Why would I need to tell my wife this?

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Me	Well, I think the biggest problem here is her insecurity. Although it is not your fault, you can do a lot you worsen or better it. This is something that takes baby steps but this is what I suggest.... Make her feel like you are always on her mind and that she is first and foremost in your life. I'm sure you feel that way but some woman need constant reassurance and she cant read your mind. Dont read to much into though, all I mean is call her a little more often, out of the blue on your lunch break at work. Pick her up her favorite candy when you stop at the corner store etc. It's so hard to give advice with a keyboard but good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

shawn n	This is something that your wife doesn't need to know. Work stays at work. If she asks you questions about it, answer them but don't be nervous. Then obviously you are hiding something. If you have good values like you say you do, she already knows that, but wants to be assured. My advice, is to keep up what you are doing and be truthful. If someone is hitting on you at work, let your boss know its uncomfortable. Your wife doesn't need to know that. If you boss does hire a female, your wife needs to know who she is and what she does. Hopefully she conquers her depression and your lives work out to perfection, but life throws you curveballs, its a matter of how you catch and deal with them. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jessica C	You are right that your wife is very insecure. Ultimately she will need to learn to work with her insecurity. Identify it, name it, address it, control it. Everyone is insecure to a degree. If you really want to help her. Here is what you do 1) When you ask you that, ask her "if I tell you, what would you do?, what would you like to see happen?, is that feasible?" help her identify her fears will help her better to control them. Point out to her what is out of her control, other woman hitting on you, and what is within control, her trust in you. Help her see that focusing on the things she has control over will be so much easier than focusing on the things she has no control over. 2) Establish her trust in you. let her know you are with her by choice. If you want to cheat on her, you won't be with her. You don't have to wait on other woman. Check in with her often, let her know where you are. What you decide to disclose to her about your work is completely up to you. Remember, you are here to help her. Therefore, you will have to be stronger than her. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

alikes756	My wife used to get mad when females would flirt with me, I'm a nice guy and appeal to women especially when I talk about all I do for my wife. I on the other hand seldom notice when a woman is flirting with me, I just think she's being nice. Every day I tell my wife how beautiful she is, I tell her a thousand times how much I love her. and I don't delete anything off the computer so she sees things like this she knows I'm all about her. but we also point out people we think are hot and tell each other what we find attractive about them (this helps overcome jealousy) just thought I'd let you know how I handle it and maybe it will help you!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

pitchingcoach	You've got problems pal. If you're already having to make excuses and give reasons for hypothetical questions and situations then you've got no chance. A little trust would likely help. Also, you don't have to tell your wife everything that happens. By the way, lots of divorcee's were GOOD men with values. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sddq_nn	If I were you first of all I would tell the person that I am happily married even if we were in counseling.Then I would tell my husband and I would also tell what I said to the person. I would reassure my husband that you are the only one for me. Good Luck to you and your wife. I hope that you all work things out. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

celticbuddha	i wouldn't tell someone unless it got way out of hand and led to an affair. but that doesn't sound like your cup of tea. really what it comes down to is HER insecurities and trust issues. she needs to go to therapy for herself. you can shower her with assurances, attention, and love all you want, but until she finds her own sense of security and confidence, it's not going to stick. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Debbie	Asure her that you love her and love her only. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mark	You don't have to tell her anything. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

DEANNA L	thats a hard one, telling her would just pray on her mind all day, dont tell and she finds out a woman was hired and its your fault, so as much as i would love to help, i cant,but i do wish you the best,i married an ugly man,so i dont get that problem,i love him muches though. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Ninja (AM)	It is kind of a catch 22, you don't tell her, you just lied to her, and if you tell her it could cause problems...They say the truth would set you free, I would tell her, but then also tell her your reaction to it...If you are the type of man you say you are, then you won;t even bat and eye if a woman hits on you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

talented_mr.ripley33	You are searching for something. Its ok you dont have to agree here. The real question you are asking is the " What if I meet someone who intrigues me more than my wife." Its ok. Somewhere along the line you got married for one reason or another and you are missing something. I dont know what that is but if your honest with yourself you do. Obviously you have no intention of telling your wife. And that is ok too. There are plenty of secrets in a marriage. What is going to become a problem for you is that you cant hide in the home forever. You are going to meet someone who floats your boat, rocks your world, and grinds your gears in that exact order. The problem is who are you going to tell when this happens. You are going to have the biggest smile on your face that you cant explain. What are you going to do. Is divorce an option? You say no but you have already thought of it. You mentioned counsel already and have pseudo dismissed it. Both are lame. You got married too young and you either have found someone or there is someone who you want to get to know. She does or might do everything your wife doesnt. She shows you how the "normal" people live. She might even be on the freaky side. Only you are going to be able to look in the mirror the next day. Im not going to tell you what a sinner you are cause that is a joke. Your thinking about doing. So either do it already or don't. Be prepared for the consequences if it goes wrong but no gestapo is coming to kick down your door if you do. Dont buy the lie. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

kja63	IF it ever does happen, I'll assume (based on what you've written) that you will tell the coworker that you are happily married and not interested. With that said, and given your specific situation, I would advise you NOT to tell your wife should your scenario ever actually occur. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

M	Stop going to that therapist and pay your self instead. If you are going to deal with questions deal with something that has happened and not hypothetically. Pray and go to church with your wife and you will see results. Also tell her you love her and positive things to reinforce her self confidence. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

PS	dude ur wife needs help,luv,support and a lot more patience..n u r only the one who can give this all to her..as u told that she has a depression history and is insecure then i think u'll have to be patient and try to work an extra mile with her because u luv her...with ur explaination it seems that u luv her a lot,n dont worry luv is a very strong shield...gals just need assurance from time to time from the better half...provide her that security and she'll be fine n just try to be patient.. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

lashenica j	I have to say that depression is a major thing and it has played apart in many marriages falling apart. i have battled depression for some time and I am married. My spouse works outside of the home and at times issues have come up. I must say that I was better off not knowing. It seemed to hurt me more just imagining this happening than anything. Nothing ever happened as far as him cheating but it is just the fact that the women were pretty aggressive and sure of themselves. My husband told me as soon as things happened and while it made things smooth at home, my heart wandered and my mind wondered what if he gave in. You know her better than any of us this is why you choice her, you have to decide if she could handle the information positively or not. It is sort a loss loss situation though, I mean if you tell her she may slip into depression which is bad,but then if you do not tell her and she finds out on her own she may slip into depression. I really wish you the best in this. Hang in there with her though she really needs you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mrs. Brooks	First of all, you sound like an amazing husband. Your wife is a lucky woman and should be very appreciative that you're so understanding. You sound like you realize what her issues are, insecurity, etc, so in my opinion you have to find a way to make her feel secure... not with words but with actions. The reason she asks you if you'd tell her if someone else hit on you is because she needs to be reassured that she is all you want. I'm a woman and I know for a fact that even though I say I want to know something, sometimes I know I'm better off not knowing because a tiny thing can manifest itself in my head into something completely different than it was in real life. Instead of saying "That will never happen" you should instead say something like, "Sweet heart, Julia Roberts could hit on me at work and all I would be able to think about is you." You can't be an enabler to her insecurites. You are her partner in helping her overcome these insecurities. You are husband and wife and are in this together. This seems to be something you have a fantastic grasp on and you just need to help her grab on and enjoy the ride together. Even in the worst of times, great things can occur such as growth within oneself. Help your wife grow within herself into the woman that you know she is - not by reassuring her about things within your relationship but by helping her love HERSELF and appreciate the amazing qualities she has. You can do it! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Emmy F	I'm really insecure myself and a newlywed, too. I'm famous for these hypothetical scenerios like the ones your wife comes up with. It's just seeking reassurance...... As much as it might bug you that she comes up with this stuff, please know it's driving her mad inside... Don't tell her that another woman wont hit on you, that's a lie.... Don't tell her that other women aren't attractive to you, that's a lie too.... And for Heaven's sake, NEVER tell her if another woman has actually hit on you! She doesn't need to know this! Her asking that is her way of trying to discover what you would do or feel about it if it did happen.... Remind her of all the qualities she has that you love and of how you could never find a woman who has all these qualities at the same time.... Be truthful......be consistent..... With time, this neurotic behavior should lessen.... I know that in the last year, I have gotten so much better about it.... Please be patient with her :) It's only because she needs you so much that she says these things.... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

im sure	The only thing you can do is keep reassuring her. You know her weaknesses. Encourage her and build her up. My husband has told me when women have tried to pick up on him and it was no big deal because I am confident of who I am and what I can offer to our relationship. This past year we had some serious marriage problems, and we are working through it, but there was a point where we would make comments that were not helpful at all to the healing. It was not even fighting, just dumb remarks. So, one day I looked my husband straight in the eyes and said, "Let's stop making these kind of comments. They are not something that are going to help us stay together." He agreed. My point is maybe you should just set it straight once and for all. Tell her you two can't live your lives in the "what if". You married her because you love only her and you're not looking to mess that up. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Julie S	Insecure people are very fragile beings... I understand what you are saying about being hesitant to tell her, but by lying you would only be feeding her insecurities and fueling the fire. I suggest you tell her that "yes, of course you would tell her", but if you really love her, you should take into consideration ALL OF HER, even her insecurities - and basically do everything you can to cushion her anxiety. For example, if and when your boss hires a female co-worker, I suggest you bring your wife to work one day and introduce her to everyone, especially the female co-worker. Insecurities and jealousy come from "negatively awaiting the unknown", so basically, make it known. Go out with co-workers, bring your wife. Make her interact with everyone and minimize any curiosity she may have... its not that difficult, just treat it as a fragile situation until she becomes comfortable and happy with the people you are surrounded with in the workplace. good luck Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

ganstagirl61	well don't tell her if a girl was hittin on you because that would just get her upset and it would make her shitty so my opinion i wouldn't say anything to her Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

fnyunj	Well, #1: Accept the fact that divorce may be necessary. If you take that tool out of your toolbox, you will be handing her the power to manipulate you in ways that you will come to regret. #2: All people have insecurity. It is not her fault. All people get hit on. It is not their fault. All you can do is assure her that you understand her feelings - validate her feelings. She is not crazy for feeling insecure. And you are not unfaithful for being hit on, or even LIKING being hit on. Maybe you're insecure too, and maybe you need your ego stroked once in a while. Right? #3: the competition game is really one that you can not win. No matter what you tell your wife, that she is way more beautiful, that you have no interest in others, etc - you can not beat her imagination. If you treat her like a crazy person, like a child whose feelings don't matter, then she will trust herself less, and trust you less. If you respect her feelings (and help her to understand that there is no threat to the marriage - and this is the hard part, no doubt about it), then you will make her stronger, and hopefully strong enough to deal with this everyday situation that all of us pretty much have to face. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sophie B	I would not tell her, and I would never have promised to tell her either.... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

MayMay	I congratulate you on trying to make it work, and you should be glad that you notice these troubles now, instead of later. I suggest you stop telling her so much about anything pertaining to the opposite sex. If she is insecure about women, then don't add fuel to the fire by telling her that your boss just hired a new female employee. I'm not saying lie to her, just don't give more details then what is asked for. I wish you the best, and I hope everything works out! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Raquel	Whoa wait a minute, it seems to me that she is trying to actually create a scenario that would make her unhappy by even asking you these what if questions. I think you do not need to tell your wife about female co-workers who are nice to you and act friendly, thats normal and hopefully would occur in the work place. However, if some woman was throwing herself at you, making sex offers etc, then yes that would be reason to tell your wife, but no, not day to day normal females smiling at you occasionally or what have you. Sometimes men think when a woman smiles at him she's hot for him, NOT TRUE. Sometimes women are just nice and are happy and like to smile! Anyway, good luck with this one, your wife needs to build her confidence somehow or else this is going to tear apart your marriage. You will tire of this behavior some day. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Slick	You cant control other peoples actions so if someone is hitting on you your only course of action is to stay true to your wife. there will always be flirting at work its human nature and only when the line is crossed does it become a problem. I would not tell her as it would be ridiculous to. If she is that insecure then you need to re-evaluate your marriage with her as will be a constant fight as every time you look at someone or are looked at you'll be asked about it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Plaintruth	Don't try to over think the situation. If she is really that insecure, don't tell her if someone ever does hit on you. In some cases the old adage "what they don't know wont hurt them" is true. If you know you are being faithful to her don't sweat it. Remember that you are the one who is going to have to live with her insecurities at home everyday. And you are the one who will have to deal with an eruption of emotions. Keep the status quo. Keep your mouth closed. Have a happy home. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mubeena Rafiq	IT IS GOOD TO KNOW, DEVOTED HUSBANDS, STILL EXIST ! Keep it up, & U will WIN UR GOAL. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

kittykatsback	Pay your hot buddy to hit on her. That will shut her up. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Voice of Reason	you're going to spend the next 80 years reassuring your wife. if she's already insecure, you just have to use more energy reassuring her. only the 2 of you can determine whether she feels better 'armed with information' or in a 'vacuum'. chances are that lots of information about how much you're hit on is going to cause problems. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sharon M	Personally, I would never tell someone who is already insecure that someone else made a pass at me. That's just asking for trouble. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No