Should Children be aloud to do these things?

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llywarch_dindaethwy	Sounds to me like you are trying to demand respect from his children. You have to earn respect. Now you boyfrined also has to help you here. Unfortunately the kids have gotten away with it for a while, so it will be difficult to change. However with rigid rules and regulations and with strict enforcement and appropriate punishments it can be turned around. Sit down with your boyfriend and discuss what rules need to be set and then you two set them. Then sit all the children down and let them know how they will be allowed to act. I noticed you talked about how mean they are to your kids. Have you watched to make sure you are not being overly protective, or one sided in your views of the interaction? Just make sure you are looking at everything from a neutral point of view. It is easy to blame someone else kids all the time. Also realize that his kids are having to adjust to different rules all the time, maybe sit down with the ex wife and set the rules the same for both houses. Good Luck Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

swak	I think that you need to think about what kind of role models these kids are for your kids. Can you imagine your own kids acting like that? If you then punish them for doing the same things they are going to resent you for not punishing the other kids. You are not their mother, and it is great that you arent trying to take over that role, but you are an authority figure in your house!! You have the right to lay down the law, especially when your boyfriend isnt around! You and your boyfriend need to sit down away from the kids and come up with a plan on what you guys are going to do and how you are going to handle these situations. That way, regardless of the situation they know that their Dad would have handled things the same way as you. Show them that you are united. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

2muchcoffee	I know one thing---I am the KING in my home. My rules and if someone else will not take charge over there children then I will. I will not tolerate other children being mean to my children and I do not expect my child to mean to others. It is not tolerated in my home. If the parent does not like it then they can leave. period. It is your home and you set the rules---if anyone does not abide by the rules, then they have to go..boyfriend or not. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

nina	either talk to ur boyfriend about it, or lose him. besides, the only people u need in this world are ur children! good luck Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

working mom of 3	You have kids running your house. Is that the way you want to spend the rest of your life? Your kids don't understand, and eventually, they are not going to respect you, either. Tell boyfriend you would like to go to parenting classes - together - so there is no finger pointing going on. If things dont' get better, you need to decide if you can live with it forever. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tragicangel33	I know you don't want to hear this but this is my honest opinion. First of all your b/f is doing these children an injustice for not correcting them. And I am afraid if he doesn't things will only get worse from here on out. I realize he doesn't want to correct them due to the fact that he doesn't see them that often. But he is allowing these children to run the house hold and they are not learning bounderies. When they get older who knows what they will get into!!!!! You need to set him down and have a serious talk with him. Maybe you all could go to counseling and try and work through this. If he isn't willing then my suggestion to you would be to get another b/f or put up with it every two weeks. Because things won't change, and in fact will only get worse! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

angelfields1127@sbcglobal.net	Well first of all girlfriend, you and your boyfriend should have discuss this before you two starting living together. My husband and I both have children from previous relationships. When we made up our mind to be together I sat down with him to have a long conversation about the discipline of the children. That house belongs to the two people who is paying rent on it. The children mother has no say so. You need to put your foot down and sit down and talk to him then to her to let them know how your house will be ran. Explain to him that his children needs to respect you. If you do not nip this in the bud now you are going to catch hell as soon as the reach puberty. IN ORDER TO GET RESPECT YOU HAVE TO DEMAND IT SOMETIMES!!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

charlesjerrell	no,kids can ruin a relationship when they are not yours, they did my relationship, my gf had no rules for her kids, they layed around, watched tv, played video games, and controled her, i could not live that way, so we split, its hard to have a relationship when there are other kids in the pic. good luck Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

cgspitfire	Time out here! I understand completely where you're coming from as I had the same issue with my bf's two kids when they come here... HOWEVER, this is my home too! The fact that you're allowing their behavior to continue doesn't help and they're not going to have any respect for you if you continue to allow them to run rough shod over you. You don't have to spank them or physically discipline them, however you do need to put your foot down and let them know where the line is and when they've crossed it. You have corners, put them in it. With my bf's son, I've made him stand at attention in a corner for over 4 hours... and then he had to explain to his father why he was in the corner. Granted it helps if you're bf will back you up but it may be that he feels you're leaving everthing to him and you're not backing him up. Furthermore, you have an obligation to your children to protect them from this kind of behavior. You need to establish limits on what rooms they're allowed into and with what toys, books, etc. they're allowed to play with. You need to have a serious sit down with your bf and talk with him about your concerns and let him know that the kids are completly out of control. Tell him what you'd like to do and let him know you need him to back you up. The two of you need to be on the same page. Trust me, if the kids know that the two of you are working together, they're a lot less likely to try to play the two of you against one another. But right now, you're both letting them rule the roost. Time to be the adults and step up to the plate. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

luna_mystic_07	No your not wrong, they are running you over. If your boyfriend isn't always around when they are there with you, to MAKE SURE they behave themselves, then you allll need to get together and have a talk before he leaves and lay down some ground rules. #1 being they are NOT to be in your bedroom at all....it's no place for kids, they have no business being in there...once the ground rules are layed..{by dad} and he's gone..INFORCE them yourself...they have to respect you and if he isn't going to make them ...you sure as hell don't want to marry him and stick your kids in that mess .... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

wks	First of all rules when it comes to your own home: Lay down YOUR RULES, YOU run your household. I think if you were the one to tell these kids in a firm tone that they are not allowed to do this or that. Punish them when they are at your house, time outs, or whatever. This is YOUR territory. Good Luck w/ those monsters!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

docscholl	Honey - first and foremost, protect and defend YOUR children in ANY manner you see fit. To hell with the boyfriend. He is not being consistent and it sounds like he's a wimp. Next - children need and want discipline because they have to know the guidelines, the boundaries in which to live and grow. When parents don't discipline (and I'm not talking about beating the cr*p out of kids), the kids get the wrong message and become disruptive teens. Put your foot down. Talk to your boyfriend and lay out the law. Make him understand that he has to be an adult AND a parent. Right now, he's being the child. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

chrissy	I will put this as simply as possible. I respect the fact that you don't want to be in charge of disciplining others' children. And so, you shouldn't have to be responsible for them. It could also be a matter of liablility if something should happen to them while in your care. You should tell your boyfriend that if they are not well behaved, then they cannot be left with you alone. If this means that they only come for day visits and he has to bring them back home when he's gotta leave, then do that. I realize that this may not be fair to any of them, but you and your kids should not be treated this way. This may be the only way to deal with it for now. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Suzy	This advice might hurt, but don't marry this man, and you and your children get out of this horrible situation. Believe me, it will NOT get better, and you and your children deserve a peaceful life. Don't ever chose a man over your children! You will regret it some day, I promise. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

lettmigo	Oh Hell No! Those are children, you should be women enough to handle them it is not about discipling them you are right they are not your children you have to outsmart kids. Especially ones that are not yours but you interact with, take my advice. The next time they come over lock your belongings up and take your kids out for some quality time. Tell your boyfriend to shut the hell up and keep ignoring the situation. Let him straighten his own kids out. Do not talk to those children and put a time frame on how long they can stay. You gotta lay down the law Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

wendik09225	My only advice to you would be to tell your boyfriend to control his little heathens or you are going to walk!!! Im sorry if that sounds harsh, but why should you and your children have to endure such chaos when he is fully capable of gaining some control of those children in your home??? This is a good instance where a good swat on the backside would be more than appropriate!!! Good luck!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

blueflowerscs	well you need to tell your boyfriend , either he controls them or your gone .. you can not tell him that he can not have his children over at his house . so you need to make it clear to him that you will not put up with this any longer .. either that just start being a total ***** to his kids when they get into you stuff .... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

miwinky	do not mind them, allow them to do what ever they want but i time will come that they won't bother u again because they will realize that what they are doing is not affecting either u nor your kids so concentrate on what u want and do not bother about they will do or think about u if u want to move forward. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

cocoa	Sorry to hear about this weekend chaos! It's unfortunate parents can't see the importance of disciplining their children.If you don't do this no one will ever want this type of children around. In the long run these children miss out on life and how it should be. You only get treated well when you treat people with respect, it goes both ways. Your boyfriend should see the light about raising his children the proper way. He needs to get parent counselling in a bad way, to raise his children right. Tell him if if loves them and is concerned in there well fare he'd better change his ways. No children has the authority to run anyone's home. This is the parent's role.It's not the children's fault for being misbehavied, it's the parent's for allowing this to go on. I would resent my boyfriend if it were me. Love is a two way street. He should respect your wishes far as teaching these children right from wrong. Put a lock on your bedroom door, they certainly have no right on being in there. If this guy loves you, he best be changing the way things are.Tell him his children aren't welcome at the house anymore if they can't respect your rules. He himself needs to see the light,and the damage he's doing to these children. When there older they will have no friends in this world because of their bad attitude. Hope this helps. Make the changes NOW! Cocoa Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

msef27	well this is a tough one...because i can see you don't think it is your place to say anything to them or discipline them and i sense you also don't want to be the bad guy all the time...but....if you live there and they are coming into YOUR home and disrespecting you and your children then you have every right to set them straight! I think that if you punish them for doing bad things then it is ok because they have to learn they can't go into other peoples homes and destroy it or go through their things! It is your house and you have rules that your children abid by and so should they while they are visiting! I think that if you do do something about it...then they may respect you more...kids believe it or not like to be set straight! I think you should do more with all the children like take them out to the park and ice cream and things like that so they see that you aren't always the bad person and there can be a common ground when they behave! That is just my suggestion and you should also talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you feel and that it is your house too and your children should NOT have to suffer when his children come over and there should be a common ground in there some place.....good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Claire	I think this is a difficult one. Even though you love him so much , the situation does not seem to be acceptable to you and your children. I believe you would regret it if you marry him. Sorry to be so direct but there is more than just you two in this story. All the children are very young and it is not as if they will disappear all of a sudden, or become angels overnight. I feel for you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

leadbelly	lock all your valuables in a safe place. padlock your bedroom. take your children out for the day, or to visit your own family. as well, i would pack all your childrens things into one room and padlock it. let your husband deal with them. or leave him. the situation isn't going to get better if you do nothing. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

vetpuddle	Tell your boyfriend you are not their mother and he needs to handle them better then he is. If not take your kids and go visiting for the week-ends and get him to clean the house. Things may change then! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mauki90	If I was you, I would take my two children and leave for the two days his children are going to be there! Go stay at a relatives or a friends house. You do not have to put up with that kind of behavior and eventually after you keep leaving your boyfriend will take the hint and maybe start to discipline his children so you won't leave. Good Luck with this one. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sexyideallady	Of course you are not wrong in being frustrated and angry. You had the right idea of not disciplining them as it could end up in a terrible mess as your boyfriends girlfriend would only use this in her evil vendetta against you. She should be more mature and stop using her kids like that as this will come back to haunt them in their adult life. This is something your boyfriend needs to talk to his ex about. It is not on. Firstly you need to talk to your boyfriend and tell him it needs to stop whether he is here or not and if it does not stop when he is gone refuse to look after them as they are not treating you with basic human respect. Explain to him that you are reaching breaking point and your relationship is suffering and possibly close to ending which is what his ex probably wants. When you are both united he needs to talk to his ex and explain that they both need to talk to their kids and explain to them that their behavior is not acceptable and that they will behavior or be punished. A set of rules should be drawn up for them in your house and certain punishments attached for failure to adhere to each. What is important is that all three of you are agreed and if it is not possible to get his ex to agree it is imperative that at least you and him agree and that you have his full backing and you need to stress just how important this is to him. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

elgil	The only way that this problem can be worked out is if your boyfriend realizes how big the problem is, and supports you completely. Both of you have to show the kids an united front. Otherwise, it is a lose cause, without a future. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Yaakov	I think your children have to come before your boyfriend. If his kids are over ten years old, then it's probably too late to do anything about it, and you need to move on. What would happen if you got married? Would your children have to suffer through years of teasing and torment? Would they learn to hate you because of it? Sometimes you can tell the quality of a man by the quality of his children (although the mother plays just as big a role). Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

shoshidad	Inform boyfriend firmly that it is his full time job while his kids are in the home to watch them full time and control them full time. It is not your job. Next visit, pick up your two children and leave for the weekend. They are his kids. Their mother has decided that you are the source of all evil and has directed her kids to make life terrible for you. Why be there when the terrible kids are? Stay with friends or rent a motel room for the night. When you come back, inform boyfriend that it is his job, not yours, to put the house back together. Even if you have to step over trash for a week don't clean up anything other than your stuff. If he still can't control his kids after two visits, seriously consider leaving him -- he's not going to be a good parent or a good step-parent. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

eldoradodave	Bust there Butts and if he don't like it ship the BUM out. You deserve R_E_S_P_E_C_T and your kids and their belongings too as well as your own space. Get out while you still can and find someone who shares your values and Ideals Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

fhornsr	The only thing I can see that you're doing "wrong" is continuing to associate with this man. He has no concept of what it takes to raise a child. If you want to preserve the personalities of your own children, as well as your own sanity, find a new boyfriend. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

bobbathejobba	Gosh - this is serious. OK - I guess you need to have a chat with your boyfriend about this and tell him how it makes you feel and ask for his permission to discipline them in order to protect you own children. It is your place to ensure your children are safe. And they need to learn what is and what is not acceptable. Perhaps it would be best if you both agree appropriate ground rules and suitable course of action beforehand. eg be nice to your children, do not go in your room. Then make clear to them when they next come what will happen - they will get one warning and then if they do it again there will be consequences. They'll soon wake up if (for example) their misbehaviour results in them losing treats (or if it's your house) being put outside until they're prepared to apologise, or being sent back to their mothers early (unless that's what they want). It is important that you do act on this because the longer you wait the more they'll believe that you're inaction means that you agree with their behaviour. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No