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Sunday
Every time I get into a aurgument with my husband, he leaves the house?
We get into a argument, and he always puts the blame on me, He gets mad, and leaves for a couple hours. When he comes back I'm already sleeping, and so nothing is said! We ususally dont talk for a couple of days after that! So it's never resolved. Do you think it's right for him to leave, instead of staying and working it out?



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mamaerin@sbcglobal.net
I think it is right for him to leave ONLY if he is leaving to avoid hurting you (physically or verbally). He should not leave in a fit of rage, but he should calmly tell you that he is too mad right then and needs to leave for a bit to calm down.

At a time when you are not in an argument you should sit down with him (out at a restaurant is a good safe place) and talk to him about what you need from him. Let him know that if he needs to leave during an argument you would appreciate a calm announcement of his plans rather than him storming out. Also let him know that you need to sort things out with him when you have arguments without blaming each other...and when you're both calm.

It's hard to break habits that you've had your entire life...like avoiding issues that need to be dealt with, so try to be patient with him. Good luck.

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prouddaddy
Hey look. In only appropriate if things just get to intense and he can't deal w/ his anger. That's how real trouble starts. If that's not the case. He should not leave. You and he must NOT go to sleep before working it out. Trust me on this. I've gone to sleep w/o working things out and it has really been bad. Tell him I said so. You need to not let the sun go down on your anger. That's how the foxes get into your bed.

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leavemealonestalker
As odd as this may sound, you need to have a discussion when neither of you are mad about "how to fight".
it's something i went through with my boyfriend. he'd often leave. i prefer if he stays to settle the dispute with me, but i also understand that sometimes a "cooling off" period is necessary. I don't mind putting a fight on hold, as long as it is resolved within the next day or so.
good luck
♥♥

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shadyfridge4
Rating
no. thats what typical men do. when they argue they get really mad and stressed about it so to "chill" and relax, they walk away. its a really easy way out. just like they go in to their "cave" when they are stress, trying to work stuff out or upset.

you need to talk to him about how to work things out properly. Just leaving a problem unresovled would just makes things worse. and much more stressful and differcult in a relationship.

Talking is how you sort stuff out. its vital in a relationship.
If you dont have a good communication in a relationship, how would you ever sort things out?

you need to discuss ways of letting off your frustration and stress in a health way.

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exaltedchick
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It is very frusterating when they do that...heh. It would be ideal for him to stay and work it out, but people have different styles when it comes to arguments, and he might be the kind that needs a break, try to negotiate (when you are not in a fight) that if he needs to take a break he takes a walk for 10 minutes then comes back so he is more calm and you guys can talk.

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shark805
Sounds exactly like my wife. She's totally avoidant of an issue, and as long as she doesn't talk about it, there's nothing wrong on her end. The blame is always on me. Try turning it around. Avoid all issues he brings up, and leave if he tries to argue at all. The other side, is to look at your actions and evaluate if you may be trying to argue more than is necessary. He may be trying to send a hint.

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savannah_kalita
i think it wrong he should stay to talk and when he gets home talk to him cuz he'll be tried by then

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BabeHeart
He has the right to leave if he wants, but it solves nothing. So now you two have a whole bunch of unresolved issues, because he avoids conflict and confrontation.

Try to talk to him about this. If you don't get anywhere, then talk to him about the two of you seeing a counselor...if he refuses, then go on your own so at least you can learn how to deal with his reaction to disagreements.

Keeping arguments to a minimum would be a plus too...pick your battles and don't get worked up over 'small stuff'.

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carmelfude2003
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well if you both start to yell then its OK for him to leave
the reason he leaves is to get away from it for a while and cool down

if you nag or bring up the past of call names or try to take control of the situation then he has every right to leave

but if you dont do those things then he is being a baby and needs to sit down and talk about it and not run from your problems

most the time when couples get into fights they yell and never listen to what the other has to say and that is cus of pride sometimes in a marriage you have to swallow your pride and sit and listen to what the person has to say without jumping down there throats

i hate doing this is drives me crazy but i have never gotten into a yelling fit because of it and we always leave feeling better about it
and there are times where i have wanted to ring my guys neck but if i want him to hear what i have to say i have to listen to what he has to say

so next time you get mad dont yell and let him talk and then when you start to talk say i listened to you so now its my turn to talk and if he interrupts you say I'm sorry but its my turn and i want to say this but be nice and dont be all mad and hate him really try to listen

one time i tried that and my guy was so angry he kept talking louder over me and so finally i sat and said i wont talk at all how bout you go and scream your head off and when you are done being a jerk we can talk again and that just sent in thought the roof so he yelled and i left and got ready for bed and left him sitting there yelling at well nothing i came back in and he started to laugh cus he was being such a jerk

as long as i am not mean or loud i almost always get what i want

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redd headd
It depends why he leaves. He may be at the point of getting physical, or he has reached a point that he does not want to say anything more. In a perfect world couples could settle most anything, and go on. Not everyone will want to keep talking. They just want it to stop, and if the other person doesn't they may get real mad or leave to keep from saying something that just makes it worse.

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robert
Wait until your both calm and ask him why does he leave when he is mad.There might be a reason or at least a reason to him that is worthwild. I have gotten so mad that I left calmed down and thoguht things thru then could talk about it. Woman many times want to work things out right then and there where men need to think it thru-calm downa nd then can work it out. But to answer your question YES I think it okay for him to leave the room or area possible even the hosue to think things over but it is wrong that he does not talk about the problem afterwards.....

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ohiofirefighter42
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You never never leave...you gotta stay and work it out

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Finnegan
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"What we have here is a failure to communicate!" (Cool Hand Luke)
You've not given too much detail in this question, but here are some comments that may shed some light on things for you.
This is not a new circumstance, and is played out in probably every marriage at one time or another. If you are confrontive in your approach to bringing up controversial subjects, it may be that he feels ambushed. It may be that he is conflict-avoidant and not terribly invested in revisiting a failed argument, especially one in which he was compelled to leave the house. Unless he feels emotionally unthreatened, he will leave again, which is frustrating to you because you want resolution. Instead of faulting him for leaving, change your strategy so as to increase the likelihood of him staying and discussing the issues. If both of you come out with verbal guns blazing, you won't solve anything, much less be able to discuss. Retreat is always a defensive measure, but does not necessarily mean concession. Find a way to regain mutual trust, and discuss the issues in as neutral a fashion as possible. The moment the blame game begins, the discussion is doomed. Write down all the facts of an issue, and remove any emotion in the descriptors. The more objective you can be, the more you can present your side fairly and evenly. If he continues to respond in a gougy, defensive, blamey, conflict-avoidant kind of way, you will be better able to see how much of the problem is owned by each of you. If he begins to increase his endurance for discussing these things with you (and not leaving), then each of you is doing something right. Good luck~

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buggie
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Mine did that for 15 years...would just sweep it under the rug...took it's toll on our marriage..divorced...Don't expect any changes unless he wants to change..some guys just can't. Counseling didn't help..can't change what you do want to. Good luck...I know what you are going through. I ended up getting tired of it and divorced him...Now..wow..got me a great one..he needs to realize that could happen to him...too late for my ex...he sees that now!

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Mami of 2boys & 1 on da way:)
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No, the best thing for you guys to do is to communicate. it doesnt resolve anything by leaving the house. It just makes it worse for u and him.

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sister
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i read a story called "what the good man does is always right" I think more women need to have that attitude(myself included) even if we know he is not right M ost of the time it is safe to let them learn the hard way

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jaiden skylar due anyday ..
my husband leaves too i think its a man thing not sure tho

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Jonathan
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Sorry to say this but your marriage isn't going anywhere if this continues to happen. Try to find ways to work with him on those issues so it won't occur in the future.

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Juillet
no he needs to learn to communicate. this used to happen with me and my boyfriend too and im sure happens to a lot of couples. I think counselors suggest you approach the situation differently, if you start it as an argument by raising your voice then he will give you the same reaction, but if you casually bring up a problem and just speak strongly without yelling or putting the blame on him it may work out better.

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madbaldscotsman
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He should stay and talk it out. One of the big rules of a marriage is never to sleep on an argument. Resolve before bed.

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Girliegirl
If it is an extremely heated fight his leaving may very well be in everyones best interest. Then nothing is said or done that can't be taken back. As far as it never getting discussed after that. To me that's on both of you. After he cools off he should come back in a reasonable amount of time ready to talk, and if he doesn't then the next day one of you should bring it up and try to work it out calmly. But if it can't even be discussed without starting another argument, then there's trouble. You each need to give each other 10 minutes of uninterrupted time to talk and start a dialog after that, not an argument. This isn't all his fault. It's a break down in communication.

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Angelic Julie
maybe he is afraid of his own actions if he stays in the house

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Ray2play
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It might be good for him to take some time to cool down or think. But not resolving things is not good. Give each other the space to focus on the problem and both make the effort to come to a fair, mutual, compromising resolution.

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Tapestry6
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My guy said he would rather leave the house than hit a wall or throw furniture and I agree. We have been married 35 years and trust me let him walk.. if the subject was that terribly important try counseling, otherwise just move on. Most things you argue about are soo trivial.. like he left the cap off the toothpaste tube, didn't put down the toilet seat, lost the remote, or forgot where he last saw the car keys.

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mamabear
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Sometimes it is better. When one, or both people are too mad to have a calm discussion, I think it is better to wait, but you should not forget about it. Later things get worse when they are not settled. They do not just magically disappear.

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timo_10143
My wife is the one that usually leaves for a couple hours, or she'll spend the night at her mom's. It's probably for the best because nasty things would be said. We talk about it later usually we both apologize. Not talking for a couple days sucks.

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John S
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I used to do that, get mad and leave. My current girlfriend wont let me do that, she makes me sit down and talk about it. We've lived together for 2 years so something must be going well.

I would recommend explaining to him that you would rather sit and talk about it than worry about him driving angry and crashing.

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Mrs Greeneyez
I have the same issue w/ my boyfriend. i constantly tell him that it's making matters worse because we'll never be able to discuss in. he says he does it to cool down, which is fine, but not every time. i think it would be fine if he went out for a lil' bit, but to long enough that when he comes back it's late enough that you're sleeping and nothing gets or is attempted to be worked out.

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teach
You need to go to a marriage counselor and learn how to work out problems between you like adults. He needs to learn conflict resolution techniques. It'll sure be a lot better!!

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sunbun
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Possibly he leaves so that he won't say something that he will regret.

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PennyLayne
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My husband does the same thing sometimes, and it used to frustrate the heck out of me!

Sounds like classic fight or flight response. Once the situation has escalated to that point he has a choice to make, and he chooses avoidance. Is it possible that there is a history of violence or abuse in his family? Or maybe he has had issues with anger in the past? If so, then it would make sense that he would want to avoid letting an argument ever get to that point. I never disagree with a persons decision to take a step back from a heated situation and clear their heads.

It does sound like there is a bigger issue at hand here though. You might want to ask yourself if it's the argument, or your just your feelings about it, that are not resolved. I know how I can really dig in my heels when I want to work through something. Men often don't see the point of talking through all the details of a fight though, and additionally he may not be talking to you about anything after because he knows that you will bring it up. Unfortunately you will never get the reaction you want when you try to force someone to talk about something they don't want to. The best you can hope for at that point usually is a spiteful response intended to shut you up.

Try not to laugh, but I actually found a lot of luck with the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". He does and excellent job of breaking down the differences between the communication styles of men and women. Although, if this is an ongoing problem, you might want to consider professional counseling.

Just remember, it takes two to fight but only one to say I'm sorry. My point? The only thing you can control is yourself. I wish you the best of luck. :)

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