When should I tell my son??

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lilredhead	I have a personal story your welcome to e-mail me if you like. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Laura	well, he's only 6 right now, and that would be way to dramatic for him to handle.. in my opinion i would wait until he's atlease 16-18 yrs.. that way he'll know that it wasnt your fault.. and he'll understand the situation better.. i hope that helps -Laura Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Danielle A :)	That's a toughy! but tell him when he's old enough not to go blabbing around to his friends. Ensure that he's loved no matter who his dad is. I'm the only one out of my siblings that has a different father but my mom would always tell me that Jesus and his siblings were whole brothers and sisters because they shared the same mother. And blood's got nothing to do with being family. It's the love that's shared that makes you a family. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

bailie28	honestly having been adopted ...this is i would think alot harder to have to try to explain..i think the best time to tell him would be when you sit down with him and tell him the birds and the bees..or at some point there after..at 6 he may or may not know what sex is and rape is a hard one to talk about with a child that young because you want him to stay innocent as long as possible i would tell him that above all else i loved him from the moment i knew he existed that i hadnt asked god for him but god decided i needed this beautiful baby boy as my own...and if you dont believe in god something similar in your own words..a gift you didnt ask for but loved all the same...good luck in whatever you choose to do Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

BIGTEX_2	well i think you should tell him that his father is not his biological father around 8, then when he gets older, like14 then you should tell him about the rape. its best not to give him a full dose of bad news. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

stephanie	no son is conceived in evil he needs to know that he is a child of love Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

LilLady	well i would wait till he is 13. i would let him meet his real mother and let her do the talking, but it really has to deal with how mature is he. Dont wait until he is 18, that would not be right for him growing up and not knowing his true background. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

christmas_me_merry	I think you should tell him - in a way as not to make it such a big deal. It is to you but don't transfer those feelings. Don't tell him detail unless he asks - he does have a right to know. Don't wait till he is old enough to feel deceived, hormonal and angry. The sooner the better! GOOD LUCK x Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Dominique	I know it souds harsh but everything happens for a reason, even you getting rape. You son has a purpose in life and telling him might help him to pursue his purpose. I see everyone had a hard time answering this question. Its a tough question but right now is the best time to tell him because he's young and he'll have a lot of time to get over it. If you take too long and keep procrasinating he's gonna be very mad at you and have a harder time dealing with this lie you have created. Explain to him that even though you being rape was very bad but your glad that you gave birth to him and thats y you didn't have an abortion. Just make him feel loved. Gradually as he gets older talk to him more and more about it and everything should be okay. I know its hard for you but its something that can't wait and must be done as soon as possible. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Gabriel. E	wait till he is older so he will understand Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Fardreamer	I think around ten. right now he probably doesn't even know what sex is let alone rape. I would tell him before he hits his teens though, if he finds out you kept this from him when he's like 16-17 it's just asking for a whole lot of trouble. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

darkangel05	there really is no set age for this kind of thing. its when ever you believe he is ready to know. I myself was adopted and didnt know it until i was 15. i am now 17 and nothing has changed. my biological mother got pregnant with me when she and one of her good friends were drunk. she wasnt ready to have another kid so she gave me up to my great aunt for adoption. my parents never told me i was adopted. i ended up finding the papers. i was mad at first but once i heard what my parents had to say i understood. i dont look at them any different and i still love them all the same. and your son will too. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sunshine!	I think you should tell when he turns 15 so you can explain to him everything and he can understand! But one thing no son is conceived in evil they are all conceived by Love no matter what! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tish	personally, i think discussions about unfortunate events that resulted in a child's conception or happened during a child's gestation (thoughts about abortion, adoption plans, rape, questions about paternity, et al) are better explained when the child is old enough to understand it. at 6 yo. i doubt that your son even understands the concept of rape; hence explaining it to him will probably confuse him. also, i don't see the need to disclose this to him at this time. i recently told my son about my adoption plan (i changed my mind before his birth). although he was shocked, and a little sad to know that he might have been raised by somebody else, he also was old enough to understand the complexity of my relationship with his bio-father and the reasons why i made such a choice. he also knows, without a doubt, that i love him; and can see my love for him and my discontent for his bio-father as mutually exclusive. he's 16. and i only disclosed my plan to place him for adoption. i can imagine how difficult it would be to explain a rape to a 6 yo. i suggest getting some counseling to sort out your feeling regarding the rape. and speaking with a child-development specialist about how best and when to disclose. i wish you luck,,, and remember, regardless of his conception, you L.O.V.E. him!!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

your_sunshine78	I think anytime is okay to explain that his daddy isn't actually his biological father. However, I dont' think you should tell him that he was a produce a rape. I don's see the good in it at all.... now or ever. I hope you figure out something to say and whatever it is please make sure it is something you are comfortable sharing. Lots of Luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

meltznyomth	first of all it has never been a issue before so LEAVE IT ALONE i think it's bothering you and you should seek help dont ever tell him he was made out of evil...... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Rebecca L	Ultimately this is a question only you can really answer, as you know your son and we don't. However, I think you will find a perfect moment. Perhaps it will be after a program he might watch with adoption, or maybe he'll meet someone in school who knows their adopted. Whatever, something will create a "natural" opening, and you will be able to share with him. What you tell him will naturally be determined by his age and how much he can comprehend. For instance, instead of telling him he was concieved in evil you might want to say that his father wasn't a nice person and Mommy did not love him or want to make a baby with him. That's why his biological father is not in his life. As he gets older he'll undoubtedly come back to you with more questions. The more calmly and matter of factly you answer them, the more reassured he will be. Always stress to him that you love him no matter how he was made and that your husband CHOSE to be his daddy. This is special because most daddys just get the kids who are born, but HIS dad chose him on purpose. That sort of thing. I have never regretted letting my son grow up knowing that his father wasn't the man I married. He's had rejection issues, because his "real" dad never wanted to acknowledge him, but he knows they're really his father's issues, not his. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Morgan	tell him the truth. when hes older. and when he asks. like maybe 14 or 15, just make sure he's ready! say that the father he has now is a real father, but just not biological. a father is someone who is there for you, gives you love and is there for you and you know is fatherly ihope things work out well and that helps, good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

ipod	Tell him when he turns 15...make sure your husband is there too, after you tell him make sure that you say "It doesn't matter, and it doesn't change anything...I love you, your my son forever" Good Luck Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Braden	I think you should definitely wait for a long time. He's probably way too young, and will be to understand for a while. I would avoid telling him on any kind of special occasion; just try to pick out a good age, whatever you think makes sense, I would probably say 13 or so, first year of being a teenager, and sit him down on a regular day and tell him the whole thing. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

a_complicated_goddess	i think its best to start slowly whilst the child is young, that way when he asks for the full story he wont feel like he's been lied to, and maybe its best not to say he was conceived through evil, it sounds like youre then saying that he's evil as a result. i would explain that a nasty man hurt you and thats how he was made, but then go onto say that your husband isnt he's biological father but he's still his daddy... and that even though he was born through hurt, youve always loved him very much. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Hot Kelley	I probably wouldn't tell him.But if I did, I would wait until he was much older.I would want him to be old enough to understand that it isn't any way his fault.Kids sometimes feel shame for things that they shouldn't. My father abused my mother terribly.She left him when I was very young,And whenever someone would speak of him, or the things he had done, I would always feel depressed.Like I might be bad too, because I was his kid.And its also terrible to be expected to hate you re own father(No matter how bad of a person he is),It takes something away from you. Good luck with whatever decision you make. Take care. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

eharrah1	Right now I would just tell him he was not conceived in the conventional way. His father may not be his biological father but he is his daddy. Also tell him that while he had a rather nonconvential beginning, he is loved by mommy and daddy no less. My instinct would be not to tell anybody and let it be but that would not be fair to your son. If he finds out later in life, he may feel lied to. You could always just say that his daddy is not his biological father but his daddy loves him like he was. You can also say that his daddy loves him more because he made the conscious decision that most fathers do not have. The rest of what you say to your son would just depend on his maturity level. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

99mom	That is a hard one..I wouldn't know where to start with one. I guess when he's older, like mid teens maybe you should explain to him who he thinks is his father is not..but in all terms, that guy is his father because you don't have to be blood to be a dad. He needs to be old enough to understand rape and how serious it is and why you didn't want him to ever know his real father. It will be tough..good luck!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jade	I believe that as soon as you think the child can grasp the concept of a biological father vs. a father who has raised him is the time to tell him. As far as the conceived in evil part, It might be best to wait till the kid is older like over 15 or 16 so he can understand it's not his fault and what rape really is. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mona	tell him when he is old enough- like 18, when he knows what rape is and knows that u and ur husband love him no matter how he was created, make sure ur husband takes part so he puts in the part that its ok that he aint his... and dont try 2 make him seem like a mistake im glad u had ur son even in the circumstances Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Amar D	Tell him when he turns 18, but don't do it on or close to his birthday. I say 18 because this will make sure that he is mature enough. Also let him know that you guys love him just as much as his siblings and let him express his feelings. Most likely he won't mind about his father not being biological father but he will express his sympathy and sorrow towards you for having to have to suffer such evil. BTW, I hope the rapist is thrown behind bars for the rest of his life. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

LuvULuLu	um thats a hard one i dont know what to say.... but dont say that he was born in evil that would make him think he is unloved Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Settelbanat	I am always about telling the truth, but maybe you should consult a child psychologist on this one. Sometimes truth is too painful for a lot of people, on the other hand, your son may feel betrayed and lied to the longer you wait. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Pooty Pootwell	I would say he definitely needs to be told, but I would do this as a family. Make sure in whatever setting he is told he is surrounded by people that love him. And don't listen to that person above who said to tell him on his wedding day. That's just mean. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

C. W	Wow, that's a tough one. I am a firm believer of telling a child as soon as they can understand that the parent they believe is theirs is not if that is the case. However, in your case I really don't know how you would tell a child that. I believe honesty is the best policy, but sometimes it's not? I found this website: http://www.voicesofstrength.org/pregnancyafterrape They have a message board there, perhaps you could post on there, surely there are others that have gone through the same thing. I wish you the best of luck, and thank God that you have a wonderful husband! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No