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piper
Im desperately unhappy in my marriage. is it ever right to stay together for the sake of the children?



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resignedtolife
Rating
I stayed for five years after my ex-husband's adultery. I always intended to leave but spent the time planning my exit. I found a job that would support us all and it gave enough time for them to be old enough to understand. It went relatively smoothly and I am still extremely close to my married children.

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♥STREAKER♥©℗†
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no,don't stay together for the sake of the children, move on and show them that there are happy marriages along with the miserable one and tell them that you needed a happy marriage that is why you left. Get some counseling if it is that bad, and if that doesn'thelp, then leave

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Bardy
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No as it will affect the children as they will pick up on the situation.

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Mike
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try living alone for 3-4 months...a lot of people think they are unhappy and finally learn what misery is, when they are all alone.....

Sometimes it is best to see something from afar...

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Just me
Absolutely......you do anything for your children.

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jandrews4378
Rating
Here's the thing, say you stay together for the children, it is going to end up in divorce eventually,once the kids are grown up and gone, what do you have left? it will be much harder for them to accept later in life, besides if you and you husband are always fighting whether it's in front of your kids or not, they can sense it. your better off separating. the kids are more resilient than you think. they will get over it. and you and your husband can start the lives you deserve.

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htheobald28
Definately not, i come from a broken family, although it is a happy one, i think because my parents didnt stay for the sake of the children, it is not fair on the children growing up in an unhappy environment, i respect my parents for not putting us through that, instead we had great weekends with both parents and had the best of both, including a happy environment all the time, dont get me wrong of course its hard at first, but children adapt quite quickly and are very resiliant, dont underestimate them.

But also on the other hand, is there anything in your marriage worther resolving and trying to make it work, if there isnt, maybe its time to call it a day, at least you both have the chance of meeting someone new and start to be happy and enjoy life again,

Both my parents remarried, my dad also had another child, and now we are all one big happy family, my dad and step dad are great friends, and we all get together regularly and enjoy birthdays, marriages ect without arguments. Hope that helps and good luck

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xxjojoxx
No, the kids will pick up on all the bad feelings which in turn will make them unhappy deep down. If you separate, they will take it hard to begin with but through time they will get to spend quality time with a happier mum and different quality time with a happier dad and through that they will see that they are the still the most important people in both your lives and that you dont need to be with each other to make them feel special.

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cylenneh
no it is not right to stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of children because the situation is just going to get worse between you and that spouse. living in this world is not just about children it is about love and committment, being happy and free to live you last days. children will just have to get over it but that dosent mean that both parents cant still raise the children together just not under the same roof. if my husband i wanted to seperate or get divorce and we had kids together i would explain to my child if old enough that it is just not working out between dad and i. i would simply tell the the truth and adventaully they will learn to deal with it but i know they will never get over.

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Simon Patterson
Rating
No, I think you have to do what is right for you if you are unhappy.

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Jay L
I posted this in response to another question, but you are asking basically the same quesion so I figured I would re-post it.


I'm a marriage counselor. I am asked the question of whether to stay together "for the kids" all the time. While every case is unique, 9 times out of 10, here is my response.

First of all, most of the time the couple eventually divorces anyways. Few people have the willpower to stay married to someone they are not happy with for the rest of their lives. If you want to be happy, so you can actually be there for your kids properly as a parent, you have to take care of your needs first. For most people, a happy marriage is the best long-term emotional investment they can make. Throwing this need aside by staying in an unhappy marriage "for the kids" is really silly, if you know it isn't going to be a happy marriage. Nobody wins in that case.

Second, using children as glue in a relationship that isn't really going well eventually causes the parents - intentionally or accidentally - to place the pressure of keeping the marriage intact on the kids' shoulders. This is incredibly unfair to the children. And when you do eventually divorce, they feel that much more to blame for it happening. Plus you might begin to resent the kids for "making" you stay with your husband when you really want to leave him. This could cause all kinds of issues fo reveryone in the family.

Third, remember: When it comes to the good of a child, a good divorce is still better than a bad marriage. There are worse things that can happen to a kid than being the child of a divorced couple. Being raised in a hateful, toxic environment is one example. Better to have two happy homes than one miserable one, if you ask me.

Fourth, consider their feelings. If you stay together for them, but eventually get divorced, the message you are sending is "We tried to stay together for you, but in the end you just weren't important enough to us to make us want to stay together." This may not be what you meant, but believe me many kids pick up on this message anyways.

In the end, two bad decisions don't make a good one. So if you married the wrong person, at least you can still divorce the right one.

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Boss
Rating
No if there is constant fighting between you and your spouse. Your children will sense the tension between you. If you are willing to stay together for the children then go to counseling to help the problems between you and your spouse.

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Joseph C
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YES!

Please read:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/635939/5_secret_reasons_why_marriages_fail.html

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♥ Heaven ♥ Lee ♥
You will get many answers on this, but the only one that matters is YOURS.
You need to make that decision. We all want to stay together for the children. So that they have both parents.
However, if the household is in turmoil and there is tension, you really aren't doing the children any good.
If there is yelling and physical abuse this will teach them to follow in those footsteps.
Children have the right to grow up in a secure, happy household.
You need to decide what is best for the children and be adult enough to follow thru.
A very tough decision. I had to make it once. I don't envy you, but I wish you ALL the luck in the world.

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lisa-anne J
don't put yourself through it my mam and dad did that and it was horrible to watch them destroy themselves bit by bit

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yummynottsmummy
Rating
no. u will give ur children the impression that it is fine to be unhappy, better to be happy seperatly than unhappy togther, as long as u both put ur lil ones first. my chiild was much happier when me and her dad split.,n now married to my lovley hubby, life does get better

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ME
i do understand what you are saying -me to .Its very difficult to decide only you know the real answer to your question ,some time we say yes we should stay for the sake of our children but some time not ,what you must do is ask your self why you not happy with your marriage ,what is kipping us together ,and what do i get from my marriage,some time is not our marriage but is us women's we are not happy with a self .best of luck to you and your kids .xx

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PENNY W
An unhappy marriage makes for unhappy children, believe me, I've been there. We as parents set certain examples to our children. If you are unhappy, it will reflect in your day to day life and kids pick up on that. If one of you are abusive to the other spouse, the children see this and think its okay. If you are talking badley towards one another, they pick up on that and think its okay. This is where you need to decide on whats the best thing for you and the kids. Children are very smart not to mention resilliant, so they would be okay after awhile. The world wont fall apart as long as you and spouse take equal responsibility for the kids and see they have all they need and are nurtured by the both of you.

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sphe
Rating
no its not right to stay for the sake of yo children

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mgm567
A life time of unhappyness is a long time. Life goes on. Your children will adapt.

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Jess L
Your happiness as an adult should not interfere with the welfare of your children, whenever possible.

You’re the adult, and they are still children. The fireworks may have fizzled from your marriage and you may not even find your spouse interesting or attractive. But he or she is the father or mother of your children and you should invest considerable time, attention, soul-searching and honest introspection before making a decision to forever change the dynamics and stability of your marriage and your home. If you haven’t sought counseling (an honest, sincere attempt here, folks!) then do so immediately.

Talk with your religious leader, a trusted friend or family member who has evidenced good judgment in their own private life, or a therapist. Alter the marital dynamic and the relationship - this can be more successful and rewarding. In other words, try to fix the situation before bailing out.

Everyone usually loses in a divorce in some way. Finances are divided, both parents may have to work in full-time, children often have to attend daycare before/after school. Stress increases due to single-parent pressures (no support regarding transportation, cooking, playing with, handling homework, etc.), finances, worries about the future, visitation issues and legal battles. Consider your kids moving to a new neighborhood, having to develop new friends, and a new school.

WOULD YOU BE HAPPIER if you got a divorce? How would you be happier? Would you gain more control over your life, affairs, children, finances, independence, health, employment?

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babz
Rating
YES! first of all, whether you remember it or not, you made a vow before God and man "for better, for WORSE...." Remember those words??? I wasn't there, but I would guess no one was holding a gun to your head as you said those vows. It's all about commitment. Love is NOT a feeling. It is a COMMITMENT! and now you've brought children into this world. They deserve to have you in their life full-time. Not just part time. The HUGE exception to this is if you are in an abusive situation, or a dangerous situation. (spouse is selling/doing drugs) Obviously you can opt out for infidelity, as well. People have the naive, mistaken belief that the intensity of a new relationship-the high euphoric phase-will somehow last. It's doesn't. That's why you see celebrity's jump from relationship to relationship. They get bored and move on to the next new and exciting person that strokes their ego. That is NOT real life. It is FANTASY. You need to see what you can do to make this situation tolerable for youself so that you can be there for your children. I have no idea the kind of person you are married to. He/She may actually be a miserable person and a lousy spouse. Maybe even a poor parent. Find something out there that makes YOU HAPPY! Something that satisfies your inner needs. Pour yourself into your darling children. We don't get to keep them for very long. They are WORTH the investment! Be tough, be strong; know you are NOT ALONE in this feeling or situation, and do the RIGHT THING by your little ones! And yes, there WILL come a time when your kids realize how miserable you've been over the years, BUT they will respect and love you all the more for holding things together for them during childhood.

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carriegreen13
Rating
In matters of the heart, the children always suffer, what ever stress you are going through, the children are going through, be a hero to yourself and do what is right for you and your children.

If you want to make a life change for you and your children, then do it, but it sounds to me the more you stay in your unhappy marriage, the more everyone will suffer.

Including your precious children.

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Christie Brucks
NO. not for the children. do it because marriage means something to you. if it doesn't, then it is best to leave.

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MyMarriageRocks
Children would rather be from a broken home than to live in a broken home. My mother stayed with my dad because of the "kids" me and my older brother. I used to resent her for that. She for sure didn't do us any favors. They argued and yelled at eachother so much that it really stressed us out. Then they would be in bad moods and would be snippy with us. Seriously take it from a child who lived through it don't stay in an unhappy marriage for the kids...you are doing more harm than good.

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Eminence Vox
No I don't think it is. All it does from what I have seen is cause problems with the children. As things progressively get worse they become pawns in a terrible game that no one wins at.

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Nicki H
NO! I am a child of divorced parents, and in the couple of years before my parents divorced (I was about 15 years old) they were so unhappy. And their mood was noticed by my brother and myself so that we were often feeling unhappy as well. It is soooo hard to live in a house where your parents are not talking, constantly arguing and making you feel uncomfortable.

When my dad moved out, it was so much better! My mum is now herself, a happy person who we never feel sorry for. And we stay at Dad's house every second weekend where he is also a happier person.

As someone who's been in this situation (not in your position, but I do know your predicament), don't think you're doing the right thing by your kids by staying together. If anything, if you are that unhappy you are doing the wrong thing by your kids by staying together. They deserve a happy household with a home they enjoy coming home to and having fun at every day.

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dj_movida_88
Rating
nope, u 2 wont b happy, ur kids will c u r not happy, ul probably end up fighting, this will screwur kids up wen they grow up, jus look at me :)

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Tina
Rating
It is NEVER ok to stay in a marriage for the sake of the children. Children know when things are bad...and it is better off that they live in a loving and secure home with one parent, and being able to keep their relationship with both parents. Seeing their parents happy is what the children need to see.

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carpathianroses
If you stay together for the sake of your children, eventually your children will sense your unhappiness, and that's even worse of a feeling for them than going through your divorce.

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concernedmom
It depends. Are you unhappy because you are attracted to someone else? Are you unhappy because your wife has gained weight. Are you unhappy because you have grown apart? If you answered yes to any of these questions then you need to stay and try and make it work by going to a good therapist. You owe this to your children, your wife and yourself. If you are unhappy because your wife has an addiction or is physically or mentally abusive then you should get divorced for the sake of your children and make sure you take your children with you.

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