Why do people feel sorry for those that can't conceive but not for "birth" mothers? |
| How is it fair to feel sorry for those that are incapable of reproducing but not feel sorry for those that relinquished? Why are single mothers poor mothers that relinquishes so bad? What is so wrong ... |
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How do you feel when you see an obviously adopted child? |
I went to the store with my daughter this afternoon.
I saw two Asian girls with their white mother. I always have a flurry of feelings--how do you feel? Additional Details G... |
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Pregnant and wanting to put the baby up for adoption. Does the dad have to know? |
| So my sister got pregnant in Oregon by a total deat beat. She knows his full name and how to contact him, but she doesn't want to. She wants this baby to go to a good home. She's living in U... |
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What does the natural mother gain from adoption? |
Everyone talks about adoption as a "win" for everyone involved. What does a mother "win" when she loses her baby to adoption? Additional Details ETA: Based on many ... |
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I'm worried I won't be a good mom...? |
| I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant so there's kind of no turning back now (the child was unplanned, birth control didn't work as well as we hoped it would) and the only real option we have is ... |
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Is asking a pregnant woman if she wants to give up her child "socially acceptable" behavior? |
| after the most recent event with the waitress in washington state, i get the impression that many think that it's "acceptable" for paps interested in private adoption to ask a random ... |
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How do I make sure not to adopt an ugly kid? |
| usually fat women have the ugliest kids so if I stay away from them i should be fine?... |
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Would you adopt a child if...? |
| you knew that you and your partner are totally able to conceive?... |
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What is your view toward adoption? |
| Would you adopt a child and treat him/her like your own, even if you have real children?... |
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Should i put my unborn 4 adoption? |
| i dnt think i could afford her and im only 19 need advice plz ... |
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Really confused, do all adoptees have the potenital of being killers? |
| Okay, I posted a question about a news article stating that the killer was adopted and if anyone felt offended that they point that out. Well one answer distrubed me, the person in an email and in ... |
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Can I adopt my friend's baby? |
| So, my friend confirmed her pregnancy this morning after 10 different test brands and a trip to Planned Parenthood. She, the father and myself had decided that they would like for me to adopt the ... |
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Adoptees - would u rather you had been aborted? |
| I understand the suffering that comes with being adopted, I am myself. But so many people and comments i have come across are so bitter - some with good adoptive parents whos fault it is not for u ... |
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Connotations of the term "first mother"? |
This is a poll. When you hear the term "first mother," do you think of it meaning "first" as in:
- (1) "first wife: and "second wife," where "... |
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How to plan an "adoption" baby shower when money is all they need? |
| My cousins have just adopted an infant, something they have been waiting for for about 8 years. In that time they have acquired all the babies material needs (furniture, clothes etc.), however they ... |
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Whats your favorite color??? |
| mine is redddddddddddddd like the color of blood or the cheez it box.... |
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Wouldn't it hurt your feelings? |
| If you adopted a child. Raised them. Loved and cared for them, and then they decided, now they're old enough they want to find their birth parents? How would you handle this? (friend going ... |
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Manny C |
So I know some may think this is wrong but...?
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If your daughter was <17 and got pregnant would you make her give the baby up for adoption?
I say this because I know I would and I wanted to know if anybody else felt the same.
I just think that child maybe dealt a better life with someone who is equipped to raise the child. The baby didn't ask to be in that situation so why not try to give it a better one. Right? Additional Details No its not happening at the moment. I just wanted to know others opinion. But I have seen it happen with my cousin and I truly dont think she is a good mother. I'm not saying all teenage mother are bad mothers because i dont think that at all i just think that these kids 13, n 14 are messing up their lives and their babies, and their parents. I say that because in a lot of situations its the grandparents stuck with raising the child.
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Angela R
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Even if your child was under 18, you still would have no legal say in whether she placed the baby for adoption or not. A parent can give their child advice on the matter, but it's really best to let them make their own decision concerning adoption or raising the child, and then try to support them in their decision, even if it's not what you would chose yourself.
If the parents don't want to be raising their grandchild for their daughter, then they should tell her upfront that if she choses to parent the child then she will be the one doing the parenting, and let her decide based on that.
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LaraSue
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No, I would never MAKE my child give up her baby for adoption. I would offer to raise the baby if that is what she wanted, or do whatever she needed to help HER keep the baby. I would support her in whatever decision she felt was best for her child, even if it was to place the baby for adoption.
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myst1998
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HELL NO! If she wasn't up for raising the child herself, I would raise the child myself as the grandmother.... family should stick together in these situations and take care of their own, not turn around and give the family member to STRANGERS who don't know anything about the family. Besides, I wouldn't want to lose my GRANDCHILD!
Adoption was only meant to be for children and people who needed a family and in these sorts of cases, these children usually have families already.... just slack ones who want to palm off their responsibilities.
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lol
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No I would not. She got pregnant and in this mess then she can take care of her child. Simple as that!
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Julie
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You cannot make her give the baby up for adoption. Having a baby auto emancipates you which means she is considered a legal adult and can't be forced to do anything she doesn't want to except by the courts.
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monkeykitty83
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No, I would never take my child's child away against her will. I would do everything I could to help her raise her baby, and to teach her to be a good mother. My role would be to support her, not to give ultimatums.
If she actually didn't want her child, at that point we would discuss other options, with kinship care (the baby being taken care of by another family member, probably me) being my personal recommendation. But ultimately, a mother, regardless of age, has to make the final decision about her own baby, so I would accept her choice once I'd shared my own opinion.
I would not force or pressure my daughter to relinquish her baby, regardless of age. I would assume she planned to parent her child-- and help her accordingly-- unless I was informed otherwise by my daughter.
(For the record, this has nothing to do with being anti-adoption, which I am definitely not. I strongly support the adoption of children who actually need homes. The daughter of mine discussed in this hypothetical example would be an adopted daughter, so obviously I don't think adoption is always wrong. But if my daughter wanted to keep her baby, that baby is not in need of a home. That baby HAS a home, and should stay in it if at all possible.)
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♥♥Rita♥♥
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No. In my state, a teenager who becomes pregnant is considered an emancipated minor.
If she were close to 17, I would hop-e I could empower her to become her child's advocate...while I am being my child's advocate.
If she were very young (I am biting my tongue) I would probably play a larger than normal part in assisting raising the grandchild, even to the point of petitioning for temp guardianship. My intention there is to let my daughter mature and then dissolve the guardianship and she reclaim her child...although she would still be mom and still be in my home.
I would never force my child to place her (or his) child for adoption.....not my place. I love my kids and through all the bad choices and ill placed choices....I still love my kids and would love my grand kids too.
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farm mom of 10
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I am that mom whose 17 year old got pregnant. Not only that, but with a father who was a different race, and my extended family was RACIST!!
But I had a friend in high school who had given up her baby at the same age, and I remember the torture she went through, how she missed that child, and once she told me that every time she saw a child the age hers would be, she wondered...
I did NOT want that for my own daughter. Plus, I loved my grandchild already. So I never asked her to let that baby go. We kept him, and he is a great joy in our life. He is 14 now, and spending the night at my house as I write.
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LC
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That isn't your decision!
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dory
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How on earth could anyone give away their grandchild - that's just sick!
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Lori A
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I am in that situation and this baby isn't going anywhere. I am the grandmother to be on the fathers side. Both families have agreed to care for this child in anyway that need be done. This means both the mother and father finish school and pursue careers.
The only way adoption MIGHT be a better scenario than this, is if the young parents had NO support from their families.
I don't feel stuck in a position I volunteered for. That is MY grand child. I want to get to know them, watch them grow, tell them stories about their crazy father and wacky uncle.
None of my pregnancies were timely.
I lived through not knowing where my daughter was for 28 years, I will not go through it again with a grand child. I'd rather be part of the village that raises them.
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tish_part deux
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no. i would encourage her to parent, and ASSIST her (how's that for an idea) until she's able to finish school and get on her feet. i would also STRONGLY ADVISE contraception.
or.
i would pay for an abortion.
this is also the case for any pregnancy caused by one of my sons.
quite honestly, the thought that any of my grandchildren would be viewed by the adoption world as "hard to place" or "special needs"--any child conceived by my children would be black or bi-racial--sends chills down my spine.
so no. adoption would NEVER be an option i'd choose for my children's untimely pregnancies.
ETA: i'm sorry your cousin's situation was not optimal. but for every "bad" teen parent, there are many more who try to do the right thing. part of the reason why teens drop out of school, et al, is that there is NO SOCIAL SUPPORT (day care in the the school, parenting support groups, et al) to help them. i also reject the assertion that being a teen parent is "messing up one's life." on the contrary, i've known quite a few adult adoptive parents who were "bad" parents because they never dealt with their infertility, only adopted to "gain what they lost" and resented the child for not being "grateful" enough.
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sunny
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I would never outsource my family to be raised by others.
If my daughter chose to have the child, I would help her raise the baby.
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MamaKate
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Dear Manny,
Forcing ANYONE to relinquish a child, including one's own family members, is not only morally questionable, coercive and unethical, it is also illegal.
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kidmindi
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I would encourage my daughter to keep her baby, or to let me adopt it. She won't be so young forever, but would forever feel the loss of the child if she gave it up for adoption.
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cantstopLinnyG
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Not only would I not, I could not. I cannot legally force anyone (not even my own flesh and blood) to terminate her parental rights. Her baby may have not "asked" to be in that situation, but that baby also would NEVER ask to be ripped from my daughter's arms and given to strangers.
Nor could I "kick" her out, as that is child abuse.
What I WOULD do would be to make sure she had every resource available in place to have the help she needs to parent her child.
I am adopted, so there's no way in heck I would even THINK of allowing my flesh and blood to be raised by strangers. If it was her choice to do so, I would try to get legal guardianship of the child. My girls would never surrender a child, though, because they know how adoption has affected my life, and their lives, too.
I was pregnant at 17. My baby is now starting law school. I didn't have a pot to peeeee in, but with hard work and sacrifice, my "teenage pregnancy result" is a happy and successful young woman who was raised and loved by her mother- the way God intended her to be.
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Not Adopted
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So you are admitting that you don't love your daughter unconditionally and you would be eager to send away her very own flesh and blood...which, BTW, would also happen to be YOUR flesh and blood, YOUR grandchild.
How nice of you (gag).
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Philippa
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Wrong and before I am accused of being anti adoption I'm not I am anti people thinking it is a good idea for a young woman to surrender just because she is young. Far better to support her.
I was lied, pressured and coerced into surrendering my son when I was 19 simply because I single and that's what my parents wanted. The fact that I had a secure well paid job didn't matter to them they just didn't want the same of their daughter being a single mother. If had raised him then been a bad mother I could have understood. I am still suffering the pain of this 27 years on plus depression and PTSD.
Instead of thinking adoption is so wunnerful for everybody why don't you do some research on how adoption really affects natural parents? If a child is being abused then I would agree something should be done
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LORI
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No, because its incredibly unbelievably sick and cruel to the daughter. I mean you are basically stealing someones child from her by forcing her to do that? She would never get over it psychologically and you'd be totally ruining her life and causing incredible trauma. The girl is under 17 but she will get older and become a better parent and all that. Her being so young is not a permanent problem?
And who's to say that the kid would actually wind up with someone better anyway? You can never tell.
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Shannon
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No, never. I would take the baby myself if she did not want it, I would not seek out custody and I would try to help her through the "tough" time. I see the pain of adoption every day of my life and there is no way in heck that I will allow someone else to go through that pain if I can prevent it.
Adoption is not a better situation. There is no guarantee.
How would you feel that one day when your grandchild came to find you (they will) and you find out that they were beaten, abused, and raped in adoptive and foster care? How would you feel if there were parents that wanted your grandchild but threw him or her into the foster system when they were a toddler because "they can't handle it?" how would you feel if they told you they had a decent life but they hate you and they hate your daughter for giving them away for no good reason? She won't be 17 or younger forever! And why would any loving mother hurt her daughter like that?
Adoption is for unloved, unwanted, orphaned, and abused/neglected children. The "better life" scenario only "really" works out in these cases. And even then, it is sometimes not better than living on the streets.
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Kristina B
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Well it should be the girls say but also if the girl has a baby, in my opinion the parents of the girl should help her out and teach her som things.
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Mrs M to be
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I'm not a parent so technically I probably shouldn't answer...
...but I will! Ha!
I say no...but hear me out...
I was pretty sensible at 17 - yeah probably not old enough for a child ideally, but I wasn't dumb (and though somewould consider getting pregnant that age dumb in the first place, mistakes happen right?).
Anyway - I'd have to give my child a chance at being a Mother with some help from us. If there was a sniff that the child was being neglected though, I'd step in somehow.
Some 17 years olds may be too young, but you shouldn't assume they all would be (my Mum was married at 17 and a Mum at 18 and she's amazing, as is my Dad who wasn't much older).
Also, if you rasied her right, she'd have a good chance at being a good Mum anyway...
...I'd say give it a chance and hope to be proven wrong.
PS - I know people much older who are BAD parents...so therefore, I am not sure age holds much water in parenting.
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Faith
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No i would not force my daughter to give up her own baby for adoption that would be the actions of a heartless mother.if it was my daughter and she wanted to keep her baby then i would support her through it and help her out with her baby as much as i could.
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Jenni . (:
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if you're daughter wants to keep the baby , LET HER . if you don't , she'll resent you for the rest of her life . she got herself into the situation , yes . but you can help teach her that parenting isn't too easy . you can help her raise the baby right . then , it would have so many people looking after it , that it would be the most loved child to probably ever be raised . :] like i said , let HER decide ; afterall -- it is her baby .
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Mom to Foster Children
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Seeing what my son goes through - I would never force my daughter to give up her child. The pain of loss is something that my son feels EVERYDAY - and who's to say it would be a better life - that's not guaranteed - the only thing guaranteed is a different life - not necessarily better.
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Anha S
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Absolutely not. She would be given every opportunity to raise her baby, and continue on in her education, her stepdad and I would help as much as we could. Would I feel it was ideal? Hardly, I was a teen mom and I know just how hard it is. But there would be no way that I would even bring up adoption, I know just what kind of myth gets sold and I would never want to see my grandbaby put through that.
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megan p
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i was 17 when i got pregnant the first time and my parents supported me in my decision to keep him. they never even mentioned giving him up.
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dumplingmuffin
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you would have no say in it,and if you even tried you would also be loosing a daughter,and as my 2 daughters are so close to me i would help raise the baby with them giving them my full support all the way
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*Baby Dust*
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First of all where I live, (here on earth) you would not have a say in whether or not your daughter wanted to keep the baby, you cant make her do anything, tho it may be hard she still has the right to her own decisions, She may be young but she does have a brain, let her think for herself, thats what I feel.
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hunnybunny
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I am 23. I got pregnant at 17 and my mum asked me to get rid of it for the same reasons as yourself, as a mother you worry.
But i kept my daughter and raised her just as perfect as any mother would, i am now in a full time receptionist job on good money, i drive and have my own home. My daughter is perfect she is now 5 and in full time school, my mum regrets aking me to get rid of her as she said this was the making of me and she is so proud of my daughter and me.
I knew people would think i couldnt do it, and young mums get so many disaproving looks etc, which made me want to prove even more that i could.
As long as your daughter is ready and understands this is her child and she must be the one to bring her up and give up the things she does, going out etc, she has to devote her lfe to her child then she should be ok.
Yes you miss out on many things as a young mum but you also gain a beautifull child and can still be successfull. I got my own flat at 7months pregnant and have gone from a teenager with nothing, to a mum with everything. I started as a part time cleaner and now 2 years later im a receptionist
Good Luck
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Jeffery G
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It would depend on the young lady involved. Plus she might not be quite ready now, but if she has some good people to help support her, then maybe she will be ready soon enough. If she decides for herself that she does not want children then support her in that. I think everyone should weigh the pros and cons for themselves and then decide. This is too big an issue to generalize on. Each case is unique.
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