What is the "right" reason for someone to adopt? Is it a No Win situation for APs here?

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Kai	I think not being able to have kids and you want them is a good enough answer. My mom is infertile and no she couldn't have just worked on it like some people say. Her ovaries were taken and she couldn't even save any eggs. She told me about how she used to write letters to Santa asking for a child and praying every day and night for one. People who can bear children see it as selfish, but they can have children whenever they want. My grandmother told me how my mom used to cry whenever she would hear about people killing their children or an abuse story because she would have wanted those kids. My mom has also been one that never liked other peoples kids. She will not hold them and dislikes the baby years. The first time she saw me she said that I was her daughter and never saw me as anyone else's. Was that wrong to give her a child? My mom jokes that I kept her from having to deal with labor, stretch marks, and staying awake to feed a baby. My birthmother hurt me when I was only a month old and had to give me up or go to jail for attempted murder. Apparently some people think I should have stayed with a drug-abusing alcoholic mother. How can you talk about what is good for the child, while saying that babies should stay in this type of situation. My mom decided that she did not want any other children after me although she had the option of adopting twins. But apparently she is still selfish because she took me. I am extremely close to my mom and there is no one I love better than her. It angers me that some people think that an adopted mom cannot be a "real" mother. I'm sorry that you had a bad adoption, but that is not everyone. There are bad birthparents and there are bad adopted parents. Not all adoptions are perfect. If you have only been a birthmother than you should stop feeling angry over it and be happy that someone wants to love your child. Everyone has choices. I'm for adoption 100% and the adopted parents who properly raise children who need a family. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Minnimouse	I don't really care what the motives were of my parents. That never bothered me or even went through my head. The first thing you mention is baby stealers. Most adoptive parents have nothing to do with how the baby is given up. In fact, a lot of adoptive parents have no idea what the child went through or how the separation happened to begin with. Adoptees are more traumatised by that, than the actions of the adoptive parents, unless a biological mother changes her mind and wants to keep the child and the adoptive parents take it anyway, I believe that is stealing. The second point you make is that a reason might be infertility. I think most adoptees are very sympathetic towards that and wouldn't wish that on anyone. It is also a valid reason to adopt. However, adoptive parents may have unresolved issues such as grief in relation to infertility that may impact on how they raise their adopted child. I don't think anyone would ever say it is wrong to help children without a home. But help doesn't mean love and money will fix everything, It also means understanding adoption and the child's specific background and needs. Wrong no matter what you do? I don't think so. A lot of adoptees have anger related to that actual event and not any specific person. But because they have no one to direct it at, they tend to direct it at the people who parent them. This is perfectly understandable. As long as adoptive parents are honest (completely), open (talk about adoption), are positive about the bio family, are supportive and offer help where needed then that's the best they can be. I dont think a lot of adoptees actually are against the reasons of adoptive parents. They are against the fact that once a lot of adoptive parents bring their new baby into their home they forget that they ever went through trauma or lost their family. They somehow think that their love will replace what they lost. It is not the case. Even in abuse children still feel trauma at being adopted and want their family acknowledged. Do not remind him that you are better parents than his first. I am sure you are an amazing mum and I am sure his dad is great too. Most adoptees love their adoptive parents but wish they took the time to understand and acknowledge their adoption and the life they had before this one. Let me tell you this, my adoptive parents hid from me abuse that happened before I was adopted to them in another adoptive home. I was angry, not because of the abuse, but because they had lied to me. I did not care that I had been abused, I cared that some of my own life had been hidden from ME. Any child, adopted or not, has the right to the truth, and as long as you supply that, then you are doing the right thing. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

YDalton	Adoption can be chosen for several reasons. My personal choice is my DNA. My husband and my family's medical history is full of cancer, diabetes, and other genetic diseases. After 3 years of trying to conceive, I realized that I do not want to pass that to my own biological children. Does that make me wrong? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sam22254	I don't think adoption is all bad but i have lived on the side of the wrong-full adoption. This case is out of Texas. My son has been fighting since 2 days before birth. The adoption agency and the couple knew he was wanting his child but didn't think he would find out the steps he needed to take. It cost them being sued and having to settle. My son get's to see his son once a month for now and summer vaction and hoiladays. This is couple and their church adoption agency are baby stealers. and one day they will have to answer to god for it too. my son get's to see his son and one day soon get to bring him home to his sister and family. Not all adopters are this way but i bet their are a lot of them that are. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

a healing adoptee	i know i speak out aganist AP's on here that say " we are saving a child from a third world country." they feel that they are a savior. or even ones that claim they are saving a child from an unsafe home. i call it the savior complex. You should want to parent because you want to love and provide for a child. bottom line you just want to be a parent not a savior. Being an AP should be a privelege not a right. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1	the only reason to adopt would be to give a foster child who needs a home one. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mom to Foster Children	LT - I swear sometimes you can read my son's mind! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Indian-vision	I've been here a long while and yes its a lost situation for the AP's. No matter what "adoption sucks" as some say here. All i know is the reason to want to parent irrespective of origin of your child as your own flesh and blood is all the right reason. Funnily this "desire" is termed as "selfish"amongst many here. But a woman to "desire" getting pregnant and parenting is not considered "selfish". If this is not double standards what is !!??!! I wouldn't beat myself about faceless people on the net who often trick their responses by creating several accounts and berating some one's response they dislike and validating their own answers again and again using their different avatars. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Benny	Guess what there are no right or wrong answers here. If you want a child that is up for adoption and needs a mom then go for it. I know that I am a very happy person right now because I was adopted by a real couple because she couldn't have children. Guess what I have a sister too, she was adopted also. Who knows where we would be if it weren't for MY mom and dad. Yes they are mine and I am glad about it. I really want to adopt myself. I think as it as giving back. You see I was saved by being adopted I want to save a child or 2 or 3 and give them the chance to a great life. So what so wrong about that? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Not Adopted	Yes, there is right reason to adopt - to give a home to child who is truly in need of a safe and healthy upbringing. Unfortunately, this excludes most domestic infant adoptions. Foster care children whose parents' right have been terminated should be first in line when it comes to being placed in good homes. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

akbutner2	First i would like to say I find your question very interesting. If you are asking the majority on yahoo answers you will most likely get answers that are negative towards adoption as a whole. I find the answers so far (not all of them of course) pretty biased. To answer your question. There are many good reasons to adopt and all of your suggestions (with obvioulsy a more positive stand point) are good ones. There is no right or wrong answer as long as the adoption was done in a healthy, fully legal way. I have to be honest as an adult adoptee my heart hurts for those who have not had a bad experience on either side of the adoption process. HOWEVER, I do find quite a bit of what is said on yahoo answers pretty offensive. I no longer go on adoption yahoo answers but typically answer those that end up in parenting, or are starred by those in my contacts. to those that feel it necessary to be completely negative to adoption here is something to think about. I guess I shouldn't have been adopted (even though my biological mother and father did not want me) my adopted parents because I wasn't in a foster car situation. I guess I should have stayed in the hospital without family and 3 months premature. I guess I shouldn't have had the equal opportunity to have a family that loved me. not all biological mothers are teens who are coersed into adoption. My mother was 35 and so was her HUSBAND. For whatever reason she felt she couldn't raise me. I am not upset nor am I confused and/ or torn apart this fact. I was given to a family with two siblings who were wonderful and a father and mother who loved me no differently than my sister or my brother. Honsetly to some of you...look outside your own limited view and realize the point of adoption is a good one. While of course there are imperfections because adoption was created by man, and man is by definition imperfect there are great and wonderful parts to it as well. To the first poster. REALLY? You don't want parents who abused their children in horrific ways to have their parental rights terminated. You want them to have a right to be able to do it again. I knew a couple once who adopted theraputic foster children. Some of the stories of what happened to these children were so horrible it actually to this day makes me sick to my stomach. anyways. Interesting question. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sizesmith	I look into the eyes of my son that is adopted, and his bio siblings, who weren't. When I see my son, I see laughter, and just a plain out happy child. He even grabbed one of the ladies at church today, and just pulled her in for a big kiss. I also look at the eyes of his siblings, both from far away, and up close, and even when they're playing, they aren't happy. Even when they smile, I don't see happiness, just a blank stare, and I try to not only find it, I try to instigate some fun into situations, like going to McDonalds, and eating happy meals and ice cream, to helping them get a gift for their mom. I believe that total honesty in the adoption triad is important in all ways. I believe that every adoption should be open, unless it's an endangerment to the child, so that way they'll know their heritage, and know that more people love them. I think that no AP who adopts with the premise that an adoption is going to be open should ever close it, and I think that all parent who adopt should make it part of their child's vocabulary. When a couple or person adopts, they should never live the lie of trying to act like they gave birth to the child. Also, the main reason to adopt, to place a child for adoption, to remove a child from the home and put it into the system for adoption, should ALWAYS BE BECAUSE IT'S WHAT'S BEST FOR THE CHILD, and for no other reasons. Every ounce of trying to live should be to make every one of our children's lives better, whether it be bio, natural, foster, or just the kids next door. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jan	I think each of your answers is totally enough of a reason to adopt. You want children. They need a home. Win-win. Honey, there is NO such thing as a good decision when you become a mother. People with question why you adopted- or why you chose to have a biological child when there are so many out there waiting to be adopted. They gripe because you bottle feed, they gripe because you breastfeed. Pacifier? Cloth or disposable diapers? Letting a boy play with dolls? Working outside the home or staying at home? What kind of daycare. How many children? No children? One child? Five? Ten? It doesn't matter, someone invariably will tell you you are wrong. Just tell people it was the right decision for everyone who's involved. Which doesn't include them! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mikalina	i stumbled across this forum a couple of days ago. usually, the only reason i'm in pregnancy/parenting is to laugh at the baby names people. but my husband and i were offered a unique opportunity last week, and reading through here has cemented to me that i'm making the right decision. my best friend called me last week. one of her employees is pregnant, with baby #5, on state aid. the bio dad has 3 of his own he can't support, and her fiance is not willing or able to raise this child as one of his own. her employee asked her if she would adopt or knew anyone that would raise her child. she called me. she knows my husband and i have been trying without success for 2 years now to conceive. she knows we just bought a house and my sister and her family live right upstairs. it took my husband and i about 15 minutes of soul searching to know that if we can navigate the system in 2 states, we will become parents in the early summer, and that it will be the right decision. we have all the love in the world to give, and a stable home, a big backyard, and a close knit extended family. am i doing this because i want to become a mother? oh yeah, more than anything in the world, i want a child to love. am i doing this in order to say "look at me world!'? not on your life. i could care less if anyone else besides my husband and i and our child even acknowledges our family unit. would i ever lie to my child about where he or she came from. again, not on your life, as far as i'm concerned, this child will know from as soon as they can understand that out in CA, they have a mother and a father that love them very much, so much that they asked us to give them a good home, lots of attention, and opportunities they couldn't provide. before we condemn adopting parents, we should look at all the biological parents that feel their children were a mistake, and tell them so. we should look at all the children that grow up afraid of their mother or father. to me, a parent whose love is unselfish enough to relinquish a child they can't afford, and a person who has the resources to give that child the life they deserve, should be above reproach. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

BLW_KAM	It often feels like a no win situation here, but Y!A is only one very small sliver of life. We choose adoption because we wanted to be parents and no one is going to convince me that we are evil or selfish. We love her without limits, kiss the boo-boos, cheer at the soccer games, help with math homework, and are doing everything we can to make sure she grows up happy, secure, healthy, and ready to take on the world. Yes, we became parents by following Plan B, but so what? Life often throws curve balls we must adjust to. So if their heart is in the right place and the parents are loving, supportive, honest, and cheering their children on through every step of their lives, it is enough that the APs wanted to be parents. No other justification is required. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Shelly P. Tofu, E.M.T.	You're right. We cannot win here. I'm one who really struggles with what others think. It's just my personality. I think I need to improve on that, to care less about what others think/say about me.. , to let it bother me less, but I know I'm still a well-adjusted person and would make a good mother. There ARE some bad reasons for adopting, most of which Jennifer L pointed out. Wanting a family is a natural thing. It may not be 100% selfless to get pregnant OR adopt for that reason, but I don't think it makes someone unworthy to be a parent or adopt. I've said it 100 times before. My mother got pregnant because she WANTED to be a mother. Because she WANTED a family. She was thrilled to death to have a healthy son. She got pregnant again because she wanted another child to complete her family. She lost that one through miscarriage, but tried again and got the girl she desperately wanted. Sounds kinda selfish and shallow, but my mother is neither. Since the day she gave birth to me she has been the most selfLESS parent, the perfect mother. So, because of that, I could care LESS "why" she wanted me. All I know is the love she showered me with my whole life, the sacrifices she made. In other words, she wanted children, so she had two. It's a good enough reason for me. I don't sit around and analyze whether or not she was selfish to bring me into this world, even when my life has been far from perfect. I don't think any biological parent gets pregnant for completely "selfless" reasons. I don't know what I'm trying to say, but DO think wanting a family.. wanting to love a child, is a good enough reason to adopt. The important thing is what kind of parent you are to that child. If you are willing to love them UNCONDITIONALLY.. Just like any good parent does. Adoption simply raises other issues of good parenting such as ethics in how you become parents, honesty, unconditional support, doing what you know is best for them (including helping them have contact with their biological family). But the foundation is the same: unconditional love, good parenting, selflessness in parenting. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Gaia Raain	I know MY reasons are good enough, for me. I know I can sleep at night. I try not to worry too much what others think of my reasons. As long as I am absolutely certain that I have listened to all sides, and made sure that what I, personally, am doing fulfills my obligation to whatever children I bring into my home, I have to just agree to disagree with everyone who sees things differently. I think you have to have a balance. It is good to ensure that if you adopt, you actually ARE doing it for the child. By that, I mean you are conscious of how every decision you make affects the child, you are ensuring that there is no coercion, no unethical practices, no shady business, etc. I think that when you actually are adopting for the child, the martyr thing doesn't come into play. If you're adopting so that you can get a pat on the back for doing such wonderful things for an unwanted child, you're STILL not doing it for the child. Actually...I think if you expect ANYTHING out of it, you're doing it for the wrong reasons. If you expect anyone to be grateful...if you expect the child to be loving...if you expect people to tell you what a wonderful thing you're doing (or if you don't correct them when they say what a wonderful thing you're doing)...if you expect everyone and everything to turn out well...if you expect only positive feelings and outcomes (or only negative feelings and outcomes)...etc, etc. Real life doesn't fall into a convenient box, and anyone who can't roll with it is going to be setting up a situation sure to fail. ...So, I guess, if you have any expectations, you're doing it for the wrong reasons. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Amanda	On this board, there are, apparently no right reasons. While I understand that there are plenty of wrong reasons to adopt, and plenty of people who adopt for the wrong reasons, the percentage of PAP & AP that do is very small. Don't let this board get you down. You are not wrong for wanting to adopt a child. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jennifer L	On this forum, I think you're absolutely right. If you want to adopt because you want to be a parent, then it's all about your needs. If you want to adopt to provide a home for a child, then you're being a savior or a martyr.... UNLESS you are adopting from foster care because it's ok to "rescue" a child from foster care and you are only a martyr if the child is reunited with their biological family and you have the unmitigated gall to actually feel sad that you are no longer a part of that child's life. I do think there are "bad" reasons to adopt: trying to cure infertility, trying to hold a marriage together, trying to BE a saint or a savior, wanting a "friend" for another child, because Angelina Jolie inspired you, wanting to make some kind of public statement about your political views, etc. In my book, if you want to offer a home to a child that needs one, that's fine with me. I don't prioritize about which children without homes "need" them the most. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

kims	Long before I found this forum my concern was what the children I adopted thought were the "right reasons". It's only their thumbs up or down I'm concerned with. They know that I can have children, but because of my husband's hernia surgery as an infant, we would have had to use a special procedure. We decided to adopt a sibling group instead. Honestly, so far they don't much care about our reasons. They have been with us for a few years and are just now getting past the whole gratitude thing. Infertile or not infertile, they couldn't understand why anyone would want children at all. They saw their mother die shortly after giving birth to a baby who died. She was very sick with AIDS. My children hated the orphanage they were in, and they were greatly afraid they'd be in there forever. It has taken a lot of work to get them to take us for granted rather than be grateful. I much prefer to have them moan about what I made for dinner than to see them silently cleaning their plates as they did at first because it was required in the orphanage. regarding Mei-Ling's magic wand: Although I'm pretty sure we could have had a family anyway, I don't think I could've produced four children as wonderful as the ones we were lucky enough to adopt. They are the most amazing people. Still, if the magic wand could end every situation where children ended up in need of a home - yes, I would. If it could end war, natural disasters, epidemic diseases, drug and alcohol addiction... and the children wouldn't have missed us any way because they'd have their mom, I would wave the wand. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tish	although i understand the desire to have a baby, i do think when another person's autonomy and physical, emotional and psychological health is involved (fmother and family/adoptee), it's not the same. hence, the desire to have a baby through adoption, IMO, is highly nuanced and different then biological parenting. unlike biological parenting, the motivation to be a parent, is contingient upon another NOT parenting. also, the desire you have might be stronger for the woman who actually delivered the child. yet, due to circumstances in her life (either actual or perceived) she now has to give up a child so that another who desires a baby can have one. quite honesty, the thought of giving up a child after birth is probably one of the cruelest and unatural things in the world. but, for some reason, the industry of adoption and the desire of a pap to have a baby somehow trumps that. i don't know, i'm just not down with adoption unless the child is clearly unable to be parented. and youth, poverty and marital status are simply not good enough reasons, IMO. my concern about this desire is that it can often manifest itself in behaviors that might be percieved as selfish, entitled, et al. not because the pap is selfish, feels entitiled, et al; yet, because the desire is not tempered through a lens of adoption, yet through the belief that adoption is the same as experiencing a pregnancy, labor and delivery. i think this is where many people get caught up. ----------------------- also, i am somewhat concerned that many paps adopt only after failed IVF or years of infertility. in my opinion, this does read as "adoption is second best"; and doesn't quite square with the idea that it's the same. just my opinion. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Randy B	I'm sitting here with my youngest daughter watching the Wizard of Oz and as I read your question the part in the movie came on where the Wizard is discovered as a fake and he said "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain". It just struck me as appropriate. Pay not attention to those who are anti-adoption. At least no direct attention. Read as much as you can, from all sources (certainly not just here). Talk to people and follow your heart. Do what is right for you and thats all you need worry about. I was adopted myself and as an adult I've adopted internationally and domestically through foster care and it's been wonderful. We are waiting to adopt for a third and final time as well. Adoption is not going to go away no matter what some people may say or want. Hopefully, one day, the issues that necessitate it may go away (or be lessened) but if people don't adopt the children in care now they will remain there. My oldest daughter was wasting away in an Indian orphanage. She had been there since she was less then 2 days old and had been there for 8 months before coming to us. At that time, at 8 months old mind you, she only weighed 10 lbs. Our youngest is now almost 9 months old and she came to us at 4 days. Her birth mother was 27 at the time and this was her 10th baby (7 lived, 2 still born and one aborted). She has serious crack and alcohol issues although the baby appears unharmed. The birth father is in jail and the birth mother hasn't been heard from in at least the last 6 months. Nobody can tell me the children were better off in their previous situations. If the reasons for those situations had been addressed before these children came long then thats a different matter but since it wasn't, someone had to come along and take them into their lives and hearts. Follow your heart, open your heart and you will do just fine. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

myst1998	Good question. And I do mean that. I can understand your motive. That is why I have children, because I wanted to be a parent. It is not selfish, it is natural. So on that front, there are no issues, you are not wrong at all. Its HOW one becomes a parent is where the waters become murky. I know I am incredibly blessed to have been able to have my children and that at times made me feel guilty - especially when I was raped and was carrying the child I eventually lost to adoption (care of those 'loving' persons after MY child) But, that wasn't my fault. I am blessed and that is that. Its also not the fault of those who are unable to have their own children either; they didn't ask for that pain and I sympathise deeply with them. However, the reason I am against adoption is because I see secrets and lies. I see the pain it has caused and still causes. I see how it has become an industry where it solicits and coerces mothers to be separated from their babies and that is just so very wrong. I also see that adoption takes the focus away from those children who are desperate to be loved, wanted, nurtured and cared for: those in the foster care system. So, sadly for those who cannot have children, wanting to be a parent, is just not a valid reason to go and get one from another woman. The desire to parent is fine, the 'solution' to it however, can cause bigger issues. All the best. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

BPD Wife	The right reason to adopt is always when the Child's best interest is at the heart of the adoption...from all sides. Adoption needs to be about the child - regardless of infertility or someone wanting to be a parent. It was hard for me to accept that when I was going thru infertility myself. But one of the best pieces of advice I ever received before we proceeded with our adoption was that I had to "grieve" my loss of pregnancy. Adoption is a way to build a family. Whether it is through birth or adoption, the child needs to be at the center for it to be "the right reason". And yes, I do believe that often times here in Y!A, APs cannot win. But as long as I feel that our family did the right thing, it doesn't matter to me what others think. You need to be comfortable with your situation...regardless of what the people here write or think. : ) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

magic pointe shoes	You suck it up and do the best you can to make a difference. You fight for open records. You fight against all the reasons of why a family would need to relinquish or have rights severed. You try to keep contact with the biological families. It isn't about adopting a child and forgetting why they needed adopting so that others have to suffer the same fate. Adopt if you are going to adopt, but don't expect unicorn farts from everyone. Someone will always disagree with your choices. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Cool Hal	Because for every one question "sensible! " question that is posted on here there are 10 that are either stupid, insensitive or insulting. http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Av79aNRHp_GNeasSCPNHLLrSOhh.;_ylv=3?qid=20081024062231AAyMfIk 1. Note the quote "What is the best /reliable/best priced and fastest?" - And you dont want to compare me to something that you purchase from a catalogue 2. "We were thinking African or Chinese" - this is a conversation I have with my wife when ordering take out - not babies there is a huge difference between China and Africa - for starters Africa is a continent that 61 countries with cultures and races as different from Egyptians and Algerians to the Zulu nation of South Africa. http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AvfJLri89U6nJOw32oMS8._SOhh.;_ylv=3?qid=20081023112101AA7GHMN 1. This woman is only talking about her needs - nothing about giving a foster child a home but needs to 'complete her family' http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AnFtalLHVDEbz9iLMsjBbO7SOhh.;_ylv=3?qid=20081025210138AA4X0dO 1. Again what!!! My response - yes that is how we picked my cat we went to the RSPCA (UK based Charity for unwanted animals) and said yes we like that one. We had a home interview to make sure it was safe. The questioners appeared to think they just turned up and said I want that one and they put it on the plane and fly home. That is just a selection from what is available today. Now read some of the stories from Bio Parents many of whom where bullied into giving up their children - in some cases it has ruined their lives. Now read some of the experience that adopted children go through - no one wants to be adopted most have good lives but others didnt. Many not all AP's do it for their own reasons - they cant have children themselves, they have 2 boys and want to guarantee a girl, or because they think they need to give something back – To answer your question is it wrong – of course not. But if you could have conceived and given birth to children would you have adopted – probably not. In my humble opinion you have done this the hard way and probably the right way. Although I believe the whole process of adoption needs overhauling with better protection for both the Bio parent and the child there is will always be a need for adoption. Yes adoption can be rewarding for both the AP’s and the child but regardless of what others think adoption does suck. It sucks for Bio Parents, It sucks for AP’s and it sucks for the child involved. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mother of Many	I really like this question. I am not a baby/child stealer. I am blessed and fortunate enough to be able to have my own biological children. I am not helping children who do not have a home for the 'kudos' of it. I pray that I am not wrong to take in my 3 very young siblings & adopt them, because their natural mother is mentally handicap and cannot care for them, and their father is in prison and doesn't even recognize that they exist, so although I know they would be truly happy living with their natural mother, they would NOT be safe at all! My MOTIVE is to have my siblings grow up in their natural family (ME) and continue a healthy positive relationship with their natural mother (handicap or not), this is not an option for me, this is a natural feeling that I HAVE TO DO for my family it is biologically driven. I do not feel it is wrong. I do not think that adopting a child is wrong, if they don't have a natural family who can/or wants to care for them. I also think that mattering on the person, there are some baby/child stealer's who enjoy the attention and getting 'kudos' for such a great thing they are doing, those are the people who run around saying 'Oh I adopted my daughter... SEeeeeeeeeee this is her!' yay for me! Pat me on the back! I am so great. I don't think that is ok. Its sick. Its wrong, its adopting for the wrong reason. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Just a Mom	I know how you feel because sometimes I feel guilty for adopting even though I did so after the children were in foster care for almost two years and the first parents (or at least most of them) wanted us to adopt them. We kept as many siblings together as possible, and still I feel bad. I don't know what the right motive is. But at the end of the day, I am just happy to be with my 7 kids. On a side note, the kids fdad wants the two youngest to stay with us permanently, but I think I will opt for legal guardianship. This forum is probably one of the motivations for that. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

eharrah1	It's not so much adoption itself but the way ap's act and treat the child that is the problem. My suggestions would be the following. Adopt for the right reasons. Those being you want to UNCONDITIONALLY love a child. Not because the rest of the family thinks you should have a child. Treat him/her like you gave birth to them. If it is supposed to be an open adoption, live up to that agreement. If you don't, you will cause hard feelings. Don't make the child feel like they should be priviledged and not ever misbehave because they were "CHOSEN". And when they grow up and wonder about the "OTHER" set of parents, let them be curious and trust that you have raised and loved them to the best of your ability. And last but not least, do not let them grow up and wonder if you love them. Tell them and show them every day. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Looney Tunes	Um, cause growing up in foster care SUCKS really bad. Cause foster kids NEVER feel like anyone wants them Cause foster kids NEVER feel like they belong Cause foster kids lose their family and have no support system Cause foster kids have to deal with being alone all the time Cause foster kids are kicked out on the street at 18 with nothing Cause foster kids NEVER have a place to call home Cause foster kids that are adopted might "heal" from the original trauma better if someone loves and protects them Do I need to go on? ========= EDIT: Thumbs down? Please, read something about what it is like for foster kids who bounce around in the system and then grow up. What happens to the kids when their bio-parent's rights are terminated because they are abusive, neglectful, or selfish? READ the statistics about what happens to kids. I have posted them hundreds of times ~ homelessness, prostitution, prison, drugs, PTSD, suicide, less than 2% graduate college, the continued cycle of poverty and dependence on the system, etc.. Idiots....leaving kids in the system sucks the life out of them and costs the tax payers more money because the cycle does not stop! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sunny	First, I think the only kids who should be adopted are those who need parents, i.e. parents are either dead, addicted to drugs or alcohol, abusive, or profoundly neglectful. I understand the urge to parent. That said, we all have urges that cannot be met. I think if a PAP is infertile, they really need to come to terms with that fact. Raising a child from another clan will be a very different experience. Adopting a child is not ownership. Adoption should not be about protecting parents' feelings. Adopted kids should not have to pretend that the adoptive parents are their only family. PAPs should expect to enjoy the pleasure of their child's company--nothing more. Kids don't owe parents anything. If a PAP can live with all that--then I say go for it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No