"Why not just adopt?"?

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johnnylakis	Adoption is expensive unless you want a 2 year old or older. Adoption has become a big business because of all the paperwork involved. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

N.W.	no because i want my on son or daughter... i want them to have my characteristics and personality Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

i <3 basketball	i think adoption is great. people should adopt. your taking a child that has either been abused or abounded. and your giving them a family. something to hold on to. something to be thankful for. i think its a great idea. hope i helded Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

allchildrenareangels	They should adopt a foster child that their parents rights have already been terminated. Just a thought. Love, Michelle Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

brookeleis	Adoption is a great idea. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Andrea!	I don't see anything wrong with that. I mean, if someone is infertile and they want kids, they don't have many other choices. And there are many, many kids out in the world, especially poor, third world countries, who could use a nice home and a nice family. There's nothing wrong with adopting, though I know that some people want the ability to have their own biological children. But if they can't, they should just adopt a kid, and it's still their own child, just not biologically. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tp101	I think it's a great option. Some of our friends were interested in adopting, but said they were told that you need to be married for three years to be considered. Also some people would like to pass on their blood line, know their child's history, nit have to explain about why there real parents gave them up....there are a lot of reasons. I know if I am not able to get pregnant I will consider adoption. I really would like to be able to go through pregnancy and be able to give birth, but I know that is not the only option. I also know that adoption is not an easy process either and takes just as much thought and commitment. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

*`•.(`•.♥ Taylor ♥.•´).•`*	It's a good choice. You can really make a difference in a kid's life. I know a family who adopted like 15 kids over the years. Most of them have grown up and moved out and are living good lives now. But they all have one thing to say. "I don't know what would have happened to me if they had not adopted me. I love them so much." They were all absolutely devistated when their adoptive father died. It was like how you or I would feel losing an actual parent we are close to. These two people saved all these kids from all kinds of uncertain danger. So many kids in the system are molested, raped and abused. Many of them grow up to be criminals and gang members because nobody ever cared about them. The bottom line is, it makes a difference, saves a child, and makes the world a better place. Not only that, but gives you a family when you can't do it naturally. ♥ Taylor Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

lillilou	I think there is a difference between wanting to have children, and wanting to be a parent. You can apply this to both your question, and other things such as teens who whine on here that they want a baby, or how to trick a mate into getting them pregnant. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jonny S	Well, many children do need a good home, and if somebody wants a child and can't have one due to fertility reasons, then adoption is a great alternative that helps everyone. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Kumo	It's great and makes sense. If you want kids but can't have them, you really don't have any other choice. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Timid Women Rarely Make History	Well,if a woman clearly isn't able to have kids. It's the only nice thing sometimes there is to say,or suggest. I understand a woman wants a biological child. But if that isn't possible. Then adopting is the next best thing. That woman will still get to be a mother,and in doing so,give hope to a child that has none. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Banshee Lingers	I view it this way. If it is for love an the want, no need to raise a child as your own, watch them do those things children do and become adults than its a way to make that happen. And if a person can afford the child and all of his/her needs, then hell, go for it. But a person needs to know when to stop. If that lady with 8 babies and 6 at home decided to adopt I'd put her away in an asylum. That's what. If Angelina Jolie decided to use fertility drugs and have 7 kids I'd microwave al of her movies. She can afford them but to much is to much and she isn't going to be able to tend to her already kids, her work, her husband and herself. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

cugal	It's true that there are so many kids out there that need a good home, but adoption is not for everyone. Some couples want a child because they want a baby who is part of them both. I think adoption is a wonderful thing, but it's not as easy to adopt as people seem to think. It's quite costly, which is a problem for a lot of people. Adoptive parents also don't seem to have many legal rights. So, it's sometimes a heartbreaking process. It takes strong people to become adoptive parents. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Bodhi	I laugh a somewhat bitter laugh now when I think back at myself saying "I can just adopt" as I was recovering from my hysterectomy. Saying that came from a place of ignorance - never from a place of wanting to hurt anyone, or slight anyone - simply a place of being uneducated about the process, the people involved and affected, and the repercussions. I didn't know. I would guess that the majority of people who say that don't know either. I can't get down on them for that - no one is born an expert on the various issues surrounding adoption, and I imagine they are saying that to comfort and not to harm. I feel somewhat sheepish in admitting that I too said "I can just adopt" back then. After all, I was adopted and I should have an innate knowledge of the whole deal, right? No, I don't think anyone does at the outset. Everyone comes to their own opinions and conclusions through education, whether that's formal or experiential. I think people who say that haven't gained enough knowledge or experience to understand there is no "just" about it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Serenity71	I hear so many people here talk about infertile couples like they ALL want to adopt if they can't make a baby. Thats very untrue. Most people I know who are infertile wouldn't adopt kids if they couldn't have one. They aren't open minded enough to raise a child not of their genetics. The thought doesn't even occur to them to go down the adoption road. I feel its fertile women who have the 'baby addiction' that really drives the adoption 'industry'. So what if they can have their own, some of those women don't blink an eyelash at the thought of a woman giving up a baby because their kids have grown up. past the cute baby stage. I've spoken to women like that and they disgusted me at their lack of consideration about another woman (first mothers) when it comes to adoption. They don't give a first mum very much thought, only their need for another baby in the house cause the kids are at school now, and then they just gush on about how much they love babies and want to adopt when they can't carry any more in the womb to avoid childbirth. (Roll eyes and I stop talking about the pro's and con's of adoption with them. To me they can't be serious about it. ) They're all "Rainbows and puppies" about it because they "love babies", and feel empty if they don't have a baby in the house. I often say to those women. "Do temporary fostering and your problem with that is solved. Its likely you'll have a baby in the house most of the time, and you might get a different one every few months..." So if I'm going to look at anyone who's driving adoption to these days its those fertile new born baby addicts. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

SJM	I blame it on a chlorinated drinking supply. I don't know what else could cause so many people to express such an uneducated opinion so readily. It's gotta be something in the water. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Independ"ant"	"Why not just adopt?" "What are your thoughts on this?" Agendas. Actually trying to help someone that is in need of assistance/support is too much work for "them". Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Randy B	If I'm ever asked by anyone, or if it ever comes up in a conversation with friends, then naturally adoption is one option for them as are fertility treatments, foster parenting and other options. I have a close friend who has been trying for years to have a child but neither he nor his wife have any diagnosed fertility issues that were identified yet they have still been unable to conceive. He's never asked us about adoption even though he knows we have adopted twice and as such I've never discussed it with him. If he ever asks then he will get any info I can give him. He knows he's free to do so if he wishes. Others have a different attitude and just throw it out there for people because it seems like a logical choice to them. Personally, I don't have a problem with that. I don't view it as a bad thing if people want to suggest it to others. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Not Adopted	I think the "just adopt so many kids need a good home" attitude is drilled into their head by movies, celebrities, media, clergy, family, friends. This message is heard so many times that no one bothers to question it or think about adoption on a deeper level. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jackie B	There is no "just" when it comes to adopting. I'm finding that the process has been far more emotionally draining than when I was doing fertility treatments. I think the general public is very ill informed about adoption. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

cantstopLinnyG	Yuck. These are people who do not have a direct connection to adoption, and only see the feel- good and inaccurate portrayals of adoption in the media. Adoption is ONLY acceptable if the child is abused or has no family member to raise them. The orphanage line always cracks me up, too. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. They rarely know how adoption can affect the adoptee, the first Mom, or the adoptive parents. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Harriet	I saw that today. It was a little bit weird. Somebody was getting quite sad/angry about not being able to conceive, and so many of the answers said things about adoption as an absolute last resort like "if all else fails" - wait I'll post the link http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AspHzOgYkBlHUsAQ7as.247ty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090406001000AAqIuAq&show=7#profile-info-6sCmYku0aa I can understand why infertile people (and others) would want to adopt, but the way it was presented by all the other women as an absolute last resort, as something for this woman's personal deficiencies rather than for the child, just didn't seem right. I don't think it's healthy for somebody to be going into an adoption because "all else failed", the attitude isn't quite right there and it will always feel 2nd best. No matter how they try that will reflect on the kid if they think of adoption like that or it's presented to them like that by others. Harriet Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

ST	PLEASE DO ADOPT CHILDREN... I AM 16 AND JUST GOT OUT OF FOSTER CARE... LIFE IS HARD NOT HAVING A FAMILY ALL DAY BY YOUR SIDE TO HELP YOU OUT WITH THINGS. I JUST NOW GOT OUT OF IT AND IM DOING SO GOOD... BUT PLEASE DO ADOPT CHILDREN. MOST PARENTS DONT ADOPT TEENAGERS CAUSE THEY THINK THAT THE TEENAGERS ARE ALREADY GROWN UP AND DONT NEED THEM BUT THEY DO THEY R ALWAYS HURT INSIDE CAUSE THEY DONT HAVE ANYBODY THAT THEY CAN GO TO AND TALK TO ABOUT THERE PROBLEMS.. I JUST ASK THAT U DO. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

kateiskate	I hate it when people say that too. I also hate "Well you could always adopt if you can't have YOUR OWN". Most of the people who say this are people who either have no connection to adoption other than watching "Juno" or are people whose mom's best friend's sister's hairdresser's cousin adopted or is adopted and is peachy. So I'd disregard what they have to say. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jennifer L	I grit my teeth at this, too. Adoption is not something that you "just do". It is not a cure for infertility. Adoption means that you are being entrusted with a human being. It's just not something that you enter into lightly. Most (if not all) of the people who say flippantly, "Just Adopt" have never been infertile and have never been personally involved with adoption. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Wouldntyou L	I NEVER say "JUST" adopt. There is no JUST about it. Like JUST have your own baby. No JUST about it. But if people desperately want kids and can't have them, there's no reason they shouldn't at least THINK about it. Shoot, I know several families who are having babies as well as adopting. Nothing wrong with that. Yes, there are plenty of kids in foster care needing parents. But people who are incapable of loving them should not have them. Only those special people who can love a child they aren't related to should be the ones adopting. Edit: As for the BS about "everyone wanting a flesh and blood child", total crap. I don't want a flesh and blood child. I'm capable of having babies, but why? There are so many other kids needing parents. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Penny A (Vanessa)	I get the feeling that when people say 'just adopt' they are trying to present a 'cure' for their infertility. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Corn is not dog food! No wheat!	There ARE kids that need a good home. The trick is finding those children. Not womb wet babies born to mothers that need help, not pressure to relinquish. Not children from under priviledged nations who have families that also need help. I think infertile couples who "just" want to adopt, should adopt the needy children. That means getting kids a few years old. That means taking kids with problems. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

MamaKate	Dear AHB, "Why not just adopt" is like many of the other things people say when they don't know what to say because they think they HAVE to say something. They blurt out something that sounds good in their heads without realizing how rude or ignorant they sound to the intended comfortee. It comes from a well intended place but comes across as flippant and callous. Most people are simply unprepared to deal with grief - especially someone else's and even less if it is someone they care about. It is like when people tell first mothers they will "Just get over it" or "You can always have another." Or when people say to a grieving person, "He lived a pretty good while. You should be thankful that you had him for so long." Or when someone says "I know how you feel." The thing is people don't know how to comfort other people's grief and pain sometimes. It makes them uncomfortable (there isn't anything they can do to "fix" it) and so they say things that are supposed to make a person feel better or look at the "bright side" without realizing how painful, unhelpful, dismissive or offensive the comment is because it is MEANT well. Infertility (to the point of never being able to create a child) is like other losses and should be treated with respect and reverence. It is personal and complex and there is no "quick fix", "cure" or "band-aid" for that loss. To add to that, adoption is far more complex, personal and emotional than the general public is aware of and that ignorance helps contribute to these sorts of comments. The best way for people to be supportive of someone who has experienced a loss of ANY kind is to tell them that they are in your thoughts and to support them with THEIR emotions and process rather than trying to "solve" the problem for them. Even little things like taking on some of the daily stress that a person has (like picking up groceries or offering a hug) are more helpful than attempting to "gloss" over another person's pain. Often silence and a gentle reassurance that you are there for the person is more comforting than anything. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

avi	Adoption is a wonderful option and there are many kids out there who need a good home. Honestly, you should reconsider parenting altogether. Stay bitter and childless. It works for you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No