Do I stay for the kids?

Show all answers

Post your answer

hello!	you leave, get child support/. just cause you have kidswitth him doesn't mean you need to be with him. but ill tell you this you do leave him it could go both ways. either he'll be in touch with the kids or he wont even bother. good luck Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Diana**	girl leave (I've been their the same story u have)he is not gonna change you better off just w/ the kids.he can visit them ,so do what u have to do to make yourself happy,u deserve it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mrsjenjensen	i'd move on.. it will be hard but hope you have the finances to go it alone until you meet a responsible man.. wish u well Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

randmthots	Sounds like he hasn't grown up and accepted the responsibility of being a dad. He needs to either get his act together or he will end up losing you. And when you hit him up for child support, he will really be crying. Right now, he's no different than a deadbeat dad. He may provide for them financially, but he doesn't provide for their other needs. Try talking to his mom and see if she can get through to him. Don't make any kind of threats to her concerning him. Just ask if she can help get him to be more responsible. Let her know what is going on. Hopefully, with her being a mom too, she will be able to knock some sense into him. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

shade_under_water	wow popular question, I guess this is one of those things in life that MANY people experience. I would leave...if you can financially....I am in the exact same position...remember you have to think about babysitters, a job, and all that good stuff it's tough...but if he is acting that way....you can't ask him to change...if he doesn't care enough to change already...you asking him to will probably make it worse. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

cherokee squaw	try counseling, have you tried talking to any of his family, is his friends, young and unmarried, or with out responsibilities? my mom always said you are who you hang around..........if their drunks, you will be, if their into drugs, you will be,if their jobless, you will be, hope this helps. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

D and G Gifts Etc	Well, you are already doing everything by yourself for yourself and your kids. He is not bringing anything into the relationship except extra work for you. Sit down and have a serious heart to heart with him. Let him know exactly how you feel. Then tell him if things don't change and change quickly that he will be changing... changing his address. While it is okay for him to go out with his friends once and a while every night is no where near acceptable. Also for someone who is going out every night instead of spending it with his family he seems pretty demanding of your time. As an adult you do not need to ask his permission to do anything. It is polite to mention where you are going and when you are coming back so that he does not worry but respect and consideration is a two way street. Good luck to you Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

LyndasCa	Double standards are not a good relationship. Bad relationships are not good for the kids. Kids see and hear more than what the parents realize. An unhappy mother is not healthy for the kids either. You need to have a serious talk with this guy and tell him that the double standards are not going to happen any longer! You need to put your foot down and attempt to make him realize that his actions are not healthy for the children or your relationship. If he does not want to work on his actions and remove the double standards, you and the kids will be better off if you two separate. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

seashell	Why don't people ask these important question BEFORE they have kids. I have always said the best gift you can give your kids is having mommy and daddy under the SAME roof. You really should read this before you split although I'm sure you'll just see it as being lectured to and it won't make a bit of difference.....but I tried. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071118/ap_on_re_us/child_abuse Also, you've been given some TERRIBLE advice here. What you have described is NOT an abusive man. He's a young man who's still a bit immature. I feel you should give your marriage a fighting chance before moving on to husband #2 You could find yourself in the same boat with the next guy that comes along.. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Renee M	well, you already feel alone and like a single mother... if he's not handling any of his responosibilities, as your significant other or the father of your children, then you need to give him the boot. you're already halfway there by doing all that you do WITHOUT him. you might as well take that extra weight off. you deserve better... and NEVER stay for the kids, cuz they don't need to be around a situation that isn't "loving" anyway. he doesn't wanna be there, or he would be. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Terry,JackofHearts	Here's my advice. He is not a man, he is not a husband, He ,worst of all is not a father, the advice do whatever it takes to see that those children have a life.A life is what I'm saying. T4 Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

dream_searcher_tx	you need to really evaluate what you want and what is best for you. maybe write out a list of pros and cons for staying vs. leaving. kids are smart and intuitive - if you are stressed or resentful they will notice it and your moods will affect them. It sounds like he would have more contact with them if he had visitation rights. If you are doing everything yourself, what do you need him for? Kids can have a relationship with their father whether you do or not. My mother stayed married to my father for 27 years "for the kids" except we all hated him. His emotional and physical abuse has affected our lives and relationships. If she would have made her decision based on what she knew was best for her - we all would have been better off. If you decide to leave - make sure you talk to an attorney first - to cover all bases. Whatever you decide - you are the one who has to live with it - and your decision should be what is best for you. The kids will be better with parents who are happy - whether it's through ya'll going to marriage counseling and trying to work things out or if you leave. Good Luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Liz	Tomorrow when he comes home from work, be ready to go out. On your way out the door, tell him it's your turn to hang with your friends, and you're not sure when you'll be back. Make sure you get home late - late enough for him to have to feed and put the kids to bed, at least. When you return and he says what the heck what that all about, sweetly tell him that from now on, every time he has a night out with his friends, you will be taking your turns the next night. Fair is fair. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

CindyLu	ready to leave? what have you got? This guy is a jerk and if having kids did not change him he is not gonna be changing anytime soon. You need to cut your losses and move on. You can do bad by yourself and since he is not involved with the kids why keep living a lie. You can do better for yourself and for your kids Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

donna	it doesnt matter how people answer this question because you and I both know you will do what your heart tells you to do or you wouldnt be asking this question. ultimatly I believe if he doesnt change and accept his responsibilties like a man you will leave it is only a matter of time. some men never grow up and it is unfortunate that we dont discover this until after we have had children with them. good luck, and next time you will find a better more mature man set your standards high when dating and then the rest will fall into place. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lovebug123	Marriage is hard enough with two cooperating adults, if he continues to act like a child and not take on responsibility like he should, and you are truly fed up, then, first try everything. Exhaust every resource, go to counseling, talk to family, anything you can think of to keep your family together. If after all of that he still doesn't want to grow up, then from there, you will have to make the decision to stay or go. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

csiders30	Take your kids w/you and find a better quality of man. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

aunt_webby	Can you live this life for another 10 years ? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

April First	It sounds like you have three children, and the oldest is a little selfish and not very interested in being a Dad. It could be that he is fearful he will fail at being a Dad so he won't even try. Whether you stay with him or not, those are his kids and he needs to learn what being a Father is all about. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

I'm cute!	Uh, try talking to him again. Tell him your thoughts on the divorce.... Good Luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Faith W	wow i actually went through the same thing....but things got better just give it a Lil time maybe a month or so then if nothing has changed go for it i was sooooooo close to leaving too. but i didn't and well actually ya know what worked this is prob bad advice but scare the **** out of him just get up and leave one night after dinner turn your phone off and go to a movie .try that if that doesn't work and he doest worry then after that its your decision .just for the record i love my man more now than ever because i know he was soo worried about me it was so worth it! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Kase	If he really likes you, give him an ultimatum. Either he gets it together or you leave. Just hang in there! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

cubbielovin19	if you're ready to leave, it's better that you do it. you dont want to subject your children to an unhappy home life. i come from a family where my parents stayed together 'for the kids sake' and i cant even tell you how many times i wished that they just would have separated. i say give your guy an ultimatum- either he starts to act like the father he should be, or it's over between you two... then stick to it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

♥Chr!$t!n@♥	You should pack a few things and go to your moms for a few days tell him that you are leaving maybe that will be a wake up call for him thats what I did with my husband and I didt give in for 2 weeks until I saw the first step he made was agree to counseling and he started going good luck to you if u need more advice or just wanna chat e-mail me Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

krystuhhhllllll	Leave and take your kids with you, and until he proves hes changed think about trying to start a new relationship with him. Now im only 13, but i really think that it would be best coming from a kid to know to leave Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Liar.	Okay here's my story/lecture: I'm 15 and my parents stayed together "for the kids". You know how bad that hurt us? We walked on eggshells from all the tension all day and everyday. I'm quoting Dr.Phil when I say, "Kids would rather be from a broken home than live in one". Seriously, your kids come first and that means getting them out of a bad environment. You're young and at 24 I can see why the dad hasn't changed ...he's not ready ! I mean, you are both WAY young and you two should both sit down and talk about how this relationship isn't working. Please, just don't stay in this relationship for the kids. I'm begging you. It leaves scars. And if worse come to worse it leaves them physically and from themselves. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

college_student	I never understood why women choose to stay in bad relationships "for the kids". If it's a bad relationship for you, it is for the kids too. Would it be better to keep you and the kids unhappy, or leave with the kids and have a chance for happiness without him? It sounds to me like he hasn't grown up and taken the responsibilities that a father should. I doubt he will ever change. I wouldn't stay around and wait for him to change. Life is too short to stay unhappy. Find a life for you and the kids without him. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jo	That's the sad, dirty truth about having kids way too young. The guy goes out and parties it up and the girl gets to stay home and play house maid. Don't stay for the children's sake, there are guys are there that are older and if you find the right one will handle his responsibilities appropriately Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

dteriorata	Sounds like you have inadvertantly trained this guy that his behavior is tolerable, until now. So retrain him. Tell him all of this that you told us. Explain that you really don't want to split up, especially for the children but that the way things are going you're afraid the arguments also will affect them. You do need "you" time, if only to remain healthy for your kids' sakes. You have allowed him all the "him" time he needs all this time, he should return the favor. Obviously you haven't needed as much or this would have gotten to you a lot sooner! Trust me, I've been a single married mom once myself. If you have to, schedule nights out for both of you, singly and together, Im sure his mom will be happy to babysit! As for him taking the kids to his mom's, does he just dump them on her or go there so she can help? If he dumps them you have a valid point. If he stays there with them, does it really matter? You get time out, granny gets time with the grandkids, and dad doesnt feel overwhelmed. Low stress situation all around! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

luv2bfit	You are not alone. Many married women feel like "single parents." You need to make time for yourself daily. It's not selfish to demand because it will be better for you, him, and the kids. He probably feels that it's a woman's job to raise the kids, as many men still do. If he has to spend more time with the kids, he will eventually feel more comfortable with it and probably even enjoy it. It's also not unusual for a man to mature later. He is only 24! That is still very young, especially for a man. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

NONAME	Never stay for the kids trust me when I say that... NEVER stay for them u will be the most unhappiest person alive and u will regret it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No