Should we tell our son who his biological father is?

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mscrawdad	I think if he's old enough to ask who is bio father is, then he is old enough to handle the answer. Kids are so resilient. He'll probably just say something like, "Oh. OK." Make sure you tell the bio father what is going on and get his input on how you guys all handle any questions. Your son is more likely to ask him questions than your husband if they run into each other. Make sure that you all agree on how much and what to disclose at this age. I wouldn't worry about it over much as long as the bio father isn't a complete jerk, then you shouldn't run into any trouble with your son getting his feelings hurt. Good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mama2FourPrincesses	yes, yes yes...tell him. Since he is six you can set it up in stages...but keep the dialog open. Even if he's not seeming to think about it- or consider it..he is. I started thinking deeply about my birth family between the ages of 6-8. www.adoptive-parenting.com/growing-up-... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jenni B	Well, that's tricky. Are you planning on having his birth father in his life? Or is he completely out of the picture. I guess the reasons why he isn't currently involved are probably pretty sensitive. I think it would probably be beneficial to show him pictures so he can see where he came from. Rather than keeping it some big hush hush secret that no one brings up. That might cause resentment when he is older. Good for you for already starting! Keep your comments positive (if it's not a great situation) and just keep reinforcing that your husband is his Daddy. Good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

chiquinta_2000	Sure. Give the guy a first name. Describe him a little. Like 'His name is Greg and he's got brown eyes just like you and he's very tall...etc.' Also, be prepared for the 'why doesn't he like me/why doesn't me want me' question. It tends to follow. I guess for me it would depend on what the guy was like. If he was a psycho rapist/murderer who was never going to change his ways then I'd be reluctant to say too much in case the child wants to meet his biological father. Edit: In response to whirliekurlie's answer - I get her point but when kids are little they have a chance of adapting better. Most adults who find out they were adopted or had different parents to what they thought feel lied to and find it a huge slap in the face. If you know for most of your life then it really isn't a big deal. I've heard of some parents handling it like this - they tell their children, right from when they are little babies that they are adopted and most definately still loved by their adopted parents. I know this case is a little different but pre-teens to early 20's is a very turbulant time in a child's life. No need to add more stress. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

flaca p	I THINK U SHOULD CUZ ITS THE BEST THING TO DO AND U DONT WANT TO KEEP IT FROM UR KIDS CUZ ITS HIM OR HER DAD U KNOW AND YEA MY MOM DIDNT TELL ME TILL I WAS LIKE 11 DA I HAD ANOTHER DAD AND I WAS SO MAD THAT SHE DIDNT BEFORE SO U SHOULD TELL HIM OR HER BEFORE THEY GET MAD U KNOW WELL HOW OLD IS HE OR SHE?? THOW AND GOOD LUCK Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

badkarma	Yes!!!! unless the bio dad does not want to take responsibility, You know what? Yes Yes Yes the kid should know! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

snowwillow20	Does the bio dad know he is the bio dad? Does the bio dad want nothing to do with his birthson? Is he signing away his rights? Your son will need to know this info someday soon. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

jordin paige	I am 15 and my dad adopted me after him and my mom were married. I have always known I was adopted and who my birth father is. I have not met him before but my parents have always been open and honest to me about him and I know I can meet him if I want and I can ask any questions that I want. I think the best thing to do is be honest with him and tell him who his birth father is especially since he has asked who he is. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Briallen	I suppose it depends on why you have reservations about telling him. It may be enough to say, "His name's ......." and he wants you to be happy with your own daddy so you won't be seeing him just yet. Maybe when you're older..." Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sakura sunshine	yeah before it,s to late Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

wow_i_have_4_kids	I'm an adoptive mother, and I believe whole heartedly in open adoption. Your personal situation is a little different. I also do a lot of work with an agency that only does open adoptions. I work with both birth parents and with adopted children. Every child is different. Some don't care a thing about knowing the details about their birth parents. Other kids get so hung up on it that it affects every facet of their lives. My advice would be to anser his questions matter of factly and let him lead the way. When his curiosities are answered, he'll likely go on about his daily business as if it never happened. Don't be surprised if you revist those curiosities at different points in his growing up and even his adult years. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

yettydears	I think so, it is better to grow up knowing than to find out suddenly when your older and take everything harder. especially if youre planning on waiting till he is a teen! teens take everything harder than they should because on top of trying to figure themselves out they are trying to figure out everything else and if you add that ontop of it who knows what the side-effects will be...and if he already has met his father, then it is going to be an extra shock when he finds out his father is someone he already knew, he will probably not understand why you didnt tell him... hope this helps good luck! : ) yettydears Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Anna Og	My feeling is that a talk with the birth father should be in order. He may or may not be in a position to deal with a child he has not been involved with for several years. You did a fine job in how you handled this overall and when your son is older or his birthfather asks for contact this information should be given. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Shelly K	We told our son at 6. We answered with what his first name was and that he loved him enough to let his Daddy raise him because he knew he couldn't be there. If you make the whole thing a positive conversation this doesn't have to be a big event at all. Dont be nervous speak frankly and honestly. And be prepard in the future you will get little questions; in about 4th grade my son said one day "did my biological father like strawberries". If you just go with the flow and show no apprehension yourself it will go fine. When your child is older they will ask for more info and at that time you can choose to give it or not. I would not recommend giving full name and identifiers to a young child. They go through to many hormones and life changes before they are mature enough to handle that information. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

private	You will need to tell him in the future, because if he has a serious medical problem. They may need to know his family history, which is very important nowdays. And later, if he is not told, he may grow to hate you. So always tell him you love him, and with kisses and hugs. Read him a story every night when he is tucked into bed. So when the time comes. The good will out weigh the bad. I grew up an orphan, with no parents to speak of. Never an "I love you, a hug, or a birthday cake." And do your best for the childs sake. God Bless you all.<}:-}) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

jgf5822	wow....see, if you don't tell him now, and he finds out you knew all along, he might get pissed. this is tricky. he will likely feel very, very weird around him at tournaments. youshould tell him away from the tournament place. keep it separate. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

hopebrendenply	Yes Hope Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Carol W	Since you have already opened the can you may as well spill the beans. Keep in mind that many childhood memories start at around 5 or 6. Keep a very sympathetic and attentive ear open to his wants and needs. Watch for unusual or disruptive behavior as these are signs that you are stressing this child out beyond his capabilities to handle.Do only that which is absolutely necessary. I grew up knowing that I was adopted and that when I turned 18 I would meet my birth parents if that is what I and them wanted. It was just the facts. All turned out well, despite the fact that they are morons! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

qtbaby4u	You should tell him now and get it over with....if he finds out himself he may feel differnet...& its better for you to tell him at a young age then rather let him find out when hes older! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Ryan's mom	I take it his real father is not in the picture at all? Do tell him who his birth father is. I dated a guy that was VERY angry at his mom because she refused to tell him who is birth father was. It is hurtful, and they should have the choice when they are old enough to seek them out. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

cordeliabrainiac	Who is his birth father!? Your post makes it sound like he is notorious - in a bad way. If he's not a criminal...what's the big deal? Is he somebody your son sees everyday? That could cause complications. EDIT: If there's a possibility that they could see each other at tournaments etc you should tell him...before he finds out on his own or through some one else.....I work with a guy who ran into his "brother from another mother" in HS and it was quite a shock....that was 15 years ago and he says he carries it with him even now. The brother knew about his existence but my co-worker had no idea that he had two half bothers and a half sister running around town. It really shattered the trust he had in his parents. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lori A	How do you feel about your son knowing this man from the tournaments is his father? I think it could be a wonderful thing. They already have something in common why not let them have that to share? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Courtney S	I was adopted when i was nine by my dad, && i know who my real dad is. I was also told why he isnt around && what he has done. I love my adopted father more than anyone because he is the one that has been there for me almost my whole life! Nothing is going to change that, && me finding out who my real dad was didnt!! You should tell him or else he is gonna spend forever wondering. Try your best to answer every question he asks as honest as you can because that is what helped me! Good Luck!! It's gonna be fine TRUST ME! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

compnrd123	of course you should tell him. if you dont he is still going to ask questions. you will be sorry you didn't tell him sooner. but he might want to meet his dad it's totally up to u Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sam22254	Yes tell him you should have a couple of years ago. You need not to tell him all the details of what happened between you two. If you wait until he's older like alot of people think then this child is going to wonder what you and his other daddy are hiding. And look at the bright side he won't be brought up with secrets. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Gershom	You should speak with the childs biological father and perhaps have him involved in the sharing of who he is, in my opinion. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

LaurieDB	Yes, everyone has a right to his or her truth. I know there are those who say they have a "reason" to lie by omission. Well, everyone has a "reason" for everything they do. Having a "reason" doesn't make it right. Your son had no control over the circumstances that led to this, no matter what they are. But, he most certainly deserves the dignity of the truth. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Phoenix	I think the younger you tell him, the more normal it'll be. If you're calm about it, he'll accept it as another fact of life. By the time he's older, he wont have to go through the reunion stuff. I think be honest with him and tell him who his bio dad is. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

nanawnuts	As a CPS worker I can tell you what I have seen and experienced with other families. The children who are told the truth do a lot better than those who live with lies or "I'll tell you later's". A child depends on their parents telling them the truth, in turn they grow to be more honest as teenagers and young adults. It is like Santa Clause. As sad as it is, the day comes when a child looks at you and asks if Santa is real. Most families ask what the child thinks...let the child believe as long as he/she wants to.but something like we would like to believe so, but I have never really seen him works too! Whatever you decide, be honest. Children will come to you with the big stuff as well as the little stuff if you don't lie. This is important when it comes to talking about drug use, sex and smoking too! Best of luck dear! Nana Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lillie	The sooner you tell him, the easier it will be on EVERYONE. If he doesn't understand everything right now, that's okay; you can help explain things and he can figure it out as he gets older. But at least he knows, and it will never be a shocking surprise (and nobody will ever spring this on him in the future...it's much better that it comes from you and nobody else). Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Katt T	You should tell him.. Some kids get really messed up by the shock of it, but it seems like he's ready.. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No