What would you do if you found out your spouse was having an affair ?

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Blackheath rugby wife	End of marriage, no hesitation. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

fairy53042000	How long have you been married? Has it been a good marriage? Do you fight all the time, have you asked her why? Can you forgive her? Does she still want to be married to you? There are alot of reason a spouse cheats,none of them are good reasons,but that's going to be her excuse, if you want it to work,then you will need help,this is too big to get threw by yourselves,talk things threw,if there's hope,then get help,if there's no hope,then get out now. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

iviemg	Figure out why it happened, if there's a way to fix it, if you want to fix it, if you do I highly recommend marriage conseling!!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sari	First of all, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now. My husband has not cheated on me but I have wondered what I would do if I found out he did. I think that you need to tell her that you know. I know it's probably killing you, but try not to be confrontational. You need to answer these questions together: Is there something to salvage from our marriage? Is there a way for us to learn to trust again and create a new and beautiful relationship? You both have to be on the same page, but it can be done. Consider couples therapy. I have a friend whose fiance cheated on her. They had a really hard time and they were both in a bad way emotionally for quite a while. But they worked through it. They have been together for 3 years since the infidelity and they married about 6 months ago. They are stronger than they were before because they worked together to make their relationship survive. My prayers are with you! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Shortstuff13	Offer to help her pack! Your marriage can never be the same again, once the trust has been broken. Get yourself a good lawyer & he'll counsel you as you fill out the paperwork. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

terry	END it .That is that. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

insane2mad	Well in the end it is dependant on your stance. why was that happening, did I contribute and all that. Do I still want my wife and what are the likely hood of the same occuring. Having all that, I would give a second chance coz in the end I do love her. further than that...... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sandi Beach	I think you need to confront her with the facts. What happens after that depends on the length of time you've been married, the relationship between you & your spouse & if there are children involved. If you can forgive her & she's willing to stop her affair, try counselling. If not, then you will have to consider a divorce. If there are children, always keep the welfare & best interest of the children, your primary concern. Good Luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

bluepinktidbit	dump their and asss and divorce them! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tlc4irs	When I found out my husband was having an affair I played it cool to his face so that I could try to catch him in the act, you know pictures for court to prove adultry. Well, after 2 weeks of trying and no pictures I finally confronted him, but I had my ducks in a row when I did. I had tapped my phone so I had their phone conversations on tape. I pieced a tape together with the "best" stuff I had and went to his work and waited for him to get off and when he got in his vehicle he was very surprised to see me sitting there at 1 am. When he turned his truck on the tape started playing, there wasn't a lot he could say after that. We did work things out and are still together, it has been 6 months and it has been a tough 6 months, and whose to say that it will be ok or not. They say once a cheater always a cheater. I guess time will tell. Best of luck to you, I know it is hard, but keep your head up! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

AvaZiannDuke	i believe everyone deserves a second chance look into it before you react, you will know what to do. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Luchiana	I WOULD HAVE TO DO SOME SERIOUS PRAYING. PRAYING FOR GUIDANCE, UNDERSTANDING, AND PATIENCE. Well, I feel that you have to know all the aspects of the affair....I would have to hear everything....I wouldn't go and get a divorce because you took vows and it doesn't make since to throw in the towel just because things have taken a turn for the worse....Now it depends on like I said what happened...I feel that people are so easy for quit....Me, I would ask God what to do and to give a clear understanding of how or what I should do in this situation....I feel that if you stay together...you should start over and take everything in slowly...I would take the time to rebuild trust in that person...Anybody can make a mistake or whatever but....it just all depends.... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Elspeth Y. K	It depends on how you found out. Was it from reading his email or something else like that? Did you catch him in the act? Did someone else tell you? Has he acknowledged the affair? In short, do you have solid proof? (I'm using 'him' but it could just as easily be 'her') If so, present it to him calmly and factually. Even if he denies everything tell him that there are obvious trust issues -- and if you found out by prying, they'll be in both directions. And that the two of you are going to make an appointment with a couples therapist. In any event, get a therapist for yourself: you're in a terrible situation and are going to need help sorting out your thoughts. Not to mention that you're hurt, feeling betrayed, angry, hurt . . . If you've found out from secondary evidence, e.g., you very strongly suspect that he's having an affair, present this to him. Here he's almost certain to deny it. But, again, tell him that there are clearly some issues to be sorted out and a neutral party is needed. If he refuses couples counseling you still need someone to help you sort out how you feel. It may turn out that you want a divorce. It may turn out that you want to save your marriage. Believe it or not, people have been happily married after one has had an affair. I actually know a couple whose relationship is stronger as a result: dealing with it brought new honesty to their marriage and uncovered some underlying issues that had effected both. BTW, don't get violent with him. It never helps. I'm adding a couple of links found via a very quick web search. I used "after the affair" but there are probably better ways of going about it. Most of these seem to be for people who decide to try to save their marriage but that's only what came up via a quick search. Others are discussion forums. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Dawn S	Each case should be handled with respect to yourself. Use your self respect to help you find the answer. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sleepless in Seattle	If I still loved the person then I would find out what went wrong in the marriage that led to this. Affairs are only symptoms of what is truly wrong in the marriage. Affairs don't "just happen" because someone is bored or not thinking. I would concentrate less on the details of the affair and more on what led up to the decision. That is if both people still want to be in the marriage. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sunset	Do you love her? Do you think the relationship is worth your time and effort to TRY to mend? You must first answer these questions. If you love her, sit her down for the old "heart to heart", ask her if she loves you. Find out why she stepped out on you. Did you pay attention to her? Did you give her deserved compliments for her efforts on say, the dinner she cooked you last week? Did you compliment the way she looked yesterday? Women like to hear the "thank you for the dinner, it was great", "wow, I really like that outfit, it looks nice on you", "is that a new perfume your wearing?". Only you know what kind of attention your wife likes in the bedroom. Many women want to cuddle and snuggle, even if there isn't going to be any action. Does she deserve a second chance? Maybe so, but to move forward you must be willing to forgive. You'll never forget but forgiveness must be there. Ask your wife why she stepped out on you, she must be totally honest with you. You deserve that much. Good luck to you in whatever your choice. Whatever, your choice is, you will have good and not so good days. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

D	Don't do something crazy. Sit down and talk it out. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

bluegirl	It depends on how much you love your partner. You need to find out why it happened, were they not getting enough attention , did they feel that they were being taken for granted, had your sex life diminished etc there could be many reasons for it happening. What you need to decide is whether you are able to forgive (forgetting will be a lot harder) and move on . If you cant then you may as well split up now. Trust when lost is very hard to get back. It is the lies that get to you not the sexual infidelity. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

notuptoit2000	If you already know about it and you haven't confronted her, I wonder just how much you really care. Women don't just start having an affair for no reason. You need to sit her down , tell her you know, and talk it out. If she is in love with this jerk, no talking will help. then, RUN, save yourself. She is in the wrong, that is good for you in court. Don't let it go on while you pay the bills. it is not fair to you and she needs to fess up and move on if that is what she wants. There are plenty of fish n the sea. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

dollydaydream22	Depends on her reasons. If there have been problems between you both for a while then try and resolve the problems because that might be the reason why she strayed for the attention. If things have been fine then get rid hun!! If she has done it once then she will do it again. A leopard doesn't change their spots as they say! Not all of us are the same though, remember that for future relationships Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Quietly Confident	Dont put it off>> Tell them you and know and ask for an explanation. See if things can be put right between you and go from there. If things cant be put right in time and you just cant trust again, think about seperation. Life is too short to waste time on someone if they are no good - there are thousands of suitable and great people out there who wont cheat! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

azº	Confront them, and see what was going on from their view point. Dont completly jump to conclussions and storm away, although you might know what they did was wrong give them a chance to talk. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

brp_13	I would get on Yahoo answers, and ask people what to do. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

music	first thing try to understand why? something is missing something she wants that you didn't give it to her. what is that? I'm not going to tell you divorce her or give her a second chance, you know her better, you know yourself if you can live with it, you know your feelings. everybody would say divorce but nobody is involved with feelings like you. so you have to take the decision. it's a big decision and it's going to be hard but if you want to continue with her don't tell her that you know. give her a clue that might you know something but never say anything about that. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

goulash	That's a very hard question. I had an affair some years back and it was completely out of character for me and it has not once occurred to me to do it again since and I never would. My hubby was being cold to me & I was hurting. I was desperate for someone to love me and I wanted that person to be my husband but someone turned up just at the point where I had an emotional vacancy. My feelings for my husband were not any less the entire time - which is a very odd feeling. The person I had an affair with had been a good friend at work for a couple of years. It lasted a few months and then it was over - so to reassure you, just cos it's happened once, it doesn't mean it will again and it does not necesarily mean that your wife's feelings towards you have changed. I know you're hurting now, so God bless and I wish you both good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Away With The Fairies	Mine did have an affair. I found out and took the decision to forgive. We've now been married for ten years and I'm very happy I didn't castrate him because we've got two beautiful children. The affair has NEVER been mentioned again. Oh, I've just read your edit. I'm sorry to hear about your wife, it's not easy but only you can decide whether to forgive or not. I won't pretend it was easy for me but I definitely made the right decision. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

joyceeleann	just ask him why Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2dog	I would try to find out what went wrong between us to push the partner into the affair. Was it a one off or a long term thing? I would feel devastated and it would take a long time for trust to come back. I wouldn't divorce my partner. I would give them the space they need. I would always be suspicious though, but do my best not to ruin what we do have. The other person will be well peeved because I would go out of my way not to make life easier for them. I'm sorry about your problems. I hope; if you both are open with your feelings, can sort this out and end up with a stronger, happier marriage. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

celi	forgive or divorce her. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Borlax	I came home early to find my wife in bed with another man, Iooked at them both ,then said I was going to make some tea. She said " what about him ". I said " He can make his own ! " Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

The BudMiester	If you still love your wife and want the marriage to continue, you will have to find a way to forgive her. Confront her about the affair, ask her why it happened, and how. Tell her you want to know the reasons, so that you can make sure it doesn`t happen again. A marriage can survive an affair and be stronger for it. It can be a wake up call to kick start the marriage again. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No