We only want one kid, and I want to adopt and he wants to have a biological child? How do we decide?

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conim2002	I find it humorous that you simply think that you have a choice in the matter. There are so many people trying to adopt and the number of infants available for adoption is very low. You would be very lucky if you were chosen over a couple who could not have biological children. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

R	You need to have a long conversation if he is only cool about adopting i say have one because he may not love the baby as much as you think. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Briana Maiden	Do not do something stupid like the guy above me told you to do. You and him should sit down and discuss the good and bad of adopting or having a biological child. Trust me, working your problems out is a lot better then bickering about an important chapter of both of your lives. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lofty M	You need to agree on something. In adoption, as part of the process, counsellors are employed to interview and assess you as prospective parents. If they have any idea that your husband is not willing, they will not support the adoption. Talk to each other - don't do anything until you have come to a decision that is right for both of you. I had a similar problem, so I told my husband we would just check it out. He was happy to do that. After getting information, he was happy to go one step further and go to an adoption seminar. We took it one step at a time and we did end up adopting - and having a bio baby 18 months later!! It is not worth risking your relationship to rush a decision like this though. All the best - and I hope you can adopt. It is a real blessing! Just as good as a bio baby! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

avgals	visit a orphanage see how many children need homes. When you find the child that is meant to be, you will know it, and you will find what is the right thing for you. If it doesn't seem right once you are there, then try for your own. God has a funny way or letting you know which path is the right one. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

LC	If he doesn't want to adopt, then you shouldn't. The adoption process is difficult enough when both parents are "into it". If one isn't, then the stress is likely to cause hardship. Also, as part of the homestudy, it will come out that he doesn't want to adopt. This could cause the social worker to not recommend adoption in his/her report. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lil Momma	Make sure you are on the same page with that decision b/c one or the other will resent the other if you have drastically different view points, if and when you decide to go through with adoption. The child doesn't deserve to be in a situation like that. Its a very big life decision to make, so be sure. You two need to sort out your feelings about this and be 100% sure about your decision. Lots of prayer and family support helps. Do your research thoroughly. Talk to parents who have adopted, talk to adults who were adopted as children. Most importantly, talk to your spouse and be on the same page. Do whats in the best interest of your house hold. Children are a blessing regardless of how they got here. If you both can't honestly decide..... then maybe you're not ready yet..... pray about it (not just once, but perservere in it). Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

boti r	First buy a baby in Guatemala their very cheap in that country. Second.Use A ripped condom and you eventually will get pregnant Third: Or you can always buy a Chihuahua ..... Thanks Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

GamingLink	Frankly i think whenever possible, your very own child is the best bet. Why? The fact that the child is create from both parents gene make it unique and bonding strong, whether it is the husband n wife ,mother n child,father n child or all 3. As for an adopted child , if all works out then all is well but should one of the parent initially has a reservation then likely he will always asked the question -what n how will my own child be like if he/she reaches the same age of the adaopted child. And should there be a fight, the adopted child most likely get the blunt of it. Is it fair to the child then ? Make sure all issue and differences are ironed out before a final decision is made. This is for life - everyones life. Don't make a miserable decision now and regret later. Only the strongest will substain. Good Luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

StacieG	Wait until both of you are in agreement about what you want to do. Maybe you'd reconsider how many children to have in your family that way you could have a biological child & an adopted child, too. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

dreamer	u guys can have both if u guys feel that strongly. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

ts1685	Do you want to adopt a baby or an older child? If you are able to have children, but wish to adopt a baby - you should have your own. People who cannot have children and want babies wait for years on lists waiting for the chance to adopt. It would be selfish of you to do that when you could have your own. If you want to adopt an older child - that would be great! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

karma a	you should sit down with your husband and talk about having a child or adopting just tell him your opinion on how to have a child i would personaly have a bioligical child but thats my opinion its up to you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mamawmessedup	That's a hard one there are a lot of children who need loving parents out there but then again there's nothing like having one of your own also. I hope you the best and hope you make the right decision for the both of you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

dory	Adopting a child when one parent doesn't really want to is so unfair to that child. Some adopted kids already feel as if they are 2nd best - how will he/she feel upon learning that's true. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Julie ♥	talk it out throuroughly he has to see what you mean try and reason with him and explain that it has always been your dream and your reasons to adopt Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

ana	Unfortunately there isn't a right answer for this. This decision should have been made before a relationship deeply formed where children were deeply desired. The best thing to do is sit down and talk about it, don't fight about it. Discuss it, and if necessary seek a counsellor a qualified and neutral person to serve as a third party. Hope it will work out. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

grapesgum	Have you looked into the COST of adoption? You might change your mind unless you have $20,000-40,000 that you have no other need for. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Kittenlover	Maybe ask each other for an explanation as to why you want one or the other. Compare the results and see which one makes more since. Though, if you're adopting a child you must make sure the child gets attention from both parents. If your husband doesn't really want to adopt then it might make him not give much attention to the child. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

downtown girl	set an amt. of months that you try. five seems fair to you AND him. if you're not pregnant by five, then get back on BC and adopt! :) good luck either way. my husb. was adopted! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

jaming_eye	Ultimately, you are he one that is going to cary this child and if you have no wish to be pregnant, then its your choice. However, if you know that you have no problems conceiving and you are not afraid of becoming pregnant, the message you might be sending to your better half is that you don't care to have a child with HIM. You definitely need to discuss this further with him and ask what he really feels. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Joy M	If your husband does not want to adopt, don't push it, that would be unfair to the child. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

babybug74	Oooh, good question. This is a tough one. I'd like to say that since it's your body and you would have to be the one the pregnancy affects the most, then you get the final say. But it's not that easy. Kids are a biggie and you guys definitely need to AGREE on this--either biological or adoption--before you guys proceed. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

eve	I don't know what you mean by his being cool with adoption but, doesn't really want to do it. Do you mean that he has nothing against it but, doesn't want to do it? Most people ahve nothing against adoption but, most people never picture themselves doing it. By far the vast majority of people who adopt do so because they can not have a biological child. I think it is very normal to want a biological child. I don't think adoption is something you can or should talk someone into, or not do unless you truly want to. You and he could certainly find a good marriage counselor who might be of help in talking you through this but, there's no way to "compromise" and I really think you each need to make up your own minds about such an issue. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Doodlestuff	Should have talked about this before you got married. Ultimately, what will happen is that you two will split and he will move on and find a woman who will have his child. I kid you not. People shouldn't be forced into adoption if that is not their goal in life. Both of the parents should be on the same page. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

ophirhodji	You didn't decide this before marriage? This type of thing is why there are so many divorces. I would sit down and do some serious soul searching (both of you) and if you can't come to an agreement get some counseling. This is a serious issue and shouldn't be decided by the toss of a coin. If either of you resents the decision you make now it could cause major problems years down the road. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Kaska	If both your hearts are not in it best to have a biological kid. Nothing worse that someone adopting a child and then treating them like second class citizens. And sending them back to foster care as teenagers with lots of emotional baggage. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

dancer	i would think of some pro and con lists together for each one. and then think about it for a while. concider financial, work, home life, ect. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

lori_e_gallaway	I would say have a biological child first and hopefully the joy from that child will encourage you to adopt a second. Think of it this way, you can adopt anytime in your life, but you can only birth a child for a limited time - then your chance is gone. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Wintermute	can you not afford both? my husband and i have a biological child and we are planning on adopting one too. however we have agreed that we don't want to adopt a newborn. we want to give a child that is past the "adoptable prime" age because every child deserves a chance! good luck with whatever you decide! that's a tough decision to make Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

concerned	Why do you want to pursue adoption? Maybe start there, asking yourself that question. Figure out if your reasons and your idea of adoption match up with the reality. Adopted children come with an extra set of parenting responsibilities. They've been taken away from their first family, from everything they've known, and thrust into a new family. That's not to say they don't adjust, but it IS a loss for them, and that gives you as the parent the added responsibility of being a support to them. Plus, if you are talking about an older child adoption (either from foster care or internationally), you need to recognize that there will be other traumas in their life, too. Adoption isn't for the faint of heart. It's not rescuing a child, it's not easy, and it's not simple. It's a complicated way to build a family. Why don't you research adoption as a starting point, and then ask yourself if it's something you want to do? I'll link to a couple sites below that are good places to start: Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No