Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Suthern Yankee	There IS more to it than that, however, you are still in the shock stage, you're confused, hurt, angry, all jumbled up emotions going at the same time. I have something that might help you right now, just insert your wife in the male role: 9 Keys to Moving Beyond the Pain of an Extramarital Affair by Anne Bercht I remember everything about my husband’s extramarital affair. I will never forget it, and neither will anyone else who’s been through it. It is not possible to forget something as significant as the betrayal of the one you love the most in the world. However, when I remember, I no longer have pain associated with the memory. This is a sign of true healing. How did I get there? 1. I got here by facing the issue head on, not attempting to shove it under the rug and pretend it isn’t really bothering me. I didn’t try to bury it, “forgive and forget,” “just suck it up and get over it.” These things don’t work when it comes to healing from extramarital affairs. Trying to just forget about it and move on would be like breaking your leg, and not bothering to go to the hospital to have it set and a cast put on. If you did not take the proper steps to heal a broken leg, your leg would never heal properly, you would always have pain, and you’d likely never be able to walk again. Emotional pain is no different. It must be treated. 2. I healed by learning about the affair and extramarital affairs in general, by coming to understand the truth. “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” I healed by getting answers to my questions, by learning to understand that I did not cause my husband to have an affair. It was the weaknesses in his character that allowed him to get to this place. I am not at fault for something, when I had no opportunity to participate in the decision of whether or not it was going to happen. Sure we took a look at our marriage, and I found things I could’ve done better as a wife (and there is not a wife out there with a faithful husband who couldn’t also find things she could do better too). My imperfections as a human being and as a wife did not force my husband to have an affair. There are healthy ways to deal with problems in a marriage. Having an extramarital affair is not the answer. My husband tells me today, that even if I’d been a perfect wife, he still would’ve had an extramarital affair, because he says, the affair had absolutely nothing to do with me and everything to do with his weaknesses, what he didn’t know and the choices he made. (Note! He did not say that right after his affair. It was a process and took time for him to see this.) Note! Healing from the pain and reconciling a marriage are two different things! In order for our marriage to be healed, my husband had to be willing to answer my questions and be completely open and honest with me. If he’d been unwilling and insisted that we never discuss his extramarital affair, we would’ve missed out on the amazing marriage and passion we have together today. I still would’ve healed myself, but reconciliation would not have been possible. 3. I overcame the pain, by seeing the extramarital affair for what it really was and putting it in context of the grand scheme of things in the world. I was not part of the “unfortunate few” who had something wrong with them. Many, many, (if not most) spouses are betrayed by the ones they love at some time. It’s sad, but true. And many people have other pain in their lives, like losing loved ones, dealing with chronic illnesses, problems with abuse and addictions of loved ones. No person is exempt from pain and suffering in this world. The good news is if we look for solutions, we can overcome our problems and challenges. It was also helpful to put it in context of our marriage as a whole. Peggy Vaughan had 7 years of pain where her husband had extramarital affairs. Had she divorced him over it, she would’ve missed out on the other 43 years of living with the man she really loves. My husband’s affair was only 2 months long. If I’m fortunate enough to celebrate my 50th wedding anniversary one day, "Am I really going to allow 2 months to ruin a lifetime?" 4. I overcame the pain by working on myself, embarking on a journey of personal growth, finding purpose, meaning and fulfillment for my life that takes me beyond the problem, by living my life for something greater than myself. I allowed my crisis to make me a better person and to spur me on to take more risks, forget about what other people think, and start reaching my full potential as a person. 5. I overcame my pain by helping others. This gives meaning to my pain. With the same comfort I have received I now can comfort others. Knowing first hand how incredibly painful extramarital affairs are, I like being able to help others. I especially love it when we see amazing successes. You can help others by starting a Beyond Affairs Network (BAN) support group in your area, or volunteering to help with one that already exists. 6. I overcame the pain by giving myself time, and giving myself permission to feel all of the necessary emotions, especially the sadness, anger and grieving of my loss. Some people believe negative emotions are bad. When expressed in their proper context, they are not. Allowing yourself to “feel” these emotions helps you to heal. When necessary, sadness and anger are good for you, because they help you to process pain. We all wish there was a short cut, but there’s not. Everything of real value in life requires you to pay a price, not always in dollars and cents, but sometimes a part of your life. 7. I overcame my pain by sharing my story. It is important to avoid suffering in isolation. You cannot and should not carry this burden alone. Every time I shared my story my pain diminished, until I just didn’t feel the pain anymore. 8. I overcame my pain through persistence and determination, a will that said, "I will not have anything less than healing from this pain." I will not allow my negative past to define my future. I did not become a lesser individual because this has happened to me. I read books, I got counseling and I attended healing seminars with a tenacity that said, “I will heal.” 9. Perhaps most importantly I moved beyond the pain, because I believed it was possible. “The only thing that stands between a person and what they want from life is the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible.” – Richard M. DeVos When we appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show with 5 other couples in May 2005, the producers said to us, “Anne, we know you’re healed, but for the sake of our audience could you try and go back and relive those emotions,” so I did my best. But really I just wanted to jump up and down and shout, “Yeah! I’m on the Oprah show!” There were other couples who were more years beyond the affair and yet clearly not moved beyond the pain. This is why it’s worth whatever it takes to heal, and if it takes the expense of a healing seminar and some travel, it’s really a small price to pay for a future of happiness, healing and passion in your marriage. Good luck, buddy. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No