My husband wants a divorce. i am not ready for that. what can i do?

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ruebezahl2001	I know this is the last thing you want to hear but you have to let him go. I heard the same thing from my wife and I just couldn't understand it at the beginning. If someone tells you that he/she doesn't love you anymore it's time to let it go and it hurts too much. Focus on yourself, find new activities and be surrounded by family and friends. Time will make things better. Good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

BikerChick	MAYBE, but do NOT count on it!! Prepare yourself for the worst, and hope for the best, but don't delude yourself. Maybe you can give it more time by agreeing to a legal separation instead of jumping straight to divorce - but if he truly does not love you anymore, hanging on to him will only hurt you more in the long run. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

badkitty1969	If he has decided that he wants a divorce, then he has already decided that he doesn't want to be married anymore. You cannot force him to stay in a relationship that he has already decided is over and that he no longer wants to be a part of. In your husband's mind, the marriage is already over. Time to prepare to move on. I know that you are hurting and that you don't want things to end, but what you need to do now is work on protecting yourself, both financially and emotionally. You are going to have to be prepared to go through a possibly difficult transition period and you will have some healing to do. Continue your own counseling and find a good support structure (family and friends). Good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

freecandy2005	well talk to him about it and try to get him to understand and if that doesn't work then leave you can't make him want to be with you. good look. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

crocolyle10	I am sorry to say this, but trust me when I tell you it is definately physical. He would not be moving out and talking divorce unless he was in a relationship with this woman. I guarantee it! Confront him with this. Dont back down. He is lying to you. If he does not own up to it and if you cant talk this out with him, let him go. If he continues to deny a relationship, then you are in love with a liar.. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sarafabulous	maybe get some counseling? talk to him about you feelings. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

lady_phoenix39	You can go to counseling, and you probably should, if for no other reason than to help you deal with the situation, but if he is not willing to save the marriage it cannot be saved. Sorry, hon. In the future, do NOT sleep with or live with any man who is not happy, willing and EAGER to get a ring on your finger and give you his name, his heart and his future. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tim2honorgod	Unfortunately it takes two. All you can do is let him know you;re willing to work on the relationship. If he says he doesn't want to, then try to let him go and get onwith your life. I know it's not what you want to do, but when one person has no intention of holding onto their promise of love, then you have to find someone who is. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

{♥Sadie King♥}	Thats very harrible and I pray that you come to a comclusion about this. What I think you should do is have some counseling and if that doesnt work, try to work it out yourselves. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Char B	It's absolutely impossible to make someone love you no matter how much you love them. If you let him go and keep your dignity then maybe he will snap out of whatever he is feeling right now and realize how much the two of you had together. After a little time goes by it makes it much easier to see things with an opened mind. Right now you are seeing only how much you miss him and how he has made you sad. You will then see things that you didn't see before and that is when the truth inside of you will come into the picture. That is when you might realize that it wasn't meant to be. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

acetylene	Sorry baby, sounds like it's already over. You need to see someone to talk to and try to move on...slowly. Pick yourself up and look into the mirror, what's your next step? Take one day at a time. Hope you fell better. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

lostnlove	Continue counseling..however if he is done with you.. don't beg him back!!! Stand Tall and Start your life again.. No man wants a weak woman!!! And maybe when he sees your no longer crying in the corner.. he will have a moment where he thinks .. wait a minute... she don't want me anymore?... and what you back... but it may be a little to late! Keep You Head Up!!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mike's D One	You need to move on. He has been bagging this woman for some time but just refuses to tell you. He will not stop cheating on you as well and you need to ask yourself if you want this in your life. God I hope you don’t have children. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

intelligentdesign	Listen, once a guy hooks onto another woman, and that's what's obviously happening here...it's over..the good news? 99% of the time they realize how stupid that was and the thrill of new sex or whatever quickly fades then they want the Good one back...I've see it happen all the time, then you are in control if you still want this philandering idiot. Men never leave to be alone, they leave when theres a new woman in thier life or one thats putting pressure to leave the wife or not have her. Cunning sleaze's. Here's my advice, let go and let him self destruct, dont pine over him and dont let him use you inbetween for sex or emotional support, make sure that he takes all his stuff or that gives him have control over your life and he'll slip in and out of your life screwing up your recovery. Your mission is to be strong and firm! you dont deserve to be his security blanket, read this fab book called "coming apart" it says that by and large all the break-ups of couples actualy wound up for the good in the end...even after long marriages. Good even for the one that was dumped. Join a gym, get new clothes, build your self esteem and dont ever ever ever let any other human being destroy your life!!!! Stry busy and be with supportive friends, DO NOT CHASE HIM!!! He will reconsider it all belive me, then you can see how you feel about it all. BE STRONG!!! I wish you well. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lia	Too bad. It is very hard to contest a divorce. He doesn't want to be with you. You need to move on now. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

dawn l	if he is not willing too put any effort in making it work and he is already seeking other women that is not a good sign of a long lasting marriage i know that it hurts when you love someone and they dont return it but the best thing too do sometimes is cut your loss before it gets worse and learn from your mistakes and pray that you wont make them again good luck Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Melissa M	I hate to be like this but there is no hope, I have seen this a million times, even if you do stay together one or both of you will be back at it in no time. The counseling might work for a month or two but then what?? You have to ask yourself why would he be talking to another woman about this, and women are just as much dogs as men, she is seeing him vulnerable and she will eventually claw her way through that wall he temporarily has up. If she doesn't somebody else will, its like this thing, after 8 years if its not magic its over, don't wait until its too late to move on because then you will really be a mess. You have to be a strong independent woman and overcome this temporary struggle. On the other hand if you two have been living together for close to 8 years it might be a separation you need, that many years up under someone can weigh heavy on temptation, and wonderment. Maybe you need a break away to see if you truly want to be with each other, im no shrink, I don't know the situation but I am giving input based on personal experience. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Marina	I hate to say it, but probably not. He has told you what his deal is already, and make no mistake about it...what's going on with this other woman has more to do with just needing a friend to talk to. Men don't typically up and leave their wives unless they have a damn good reason; think about it, why would they give up the house they worked hard for more often than not, half their assets, their pension, child support, alimony, etc. unless there was something seriously driving them to do so? I'm not saying there were no other problems in the marriage and that this woman is the only reason, but I do believe she was the catalyst, and I am SO sorry for you! Try the counseling to see if anything can be salvaged for YOU! Don't go there asking how to get back with him, ask how to heal YOURSELF! Stop worrying about him, what he's doing, feeling, etc. and focus on yourself and your own well being. I know it's hell, but you can't make him come back to you. I wish you well, sweetie. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

amywood87	Counseling is the only thing that MAY be able to salvage it at this point. It unfortunately sounds like it's too late. I'm very, very sorry. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

American Beauty	If the man wants a divorce, let him go. You invested too many years in him, before he married you. Were you pregnant when you got married? If so, you can assume that he feels trapped; because he wasn't planning to marry you at all. And if he says he doesn't love you, he's probably telling the truth. Guys like him string women like you along, for the convenience of having regular sex and someone to help with the bills, while they continue to look for Ms. Right. This is why you should never spend 6 years with a man who hasn't married you. It's not in your best interest. Understand that when I say "women like you," I mean women who love them enough to wait for marriage. Women who put demands on men fare better, because they don't allow a man to string them along. No counseling in the world is going to make this man love you, if he really doesn't. Understand that now, so that you're not disappointed when the counseling doesn't work. And don't cross this other woman off. He may think she is Ms. Right, whether it's physical now or not. I'm not trying to hurt you, but you need to know the truth, so that you don't fall into a trap like this again. If you don't have children, start planning a future without your husband. Chalk this one up and be glad that children aren't involved! After you've dealt with your pain, file for divorce and get on with your life. You sound like a nice person; so try not to let this get you down. By all means, learn from the experience. Don't let a man waste your time, by keeping you on a string for 5 or 6 years! And don't be so quick to move in with these guys. Men are devious creatures; and you have to be even smarter than they think they are. Tell yourself that from now on, it's all about ME, not about them! Best wishes to you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sunshine	Sorry, but you both have to want it, if it's going to stand a chance. Keep praying that he changes his mind but be prepared to move on, sounds like, to me. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Trish	It sounds like his mind is made up. It is sad, but maybe it is time for you to cut your loses and move on. Chances are IF he has been talking to another woman about your problems... then he is just a short distance from having a full-blown relationship with her. He OBVIOUSLY does not feel he can come to you........which is probably part of the problem. He feels comfortable with her and because of that.....he is probably developing feelings for her which means relationship in the making. I am really sorry about your loss. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

ottoman	Sorry to be direct..But no there is no hope ..look at it this way . 1 ) he doesn't love you if he argues with you constantly . 2 ) if he loved you he would not leave you on your own for over a week, and not care what happens to you ..this is very important to take notice... 3 ) after the split .not only he missed you .he didn't even wanted to see you ... 4 ) now he says he is not in love with you..doesn't even ask to discus this with you over some period of time to find a answer .. 5 ) instead he wants a divorce.. Can you not see .he is looking for a way out ...and he is finding it all to easy as he discover un ventured territory.. No he wont last to long with you..sorry but Wake up, and grab every thing you possibly can get your hands on, before he dose ..good luck Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

katka	I do not think there is any hope there. I think it would be more painful for you to be in a relationship with a man that doesn't love you, then for you to divorce, and perhaps in the future, start seeing a man who does love you, and you love back. If he has truely stopped loving you, then your relationship as a couple will never be intimate the way it used to be. Sometimes it is harder to confront the pain of parting ways, than comfronting the lonely prospect of living with someone who just doesn't love you. But in the long-run it is better to not be with someone who no longer loves you. It's a sad situation, and I hope you find the right answers that are good for YOU... in the long-run. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Home-School	My wife read the book by Doctor Laura "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" I must admit, Our marriage has improved vastly. It's a quick and easy read. Try it. You may find some mistakes you have made and learn how to fix it. She's such a sweetheart and she's getting better every day. Oh, we've been married 25 years. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jacqueline D	My husband is a therapist and let me tell you this: 90% of couples go to therapy and one of them has already made up his mind that he wants a divorce, and they want the therapist to break it to their spouse gently. Your husband wants out. The only thing you can do is tell him that you do love him, and rather than get a divorce you'd settle for a trail seperation. Tell him you want to continue therapy and you want 6 months to see if you two can straighten your marriage out. Keep telling and showing him that you love him and you want your marriage to work. That's all you can do. In the end, it's up to him to decide whether he wants to stay married to you. As for the other woman....you can't control what they talk about or what they might be doing. Ignore the people on here who say he's sleeping with her, they have no clue. Tell your husband you're worried that he's talking to another woman and not you, but don't jump to the "You're sleeping with her!" conclusion. That will only drive him further away. Ask him to talk to you instead. Good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Americka S	If someone no longer wants to be with you, you have to respect their decision regardless of how much it hurts. Why would you want to be with someone who no longer desires to be with you? Staying in a loveless marrige will be much worse in the long term. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mgnlok	It is like when a woman tells you she loves you but she isn't in love with you anymore ,it means it is over time to move on Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

The Don	don't lower yourself to begging or chasing a man that has given up on you! If he is talking to another woman about it, it's physical too, trust me. It hurts to hear, but you need it straight...he wants a divorce because he is cheating on you and thinks the grass is greener, let him go...he'll come running back in 6 months when he gets cheated on. Would you rather deal with the pain of divorce now, or the agaony of trying to please him the rest of your life while he is banging some other chic!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

lovinglifeina69	No, he's already banging that other girl. I'm sorry to say it, but he is. After 2.5 years, telling another girl about your problems, they're already screwing. A lot. Be ready for it. Make yourself ready for it. In fact, file for the damn thing yourself, on grounds of infidelity, you'll get more. Especially if your lawyer can get a PI to get the evidence on their affair. You don't need that kind of bs. I'm sorry you married a loser. Let him go and find a good man. Stop having sex with him for sure. You really don't want to get pregnant now. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

♥J€§§¡¢a♫W€§§¡¢a♥™	I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope that if you suggest marriage counseling and let him know that you really do still love him and want to make things work, he'll listen. Sometimes, it's easy to forget that being married doesn't mean we don't have to work to keep things together... things get boring, or things get rough, and it's so easy to want to bail out. As long as neither of you is cheating, and you're both willing to try counseling, my best wishes go out to you. It seems that if he's emotionally cheating, and not physically cheating, that's a clue as to what your husband feels he needs. Both kinds of cheating are wrong, don't mistake me, but it sounds like she's listening to whatever he's complaining about. I hope he's willing to work things out. If not, better that you know now, early on in the marriage. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No