So why do white families....?

Show all answers

Post your answer

corcoranfaire	As foster adopt parents, we specified one or 2 children under age 11 (because our youngest child at the time was 11). We knew a larger number of children in foster care are minority and it didn't matter to us - we said race wasn't important to us and it still isn't. We did get an infant girl who is part african american as well as the 16 year old girl who is staying with us right now. I didn't know what either would look like when we said yes, and didn't care. I think they are both beautiful and not because they have certain features, but because they just are inside and out. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Quetzal	Adopting a newborn Caucasian is a difficult process because there aren't as many newborns available. By ethnic, I assume you mean International adoption. But don't forget that some people also adopt either minorities or special-needs children in the U.S. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Independ"ant"	For most...its about not being able to get a healthy white one. After a few years of sitting by the phone they start opening up to the remaining "options" available. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Laurel J	Sometimes it is because they want to "prove" they're not racist. Sometimes it's because they can't get healthy white newborns like in the old days, so they "settle" (non-white babies and children are, horrible as this is, cheaper and more abundant). Sometimes it's done out of a screwed-up admiration for the "exotic." Sometimes it's done so they can feel like they rescued something. Sometimes they absolutely mean well but fail to appreciate what it does to a child to rob it of its culture and heritage. And sometimes it's because they want to give a family to a child who hasn't got one. (I really like to believe that some peoples' motives are pure. It helps me get out of bed in the morning.) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Ariana	People who cannot concieve and decide on adoption just want a baby to love and to call their own. As for why they adopt children of different ethnicities usually it's something as simple as Time. Yes, adoptive parents have (most) gone already through rounds of fertility treatments etc etc and it has taken a lot of time, and many times adopting domestically takes a long time. There are not many babies available, and most of the AP want infants 3 and younger to be able to raise them as their own. They dont care about a child being of a different race, why would it matter? If you want to adopt a baby and there's a baby available of a different ethnicity than you why not go for it? What's different of that ethnic baby?? Doesnt he need a family as well?? Or should we ONLY place babies in homes with the same race as them? What if that isnt possible? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Linny G	because white babies are not available. Dont kid yourself. This is how it goes: First choice = a biological baby they have on their own Second choice= a white baby that another woman had Third choice= a baby of any color Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Emmy	i think that is a major reason behind it...to prove that they are not racist... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

yeahright	The only hesitation we ever had about transracial adoption was we didn't know if we could do the background and culture justice if we didn't share any of it. And to be fair, we probably couldn't--but we could try and so we are completely 100% open. It is also a misnomer/myth that it takes years and years to adopt a white child--it may take longer--but it isn't the 10 year trek that everyone talks about. Dana--I was thinking about going down the mutt line of answering but deleted it as I was expecting a backlash--good answer though. We are almost all truly mutts once we poked around in the closets a bit. I stopped counting after I hit the 10 ethnicity mark between my husband and I. Funny story (atleast for us)....when my bio son was younger and snooping in our homestudy he ran into the bathroom crying and locked the door saying, "why didn't you tell me I am caucasion?" He had no idea what he was talking about of course. He was upset not that he thought for a moment that he might have some Asian descent but that noone had told him he was Asion-minus the cau (his spelling). We told him not only was he caucasion but American Indian, French Canadian, Mongolian and about everything else under the sun so don't get too upset by us not delving into one particular subset sweety pie. Out of the mouth of babes. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

†Lawrence R†	I can't speak for everybody. However, I do know that Randy B. & I agree that what culture a child comes from means nothing when it comes to his family or mine adopting. In my family, the mothers have found us each time. Knowing their nationality or culture made no impression on either my wife or me. We currently have the strong potential of a 4th child coming into our family. The biological mother is Haitian. Again, we see no distinction because of her culture. Now, there may just be a small handful of adoptive parents who are concerned about such things. However, even then, nobody here can question the motives of these parents. There may be a myriad of legitimate reasons for how they do what they do. I will say this: Those who say it's because of some perceived waiting list for "healthy, white babies" are, to be kind, misinformed. I personally know of at least 2 couples from Minnesota who had to go outside of the state to be able to adopt from the American-African culture. This was due to a since-dissolved state rule that forbade inter-culture adoption. When my wife & I were first trying to adopt, I personally saw notices of child availability that said, basically, "Whites need not apply". That is ludicrous. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mei-Ling	[They want a child of their own, it doesn't matter if the baby is ethnic or white.] Then if it doesn't matter... why not adopt domestically? ETA: I agree with what the more outspoken people (Eg. Linny G) are saying... most couples want white infants first even though there isn't a "big" amount of white infants available. Then they go to other ethnic possibilities. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

stephaniemassacree	I find that kind of offensive. My parents adopted my brother from India, because my mother couldn't have another child and my father was interested in Indian culture. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Angela R	When we decided to adopt we knew we would love a child of any race, and for us it was not an issue. We also knew that we were willing to commit to keeping our child connected to their birth culture, and making sure they were around others who "look like them". Despite the opinions of some, for us, adopting an Asian child was NOT second best to adopting a white child, and adopting our children was not second best to a biological child. We were not trying to make a point, get attension, or prove that we weren't racist. We simply found an oppurtunity to be parents to children who needed a family, and we feel very fortunate for that. At that point in our lives we felt best equipt to parent a younger child, and since there are many younger children of other races waiting to be adopted internationally, we saw no reason to instead compete with many other families to adopt a caucasian infant or toddler through domestic adoption or fostercare, and possibly wait several years, just so the child would look more like us then a child of another race. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Dana C	I am considered a white family. And yet if you look at our family, we are true mutts. White, black, olive, oriental and all mixes in between. But yet to look at me, would you know to see me - light brown hair, ivory white complexion, hazel eyes- would you see that my great great grandmother was a freed black slave? Of course not, nor would you see it in my immediate family. I am a proud mutt- who is proud of the courage that my great great grandma had. I choose not to see in color since I know to me that it really doesn't matter.That is how we were raised. And I am really trying hard to adopt. But I feel if it is meant to be, then it will happen. If my husband and I are asked, we would be mom and dad and just love the child for the child themself. And I agree that how the agencies work is really screwed up. I wish it were focused on the best interest of the child instead. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Felicita1	When the supply of white babies began drying up, post BSE, the demand for non-white babies began. You can still adopt a non-white baby for a cheaper price than a white baby. That's the truth. Less market demand, greater supply. Many white couples want: first to have a child of their own. Secondly, if that doesn't work out, they want to adopt a newborn of their own race (as close to having given birth as possible, including videotaping the birth, cutting the cord, and "rooming in" with "their" baby in the hospital if they can - and simulated lactation is also becoming popular). And if if they can't get or afford one of those, then they adopt a child of another race. Not all, but many. There are definitely cases where people are "color-blind" to the race of the child (such as Randy, above), but that is usually not the case. This is from the Illinois Times: "Illinois’ largest infant-adoption agency, the Cradle, charges $9,200 to handle the placement of an African-American infant but $25,000 for the adoption of a white baby. Another prominent Illinois agency, Sunny Ridge Family Center, based in Wheaton, charges $7,250 for an African-American newborn and $19,750 for a white child" So, as you can see, people might adopt a non-white child because they're "sold" at bargain prices as compared to the price of white babies. Don't let anyone tell you that it's not a business of selling babies. Plus you can get children from foster care for practically free, and mothers of racial minorities lose their children due to poverty in greater numbers than do white women. So, again, greater supply. ETA -- another reason why many more white couples proportionally adopt is that for many ethnic minorities, having a child while young is not considered a moral failure, whereas with more white families, it is considered "irresponsible" to have children while young because you're supposed to focus on career first. thus, more white people postpone having children until age-related infertility begins (at age 27 according to experts). thus, more whites are in line to adopt due to infertility (still the major reason for adoption). Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Roberta P	We adopted outside of our race. We chose China because they have many special need toddler girls and their program is very stable. Race was never a thought. The fact that we were going to be a inter racial family was no big deal. We learned Chinese, read about the history of the country, learned about the holidays and culture. Now we can teach them about where they came from. The features we liked about their race only had to do with their sexes. We wanted girls. We didn't adopt outside our race to make any political statement, just to expand our family. We had bio children and decided we wanted more children, just not infants. I could have more babies, but didn't want babies again. So my girls will never be labeled our second choice, adopting was the 1 and only choice for us. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

melissa	Did you ever think that maybe it is to give a child a home? maybe some do not care about race. I've seen a black couple adopt a asian boy once. White people are not the only ones to adopt outside their race. I personally wouldn't adopt too far outside of my race.I would want my children to be as close as possible to my race(s) or my boyfriend's. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Gina	Well, my husband and I could not possibly get any whiter, and personally...I just want to raise a family. I can't see myself not loving the child that was meant for me...white or whatever else, biological or not. I think about it like this...there's no telling WHO my own biological kids will end up being, just like there's no telling WHO my adopted kids might end up being...or if they're already born, living somewhere else, which they probably are because I plan to adopt from foster care and not an agency. They're still gonna be my darn kids regardless! :] Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

kateiskate	Well it’s pretty much about supply and demand… People want to adopt white babies to add the “perfect” child to a family that they would have created had they been able to. White infants are so in demand that there are long waiting lists and high price tags on them. If you choose to adopt internationally you are shortening your wait time and increasing your likelihood of getting a baby. I also believe a lot of people do it because they realize that the children are less able to be “taken back” by the first family if they change their mind. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Nora	not enough white babies for all the people who want to adopt them Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

The Reframer	I think there are several reasons. Also, some people want to feel that they are really saving a life and making a difference so they adopt from another country where there are many babies in desperate need. There are less minority families than white families that are adopting (in sheer numbers) so it would make sense that there would be minority babies who would have to go to white families then. There may be other reasons on an individual basis but I wouldn't make generalizations about it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mom to Foster Children	We chose to foster a Mexican child and a Native American Child. When our son became available for adoption (after reunification of almost 5 years in the making was not going to happen and mom relinquished) we chose not to say "No" when asked if we would like to adopt him. We love our son and don't see his ethnic background a problem for us - Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Rowan	maybe for them, the color doesn't matter? I've heard of people who've adopted(both domestically and internationally) who it didn't matter. Madonna's case though, makes me cringe a little. Everything i've heard about the boy's father wanting him back, just makes me confused. Was she doing it to help, or doing it because it made her look good? heard to say. Angelina now, her i think, might have good intentions. Her kids seem happy. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Kristy	Adoptive families experience a longing for children that most people cannot understand. Many say they will adopt any baby, regardless of gender, race, etc. because they so badly want a child to love. In most cases it has nothing to do with race, it's simply the longing to love and care for a baby. The waiting list for Caucasian infants is normally very long and being open to adopting children of other ethnicities usually makes the wait time shorter for the adoption as well. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Not my fault either	love doesn't see colors, love sees the child. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Pale Cheeked Angel	Because they love the child. The color of their skin doesn't matter to them. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Randy B	The simple answer it, because my family is colour blind. We see a child, not a race or a gender or a label of any sort. Nothing more then that. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Alyssa's mommy	They want a child, a family... they don't care what the child looks like, they just want to have a child. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

grapesgum	The waiting period for a healthy white child under 4-5 years old can be years. Often white families who are able to open their hearts to any child will switch to list for children of any ethnicity to speed up the process. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

♥♥Rita♥♥	Maybe they don't "see" the color of the child's skin....and color is not an issue for them....?? ETA; I really am appaled at the number of 'supply and demand' answers I see. I work with A LOT of a/parents and work with A LOT of children who are in state custody and I have people who will call me and state they either do not care about the race as race is not an issue, nor is the age of the child...........or they do not want to adopt outside of their race, becasue they have familiy who are rascist, blah blah blah or they want the child to look like them blah blah blah. So, you cannot cookie cutter the answer to this question. Not ALL people just WANT ANY baby because they can't get a white baby!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

JennyH	It's because they choose to adopt a baby. They want a child of their own, it doesn't matter if the baby is ethnic or white. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

almost human	I appreciate your question, and that it's important to ask. Those of us from the outside can only speculate. Those of us who were adopted trans-racially can only bang our heads on the wall. But asking those who have adopted to talk about their own racism is like asking for a show of hands on how many have had an abortion in the middle of Sunday mass. Why do white families adopt ethnic babies? My story: My mom thought she was adopting trans-racially out of benevolence and charity. Those are complicated reasons coupled with preschool empty nest syndrome. My father had earlier had a vasectomy, yet my mother found later she needed another child to fill her empty days. One unnatural act begat another unnatural act, the shopping for an "orphan." It is easier to ascribe this to doing good rather than filling a void in your life, which is what she held onto 'til the day she died. Did preference for an ethnic baby presuppose a racial superiority? On some level, I believe so. She was raised by racists in the deep south, and that upbringing manifested itself often, in fear of blacks, assumptions of laziness of browns, assumptions of bookishness of yellows, etc. An underlying belief that whites were more civilized and responsible fed these assumptions. My parents rhetoric was color blind, but their actions were consistently hyper aware of color, and rarely in honest or good ways. Did I prove they were more open-minded / was I a token badge of their progressive liberalism? Possibly. Both my parents were often guilty of self-congratulatory demonstrations of anti-racism, such as my dad being proud they had co-workers that were African Americans that he called "friends" even though they were never invited to dinner, etc. Certainly after adopting me, the general public could look at our mixed race family and no one could question their open-mindedness. Was my acquisition solely for self promotion? Of course not. They wanted to believe in the myth they'd created of themselves. I wanted to believe that too. But the contradictions were always there, and because I was the only one whose skin was different, they never had to experience any of the consequences. Was it because she was drawn to the features of a certain race? Yes. She specifically wanted a female Asian child because she thought they were cuter. It's forty years later and things have not changed much. It still excites everyone's imaginations to envision a color-blind world. We still want to wrap ourselves in that vision. It's still hip, and we still bask in its glory. Yet, it's still wishful thinking. It is wishful thinking because people are still not confronting their own racism or privilege. Most of us avoid confronting our own racism, or analyze what motivates our benevolence, or whether our form of benevolence is actually truly helping people of color or imposing colonization upon them. Until we do that honestly, color-blindness is nothing but lip service, and rainbow families are nothing but a cruel experiment. Just like the struggle between women and their reproductive systems, especially in the context of culture, is a feminist issue; trans-racial adoption is a patronizing, exploitative act of colonist mind-set. We need to recognize the politics of our daily lives and how our own delusions contribute to the political instability of the planet. It is not enough to have pity for ethnic orphans when you have no empathy or sympathy for their ethnic parents. It is too convenient to address the problem of the "orphaned" children, the symptoms, than to tackle the greater problem of helping ethnic peoples prevent the circumstances that create orphans. Our wanting to take credit for providing opportunities are only on our terms in the comfort of our own privilege, to our own benefit. And what is our arrogance based upon if not for feelings of racial superiority and blaming the victims? Thanks for trying to not be racist. That's a great start. Now, I wish all those wanting to adopt ethnic babies would try supporting community and social services, help increase opportunities to struggling parents to preserve their families. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No