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Jewel 23
Is it morally wrong to keep this from my fiance?
I decided to marry my bestfriend after leaving my spouse of almost six years who had two affairs. I am very happy with my fiance but still work about my exspouse. He is going through a very hard financial problems that even though he has two job, he can't makes it. He has not been able to purchase groceries and only eats at work. I have been purchasing the food for our pets that he kept. Yesterday, I forced him to go with me to get him some groceries. He refused to take them after my fiance called me but at the end he took them. I have not told my fiance about the groceries only the pet food. I know he is not my responsiblity but I still love my ex regardless of what happened between us but know we could never be together. I feel guilty feeling so happy about my future with my fiance. If something happened to my exspouse, I would never be able to be happy. Is it morally wrong for me to keep this from my fiance? Is it wrong to feel God will reward me if I help my exspouse out?



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scarlet s
Rating
look i am sure you have confidence with your fiance dont get on trouble . the best thing that you can do ,be honest with him and be honest with yourself about yor feeling tha you have for you fiance and for your ex husband . good look

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Proud Momma of 4mth old Boy
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Morally it is not wrong, but it is a little deceitful only because your are not allowing your Fiancée in your decision making, concerning you alls finances and the supporting of another individual. This is one of those situations where you won't win for losing. If your fiancee is comfortable in his relationship with you and your relationship. Tell him the truth, be open and honest. Because remember lies and dishonesty ruined your last marriage. Adultery is another way of lying and being dishonest. Try to explain your reasoning and be mindful of your future husbands feelings. Try and think about how you would feel if the tables were turned. If he was hiding the fact that he was still supporting his ex spouse. Innocent or not. You will be blessed, but blessings are always better when they are not hidden.

Peace and Blessings

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Happy Wife
You should probably tell your hubby. If you don't, and he finds out otherwise, it'll look like you're guilty of more than lending a helping hand. You're a very kind person to help him, btw. I hope the hubby understands your intentions.

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GREG
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just because it your ex don't mean you don't care for him.you've where toghter for 6 years thats a long time to care for someone you'll alway care for him but now it's different. but i think you should tell your fiance because you don't want to have any secret that could hurt you in the long run

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doclakewrite
Hellooooooooooooo. Anybody in there?????
Stop the pity party and get on with your life. You are not responsible for his choices(bad ones) in the past or now.
He is an ex because he is irresponsible, foolish and has no respect for people. He will never manage if you keep making it easy for him.. You need to let him hit bottom, so that he will realize he has to make positive changes in his life, so that he can get on with life and make better choices in the future.
You are aiding and enabling him to continue the same behaviour.
You are an enabler., you are not helping!!!!!
You should not be keeping anything from your fiance, you are a liar to him by excluding or evading the truth.
Is this the right way to start a relationship??? Does he not deserve to know everything. You know he would get upset, with you, if he knew, and rightly so.
Stop bringing your ex's failures into your present life and let him wallow in his own squalor until he gets the strength to pull himself up.
You are going to wreck this new relatinship if you continue to try to be the goodie in the eyes of everyone, by trying to rescue the man who cheated on you.........
God does not reward you for guilt...
Be true to your new man... build your life on truth and get on with your future.
Your ex will survive, this is not your responsibiltiy, let it go.....

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shorty
Its kind of you to want to help. But please dont help someone that did that to you. Keep your money for yourself but dont keep secrets from the man you love

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You can't HANDLE the TRUTH!
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You're not ready to be engaged... You're still too wrapped up in your ex. You need to pick one of the other, and cut off all contact with the one you DON'T choose. Get off the fence!

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snvffy
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What a crazy idea to bring MORALS into the picture after this sordid scene of leaving husband for bf#1. But maybe you left out some of the timing, so let's not get into that one.

It strikes me that PROBABLY some of ex's money problems stems from his ex-wife... I would think she at least had some part in contributing to his current financial misery. So why doesn't she "help" the guy out? For that much I give you credit. And to the extent that you contributed to his current financial woes, you should continue to help him until YOUR PART OF THE MESS is cleaned up. That's the right thing to do.

Now about fiance. Sit down and tell him about whatever part of ex-hubby's mess belongs to you, and that you have been overcome with MORAL righteousness, and need to help him with more than just dog food.

'nuff said

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BabeHeart
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I think you should help someone because you want to, not because you think some mythological diety will "reward" you...that's selfish (and silly).

Nothing wrong with helping your ex, but why is he in the situation he is in? If it's not your doing then no need for you to feel guilty (that too is silly). It's okay to feel badly for him, esp if you still care for him...but to feel guilty because you are happy and he is struggling doesn't make sense unless you are the reason he's struggling.

He's an adult...he'll find a way to make it. Be honest with your finance' though about any help you provide for your ex...you don't want that becoming an issue later due to you keeping secrets.

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xtratabasco
I do not understand your feelings towards your ex who cheated on you.

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ladyjno7
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If you were in his(your fiancee) shoes, how would you feel. You shouldn't have to keep this a secrect...the fact that you feel the need to keep it from him tells me there may be a problem. you are an angel for helping the ex, so long as it does not interfere with your current relationship...and be sure there is not more feelings involved for you ex...

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irenevmk
If it is in your power to help someone out, you should. lying about this is another matter, because you will make your fiance angry, not necessarily about the good deed you are doing, but about the lies. If your fiance is your best friend, you sit him down and say; regardless of the fact that is is my ex, I would help out any of my friends who are in need , and if I would be in the same position, i know my ex would have helped me out. You tell your fiance that obviously you love him and there is no reason to be jealous or angry, it's just about giving a helping hand to someone in trouble.
Your ex, though, must also take steps to better his situation. Do not keep pets if you can't afford them and move somewhere cheaper. Make sure he is not using you to sabotage your future relationship. You deserve being happy, don't feel guilty for that.

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Vince
What what what?? Stop it. Right now. Your ex husband made his bed (no pun intended) when he effed around with those other women. When a man cheats, he decides that that bit of fun is worth losing everything, including you, over. He is not your child, he is not your responsibility and quite frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if he is taking advantage of your kind nature. If he can't make it working 2 jobs then he is living too lavish a lifestyle and needs to quit living high off the hog. You cannot live a happy new life with someone while still trying to take care of your past. Take the pets back, cut him loose completely and move on with your new, happier life. It's not only wrong to keep it from your fiance, it's wrong to be doing all this in the first place.

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me
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Everybody needs a friend like you...bless you.

Dr. Phil quote: "People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing".

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?
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Yes, you shouldn't do things because God will smile upon you, do them because it is the right thing to do. Come on, You know God can see through such tricks. And yes your affianced should definitely know. If he trusts you it won't matter, and if he doesn't it's better to find out sooner than later. As of right now, you are giving him plenty of fuel for legitimate distrust.

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cheese food product
Rating
Oh come on. dump the EX. dump the EX. he has two jobs and cant make ends meet?? Its not morally wrong to keep this from your fiancee. It IS morally wrong to keep dealing with this guy who cheated on you twice. dump the ex. he is still taking advantage of you. d u m p h i m . blessings.

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LoneStarLou
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You are a warm, sweet individual. Please share this with your fiance, he should know he's about to marry a lovely woman with a large and forgiving heart. Keep feeding the pets, they are innocent in all this. Bless you.

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AnnieD
The key to a good relationship is communication. Tell your fiance, but resolve to let your fiance live his own life. By helping your ex, you are enabling him, plus it could hurt your current relationship!

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Crystal Lynn
You've gotta tell him.

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purvislets
You need to talk with your fiance about this and find out how he feels. He may not be happy that you are supporting your ex like that.

If he cannot support the pets, then you need to take them with you. It is not your responsibility to support him with groceries either.

Your fiance needs to be in on making these decisions if you want your new marriage to start off right.

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len2383
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Yes it is wrong to keep this from him . Also you and your X both need to move on . All you are doing by helping him is enabling him to control you and keep you in his life . Get over him!!!!!!!!!!!

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Spinich
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I think that you should tell your fiance'. If the relationship is as strong as you mention, it shouldn't bother him that you are helping someone in need...even if it is your ex.

Personally, I would feel a little uncomfortable with it. But I would understand that what you are doing is being a good person and not trying to rekindle a dead romance. Tell your fiance', better to give him the truth up front than to start off a new marriage with any form of deceit.

On the other side of the coin, he is no longer your 'responsibility' and you should start weaning him off.

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joe6t4
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you should prob tell your fiance but no its not wrong.

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warren_zevon_1
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You should tell your fiance EVERYTHING - that you are helping your ex out, that you still have feelings for him, etc. Lying by omission now sets a poor precedent for your marriage, and if your fiance finds out, it could have devastating consequences for you.

You may well be rewarded for charity, but you will be punished for deceit, so come clean now! If your fiance is half the man you paint him out to be, he'll understand and support your decision. If not, then perhaps you should rethink your plans.

Good luck.

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Canadian Wisdom
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It is not wrong. It is humanitarian. You are doing something for someone that is important to you and will always be. God bless you for your good heart.

On the other hand, you should not do it behind your fiance's back. He should understand why you are doing it, and although it will be hard for him, it is important not to keep it a secret to him.

Communication and trust are vital for relationships to work, hence why you need to speak with your fiance.

By all means, if I was your ex-spouse, I would be very thankful.

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skcs69
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Not a way to start a new relationship.

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Mike
I think what you are doing is a wonderful thing but you should make your Fiance aware of it

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SheiksOnAPlane
You sound like a person with a heart. Just don't ruin your current relationship helping your ex, is all I'd advise.

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Kutekymmee
its not wrong to care about your ex and try to help him

it is wrong to hide what you are doing from your new fiance. tell him.

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Lori K
Don't start off your new marriage with a lie, even a lie of omission.

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Dorothy and Toto
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It's OK. We are allowed to have healthy boundaries, and allowed to be discreet, ESPECIALLY in our charitable endeavors.
But don't cross the line into being disloyal or dishonest to your BEST FRIEND and lover.
And remember, love is given freely, but trust is earned--your ex has already broken your trust, and now he would get his jollies by cheating WITH you instead of ON you, and that would be an added bonus for the sick puppy.
You're with the guy you've chosen because he EARNED your trust, and he deserves the same in return, in love and kindness.
I suggest you include him in the decision to help anyone, and the two of you come to an agreement before you do anything more. But that's just my opinion--you do what works best for you and your great guy. Best of luck.

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