Is it so wrong to have an affair if....?

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sephoramoon	Wow. For once I sympathize with someone who is considering this. But I still have to say that being smart here is the key. I think your not just upset about your sex life. You feel generally unhappy and sex tends to send up a big red flag. First, you need to tell your husband you are unhappy. You have to decide if this marriage is still for you. People change in 20 years. Maybe you've grown apart? Give him a chance to explain his actions. Present him with his options. Don't tell him about the other person, he won't be receptive after that. Turn the t.v off and talk very bluntly. Tell him why you are unhappy and give him very few choices. He fails to follow through his part, then move on. Life is so terribly short. Don't waste it with someone who doesn't love or desire you. In the meantime, keep your self respect. Cheating can be fun at the time, but there's gonna be an emotional price to pay eventually. Besides, wouldn't you see yourself in a different (negative) light after doing this? Good Luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

philosophy	Well you could try communicating with your husband more about what you need sexually. You could try some new moves in the bedroom to spice it up some rather than leaving everything always up to him. An affair is ALWAYS wrong. You sound like a selfish, spoiled brat. You are a wife!! You took vows. You should divorce your husband and then run off with this guy who'll probably do you in the same fashion "wham bam thank you mam" cause you are unimaginative in bed anyways. And your husband will have the opportunity to find a wonderful lady who puts her word and love before her sex life. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

josietheninja	i think you really need to sit down and have a long talk with your husband about how you feel, and stop playing the blame game - i'm sure you're not perfect either and the things that you have listed about your husband sound pretty typical - especially after 20 years of marriage. why don't you try and spice things up a bit with your sex life, rent out a raunchy movie, by a karma sutra book, make up a sexy board game (if you land on one square you have to take off an item of clothing, if you land on another you have to have a drink of wine, if you land on another you have to kiss your partner, etc). i definitely don't think you should cheat, and you should stop trying to justify it to yourself that it is fair because of the way your husband is acting. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

cjordan23	if you wanna sleep around, dont get married. After 20 years maybe he's a luttle bored. Try something new Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

captbullshot	Resist the temptation. Marriage is not all about the bedroom. You've put up with him for 20 years and now, I suppose you want to be treated like an attractive woman before you lose your looks and figure.. Isn't that vanity? What about your kids? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

momalleyray	well honey i've been there done that and let me tell you this men take you for granted after you've been with them for awhile and yes it's hard on you but you need to think about what your doing if you really love him and you want to stay with him because once you cheat there's no going back thing's change feeling's are gone and then hate come's in to play and that's no way to go you need to sit down and exsplain your feeling's to him and find out where this is going and if you two can't work it out then leave but don't do anything until you do close a chapter before you open another one sit down and write down all the reasoning you have stayed and then write down the reason you should go and work with it from there i'm sure you know what is right for you to do it sound's like your a smart women and sometime's people need to walk away or try and work thing's out but you must have some doult or you would have not asked this guestion Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

luscious_linz	It's still wrong to have an affair full stop! You can't just go and sleep with someone else coz you think it'll make you feel better!Think about the guilt you'll feel and how hard and horrible it'll be to live a lie! Tell him....tell him exactly how you feel, tell him you want him to make an effort for you, tell him you'd like to make love for hours on end, tell him you want him to show you interest, to show that he finds you sexy, and to show that he loves you! Cheating on somebody is the lowest of low, it's selfish! Just think long and hard about it before you do anything you'll regret! Once you've done it you can't turn back time!Try talking to him first!Good luck with it all mate!Hope it all turns out well for you xx Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

brettj666	Affairs are always wrong if the roles were reversed, would you be ok with him cheating on you ?? I would sit him down and tell him that your love life is unsatisfying and want his input on what to do. You have a few choices to discuss with him. 1) we can stay married and I can take a lover 2) you can make sex more equal 3) we can end the marriage Let him see that the situation has gone that far. But, if you present him with the options, you have to be ok with the choices. Don't assume he is going to pick the one you want him to. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

katycorkarooney	Its still wrong. You chose to marry him. keep your knickers on and dont be a slag. If you're not happy with him then do the right thing and finish with him first. rammie18 gave a great answer,couldnt of put it better myself. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tamarack58	Infidelity IS ALWAYS WRONG, no matter the situation. Either fix the situation or get out before you think about being with another person. (Okay think about it but don't do it) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Creepy..!	I strongly believe it is always wrong to have an affair. If you're not happy with your husband just leave him and do whatever you want with this new dude. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

kathyw	If you want your marriage to suffer even more than it does now, then have that affair. But be aware that what you are going to do is damaging. Have you thought of marital counseling? He may need to be confronted with the fact that your needs aren't being met and it is important to you. Some men think it's just not that important, believe it or not. And they don't realize that women rate their love-making - they think it's something anyone can live with. The other person is probably not your 'soul mate' or even a good partner for you - he's just interested and probably as horny as you are.. does that make it worth risking your marriage? Better to work it out - your history with your husband (the good parts of it) must be worth something. And before you go for the lesbian option (that suggestion reeks), get a vibrator - it's the same thing. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

bubba	dont stoop to that level. cheating is wrong. if things are so bad get counseling or something first. once you make that jump to a cheat it will change your life forever. i would try and talk to him and let him know you need more out of this relationship and if he continues on leave him. dont cheat. sleeping around is not only lying to your hubby but lying to yourself. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sunshine's Pic Is on 360	Marriage is just that.... marriage! It has it's ups and downs and it seems like yours maybe rolling down the hill faster than you'd like! It's time to take charge here and do you best effort to save things. Have you tried suggesting that the two of you spend time together other than in front of the TV? Do something special for him..... make him feel like a man again. It sounds like he's lost himself! You'd be surprised what a new lease on life it would give him! Don't stoop to an affair..... give this your best shot! You did say for better or worse right????? If all else fails and you've exhausted every effort then you may need to reevaluate things and do what's best for your life! Good Luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

AJAMMER69	If you are even considering cheating on your husband then your heart is already 1/2 way out the door. Cheating is wrong. Period. There is no way to justify it or make is sound right. 20 years is a long time. You have identified a problem with your marriage. There are a lot of ways to reconcile without cheating or hurting someone. I am not going to tell you what you should do. I would only say that if you have committed 20 years of your life and have been faithfull all this time, how will you be able to keep your self respect if you cheat? If you are really going to play this game of deception, consider how it will make YOU feel. Let's not even get into how much it may hurt your husband or children? If no solution can be determined, heck, you have waited this long. Seek divorce and do it honestly. There are a ton of fish in the sea and a little longer wont kill ya. Good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

jt	It's never OK to have an affair. Plain and simple, you need to talk to him! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Nancy D	you'd be better being sure your own relationship is over and making a clean break. And finding someone who is also not attached. Affairs are a direct route to heartbreak. Especially if another wife is involved. He may say he is in hte same situation but is he? Maybe he just saying that to gain your trust. Be very very careful. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

spongebobs biggest fan	all you need to think about here is how would you feel if your hubby cheated on you.......? because if the answer is gutted then you know that you really shouldnt cheat.. if the answer is you wouldnt really care then perhaps its time for a seperation Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

uteva713	Reevaluate my relationship. If your not in love anymore move on and have some fun. Just do it the right way so no one gets hurt. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

fellfromheaven348	You should get a divorce! You dont deserve someone like your husband and if there is anouther guy out there that showshe cares end you marrage before you get into a new relationship! it will help things out alot! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

kmcoffeegurl	It's still wrong... especially for your kid's sake ( I had a parent who did this... not cool). I understand your feeling of hopelessness, but I think before an affair, we need some major communication, counseling from a Pastor or a professional, and some ultimatums... tell him that you need him to care about making your marriage what it needs to be physically, emotional, etc to safeguard from affairs. I promise, if the buck was turned and you were the one that got fat, always had a "headache" when it was time for sex, etc... he would feel the SAME WAY! So, talk to him! Choose a good time, ask him out, take him to dinner (away from the TV) and talk to him. Make sure you also ask him if there's anything you can do that would make him happier too.. that way he doesn't feel like it's all one sided. Sorry, I wrote you a book here! lol But speaking of books, check out this one... "The Five Love Languages" Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Frenzy	There is no good justification for an affair. If your love life is so unsatisfactory that you don't want to be with your husband anymore, get a divorce. If you love him enough that you want to stay despite a dead sex life, then grin and bear it, or buy yourself a vibrator. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

libbyft	An affair isn't the answer to your problems. If you are unhappy in your marriage then you need to address these problems with your husband. I know it is often difficult to talk about something that we've let go for years and years but telling your husband that you are not happy in the bedroom is surely less hurtful than sleeping with someone behind his back. If you are really unhappy and convinced that there is no solution for your marriage then be honest and leave it. Going behind someones back is never the answer. Once you have sorted out your marriage problems, maybe then you can address the issue of seeing someone else! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

jessicas127	Keep ur husband. Cheating is always the worst thing to do Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mrsclaura	speak to your husband. if you've tried that and nothing doing then if its that bad get a divorce. in my honest opinion if you want to have a relationship sexual or intimate with another person you're clearly not in the right relationship for you. don't do it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Big Rig	Get couples counseling. Don't trade one bad situation for another. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

~NIKKI~	Yes it is still wrong to have an affair regardless of the situation...You should just leave him if you are unhappy....better to be dumped than cheated on. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sejc	Sorry, but I wouldn't cheat on my husband. I think you want someone to tell you its okay to sleep with this other man, well, it just isn't. You have to talk to your husband, explain how you feel, how unhappy you are and ask him how he feels about you. You married each other for a reason and 20 years is too long to throw away now. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Big Bear	Divorce before affair if your not happy. Cheating is just wrong!!! Shame on you for considering it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Qyllix	If you really want to throw away 20 years then go ahead. But cheating is always wrong, and you know it or you wouldnt be asking for permission. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

NutstersChick	affair? no. Divorce? hell YES. end one before you start another. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No