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Robert S
My 39-year old husband only wants sex twice/month. I would like it 3 times a week. He says I have a problem.?
He only wants to have sex twice a month. I would like to have it more often but have compromised and said 3 times a week would be fine. He thinks I have a problem (chemical imbalance) because I want it more. I think he has the problem. Twice a month is just unacceptable. He refuses to go to a doctor or ask the therapist about this(yes, we're in therapy). I feel rejected, unloved, un-cared for, unwanted, etc. This is killing our marriage. I can't go the next 30+ years without sex in our marriage. I am only 34 and want more in my life/our relationship. Why can't he see that this is important. He just wants to cuddle more. Give me a break. Please help!



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LoveSlave
Sounds similar to one of the last questions I just asked - getting the same replies of our sexual peaks are at different times in our lives...my initial feeling with your situation is the possibility of another lover on the side....hope not!

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pleaseanswer
Rating
Wow..do not let anyone tell you you have something wrong with you...that is what they do when they don't want it.
Mine has health issues...before got married..none
now none 12 yrs..
so feel lucky

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from_a_dark_place
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Well, if he can't see how lucky he is than maybe the marriage isn't worth it. Does he have any idea how many husbands would kill to have a wife with a healthy sex drive? Then again, we don't personally know either one of you. Maybe he feels like you only want to have sex but don't want to be emotionally intimate. I'm not saying that that is definitely it, but it might be a possibility. Good luck.

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thesource2007<<<my psn
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try making sex interesting by trying new things maybe do some role playing maybe a fantasy he want to try get him in the mood maybe he doesn't want to do things because it just boring old style so try some new lingerie or maybe getting a toys..spice up the bedroom

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Moondog
yes - you do have a problem. But it is his doing. Get him some Viagra or something. Maybe some of that enzyte they are advertising. Don't know if it works but try it. You have just reached your peak a few years ago. He peaked at 18. But still - he needs to achieve a higher level of interest if for mo more reason than to keep you happy. Most guys - me - would be happy if the wife wanted it more often.

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2GOOD4U!
Rating
Im guessing ya'll are gay? Robert s. Regardless 3 times a week is VERY reasonable. I think 3 times a month is ridiculous and HE is the one that has something wrong with him not you. Or maybe you just dont turn him on anymore. Try doing a striptease or change it up a little bit. Good luck with that.

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NAY
WHEW! I can feel where you are coming from I am 32 and before I got married I was in a 7.5 year relationship that was pretty much just as yours. It is very hard and I understand that, but have you told him how it makes you feel? Yeah, it's nice to cuddle but he also needs to understand that you have sexual needs that need to be cuddled :).

Well maybe he's too embarrassed to tell the therapist about the situation and if that is the case I would suggest you mention it or even contact your doctor and explain the scenario to them. They may be able to give you some advice or suggestions to help. I know that when some guys get order their drive tends to slow down. That does not mean that he doesn't love you or that you are undesirable to him. I think you have compromised GREATLY.

Good Luck and Be Blessed.

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kazapim
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How about this.. If he wont eat correctly or goto a doctor.. Maybe not even workout.. Then Hold out on him.. Say no if he wants it. Make him earn it.. Make it a game. Be nice but dont do anything sexual for him.. Watch no sex for a month hell be all ove ryou like your first year with him.. Play the game you did in college. it works.. i hope that helps :)

You want what you cant have in like or are not getting.. Do to him what hes doing to you. it can only pump his sex drive.

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BabeHeart
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So if he doesn't want to ask the therapist about it, then why don't YOU? It's not uncommon for people in a relationship to have differing sex drives. However if you two can't find a compromise then it's likely to be (at least part of) the eventual downfall of your relationship.

When a person's sex life isn't satisfactory, it starts affecting other areas of their life, they feel resentment toward their partner, etc. Sex isn't everything, but when you're not happy about it, it can eventually affect everything else.

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sfcjcl
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GO BABY GO!!!! You have needs that he, as your husband, should respect. There is a compromise here somewhere. I would suggest that the Therapist gets involved. Oopps! Through therapy only, of course..

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lovergirl_reez
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well, according to some of my GUY friends, who have been asked this kinda question, all they would tell me, is that your Hubby could have ANOTHER WOMAN, or a FRIEND WITH BENEFITS, it could be that, or it could just be that, he does not know what he WANTS, which it TYPICAL of a guy in GENERAL anyway! BEsdies if you are in counselling already, try to get him to TALK about it there, and if he does nto want to....your guess si as good as anyones....

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cjp201
This is a tough cookie to break!
Why don't you talk to him?
Or if that doesn't work compromise try having sex in different places like the bath make it all nice and romantic or maybe the living room just after a romantic dinner? You seem to have a good imagination so it should not be hard for you to think of something special. It could also help telling him how you feel.
This is neither your or his problem different people think different things about sexual intercourse.
Good Luck

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c b
He has the problem, NOT YOU. But the compromise is a good one. My wife and I have had sex Twice this year this year

2 times a month would be a dream for me!!!!!!!!!!

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bkgrl718
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oh noo he said your the one with the problem yehh ok he is in denial and you need to tell him that who has sex only 2 times a month when involved or married thats not normal and I do not blame you for feeling that way being unloved and unwanted and all I would feel the same actually I mean when I was with my bf I had times when I did not feel up to it or was not in the mood when he was but what your husband is doing is totally sabotaging your marriage and relationship talk to your therapist get some more advice the more the better =)

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Cynthia L
you do NOT have a problem! 3 times a week sounds healthy to me! Do you actually really truly love this guy? To me, sex is important in a relationship and twice a month is...lacking. I think you should re-examine this marriage because it seems as though the spark has died - coming up with a sex timeslate/calendar seems too methodical for love.

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Aron1968_30
Hmmm......... he refuses to see a doctor? So he isn't concerned about this? Man, I would be if I only had the desire for sex twice a month.

You might tell him that erection problems can be a sign of some serious medical issues and he might want to have himself checked and SOON.

There's also a chance that he's getting relief from another person... ie, he is cheating on you.

If he isn't cheating, and he still doesn't want to go to a doctor, I woudl strongly suggest that you seek out a health food store and ask them for a supplement called Horny Goat weed. I swear I am not making this up.

Good luck

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crazy8eddie
You're normal, i.e. average in the statistical population. He's not. If he won't seek help, then not much you can do: either a. live with it, b. divorce, or c. cheat. He should start with a physical. It could also be stress, job, etc. fatigue. Or he has emotional issues. Or moral issues... yes some people still think sex is immoral even in marriage. Good luck.

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dca2003311@yahoo.com
You need a surrogate Lover*... Volunteer here*...

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Sweet Tooth
Maybe it's just me but sex isn't the only way to make a person feel loved, cared for and wanted. Still, he should probably see a doctor. I second the comment about the Horny Goat Weed. I have also heard that it is effective- but he has to care enough about his problem to actually take it.

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Mama
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My husband is the same way. I'm lucky if i get it once a month. I ask him if he is getting it somewhere . I know just how you fell.

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sugarBear
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Are you 2 males? gay? because your name on here is "Robert S." and your talking about "my husband, this & that....."

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yankfan1
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YOU ARE 100 % CORRECT! a female at your age is in sexual peak, and he should be more sensitive to your needs! 39? and only 2 times a month! ha! tis to laugh! ia m46 and want it far more often and i am a male!! this guy is forcing you to divorce him!

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Sandy
You shouldn't feel unlove, or uncared for just cause your husband doesn't want to have sex everyday. A loving relationship between husband and wife should not be based on sex. If you want sex more than 2 twice a month, you should consider masturbating, that can help alleviate your sexual appetite.

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jayjay
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Men's sex drives usually fall off in their late thirties and forties. Women's sex drives increase from mid thirties to forties. If you think this is unacceptable, wait until you are 37 or 38!!! Look, you find intimacy mostly by sex and he finds intimacy more in cuddling etc. By him not have sex with you, you equate this with rejection when in fact it is not. This is NOT the end of your marriage, it is just something you two need to openly discuss and come to some understanding. By demanding more sex and stating your disatisfaction in the amount also causes him to lose self confidence which in turn causes him to feel less sexual. The dynamics are complex and that is why you pay for therapy.

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larmarine83
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You are saying that you don't want this relationship if you don't get sex? What would the response be if you were a guy asking this about your wife? Niether of you are wrong, its just you have to different preferences. But since nither of you are willing to admit that, your chances of this ending badly are high.

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Kitty
Rating
Neither of you has a "problem" - some people want/need it more, some want/need it less. Sounds like your main problem (meaning, yours and his) is finger-pointing and putting blame on the other party. If sex is THIS important to you - why marry someone who's completely incompatible with you in this regard? Stop pointing fingers (both of you), acknowledge your differences, and look for a constructive solution.

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gypsy g
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Mens' libidos reduce as they age, where as women's go up, usually. I wouldn't say either of you are chemically imbalanced. I'd say that you guys need to find a happy medium. And if you are in therapy, then you need to discuss this with your therapist. And actually I can't believe your therapist hasn't asked, and if they have I can't believe that you guys aren't discussing it with them.

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chillicothe99
Rating
Help you with being insatiable. You seem very stuck on yourself. You are letting sex kill your marriage because your ONLY getting it a couple of times a month. learn to masturbate is my best advise, or just be a lady about it.

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Just
Rating
If he won't raise it with the therapist, you need to.

You don't say if he's always been like this, or if this is new behaviour.

A drastic change in sex drive can signal health issues.

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Kelly
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you don't have a problem, he does. guys are usually ones with the crazy sex drives... oh well.

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sunbun
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acquire a FRIEND WITH BENEFITS (FWB) this will solve the dilema

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