Unsure about how I feel about my daughter - thinking about adopting her out?

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Sara R	GO TO HELL. My little sister is 2 months older than her and I know for a fact that even I could take care of her on my own...and I'm 13; you are the reason that birth control was created. Therapy is what you need and lots of it. Your only connections with your child is financial, which is ridiculous. She's going to grow up and be a very, very screwed up person unless something changes. I hope that if you put her up for adoption, that you feel terrible and dead inside for the rest of your life and that when she is 18 and her adoptive parents tell her the situation as to why you got rid of her, that she doesn't want your genes. Poor thing, go to her and hug her and apologize for the terrible thoughts that you've typed aloud. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lexi	SO you never wanted her if you never wanted her.... i would just try and fix my schudule spend more time with her and just keep her but if you want her to be adopted Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

AdoreHim	I personally cannot understand how you could want to not care for your 16 month old, but you are absolutely right it takes far more than money to raise a child. At almost a year and a half , I am not so sure she would not remember me, but if you don't want to be around her, please place her for adoption right this minute- she deserves a family that not only provides for her physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jenny	Is this the only child you have ever had? Have you had another that you already placed for adoption before? I ask this question because this is very odd you not wanting to keep your child at her age and you are married . whats really going on here. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Autamn M	how can u jus not want ur kid thats a baby its not her fault u need a reality check.....babies r blessings if u did that u would regret that everyday of ur life Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Serenity71	It sounds like you need to find a support group. Have you looked into a weekend playgroup in your area that will help you find other mothers to talk to? It sounds like you both work very hard and need a rest every now and then. Take a deep breath and just sit down with her and look at her toes and fingers, watch her smile and read her a book, find a way to reconnect. If your new to a country it can be hard to make new friends at first. Have looked into social security for migrants? You might find Aust has a good support system for families than may enable you to find a way to reduce some of your working hours. Don't throw the towel in just yet. (Gosh you migrated to a new country! That is a major change in itself, let alone not having a support network with a child to care for! ) You may just need to take a family holiday to force yourselves to relax a bit and take time out to bond as a family. (Don't forget you're not alone, our country is still being built by migrants, you will find support if you look for it..Remind yourselves why you came here. Was it to work long hours and have no life? Or was it to build a family together, make your daughter your reason for working so hard!!! ) If you can pay a nanny you can also pay for a weekend away together or a week. (I don't know your cultural background but most Aussies don't have nannies, even if they work long hours. Child care can be great for a child to learn from other children.) You should be entitled to paid leave by now. Its worth it for your daughter and for yourselves. (If you have a different cultural background from your suburb you can look for support groups in your city or town.) DOCS will look at your family and try and help you find a way to ease the pressure and keep the family together. To the social services dept here adoption is the last option they will suggest. (We also don't have private adoptions, so you need to go through them anyway and they will council you to make sure this is the right choice.) You're not an awful person, you just sound like a mother who needs time out to get know her child better... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

anotheronebitesadust2005	I don't think of you as being an awful mom i think as you for being a honest person. I am one of those Ladies that could Never have kids of my own and i would of had 6 if god had only given me the chance. My husband and I have been Thu feritly treatments serval different times in the past 8 yrs and never was able to get pregnant. I am the type of person to be a so called (nanny to all my friends kids ) I go get their kids every weekend and i keep them for the weekend or how ever long they need me to keep them. My husband and i enjoy it so much. We were looking to maybe start an adoption process with an agency soon. If you are really considering adopting your child out , my advise to you is to do it before she gets to old, because Everyone wants a little child and no one hardly wants the bigger kids. I want to wish you the best of luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lena G	I don't judge people. I think you should have bonded with her by now. But then I am only a mom and not a professional. All I can say is being a mom is the hardest job in the world. There are no days off and have 24 hour shifts. I believe you love your daughter or you would not be here asking questions. Some people just are not cut out to be parents. My brother is one of those people. He does not want to give up freedom of no kids. When gets into a baby kick, he just borrows ours. I have 2 boys one is mine and the other is adopted. I love both of them the same for different reasons. Please make your choice a sincere one. Alot of people will live with this choice for a long time. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

beautifulmomma38320	poor little baby. whatever you do do not think she will just forget about you. you are indeed her mother. i think you need to get some mental help. it sounds like u are suffering from a serious case of postpartum depression. and you need to talk to some one before its too late. you dont want to end up gettin desperate and just leaving her somewhere or not caring who she ends up with. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

littleJaina	What on earth? Why did you decide to have a child in the first place? I really REALLY hope this is a joke!!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Kattie	i think you are honest, and i think you need to talk to a health worker/ doctor and talk truthfully about how you are feeling. maybe you could have some space /time where someone looks after her for a while until you get your heads around what you need/want to do. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

myst1998	OK... there is something seriously wrong here. First, get yourself to a Dr/counsellor and TALK about how you are feeling. Some of it sounds like PND and that could be interfering with your bonding. Being isolated without a support network can also make parenting extremely difficult. I would suggest looking into getting into a playgroup with other mothers and children the same age as your daughter. Being a mother is HARD work, don't kid yourself. Everyone finds it difficult but the good times outweigh the hard times by a long shot. Many mums I have spoken too have had days where they just want to walk away from everything, its a normal human reaction to extreme stress. If you placed your child now, it would damage her for good. You are married to her father and she would always remember being with you even if only subconsciously. I believe you need some help. Please email me/pm me and tell me where you are (ie which state you are in) and I can try to see what I can do to send you some links to places who could help you. Hang in there, I know you are having a bad time but please, you can and will get through this time but if you put your child up for adoption, its permanent and you would all lose out. I also don't know if DOcS would be all too happy to allow a child in a married family to be placed for adoption? BTW, is your daughter your natural daughter or is she already adopted? Just curious, it would help me understand the situation more. Take care. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jessica B	let me get this straight you opened your legs a baby came out shes 16 months old now you wanna adopt her out what she isnt in style anymore? you got bored with her you and your husband shouldnt be allowed to have reproductive organs Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

*~Mrs. BAT~*	You are not an awful person. Some people may say you are, but I personally feel that you would only be "awful" if you recognized that there was a problem but you didn't care at all about it and didn't try to fix it. The fact that you are concerned enough about your child to consider putting her up for adoption becuase you feel she'll have a better life says a lot about you. If you and your husband really feel that you can't give her enough love, then I think you might want to consider looking into adoption. Maybe an open adoption, so you can pick the family and maybe arrange to get a yearly update on her or something. You are not awful because you are still trying to satisfy your child's needs and do what is best for her. I hope you figure out what is best for all of you. Good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Gershom	"Am I an awful person??" YES. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

cat	You are not an awful person. I would suggest seeing a counselor before you make any permanent decision. Have you ever considered th possibility that you suffered from some sort of postpartem depression? If you are really sure you can never bond with her than she will be better off with people who will absolutely adore her. Just make sure thus is really what you want. Giving up a child you cannot provide for emotionally is a great gift of love. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

trying2behelpful	Every parent has stresses in life. I think first of all you need to take a deep breathe. Do you really not love her or are you just being hard on yourself as a parent? Every child deserves to be loved. I think you need to cut back on your hours at work and cut out everything that is not absolutely necessary to live. Look at your budget. Are you spending too much money on clothes, eating out and other luxuries? How much do you pay your nannies? If you cut all these things out and work less, then you could spend more time with your daughter and really bond with her. It is not too late to change how you are doing things and put her emotional needs first. She will not remember being the best dressed kid around at 16 months old, but feeling the love of her parents will last a lifetime. Please, if at all posible, cut back on your hours and spend some time with her! That being said, if you really think that you do not want or love your daughter and you are unwilling to make the sacrifices that she needs and deserves, go ahead and place her for adoption. Like you said, there are plenty of couples out there who would love to be parents. Please make sure though that this is what you really want because you can't change your mind once you have legally signed your rights away. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Dana C	It sounds like pressures are getting the best of you and your husband, and it may seem like they came up with your daughter. I am not going to attempt to judge your decision either way. I don't think it is awful. I think you are giving your decision a lot of thought and discussion with your husband about what is better for your daughter. Finding wonderful homes for your daughter would not be difficult, My husband and I have had to have long discussions about adopting, the other end of this spectrum. Just as you don't know if the parents you pick are going to be wonderful, it is a big unknown about the child that we are looking to adopt. But just as we are keeping our eyes and hearts open, it may come down to the same with you and your husband. I will include you and your family in my prayers since I know you are in the middle of the hardest decision you have. Either way. I wish you the best! I am curious, did your daughter's development ever pick up? If not, I am certain that is making it a lot harder and possibly going along with the question. Please let me know. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

BLW_KAM	Whoosh. This is a toughy. No, you're not awful, just honest. Not everyone is meant to be a parent. Some people are married to their careers, some become nuns, some stay as playboys all their lives. If you and your husband are not 100% committed to loving and nurturing your daughter until death do you part, then placing her for adoption may be the best thing for her. But what is the lesser of two evils? Living a life without your parents devotion or growing up to learn that your birth parents placed you because they just didn't want to be your parents? Tough, tough call. Follow your heart and think of her first. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

fkan10	You need to discuss this with a counsellor, if you work that many hours you probably haven't had a chance to get a real attachment to her. You are not an awful person, at least you are being honest. Adoption is a very big step, you must discuss this with a counsellor first to look at all of your options. You may be able to get advice from a financial adviser about ways to change your "financial situation" because the best clothes don't mean much if a child is not loved. This child has arrived in your lives to teach you something, how to open your hearts, please listen to her. What she has to teach you is far more important than anything else you can learn! Good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

The Bride Beatrice	If this is for real, then the problem is simply you and your husband are not taking the time to BOND with your child and getting to know her. Naturally you're not going to get to know her if you don't spend time with her, and naturally she's going to bond with the nannies who care for her. I assume money is not a problem since she's got nannies, so take a leave of absence from work and take the time to fall in love with your daughter! If you honestly just plain don't want to then yes, you are correct in wanting to give her to someone who will love her the way she deserves. I've lost two babies in the past year (one 2 hours after birth and one miscarriage) and it really bugs me when people don't realize what a blessing their child is. Bring her to me, I'll raise her, lol! EDIT: Why do you have another question in Trying to Conceive if you don't even want this child? I suspect you are (a) just trolling or (b) in serious need of counseling. Quite possibly even (c) all of the above. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Felicita1	Folks, i think this person is a troll. Posting here to give natural moms a bad name. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

curiousgirl112	Considering what you have said, it sounds like giving her up for adoption might be the best thing for all involved. If you guys don't want to take care of her then I am sure someone else would love to have a little girl. Just make sure you do your research so that she ends up with a good family. Also, as a side note, make sure you are ready. Giving her up is one thing, but I have seen some terrible stories where parents try to get their child back years later. It's not fair for the people who adopted her and not fair to your daughter. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

goshrks07	Wow... I'm not really sure what to say. I have never heard of parents that don't want their 16 month old child anymore. Most of the children that are put up for adoption are done so because the parents don't have the means to take care of the child. So to hear that you just don't care about her enough is strange to hear. In this situation, I would say that maybe you do need to find her a more loving family. I guess it's good that you realize this now so you don't end up raising an unhappy child. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Donna <><	I would talk to a counselor about your feelings. I fully believe that if you wait to have a baby when you can afford one, then you will never have one. Material things are not the only things your daughter needs. She needs love and attention, and it's not easy raising a child putting them first sometimes. But it is rewarding enough to see that child grow up and mature into a grown up making the right decisions for her life. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

superiorchimp3	I dont think you are awful. I do think that you would miss her terribly when she is gone. You may not be provding her with the emotional support she needs, but you are ensuring that someone is around to do that for you. The child is getting everything she needs, financially, emotionally and physically all be it from different people. You are, believe it or not, a good parent and as she gets older snd can talk and interact with you more (without being so annoying) you will find you love being around her more. I admit i feel the same about my son and I dump him on my mum and dad whenver I can, but I am a stay-at-home mum and have him 24/7. She loves you and I think you would always regret giving her up. Also, you could be suffering (and your husband too) from post-natal depression which is why you feel unable to bond with her and love her as you should. Speak to a doctor about this possibility. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

justonlyellen	You are wrong when you think she will forget about you and move on with her life. A lot of her emotional development has already happened. Breaking a parent/child bond at this age is emotionally devastating forever. However, being emotionally rejected daily for the rest of her life by you and your husband would probably be worse. You have created a horrible and reprehensible situation. You need to talk to a child psychologist and ask him/her what the best thing is, not yahoo answers for God's sake. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mommy to a princess	I just can't understand how your not attached to your daughter...or how you don't want to "deal" with her when you work so much so see her so little. This is so sad, I do think adoption is the best....would the nanny take her, since you said they seem to have a close bond? I'm really sad to hear everything you say, I feel bad for the baby. My daughter's basic needs are always met but we still struggle financially....that doesn't matter though because my daughter gets so much love and affection that money doesn't matter. Love is way more important that money. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

amy	Before you do anything else, I would go to your doctor. It sounds to me like you may have postpartum depression, which can start long after a baby is born. Then, the other thing I would say is that 1-2 years old, in my opinion, is the most difficult time to care for a child. Finally, it sounds like you have very little support (no family or friends). You need to find a support network, whether that's through a therapy group or through an online moms group. If you are in a large metropolitan area in Australia, there should be lots of mom's groups you can join. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Shoot4TheMoon	You're providing someone to watch out for her, but you yourself are neglecting her. If you don't see that changing, I think that you should let someone who would love to spend time with her adopt her. She shouldn't grow up in the care of nannies because you are being selfish and don't want to put her first. That's terribly sad for her. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Theresa	"Am I an awful person??" I wouldn't say awful. I'd say emotionally bankrupt, morally reprehensible, utterly narcissistic, and shallow beyond all human comprehension. But awful, no. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No