Need advice on husband who is never home!!?

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Blunt	I was going to answer something different (i.e. get a hobbie, a job, go to school et. and have your own independent life where yuo are not emotionally co-dependednt of yoru husband) UNTIL I read the part about him leaving on Father's day and came back home drunk!!! I draw the line there, he has his own selfish agenda and is being inconiderate of you and his son. BELIEVE him when he says that he can't change, and please, do not wait until he "sees the light" or magically change, he is set on his ways and unwilling to change his rude, inconsiderate behavior. If you want a family man, unfortunatly, it won't be with him. Good luck Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

LeadingLady	All these character traits seem to go together. My fiance is the same, he is very controlling, say's he'll never move around my family, and loves to do those same types of things: fishing, boating, hunting, etc. The only difference is that he makes me come along with my son. I see 1of 2 things happening in your situation. Either he feels like he lost his free time getting married and having a kid and all or he may be seeing someone else, not to be mean. Working all the time and staying away from home is a clear indication that he does not want to be home. No one in the world would rather work as opposed to being home. NO ONE. It is normal for a man to need an outlet of some sort but to never want to be home just says that he is not happy at home. Talk to him and find out why. Good .luck and don't be afraid of his answer. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jersey Boy	Sounds like you married a selfish little boy in a man's body. He is missing his son growing up and is to much of a fool to notice. I suggest marriage counseling as things will not take care of themselves and you both have to sit down and communicate. Good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Msdeb gee	AS WITH ALL THINGS IN A MARRIAGE YOU TWO NEED TO FIND A COMPROMISE TELL HIM HE NEEDS TO BE DADDY AND HUBBY EVER OTHER WEEKEND ON THE OTHR TWO WEEKEND A MONTH HE CAN CHOOSE TO WORK ARE FGO WITH THE BOYS ONCE YOU HAVE KIDS YOU NEED TO BUT THE BOYS ON THE BACK SHELVE HE BETTER REALISE THAT SONS NEED DADS AND THEY NEED ONE THEY CAN BE PROUD OF AND GET TO KNOW ND FILL LIKE THEY CAN DEPEND ON THEM Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Violet Pearl	Um..hello... if you want to have a husband who wants to be home, you have to make home a nice place to be! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

bethybug	That is very lonely and not fair to you. However, you can't force him to change. He wants his cake and eat it too.....wants to go when and where he wants, but keep you under his thumb. Just don't allow that!!! I know...easier said than done.....but easier now then later....trust me. You need to get some girlfriends who want to do stuff ...and that maybe have kids too. You could meet at each other's houses with the kids, or take turns babysitting and the other ones go out. PLAN on doing things that make YOU happy......and just DO them. If he is irritated with you about it that will give you the opportunity to talk with him. Write down your points ahead so you can get them out in case you get emotional...even if you have to read them or hand them to him. You deserve more! Maybe make a list of things like this.... "when you do this....... it makes me feel like this....... When he sees you mean business he will pay attention. Best of luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mafiosu	Anyone can change. Life is all about constant change. Your DH just doesn't want to change in ways that cause him to give up the things he wants. This is called being childish and immature. Either he learns to compromise or you need to decide if you want to be a woman alone raising a child. And keep in mind your son needs a father to spend time with him-it isn't just about you and hubby anymore. He doesn't have to give up the things he loves--he just needs to compromise and make sure he spends time doing things that you love too. As for him flipping out when you went home for a visit--well that sounds very selfish to me. He can't have it both ways and you have it neither way. He can change if you stop making all the changes in your life to suit him. You are too easily convinced to alter your life and sacrifice your happiness. Work on your self esteem and stand up to this fool! Your DH can't be controlling unless you are controllable. Yes, he can change, but you can't change him. You can change yourself though and the way you approach this problem. P.S. Yes, there are family men out there. Look around. If your DH won't go to the park or to the lake for a picnic-then go yourself. You'll see real families having REAL fun together. My DH is a great family man and he is always thinking of us first. If we are happy then he is happy. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

TD's Aunt	As much as I hate to say this, it does sound like your husband is selfish and/or unhappy. He should not have had a problem at all with you going to spend a week with your family unless for some reason you were in danger there--I'm doubting that. It is normal for spouses to have different activities that they enjoy, and even spending some time away doing them--even if it is working. But there is also such a thing as spending too much time away. If you were to move closer to your family, would he be at home more often? No matter where you live, if he doesn't have you and your son as his top priority, then there will always be an issue. You should talk to your husband and let him know how you feel and why. Be willing to listen to him if he does open up to you. If you find out that he is just selfish or unhappy and can't figure this problem out, then marriage counseling is an idea. If he values you and your happiness at all, then he will try whatever it takes to work this out--even if it means spending less time on his other activities and more time with his wife and his son. If he refuses to listen or get counseling and things don't change, then you will need to start looking out for you and your son alone. When you make plans, don't involve him or work anything around him. If he gets upset, you can simply explain your reasons. I hope that it doesn't come down to that or to the possibility of your leaving, but you can't live like this forever. And whether you realize it or not, neither can your son. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

♥Care♥	Look at your very first sentence..."My husband and I have two different personalities"......knowing this you still CHOSE to marry him. By marrying him you ultimately accepted his behavior and now you want to change it? not gonna happen. You have 2 choices, stay and accept him as he is with NO complaing or leave. Up to you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Tired and Cranky	My husband is the same way. When we first go together I knew all those things he liked doing (things I don't like to do) and he likes to work as much as possible. I have tried explaining to him that he should WANT to be home with his family as much as he can like cut his every Saturday at work down to every other Saturday or instead of going fishing every weekend go every other weekend. But it didn't work. The truth is I knew how he was when I married him and now I either have to accept it or leave him and move on. So you have to do the same. You can't change him and trying to change him is only going to make the both of you and your child unhappy. So like I said you have two choices... stay and deal with it or leave. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

d b	should have test drove him longer before getting married. You will do better on the next guy. He does sound selfish Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

jaded	many guys dont like babies, they like sons when they are old enuf to play and wrestle and play catch with. men arent domestic like women. he sounds like a very much mans man, in his attitudes. i wish you could do some counseling, it might help both of you understand each other. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

✶ღ✶Ҟεїɭʮ Ƶḩαℇ...ßὄȓη Ӎმȑ.2,09✶ღ✶	He sounds controlling and very selfish. I assume you have one car and he takes it, leaving you home w/ the baby transportless.(right?) Do what is best for you and you're child regardless of how he feels. If he cared so much he wouldn't leave you home alone all the time. Move close to your family if you need the help but get away from him. Only more hurt and loneliness will come from you hanging around. He doesn't want a wife he wants a rag doll who does what he says when he says it. Good luck to you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

fastplayer37	i was married to a man like yours almost 7 years ago. We were happy before our son came along b/c i worked, he worked and i didnt care that he drank and played cards two times a week, went to vegas yearly with cousins, and played golf on weekends during the summer. But when i got prgnant we started having our problems when i was 8 months. He would make comments like, "my friend told me women turn into nags when they are pregnant". I started asking him to stop drinking heavily in case my water broke. I even had to call my dad to help me out if something did happen. Anyhow, My son came along and i was always with my son. He never did anything with us! He didnt even know what my son can do in the park! He continued to live his lifestyle but loved the fact that i was home caring for his son and that he can just come home drunk twice a week, golf on weekends, go on his trips without us b/c he knew i would be there cleaning the house, working, and caring for my son. After talking with him and getting no where (he didnt change) and seeking counselling (didnt work) i finally put my foot down and told him i would only work weekends so that i could stay home with my son. He was furious b/c he couldnt golf anymore and i didnt care b/c i was paying for sitters so i can go to work during the week and i wasnt getting any sleep (he wouldnt even get up during the night). I felt better once i started working weekends b/c i wasnt as tired but our marriage got worse. It was like he was resenting me more and more. Finally, I told him that i was going to end the relationship if he didnt change and spend more time with us, put my name on his bank account and put my name on the house. Of course he said he would change but a year went by and he didnt. I stopped communicating with him and he thought things were fine b/c i wasnt nagging and complaining anymore. He didnt realize that i was saving my money, hoarding things to my moms, and speaking to a lawyer. I also opened up a credit line while married. After a year went by, I filed for a divorce. I was in tears b/c like you i wanted to be a family but i couldnt live this way anymore and my son almost two years old would grow up in this type of environment and probably do this to his wife one day. My ex came from a family like this so the pattern would just continue. I finally put an end and left. Guess what? It was the best thing i ever did for my son and my sanity. The first year was tough financially b/c we had to go through lawyers for him to pay adequate child support, etc...But now its great. He spends alot of time with son and i have peace of mind. My son has no memories of these bad times and only loves his dad. If i didnt leave, my ex would of continued to just do whatever he wanted and never really spnd time with us. Now, he wants his son all the time b/c i hve full custody and misses him. Not only did i do myself a favor and met someone 10 times better and am having another baby, but my son is alot better too! Oh i wanted to add, that i also didnt have any family support at the time and had to do alot of it on my own. I hope you make the best decision for yourself andyour child. You have to think about your child and how you want him to grow up. You also have a chance of meeting someone else who you have alot more in common. This is so important!! Ididnt realize this when i got married at the time!! I was basically married and alone and he was married and acting single. It also finally hit me when one day iw as walking my son in the stoller along the riverfront and this man who noticed me came up to me and said "are you married? I always see you alone?". He was interested in me and it made me realize that i appeared single b/c my husband was never with us. Sad eh? I hope my story helped you and that you realize you arent alone. So many women go through this crap and its disgusting. There are good men out there but hard to find. Its best to stay single if you do move out and enjoy our peace of mind. You will learn from this and it will make you stronger and wiser. I hope you can work things out in your marriage b/c divorce sucks big time! But make your decision before your son turns three or it will get harder and he will have memories ofit all. Bye for now Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sammy3256	You should not be sitting home just because he is not there and if he throws a nutty = too bad for him. I would also get tighter with his family since they are around you = make lots of plans with them and have those plans include him and then let them see how many times you show up without him. Let them be the bad guys. They will let them know how they feel about it. There are types of men who dont know what to do with kids, there are types that want it all so they have a full schedule and family, kids. You have one that has alot of interests. Before you write it off - try something else. The bottomline is that you are not number one with him. For whatever reason. So dont make him number one - keep your own plans and make your own plans and that way you wont feel as resentful as you do now. Get with his family make lots of plans with them and let them see what is happening ... then take it from there... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

C_DOGG	I do think that people sometimes are complete opposites and that they don't bring out the best in each other. i think if you guys love each other that you both should make concessions for one another. i think the statement that he is who he is and can't change is BS. If he loves you and your son like he should he would consider making some changes. Your happiness counts, you need to do what is good for you and your son. Good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

TC	I think you sound like a nice responsible person and he sounds like a complete *. I dont think this guy is ever going to be what you really want. If he dosent even want to spend time with his baby boy now, do you ever think he is going to. You and your son deserve so much better. There are tons of guys who would love to be at home with there babies. Kick his * to the curb, and find your self a real man. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sandy Ego	Yes, there are plenty of men who love spending time with their families and don't feel the need to go hang out elsewhere. My husband will choose to spend time with me 99% of the time; he does go out with his friend every once in a while, but it's extremely rare. When I was growing up, my dad spent most of his free time at home with us. My father-in-law is semi-retired and spends most of his free time with my mom-in-law, they just bought a lake house and they go there every weekend to "veg out", as they like to say - but, in fact, they have a boat and a kayak and some wave runners, and they always go out on the boat and stuff, they don't just sit around the house. Your husband is right about one thing - you can't change him. You married a man who prefers going out with friends over spending time with his family; this is a choice that you made when you said "I do". Trying to change him now is a futile proposition; he is who he is. If you want a man who WANTS to be home with his family, then you need to look for such a man - instead of continuously trying to shove a square peg into a round hole. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

MARLEY8	This is when my opinion will collide with others. There are certain things that you can't expect someone to change. So that being said, why are women supposed to change when they have children? If I was out drinking and partying in clubs when you met me and we then got married and pregnant; is it okay for me to continue partying every night? Regardless of how he behaved when you met him he now has a family. That does not mean he should not do the things he enjoys. It means he has to also have time for his wife and son. I'm assuming because he got married and helped make a child this is what he wanted. When a person is like this it is like being married to an addict. He will not change till he decides to do so. Didn't you mention that he flipped out when you got some time to yourself?? It sounds to me like you have spoken to him about this and he is unwilling to bend. Your next step can be action. Try a small separation. Show him that you are not willing to sit around and be miserable all your years waiting for him to grow up. I hope he realizes that his child and wife need him and he does something about it. Good Luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

DooWopKid	Your husband is not a smart man. If I could talk to him believe me not only would he be spending more time with you but he would be more than happy to allow you to spend time with your family. This is a situation where a guy needs to have a man to man talk with him. Maybe he has a brother you are close with or maybe his best friend or his father or a respected old timer or maybe even a minister. If there is no one then try marriage counseling even though I doubt he'll go. He has grown too comfortable for his own good and needs a good talking to. Good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Trisha	I am so sorry to hear your story, because I am exactly right where you are right now and have been for a very, very long time. They don't change and there is no way u can make them change.You either have to accept it or leave and STUPID ME chose to stay. WHY U SAY? I HAVE NO IDEA. I hate it here and I'm beginning to hate him. I would so love to have someone that is going through the same thing to talk to, cuz I know how lonely it can get. If u want to e mail me and we can chat and compare notes, I would just love to have a friend on my side. You r doing the right thing by not taking your son on that boat. I went and took my son on a boat once when he was small, it was my brother in law's boat. I thought he would be carefull wit a small child on there and boy was I wrong. My son was at the edge of the boat and my brother in law didn't seem to care when I stared screaming at him to slow down, it just made him go faster, I was so angry, u have no idea what I felt like not being able to reach my son because he was going so fast and turning the boat, nobody could even move. I will never forget this, I almost lost my son cuz of a ****** idot that thought it was funny. Well let me tell u I never took him back there again. My husband had the nerve to ask me why don't we go there anymore. I said cuz I don't want to loose my son. p_vandusen@hotmail.com Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Ricky	You knew him before you married him that sums it all up, i just graduated high school last year and i know this. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Kasja	Your husband is a selfish a** hole and frankly he does not deserve you. Why do you put up with this? He does this because you let him and he will continue to do this because you will continue to let him. You need to do something about this. It's like he doesn't even care about you or his family. Ever since my husband and I have been married he has been a family man. He never wants to go anywhere without us, he'd rather be home with us then out with his friends and when he does want to do something he want's me to go with him. Your husband doesn't know how to be a husband nor a father, apparently. You seem as though you'd be better off alone, so why not? There are more fish in the sea, don't settle for someone who doesn't give a sh*t. Get your butt out there and find someone more deserving of your love, someone who will be there for you and your child and someone who actually wants to be with you. good luck, i hope it works out for you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Green eyed Tlingit	you married him for better or worse. ask him to involve you and your son in a safe environment. He wants to fish, tell him he's taking you and your son, but it will be a family weekend only. If he doesn't like it, tell him flat out that you are feeling left out of his life, and you cant let it continue and if he's unwilling to try, that you cant understand the lack of care on his half. But I do suggest you get yourself an activity that keeps you busy. My husband is hardly ever home...he's in the army and deployed. we survive the distance. we've done this only because we BOTH work at it. if you hubby wont, hun it's maybe time to trade up for a new one that knows your worth. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

EKat!	Okay sorry to tell you this but this was his plan from the beginning! He already knew to take you away from your family and to just be home waiting on him and living for him! He knew he wouldn't be home and he knew to keep you there! There are so many men like your man out there and he probably isn't doing all the things he says hes doing, quit being so gullible! He is going to take the best years of your life like he is doing now, keeping you at home wasting your years living for him! While he goes out and gets to do his hobbies and have his fun and you have to stay home with the baby,, so typical and not unusual! Its just so many settle for what you have and waste these years untill its to late and your older and finally realise so many years later what happened and what he did to you! Its up to you now do you want to settle to live like this or get out and be able to do the things you dreamed of doing, you have a baby and hes not there already so move get out and go back to your family! He will always be this way and it was in his plan already like so many other men are doing! He is taking the best years of your life don't you see it, I mean you can't even see your own family!!! WAKE UP!!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

barnestnk	First I would like to say that you are a better person than I am, because I would have been packed my kids up and left town to be closer to my family. If he isnt willing to change to help the marriage you go on, either he is going to get his s*** together and do whats best for his family, but either way you are a saint for dealing wiht him GOOD LUCK Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Strandedgypsey	Your not married to a man...that's a spoiled boy! Advice is if you plan on staying with him forever you better just get use to THIS IS THE WAY IT IS !! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Anji	He can't change means he WONT change. It is pathetic that this man chose to spend Fathers Day away from his kiddo...Pathetic, no-good weasel. I could not live nor respect a man like this...and I think you deserve better. Good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Racin	I like to stay home with my family. I also don't like doing things with out them. Hey we are the same... I am the type of guy you are looking for. ..maybe we should hook up. Wait, I'm married and your married. Dang it I hate that when that happens. See... we are out there. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Butch R	your husband or should i say roommate needs to grow up and stop hanging out with the boys. he needs to hang with his wife and son. sorry to say if not move on because he'll never be there for you and your son. good luck Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Kara	i'd like to start by saying to you, kudos for staying and being worried about your marriage and not cheating or going outside of you r marriage to fix what's going on inside of your marriage.. HOWEVER, your husband is a very selfish person. And you allow it. I'm sorry but you do. You teach people how to treat you. And you've taught him that no matter what he does or how dismissive he is of your feelings your going to stay. I can almost guarentee that you have told him all of this till you were blue int he face, which makes this situation very sad to me. I dont want to say that he dont care, but if it quacks like a duck.... If he is the macho man that he portrays, then, all the macho men i know take care of home first. It sounds like he's only taking care of himself. And it sounds like he's unhappy as well, because any person happy in they're marriage wouldnt spend so much time away from it. It sounds like you have two options 1. Both of you go to marriage counseling (both have teo be willing, dont nag him to go because then he wont want to be there and he wont get anyhting out of it) or 2. Pack up you and your son, file for a seperation (and if he's not willing to work on it then) then file for divorce. Your life and your sons life is entirely to precious for you to be unhappy. And although you love him, love yourself enough to want more and be happy. Move closer to YOUR family. Dont force him or ask him to move. You two can move to where his family is 150 miles away and yours is 150 miles away. my saying that is to say, there has to be a happy medium. you cant be the only one compromising. For once in your life, think about yourself. in certain situations, it's totally the right thing to do.. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No