Is this man a pedophile?

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Pippin	stay with him, he sounds like a wonderful man! have plenty children and open up a day care center in your back yard. go on a long vacation and leave him with the kids... http://balder.org/venner.dk/homosexual-pedophile-muslim-imam.jpg Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

fire wife	You need to leave...would you want to have kids with this man??? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lily	My suggestion to you is to stop being with this man. If being with him for 2 years of being in a serious relationship you have doubts you are not the woman for him. Evidently you have never had a run in with the law. They can twist and write things that never happened. This man deserves better than you. #1 Just because a person was molested (which takes in a whole lot of stuff) it does not mean you will molest. #2 What happened between him and his cousins you have no idea and unless it comes from his mouth you never will know the truth. #3 7 out of 10 female children are "molested". People are so paranoid that they would rather kill an innocent man than get the facts. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

~Lucky~	Well, leaving would be quite insensitive of you, dont you think? Why let the past cloud ur future? As a teen, I cannot properly understand what you are going through right now, but let me just tell you something, " Why think about the past, when you have the future within your reach?" Has he been good to you? U knew what u were getting when u decided to have a serious relationship with him. I also think it was not right for him to keep this vital piece of information from you, so i do think indeed that you should have a serious talk with him and straighten things out. If you do leave, you might be making a mistake which you might greatly regret in the future. If u love him and he loves you, dont worry, you can both work this out one way or another. Good Luck and I hope I helped! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

❂Sun_Is_Shining❂	For what it is worth, I've known many people who were molested as kids who wouldn't EVER do that to another child. A lot of sexual abuse survivors do not admit what has happened to them because they are afraid of the kind of judgment that has been displayed here tonight on this board. Now, I'm not saying he is NOT a paedophile and I would question him very closely about his CURRENT state of mind in regard to his sexual attitude towards children and watch him closely when it comes to how he behaves around children now. That's what is important here. Also, has he ever received any counseling to deal with what happened to him, and his own perpetration of abuse as a young teenager? You have to understand that, at 13, after 4 years of abuse, this was an immature person, with delayed emotional development, with a lot of serious sexual issues surrounding power, control, shame, guilt, anger, etc. who acted out his own stuff with other younger children, as had been done to him. No, it wasn't right, at all, on any level, but neither was what happened to him. A cycle of abuse perpetuated, because no one protected him, nor helped him, nor listened, nor paid attention to the changes in behaviour he was displaying as a result of what he went through. It is a documented FACT that boys who are abused are more likely to become paedophiles themselves if they are not counseled. Ultimately, you have got an upfront warning about him and it is up to you whether you can live with the knowledge that he may still have these tendencies within him if he has not come to terms with what happened and what he did. It is possible to have gone through what he went through and to come out the other side as an adult who is is only attracted to adults. If he has trusted you enough to admit these things, I would say that there is a greater possibility that he has healed to a degree from his earlier experiences (it is a lifelong journey and some stuff will be permanent, but not necessarily making a him a paedophile). Most paedophiles are extremely cagey and very wary of admitting anything that will mark them out as "different", however, their actions will show them up eventually. They are "odd" around children - i.e. raking kids over with their eyes when they think no one is looking, etc., paying them attention over and above adults in a room, or putting themselves in positions where they can meet them, obviously approaching them and talking to them "first", or knowing a lot about kids interests, as well as displaying controlling tendencies, stuff like that. They have a warped belief that kids are seductive and want sex with adults, but they are normally clever enough to realise that they have to be covert because the majority of society despises this kind of behaviour. However, they do slip up, even when trying to behave "normally". If he is a paedophile, there is no known cure. Unless he has a highly developed conscience, he will want to act on the urges. Whatever the truth of the matter, I wish you all the best. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

brea.1980	As someone who has been molested as a teen I would like to say shame on everyone else who doesn't know what they are talking about. after it happens it is a really hard and confusing time He was a child himself who really was confused about what is right and wrong. Yes after someone you trust does that to you things get all mucked up for awhile. It is PROVEN that some people who recieve help do not continue the vicious circle of molesting. I work with children everyday and can't imagine ever touching them. I would never hurt a child. What he did in childhood DOES NOT make him a pedophile. Talk to him see how he feels about what happened. If he is healed he can talk about it openly with you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mrs. February	Yeah..... RUN AWAY.. and dont put children in his path!!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Elaine S	It doesnt make him a pedophile because he made a mistake when he was younger. And especially if it happened to him he probably did it as a way of acting out. A lot of times when people are molested they get angry and they try to cause the pain that they have to be someone elses pain and the only way they know how to do it is to do what was done to them. My brother molested me and my sister for a few years when we were younger. And now he is a changed man and one of my best friends. So it all depends on the way he acts now and how he feels about what he did and if he learned anything from it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

abbie72003	my dad had the very same thing happen to him and did the same to other young people just after he was molested. I was never molested by my father neither were my brothers. I think it's definately isolated to childhood as he probably didn't know any better of the fact that it was wrong. Talk to him about it and don't make any assumptions. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Tutu	Hmmm interesting question. Generally when a child is molested it is not unusual for a child to seek out another child to molest. So, the question you have to seek is do you feel he was given or offered enough help and counseling to deal with the traumatic experience he experienced in his childhood. Monitor him for signs of a potential pedophile, research to know what to look for. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Elaine	run! why chance it? If you have children you must run! Please don't be that mother. Good luck :) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

jazzfanmd	I would maybe suggest you go to joint counseling and see what a therapist says. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

lostino1979	Well he isnt a paedophile technically He was molested from 8-12 so he was raised believing this behaviour was acceptable at age 13. He was still a child when all this went on and a paedophophile is an adult who has sexual desires on a minor. As he spent the rest of his childhood recieving help he may have had the help he need s to become a normal member of society.you dont really say what hes like now in your question but it sounds like he has been through hell in his family. Would he have touched his cousins if he himself had not been molested . highly unlikley What he did when he was 13 was sick and wrong but he told you so he knows that. I just feel bad for the guy and his cousins Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Cereal Killer	I agree with "Decent Human" (first page). You know your situation better than any of us. It could very well be an isolated incident, and 13 is a very impressionable and experimental age. After his release from the childrens home, did he willingly continue therapy? Is he in therapy now? Is he open with you about his childhood? If you decide to stay with him (which only you can decide) you might want to think about going to couples therapy before you have children. Especially if this is a concern of yours. Only he can really deal with his own problems, but the second you get pregnant, it becomes your problem too. Just something to think about. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Kylie	That one scares the hell out of me! What if you marry and have children...will they be safe? Don't know the answer...tough call here. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

♥dreaneni♥	I can't say run, he was only 13 years old. I would have a long talk and seek counseling together. This is very sad to read about. If he was molested at such a young age and then did it at 13 how does that get considered as molestation when he is a child himself? he wasn't even an adult. I would be very careful and seek professional help but I can't say to throw him to the dogs either I think that would be heartless especially what he went thru. Also was this information he shared with you? Or did you find out on your own? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

scgleason74	Wow, there are some pretty judgmental responses here. He was victimized and when his hormones start peaking he responds by hurting someone else. He learned this behavior, that does not make him a monster. I imagine he was confused about sex and these new desires.He may not have had a supportive or involved family to help guide him through the healing process and puberty. Keep in mind that this happened almost 20 years ago. Have there been any other incidents? I would caution you about having children with him, it may be temptation. On the other hand he may end up a fiercely protective father. If you care for him and want to pursue a long term relationship I would encourage therapy, individually and as a couple. To put your mind at ease and to ensure his mental health. I was abused by a neighbor that was victimized by their brother. It's a vicious circle that CAN be broken. I wish you great wisdom and intuition. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

JJ	First, If his childhood incident is the only incident against him that he's done something of this nature, I don't believe that's enough to condemn him life as "pedophile". Second, if he was a true pedophile, he probably would have already committed it again and been caught. If a person has gone from age 13 to 30 without an incident, and the incident at age 13 was right after the same actions were taken against him shortly before, in my opinion he's not a pedophile. He was a confused child who needed to be taught that the things that were done to him and he did to others were wrong. Without any additional indications that he's done anything wrong, I think you have to give him the benefit of the doubt. All these other people who are rushing to judgment are naive and assuming the worst. This is a serious situation that deserves deep thought and not just a snap judgment like I see from many of the other responses. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Not Always Sure	okay, this is when he was 13, the question is, has he done it since? he's a grown man now, maybe he's gotten help...or maybe he hasn't...follow your heart on this one...` Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

dreamer	It's proven that pedophiles can't be rehabilitated so I say run, otherwise you're always gonna worry in the back of your mind Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

donotbuyakia	It never ceases to amaze me how stupid the people on this website make themselves sound. It's like they didn't even bother to read your question. You need to examine this situation very closely. First, how did you find out about all of his childhood. Did he volunteer the information, or did a third party inform you? If he told you, then he is obviously trying to be upfront about this with you. Pedophiles wouldn't do that. Secondly, since he has been out for over a dozen years, he has had plenty of opportunity to molest a child if he were a true pedophile. Have there been any complaints registered against him? Does he act appropriately around children? How does he behave socially? A true pedophile is very withdrawn and doesn't interact well with adults. Is that him? If he spent 5 years in a group home, then he had plenty of therapy, and it is truly possible that he has no pedophile tendencies. If you decide to continue to be involved with him, you need to examine your feelings carefully. Can you truly trust him? Or are you going to be jumping his case everytime he says hello to someone under the age of 18? For it to be successful, you will need to do your part. It would be a shame to mislead him and yourself, only to find out that you can't handle the knowledge of his past. I believe that the incident could be an isolated one from childhood, but I don't know the man. You do. Trust yourself, and you will know what to do. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mrs. Jack Sparrow ♥	Disturbed children who do those sick things turn into cuckoo adults...leave!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

alldonenow	First let me say, Shame on most of the responders here. Shame on you,. This was a child acting in the way ADULTS taught him to behave. He was not some adult man hanging out at the elementary school playground. If he came to you with this info he is probably ashamed and hoping you can forgive him. How is he around children? How do you feel in your gut? This mans life was ruined by a pedophile, he may never have an opportunity to lead a normal life if every time he feels comfortable telling his history everyone leaves him. Its a sad situation. Make your best decision, good luck and take care of you Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jack P	If you think you love this guy, sit down and discuss this with him, including your concerns. Afterwards, take some time to think about his responses and your impression of them. Some people only offend once, with siblings or family. Ask him as gently as you can if it has happened again. Maybe it has or maybe not. Check if he has had long-term relationships with adult women in the past that seemed normal. Find out where he has lived in the past.* Also, check into his background*. Is he a registered sex offender? All of the states have databases now that can be accessed by the public for free or little $. You put the full name in there and sometimes the date of birth. Sometimes it even shows them if they are using an alias. Don't feel bad about this. You are talking about your future and the possible future of children. If you feel he is being evasive in his answers, dump him. It's not worth it. By the way, a pedophile is someone who derives sexual pleasure from a child. Usually there is a 2 or more year difference in ages. But it tends to be a repeated pattern of behavior. Pedophiles tend to make excuses or rationalize the behavior by saying that the child is seductive or sexy and cam on to them (children are not seductive unless they are abused). They tend to claim that the child made some kind of choice to have sex with them. This is not true. ONe more fact. . . getting sexually abused as a child does not necessarily mean you will be a pedophile. Otherwise, 10-15% of the population would be pedophiles. But, a very high percentage of pedophiles were sexually abused as children. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Narnia33	I have heard (but never seen it written down) that most teens that molest are 'just experimenting' and like 70% do not offend as adults. If he's in his 30's, it may be that he has never offended again OR it could mean that he's never been caught offending again. He did his 'time for his crime', so should he continue to be punished/shunned for some thing he did as a teen? mmmmmm Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Samian Quazi	Run far away, and call the cops. Think about it this way: say you let the relationship continue, and have children...how do you know he won't abuse your daughter someday, and hurt your very children? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

quadwilly	I work as a nurse in a "boys" correction facility. There is a saying "gay for the stay"... even if they are not gay... so this being said, you need to talk to him about your concerns about his feeling about young children (especially young boys). I am not sure I would label him a pedophile when this happened when HE was 13, he was still a child himself and confused. Many DO NOT go on to be molesters, if given the proper therapy. The fact he was in a correction facility for this, tells me he has specific therapy and may have kicked the tendency. But I would ask him to be honest with you, what does HE feel his tendencies are. Is he still struggling with it, etc... if you feel/see red flags, then call it quits. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mrs_G	Has he had counseling? Have you seen how he acts around children? Do you feel in your gut that he's trustworthy? Answer these questions honestly, and you will know what to do. Personally, I believe pedophilia is not curable. I'd run for the hills. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

NMMR	Very complicated situation.... Its possible that at 13 (still a child) he was just acting in the way that he believed he should act. Maybe he was helped through therapy etc during those years he was in a children's home and after it. You have to talk to him about it. Only he knows what it is in his mind and how he feels about his past and what he did. Try getting him to talk and explain it to you. Also you have to ask yourself if he have shown tendencies towards being a pedophile as an adult. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Decent Human	Try to find out for sure that he hasn't done anything like that since he was 13. It is extremely common for children who were molested to act out and perform the same acts that they had suffered. It's a vicious and horrible cycle. But people can be rehabilitated. Since you've been with this guy for so long and probably have many emotions invested in this relationship, you should take him to see some kind of thereapist. Just to make sure that he really has changed. It does depend on how you found out he has been in that children's home. If he told you, that is a good sign that he just wants to clear the air and let you know everything about his past. If you found out from a third party, or in a manner that suggested that this information should serve as a warning to you- be careful. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

jude	often what occurs in ones childhood will effect a person later in life. i wouldn't chance it, why buy trouble. u have to look at a persons past, as it often determines the future. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No