Should i keep my baby or put it up for adoption?

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yeehaneeha	I'm 18 and gave my baby up for adoption, but I gave up my baby because I still have one more year of high school to go and I don't have an income and the baby's dad does not have a high paying job. Your situation is different, because you most likely have your diploma. I do have an open adoption and I have really liked it in my situation. I know she's safe, she'll know who I am, she'll know she's adopted from the beginning and I'll get to physically see her along with pictures and emails. You may want to just check out adoption and explore adoption and you can change your mind, and decide it's not what you want to do. I thought I was going to keep my baby up untill the end, and then I decided for adoption. My suggestion is keep your mind open, explore your options, do some research and then decide. This is a huge decision to make. A huge responsibility. Yeah it's been a tough road for me, but I do know my little girl is safe and I will know who she is and she will know who I am. I wish you the best of luck. I have grown up in a singel parent home and it's been tough. I just wanted to protect my litte girl. Not one thing is best for everyone. So explore both options. You can meet people looking to adopt and then decide not to. You can find out how much contact they would allow. So keep your mind open. Good luck and blessings to you! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

concerned	Please keep your child. Single parenting is hard, yes. But so is relinquishing for adoption--and personally, I think relinquishing is much, much harder than parenting. You CAN find a way. Accept state assistance if you need it, work extra hours, get family to help you. No matter what you do, your life will change. Period. Parenting brings tough moments, yes... but it brings a TON of joy, too. Adoption? Lots and lots of pain... little to no joy. Since your life is going to change anyway, pick the option that will bring you AND your son the most happiness--and that is the two of you staying together. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

chiliswoman	I'm helping a friend right now who is struggling because he kept his baby. He didn't want her to abort. So he is raising the baby alone. He is a bit older than you and he is having a very tough time. He still wants to have a life with his friends. He still wants to go to school. He still wants a career. But all of that is on hold while he takes care of his baby. I try to tell him all that can come later, but he is young and wants it now. So after 10 months he is thinking he must give her up for adoption. So many hearts will be broken- but the reality is - it is probably the best decision for all. Give your baby the best start you can. Let person/s who are ready in every way to love your child. You are already thinking you might not be able to. All the demands of a baby are twice what you imagine they will be - and it is 24/7 for almost as many years as you are old. Adoption is love. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Betty R	Your old enough to keep your baby if you want too. A lot of young girls have kept and raised their babies with no problems. Just because you will be single does not mean your child will grow up with problems. It how you raise them and if you love this baby you will do whatever it takes to keep and support him as best as you can. I don't advice adoption unless you are an unfit mother with health issues or mental problems...Kid as the grow will later resent being adopted or will look for you to ask you why???you gave them up they tend to grow feeling un-loved. If you decide to adopt you can choose the adopted parents. And you can request they keep in contact with you on how he is doing. But, if you ask me you might regret later if you give him up..... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

LisaHW	If you can't say, "There's no way I want to keep this baby," then you should not put him up for adoption. I, personally, don't think its fair to birth mother, baby, or adoptive parents to want to keep in touch and let your child have two sets of parents a time. Adoptive mothers aren't unpaid foster care until the child is 18. To me, open adoption is what people do when they really shouldn't give up their babies in the first place. There is such a thing as girls/women who absolutely know they don't want the baby in their life. That's who should place the baby for adoption. Many people can't raise their child in the way they wish they could. You just have to do your best and do what's right. Get some parenting classes or read up on child development and parenting. You're right - your mother's maternal instinct is to look out for you. You will have a maternal instinct to your baby. If you want to keep in contact with him that pretty much means you're not willing to separate from him. Adoption isn't supposed to be about who can afford the child more. Its supposed to be about whether his mother wants and love him. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

TaTa	Keep your baby. There's nothing else more precious in this world. If he give him away it would destroy you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Kelly L	Keep your baby; I too; thought my mother had my best interest at heart. She did not; me losing my son to adoption was her decision; not mine. Possum already linked my blog; so I won't link it again. Also; I saw another reply; that don't believe in the contracts in open adoption; they are right. Ask; people who believed their adoptions would be open; and the adoptive parents closed them without giving the mother/father a reason. I do have another daughter now; she is 10; she will never replace the loss of my first-born son. I miss him every day; and pray he is ok. I hope that he will one day; at least give me a friendship. But; there is help out there. E-mail me @ KellyDcash@aol.com; if you need to talk. Yes; I too; now have seen young mothers who are wonderful mothers!:) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

marcey m	I dont know why everyone keeps saying your so young your 19 an adult I had my first child when i was 18 granted i was married but thats not the point. I dont know much about adoptions but i wasnt raised by my parents either. I know that a there is alot of things you can do to keep your baby. You can go to college and get a good job you can get government help for childcare and even get your college paid for if college is what you want to do. If not you can still get a good job and care for your baby. But know matter how many ppl answer your question telling you to give him up or keep him in the end its your choice and no one is gonna have to live with it but you and your baby. What ever choice you make i wish you the best of luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

softballgurl>3	KEEP HIM GET A JOB DON T LISTEN TO YOUR MOM ITS YOUR BABY BUT SO TAKE ADVICE FROM YOUR MOM THOUGH Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

RenoGirl	You are of an age that affords you the ability to make informed decisions on your own. You don't need anyone else's consent, should you make the decision to parent.....but please remember that you are also making a decision for someone else, as well. You're making a decision for your child. It's the first of many, many, many important decisions you will make on his behalf, and will shape his entire life, and your own, in the process. The enormity of it is overwhelming, to be sure ---- but whatever the outcome, make the decision yourself. Don't let anyone pressure you. Listen to your heart and follow what it tells you. My prayers are with you and your child. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

De	Either choice is not an easy one. Single parents have it tough but they still make it. If you are determined then you will be fine. Don't forget the father has to give child support. Good luck Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Felicita1	remember, if you did surrender your child, there is NO guarantee that the people who adopt won't divorce. plus your baby already has a father, unless it was immaculate conception. ;) the two parents just happen to be living apart, which is not a disaster at all and both parents can still co-parent. Men often build a father-connection with their child post-birth. dont worry if he seems stand-off-ish pre-birth, because he might need face-to-face contact with his child in order to feel like a father. so, don't hesitate to ask for child support -- chances are that the father will support his child, especially if he gets in touch with fathering resouces and support that teach him how to play a fathering role in his child's life. the pain of adoption never ceases. you might live in the numbness of the first stage of grief for months or even years, but the pain/loss/grief grows after that and is overwhelming and agonizing. i would not wish it on my worst enemy. and truly, no-one around you would understand: people think we "get over it". Ask your mother if she truly wishes you to experience lifelong unresolved complicated grief, PTSD, severe depression, and possible secondary infertility. Becuase that is what the risk is. Is she trying to punish you with a life-sentence of pain? :( there are resources out there: even scholarships specifically for single parents. open adoption is no better than closed adoption. the pain is just as severe plus there is NO legal guarantee that the adoption will remain open. most of them close once the adopters get what they want. single parents can accomplish anything! despite the stereotype, poverty is NOT a given! good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

joddie	keep the baby, no matter how hard u try to support him/her the child would value and appreciate u in future. adoption is pain for the child when they old enough and try to find out whom their biological parent are. in most cases the child ends up with hatred for their mother especially. they have a sense of rejection from the mother Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

結縁 Heemei	Believe me, when you hold your child in your arm the first time, you will find a way Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

C B	Sit up straight. Fix your bra. Buckle your belt and be a good mother. You will hate yourself forever. Your mother just thinks she will be stuck with the kid. Tell her you can handle it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Elizabeth	You need to keep your baby. That is your job as his mother. Are you prepared for your child to grow up hating you? Because if you abandon him that is a distinct possibility. Since you have chosen not to abort (I assume it is too late) be responsible. Loving mothers do not abandon their children to strangers. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Damo	Your mother needs to stand right back. She also needs to be reminded that this is not her baby, it is yours, and you are the baby's mother, and you have the responsibility of making the decisions for his life and future. Dealing with a teen pregnancy is a difficult dilemma, so that is why it is most important that you decide what is best for both you and baby. Also bear in mind, that no matter what choice you make, others will critisize your decision. For instance: 'Your too young to keep the baby' 'you aborted, you murderer' and 'oh how could you adopt your own flesh and blood?' and so on. That is why it is important that you do what's true to your heart. Follow your heart no matter what others say. All the best xxx Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

jenn_smithson	Keep your child if that is what you really want. And, if you do decide on adoption, be very, VERY careful. Even if you and the adoptive parents agree on an open adoption, they can, and more than likely WILL, screw you in the end. See, when they take custody of YOUR child, they can do whatever they want: move, change his/her name, change their address or phone number, refuse your correspondence or calls, etc. Once the adoptive parents run off with YOUR child, legally they no longer have to tell you anything or have any further contact with you. This happened to my cousin and she was devestated. In fact, there is even a book out today that teaches prospective adoptive parents how to befriend a young Mother, win her trust, promise her anything, and then once they take the baby they can close the adoption by their behavior despite whatever they have originally agreed on. Be very, VERY careful and don't assume that this couple will hold up their end of the bargain. In the vast majority of cases, they don't. They use the Mother to get the baby and then they refuse to uphold their promises. And, since they now have YOUR child, there is no legal way for you to get him back. I would only suggest adoption if you KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that you would not want to see him again until he was a legal adult himself. I've never seen an adoption work out in a way that benefitted everyone. The adoptive parents receive their benefit always, the child sometimes receives a benefit (though you really don't know what type of life they will have because you know nothing about that couple), and the Mother never benefits in the legal kidnapping of her own child. If you have the support to keep him, do it. You won't regret keeping your son but you may regret allowing someone to legally kidnap him from you through an adoption. Best of luck! Peace, Jenn Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Julie R	Almost ALL parents think they won't be able to support their children the way they want to. This is a really normal fear, do not let it affect the love you obviously have for your unborn child. Your child wants, needs, and is expecting YOU when he is born. He has imprinted on you already through your amniotic fluid, and is comforted by the sound of your voice, the rhythm of your breathing and heartbeat, and your scent. Imagine how traumatized he would be if he suddenly found himself without these things after the huge ordeal of entering the world of light and air. Open adoption - even truly open adoption - is not a guarantee and, even if honored, would still deprive your son of those comforting things that would give him a sense of trust and safety. Even being in the next room is depriving him if someone else is his primary caretaker. Please stop thinking about this. Your son can feel your thoughts about this and is in danger of feeling abandoned even now. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

kia	The most important thing is who will help you. Giving up your son will haunt you for the rest of your life. Every birthday will be a very sad day for you. If your family refuses to help you then it will be extremely hard because you are so young. No matter how much people say that adoption agencies are careful in how they choose who is fit to adopt children, they are very fallible. They look at how well the family can provide for the baby. But they often cannot see whether these adoptive parents are OK people. This is the hardest thing you will ever do in your whole life. If you can get help from family and friends, and you can get an education so that, in the future, you will be better able to provide for this little child, you should then follow your heart. Who knows what your boy can become if he is surrounded by a loving family. Would your mother advise you to give him up if the family who adopted him were going to get divorced in 5 years? And then the adoptive mother remarried someone who was not interested in this adoptive child and coerced her into sending him away to a boarding school? And this new second adoptive father did this because the two boys he brought into the new marriage didn't like the adoptive mother's son? This may sound very convoluted but it happened to someone I know and he, the boy, now a man, has never really gotten over it. So, the decision is a terrible one that should not be taken lightly. Try to talk to your mother about what she would do it she were in your position and you were the baby. That should help clarify her position. Obviously, your mother loves you and doesn't want your life to be ruined because you have had a baby at such a young age. But it is important that she listen to you and that you listen to her. And what about the father of this baby? Where is he in this? I hope you will choose what is the best thing for you and I hope that you will be a happy person. You sound so sensitive and caring. If there is a God, I hope he/she hears you and helps you. Love to you from a stranger who cares about you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sunny	Read every word Possum says, then read it again--go to the sites she suggests. THIS is your baby!!! Only you can raise it right! I wish I'd been raised by my mother instead of the 'two parent' home I was subjected to. But that was 1964. Impossible! Your mother will be telling you how wrong she was a year from your baby's birth. Please don't let your baby be raised by strangers. Good luck sweetie! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

grapesgum	Please start putting plans in place to keep your baby. If you want your baby and love your baby now, those maternal feelings will be a millions times stronger when you first lay eyes on that precious little person. After you hold your baby, it will nearly kill you to let him/her go to someone else. Open adoption is still adoption - it breaks the mother-child bond. Please tell your mother that you love your child and do not want this adoption. Your mother may be advising adoption because she thinks it is what you want and because she is concerned for your future. Be bluntly honest with your doubts. I have many friends who are awesome single parents. One had her son at 16 years old. She finished high school and then went on to get her engineering degree and has risen to the top of her profession. I have another friend whose mother threw her out of the house because she wanted to keep her baby. Her older sister helped her. She completed her degree on line and is now an admissions counselor at her university. I have other friends who did not complete school but worked their way to fine jobs. Yes, they pinch pennies but they have glowing gorgeous children. What is it that you want to provide your child that you feel is beyond your means in the future? Remember, you will not always be 19! Beyond the basic necessities, for the first years all they want is their mommie. Your youth is temporary. With some hard work, you can be on your feet and providing for your child as his needs become more expensive. This is not your mother's decision. It is yours. If she will not support you, then find someone who will help. There are programs out there if you ask for help. Your child needs you - not a load of junk at the store. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mary theodoridis	Imagine this scenario: You have the opportunity of having a baby, your very own baby. Now imagine you dont keep it and you spend the next 10 years educating yourself and finding the right man. Then imagine trying to get pregnant knowing in your head that it will happen straightaway because hey, you got preg so easily last time. Then imagine finding out he's STERILE. yes sterile. And you threw away your one and only chance at having a family. even if it's just you two. Whatever you do keep it. Hey i dont resent my tax dollars going to you if it means you wont suffer my heartache. be nice to the kid. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

bananna	I think you should keep him, by you'r mother telling you to give it up for adoption she is'nt trying to look out for you,she thinks shes saving you the embarrasment.Your young and she wants you to do something with your life but by you having a baby she dosent think that will be possible.If you want your child keep him, God put him in your life for a reason, because only YOU can love him the way he's supposed to be loved.You think by giving him up is helping him but it will hurt him later on in his life.Make the right decision and Keep him!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Isabel A	If you want your baby then by all means KEEP your baby. My natural mother relinquished me when she was eighteen and she regretted it for her entire life. She looked for me. She even posted ads in newspapers near my home town looking for me on my 21st birthday but I never saw them. I didn't find her until I was in my thirties. Can you imagine regretting a decision you made for over thirty years? "Open adoption" is a marketing ploy developed by agencies to encourage mothers to relinquish their children in the early 70's when it seemed that women were no longer relinquishing as much as they had before. What you do need to know is that open adoptions are not legally recognized in most states in the US. This means that the adoptive parents can close the adoption any time they want to for any reason. They can even move to another state or another country and there will be nothing you can do about it. Lastly, many have said that adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Please, really think hard about this. Adoption is forever. There are many, many resources available to you that will help you to parent your child if that is what you really want to do. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tmt0568	Please be careful on thinking that the adoptive parents have to do anything. Often, these contracts either are not enforceable or are expensive to do so. The adoptive parent scan also move and you don't know where they went. So, if you do go through with adoption, please be careful and get the advice of a lawyer in your state. You want to know what your rights are and how difficult they are to enforce. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

CrazyTrain	Absolutely! You obviously want to. And yes...you are 19....but that does not mean you aren't old enough to take care of a baby. Depending on what state you live in, there is plenty of help out there for you...and don't be embarassed if you need help now. Just think this: Will you be able to move on, if you give this baby up? If in 2 years...you are more grounded and stable etc...will you look back and say "Why couldn't I have just given this a chance with trying to raise my baby...cause I am perfectly able to now and it's only been 2 years....?" You said..."I want to keep him...." Then you do what you need to do to keep your son" You don't need the most expensive name brand clothes etc..... You will find a way if you want your son to be with you!! If you feel that you truly can't and this would be the best.....then you find him a loving family....but from reading your question I can tell that you want this baby and You Can Do it!!! Good Luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

dreuxluver4alwayz	personally; i think that you should keep him your 19 which means you can get a job to support both you and him. your his mother as long as you love him everything should come out fine. imagine if you give him to someone and they abuse him mentally, physically, or sexually. I think he would be a happy child as long as he had a mother who loves him. At least your contemplating keeping him, most people our age just have abortions or give their babies up like it doesn't even matter. At least attempt on keeping him, try to find a good job; ask your mom and friends for help just to get you on your feet. Plenty people would be proud of you and willing to help. and there's always government funds. wick, wellfare, section 8. you and your baby should be fine. keep us posted. and for all you ppl talking about she needs a stable family;; do you know how many ppl have stable families and the mom or dad abuses the kid. Or their druggies, or don't give a crap about the kid. their is no such thing as a stable family. keep your baby sweetie. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Gershom	keep him, i can read in your post that you want to. If theres a will theres a way. Babies don't care about designer clothing or about any material things. You can do it and you can do it even better with the support of your mother. Ask her if she could give her mother away? or you for that matter. If you want to keep your baby do so!! yes you can DO IT!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Peace Yo	In your post you state that you want to raise this child and that you love the child. Keep that child and raise him or her. You already know what you want to do now you need to focus on securing resources so you can parent. If you are already clear in how YOU feel, that you love and want to raise this child, then that is what you should do. If your mother is pressing you to relinquish this child then I encourage you to limit communication with her at this time. The last thing you need right now is someone telling you what to do with YOUR child when it counters what you want to do. Mom's heart if probably in the right place, ...she probably wants what she thinks is best for you, college education, nice job, house before baby,... but that is not what YOU want for YOU. Relinquishment is difficult even when a woman has no regrets. I can't imagine you ever getting on with your life if you have very clear feelings during pregnancy of parenting this child. You can do it. Children don't need the best of everything to be happy well and well adjusted. Parents don't need to provide the best of everything to provide a good life. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Possum	KEEP - PLEASE KEEP. You CAN do this - and I know you want to. No amount of money will make his life better - if you are not there. Some reading I suggest - First parent blogs - http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index.php?topic=2804.0 Especially don't miss - http://paragraphein.wordpress.com/ http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/ http://keepingbabieswithmommy.blogspot.com/ Also - if you need help keeping your child - http://originsusa.memberlodge.org/ You can do this. I was adopted - and my adoptive father died when I was almost 1. I was essentially raised by a single mother. Yeah - it worked out fine - and I love my adoptive family dearly - but in a way - it was just all wrong. My first mother went on to marry my father 6 months after my birth - they have had 3 more children. I missed out on growing up in the family I was meant to. My grandmother pressured my mother into relinquishing me. Stand strong for your child. Adoption is a long term fix to a short term problem. Please keep!! All my very best wishes to you and your bub. Poss. xxx Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No