Someone help me settle this adoption argument once and for all!?

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Foreign Beauty	Sounds like you are in a whirl wind. But maybe I can help. I am a adopted child. My mother was so into drugs that she gave up me and my other five siblings. Of course when you are young you don't know that you are adopted but as I got older my parents told me. And the only advice I could give you is don't do it!!! I hate my mother for giving me up and I won't ever forgive her. So maybe you should think about you and your child rather then letting them stress you honey. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

carol p	This man left you and is out of your life, so it is not his business or anyone else's as to what you do or do not do. This is entirely up to you. Many years ago a man came to me and told me to give my baby away, well my baby is 37 years old now and if i had listened to him i would have never got to enjoy the life i had with my son. You can do this and no one can stop you. I'd say change your email, phone number and give them the hint your not gonna listen to them anymore. Listen to your heart and your heart will lead you in the right way. Your baby needs you and you need your baby. Good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Oryx	Most families get divorced now. And a lot of the fathers are never around except to hand over child support. As far as I'm concerned that's a one parent family and those kids turn out totally fine. You can always start saving money now before the baby is born. My dad never graduated high school and he still managed to save enough to send me and my twin sister to college. Your child doesn't need to go to an expensive private school or anything like that. You'll get a lot of things you need for the baby if you have a baby shower and if you know anyone that's had a baby before maybe they'll be willing to give you some hand me downs. It can definitely be done. Don't let them harass you. What they're doing is actually illegal and if you wanted to you could get an order of protection against them. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Esma	He and his family have no right to say that the child needs two parents when he ran his cowardly butt out the door. If you want to keep the child and feel you can raise him or her effectively, then that is your choice and your choice alone. Screw him. It also sounds like you can get a restraining order against him and members of his family. They are technically harassing you with the incessant phone calls and emails, as well as showing up at your door unnanounced and uninvited. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

dbuitt22	I would keep the baby and his parent to keep out of your business and get a restraining order. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

*-whitz-*	I think if YOU think you can take care of the child, then you should. Don't let others tell you to give up your child. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

red&sassy	first of all i am sorry that you're going through such a hard time right now. stay as strong as you sound. you're amazing. you have your head on straight, and you're right, you can do it. the family will COMPLETELY change their tune once they see that baby. the "father" and i use that term loosely, will have to pay child support. i am a first mom who, believed that all children needed 2 parents, as a result i gave my daughter up for adoption, etc... well, her parents went through a very bitter divorce. FYI, divorce rate tends to run a bit higher among AP's, for a multitude of reasons. i think the stress of adopting adds to it. there are no guarantees that they will stay together or even live... the AP for my daughter has MS (the mom) and it's on the same progression as Annette Funnicele (spelling is totally wrong) she was a "mouseketeer" in the 1950's and later did beach movies as a teenager and young adult. four years later, i got pregnant immediatly after getting married. he was very abusive and i left him without having a job, family support, and living in a strange town. i also had had my accounts cleaned out. i got a job, and an apartment. it was hard, but the best damn thing i've ever done in my life. the great thing about being a single mom, is that people will help you out. that's just human nature. plus, single moms tend to seek each other out. no matter where i went, i always found an instant support group because there are so many single moms who know they need to support each other. my child is happy, loving, and giving. I also want to add that it was much easier when i was on my own, as far as raising him. i didn't have to deal with another parent. now, i'm married and most of the arguments are about the children. don't worry about it, you're going to be fine. congradulations! edit: omg... those stats given about fatherless homes is ridiculous. i've studied history all my life, most families were "fatherless" in the sense that the mothers were left at home to raise the children and the men would spend days, months, even years away from their children. john adams george washington benjamin franklin thomas jefferson the list is ENDLESS.... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

dolphingoddessdolphin	The father and his family do not want to pay child support! Of course they are going to try and convince you to give up the baby! I have raised my two year old son by myself and you can too(I was 22 when I had him)! Don't you dare let anyone tell you otherwise. All that child needs is love, I promise! You need to write a note and post it on the door to your home that you are keeping this blessing and if anyone has a problem with it they need to deal with it on their own. They will get over this as soon as they see that precious angel! 1) You are not too young! 2) You do not need money saved up. 3) It is not reqired to be married to have and raise a healthy child. 4) Yeah, you are one person. One person who is going to have a mind of her own and do what SHE wants with HER life! 5) Well, #5 was a pretty ignorant statement on their end. You don't need 2 parents no matter what, it sounds like you are a great mother already! I hope you do what YOU think is right for YOUR child. This is not their decision. You are the only one who is to decide this child's fate. I know you will make the right decision for your child, good luck! xoxo Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Possum	A load of great advice already given. As an adoptee - I say hold on to your child with all your might - I wish my mother had done so for me. Me - my grandmother made her relinquish me - even though my father was supportive and offered marriage. They went on to marry 6 months after my birth - and have 3 more kids. For me - my adoptive father died just before my 1st birthday - essentially I grew in a one parent family! Here's links to adoptee blogs - http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index.php?topic=2805.0 Here's links to mothers who relinquished their children - http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index.php?topic=2804.0 And I would also suggest that you should document everything that he and his family throw at you. Keep emails and correspondences. You never know if you'll need it to back up your case of harassment. And as the poster said above - yes - the father does have a place in your child's life - but if he chooses not to be a part of it - it's his loss. Definately get as much info (medical etc) from the family for your child though & have photos. It's part of who he is. Hold on to your child. You can do anything that you put your mind too. Oh - also - here are some links at this website to help out for resource ideas for keeping your bub - http://origins-usa.org/Default.aspx?pageId=51995 Good luck - you'll do great!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Erin L	I agree with the others who say it sounds like your baby's father doesn't want to have to pay child support. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I'm glad you are feeling more confident about parenting. Good Luck to you! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mamarivers	The only reason they want you to give the baby up is because they don't want to have to pay child support!! What ingrates!! You raise that baby and show them wrong! If what you want is to raise it then do it. 23 is not too young to have a baby. It is young, but you are an adult and can make your own decisions! As for the other family, I would get a restraining order so they can't keep harassing you! Good luck and congrats!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

pura_rosa	Your question is very personal, that is a decision that you and only you can reach, HOWEVER try and focus on what YOU feel not on what others want you to do, If you are financially secure and already have a child why not try and raise your other child as well?, can you really face each day thinking about that little one that is no longer with you? Can you actually watch a birthday after another pass by and not wonder where he or she is and what he or she is doing? It take a very generous soul to give up a child,m usually a mother that wants her child to have better things and usually the mother will spend her whole life wondering, Me? Well i had a child at 19, another at 21 and my third at 23, they are all strong healthy boys and the loves of my life, Can't imagine life without the, fell in love the minute I first saw them. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Gershom	http://lizardchronicles.blogspot.com <<< amazing research on the study of infant trauma from separation and loss of mother. primal wound by nancy verrier << book by an adoptive mother journey of the adopted self by betty jean lifton point being, babies need their mothers. I would have chosen my mother anyday and she would have been a single mother too. 2 parent familes aren't guaranteed in adoption, my aparents divorced when I was very young. breastfeeding, co-sleeping cut the costs of new babies down considerably, babies don't care about prada clothing and designer carseats. Nor do babies care if they're married. Single parents adopt everyday. Tell them you'll get a restraining order if they try and get you to surrender your baby one more time. they just don't want him to be stuck with child support probably. I'm sorry they're treating you like this, thats such b.s. My dad wsn't there for my mom at all, and that was a huge factor in my surrender. She fell for the whole 2 parent family idea too, and that was the deciding factor for her in surrendering me. To this day she'll say it was the worst mistake she EVER made. My parents were separated within 6 years right in the middle of their second adoption that fell through because of the divorce. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

a healing adoptee	I'm sory that you are going thru this. If you want to keep the baby, that is your choice. He can always sign away his rights if he truly does not want the child. I'm thinking that all this stuff on giving away the baby coming from him and his family is because he doesn't want to pay child support. If they are constantly harrassing you by phone calls, emails and showing up to your door. Please get a restraining order!! They have so overstepped the line. Besides they can't control you, so you don't have to justify any desicion you make regarding your body and the welfare of your baby. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Marine Girl	well if the father walked out he doesnt really get a say in what you plan to do. if you feel you are able to raise this baby on your own thats totally your decision & his family has no right telling you otherwise. it sounds like they are more worried that if you keep the baby, the father will have to pay you child support. i dont feel a baby needs 2 parents @ home to live a fulfilled life, there are single parents everywhere in this world doing it on their own. his family has no right telling you what to do with your baby~ Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

gemini	It's not your fault that they raised a coward who can't face up to his responsibilities. Your facing yours. You have a lot of love for your child and don't need him. If they don't stop, you can change your e-mail address and phone # or you can just tell them if they do not stop harrassing you, you'll file charges not to mention the fact, your desicion is non of their business. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Amanda Nicole	Ok, first off, regardless of what they say, it is your baby growing in your body. The law protects your decision to keep the child. That said, I was 23 when I had my son. I was a single mom from day one, working full time, and supporting myself and my new baby. Now he is 16 months old, and we're still doing great. Tell them that if he doesn't want to be a dad, he doesn't have to be. I had my ex waive his right for visitation in exchange for child support. So now, he pays nothing, and never once has seen my son. It's much better this way. I wish you the best of luck, and in reality, if they don't leave you alone, call the police and get a restraining order. You have a right to do what you feel is best, this is your child. If he doesn't want to be a father, it's his loss. Tell him to hit the road, leave you alone, and take care of that baby by yourself. You can do it girl! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Isabel A	Yes it is very hypocritical. You know, if being single and raising a child is such a bad thing, then why are single people allowed to adopt? It's a crazy double standard. The best thing for any baby is his or her mother. You have every right to parent your own child. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Weesy!	Keep your baby, and the next time they contact you, tell them that they have the best option in the world. The father can give up his rights, never have to pay child support, never have to worry about contacting you for care of the child. As long as you stay out of their lives, they should stay out of yours and the childs. They cannot force abortion, considering it's your body, right, & opinion. They don't realize what emotional stress it will put on a woman to get an abortion, then again I'm not against it. Have him give up his parental rights when the baby is born then he and his family will never have to worry about it then. You will eventually run into someone who cares for you and the baby that will want to be a family with you both. Then there's always the adoption option your partner int he future can choose. I've been a single mom for 5 years, the father is a dead beat and hasn't come around, EVER. I've been fine, and the person I'm with now would love to adopt her and be part of her life. Good luck!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

meltzie	If you want to raise this child then please don't let them get in your way!! It is your choice!! As long as you're a good parent to your child then he or she will be just fine. They just need your love and guidance. Maybe you need to get a restraining order? Do you have any family or friends who can help? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Doodlestuff	They don't want their son to pay child support. Too bad. You have to wonder why the future paternal grandparenta want you to dump your baby. You'd think they would be there ready to enjoy a grandchild, wouldn't you? I think you are doing the right thing. Tell them that if they harass you any further, you will take out a restraining order. Trash the emails without reading and/or block their messages. Have their numbers blocked on your phone (call the phone company if you don't know how). As another poster pointed out, even if you chose adoption, there is no guarantee that your baby would be raised better. I was bullied into giving up my child at 16. My son was raised with 2 drunks in the home that were mysteriously absent during the home study. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

redpeach_mi	why would these people be harassing you by telling you that the child would be better off with two parents? that's funny. shouldn't they be telling their son all this. basically what it comes down to is that they don't want you to keep it because they don't want him to have to pay for it and "ruin" his life. you do what is best for you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

nella	I am 47 years old, and when I was 16, I was forced to give up my baby girl, and I REGRET IT EVERY DAY. NOT ONE DAY goes by that I don't think of her, and it took me twenty years to stop crying on her birthday. I now have 2 other daughters, that I love more than words can say, and I still have a huge hole in my heart where my first daughter is. I spend everyday hoping I did the right thing. DON'T let other people live your life. The only thing you need is the support of your family and friends. As far as the "father" of your baby goes, take the advise of the other people on this site, and call the police, get a court order, or do what ever it takes to get them off you back, and follow your heart. If you want to keep your child, keep it, love it and hold it close. May God Bless you and your child. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Danielle	Tell them that if they think the baby needs 2 parents to make him get off his butt and be a father. Keep the baby. I totally agree w/ you. He just doesn't want the responsibility or the child support payments. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jag	File harassment charges against them with the PD and a restraining order. You shouldnt have to deal with that sh!! especially while pregnant. Best of luck to you! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sunny	You should keep your kid. If they keep bugging you, go to the police and file a report for harassment or stalking. Stop trying to convince them of anything. Save your precious energy for you and your baby. As an adopted 43 y.o. woman, who has been in reunion with her real mother for 20 years, I can tell you, I never got over the loss of her in my life. We talk everyday, and I assure you she never got over the loss of me either. When people trumpet the '2 parent family' crappola, they're quoting statistics from intact, biological families. Adoptive families are fractured, and inherently flawed. The '2 parents' are strangers to the adopted child, and really are in no way prepared to raise a non-related infant. Adopted kids are more likely to use drugs, have (often misdiagnosed) learning disabilities, commit crimes, and be sexually promiscuous. Adoption is living a lie, and a life filled with sadness, and confusion. There are some great sites that will give you tons of information: http://adoptioncrossroads.com http://origins-usa.org http://crimemagazine.com/07/adoptionforensics,0919-7.htm Be strong--you're doing the right thing. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

PhilM	My first mother gave me up because she was told that I needed a two-parent home. As a result, I was given to a couple who divorced less than eight years later. So I was raised in a single-parent home, anyway. There are NO guarantees that, if you give a child up for adoption, it will be better off than if you raised it. Indeed, she went on to have four more children shortly after giving birth to me. She raised each of them. I would cut off ties with him and his family. He lost his say when he left you. Politely tell them that it's no longer any of their concern. DO NOT BE BULLIED INTO ANY DECISION BY SOMEONE ELSE. This is the most important thing. If you believe you can raise this child, and you have the support and resources to do it, then by all means DO. As for their specific points... (1) My adoptive parents were 24 and 25 when I was born. If they could care for me, why can't you, at 23? (2) You make a decent living. 'Nuff said. (3) - (5) Refer to my experiences. My adoptive father, who raised me and 3 other children did so when he wasn't married, was only one person, and was not 2 parents. Adoption isn't the answer. I wish these people, who have chosen not to be a part of this, would leave you be. And I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish you luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

remedy9874	Well if YOU can support this child by yourself(which I am sure you have family that can help) then just ignore what they say. If they are bothering you too much, call the cops. Single women do it EVERYDAY by themselves. Stick up for what yo ubelieve, in the end, it will all work out. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Michele J	Do not answer the door, do not take their phone calls. Of course they don't want you to keep the baby...their son is liable for child support!!! If they continue to harrass you...and they ARE harrassing you...tell them you are going to contact the authorities. But important!! DO NOT ENGAGE them at all.....They cannot make you do anything you do not want them to!! You just stated that you are 23....you have a good job, your own place.... That deadbeat will pay. Period. By the way!!! I have an adopted 17 year old son and while I WAS married to his father when we adopted...he BAILED when my son was 10...so...even when you put your child up for adoption, there is no guarantee he will be RAISED in a two parent home!!! I would block their emails and everything!! :) Good luck and God Bless you!!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Bill	"I owe you no justification for my decision. Please do not harass me further, or I will call the police." Let's face it, the "father" is only concerned about his child support liability. You notice he bailed as soon as your pregnancy was known. If you want this baby, keep it and hold his feet to the fire financially. Your baby deserves the financial support of its father, even if he won't step up and give the emotional support. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Loreen W	keep your baby . tell him if he don't want this child he can sign off his parental rights Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No