Should i bother?

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Hawi	it is a good idea to talk with your adopted parents.... my aunt had a kid when she was verry young gave him up for adoption went on finished school, got married had 4 kids and now 3 of those kids have kids and it was verry exciting for everyone to see and meet each other! they send him gifts on his birthday now... i mean im shur your bio parents really loved you, and probibly thought about you everyday and wonderd how you were if your ok and happy... what you look like now as a woman, what you have become. i know when my aunt had her first son she was not like oh God hes not good enough lets give this one up...no she was like im 14 years old i cant even support myself.....i dont know how to be a good mom..... you could even thank her for giving you up for adoption, you have great parents, your happy, and its ok to be curious about where you came from......you could tell your parents that they wont loose you, to your bio parents........you do deserve to know and you could find out about genetic issues, for when you have kids. like when both my sisters had babies they had to tell the dr. what runs in the family.....my brother died at the age of nine of a heart murmur type B i think.....and my husband dont have diabetes but alot of his family does and alot of his family aunts and uncles are having heart attacks.....so his mom had to go get her heart tested.......verry important things to know....not only for you but also for your childern (if you want kids) i wish you the best of luck....and i hope you make a good choice. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

ladybmw1218	It's natural to want to explore your biological connections, especially those with siblings. I think you should try to meet them. It really has nothing to do with your parents or having a good life. You love your parents, I am sure they love you, try talking with them about it and see if you can include them in the process...to support you if nothing else. If they think about things objectively they'll understand it's not about them. I am an adoptive mom and I fully support my son having relationships with his first family. More people to love and be loved by is a good thing in my book. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mimi	the question is if you dont get in contact will you be wondering 'what if' the rest of your life? and what if one dies before you get the chance to meet them. it must be such a hard decision. your adoptive parents have taken you in and loved and cared for you all this time, im sure theyll understand that your now curios about where you really cam from. talk to them, if they support you your decision may become a little easier to decide. they will love you no matter what Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

smashmouth3	mediated visitations with your bio parents with someone from the legal system to answer your questions.That way it can be regulated and all questions that need answers and asking can be done. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

chubbycheeks012003	If you are curious Then just explain that to your adopted Parents NOT That you want the love of your biological Some situations work out great others dont But sit down and talk to your parents about it Then you will have a better idea if you really want to contact them YES CURIOSITY KILLS THE CAT as the saying goes But you know in your heart what is best for you.....Good LUCK Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

me	Do what lets you sleep at night. Either way you want to talk to the parents who raised you. They may have the best insight, after all they know you best. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

vanpuj	once you are curious to know who they are and find out more about them,the curiosity will stay with you forever,what i suggest you do is talk to your parents and with their permission contact your bio parents,good luck Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

puzzle	my daughter is adopted, and i've always been open with her about it and always known that someday she will want to see her birth siblings. i know there is curiousity because my own father was adopted and we were always curious. it never made his parents less our grandparents just because we wondered. if you have a good relationship with your parents, they know that, and they might worry about you and hope no one disappoints you, but i'm sure they'll be supportive. as for the observation that your birth parents later married and had other children, remember, when you were born, for some reason, they were concerned loving parents and at the time they made what they felt would be the best choice for their child. they are caring and loving people and they gave you the wonderful family that raised you. no one can be loved by too many people. good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

candi k	this is the beginning of a journey for you, you will always want to know. get it over and done with now. its never easy giving up a child, yo cant be sure they did this with out agony, maybe your existence brought them together to have more children. find out the truth Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Katie	I would give yourself some time to think about it and discuss it with your parents. Discussing it with a counsellor may help too - you should think it through as there is really no 'right' or obvious answer. This website might help http://www.afteradoption.org.uk/ Good luck whatever you decide. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sophie	I understand your frustration with your birth-family. When someone is adopted out, we naturally think of the teenage unwed mother giving up her baby so she can grow up herself. The reality is, there are probably as many different scenarios that lead to adoption as there are adopted children. My adopted son had the same situation: His birth-mother had children she kept, before and after him. It was a complicated situation, but his life would have been very, very hard had she kept him. It's really unfortunate the agency didn't respect your request. It's now impossible to un-do what you know. So, now that you're feeling frustrated, confused and curious, I think you need to consider contacting them. You may simply want to ask the big questions of them before meeting them (what happened? Why was my situation different than my siblings?) Decide, after you receive the answer, whether you want to meet them. In any case, the worst you could do at this point is to let this incomplete information eat at you. You either have to let it go, forgive them and move on-- or find out more. Best of luck to you! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Bouvier	You're in a tough emotional position. Here's the deal. You will "always" have questions that you want answers to, until then, you will live vicariously through your fairy tale explanation to yourself of "what and why and when".....I understand that you may feel abandoned, and certainly why based on the recent info you received........HOWEVER........you have biological siblings........you may have some medical history that you are entitled to for the future, for your future children, that be absolutely critical. You have QUESTIONS, and you deserve answers. Even though things may not turn out like you want them to, (the answers), at least you will know, and be able to take those bricks off of your shoulders, once and for all. Start small, send a note, ask questions, then take it from there. Keep in mind, that even though they "gave you up", they may not have been emotionally, financially, prepared to raise you in the manner they thought you deserved (at that time in their lives).....also keep in mind your life thus far, relish in the victories, the love, and know that you are such a GIFT to your adoptive parents......YOU are ALL THEY EVER WANTED. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

jule200	When you adopt any child you are always aware that they will almost certainly want to see where they came from biologically. I suppose it must have been different back then but I think it's worth talking to your mam and dad, I'm sure they will be very understanding and supportive of any decision you come to. I can't imagine any adopted child not wanting to meet their siblings. It maybe that you'll miss out on a great relationship with them. Still finding common ground with 'strangers' will be hard work, you are your parents Son after all, you have their habits, mannerisms, etc. If you don't meet them, you may regret it when you are old and grey. Ultimately, this is your decision and it has to be one you're comfortable with. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lacey G	This same thing happened to me. It was very uncomfortable at first. My parents and siblings were very nervous about me meeting my bio family and I think they feared they might lose me. My birth parents and birth siblings were all very excited and anxious too. I was scared as hell. But I am so very happy that I did meet them. I allowed my family to be part of journey with me so that meeting my biofamily was really a part of their journey also. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Hershey kisses	I think that it is sweet and that it would change a persons life. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

jackie m	only you can decide but good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sandsofseychelles	As mom to two wonderful kids who happen to be adopted, I wonder why you think that curiousity about your birth family would hurt your parents. From my perspective, the more my children can learn and understand about themselves and their history, the better able they will be to incorporate all that makes them the wonderful people they are into happy and satisfying lives. What more could I want? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

baby doll	well ask ?'s that is how you learn Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

BPD Wife	My son is adopted, and we recently found out that he has a full blood sister in another state. I fully expect when he comes of age to want to find her. I will be 110% supportive in that search. Guess what I'm trying to say is that you should talk to your parents. They knew that someday this time might come and I'm sure they have prepared for it in their own way. Even if they haven't, to know that you are trusting them with your wishes rather than trying to do it behind their back will go a long way. Good luck to you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

SW1	I think you should probably see them to put your mind at rest. Im sure your parents will be supportive, theyll only want what makes you happy. If you dont see them youll probably regret it! Seeing them wont make you love your parents any less, after all, they gave you a good home and raised and love you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sandra G	I gave my only little girl up for adoption just a little over a year ago. The reason I did was because at that time in my life it was the best thing that I could do for her. I have three boys. Two were born before her and one after. I would never want her to think that I do not love her or want her when I do sooo much. At that time in my life, keeping her would have put her in danger. But before you judge your biological parents please think about the fact that, at that time in their life they may have not been able to keep you for a good reason and may think of you daily. Please don't hate them or be mad at them until you know why they did this and know how they actually may feel about you. They gave you a wonderful life with another family when they may not have been able to do so at the time. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sparkles	This is very difficult. I am sure if you are curious you will never be at rest until your get your questions ansered. I would talk to your adoptive parents about it. I am sure you won't hurt them, and I am sure that they knew this day would come. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tallgirl	This same thing happened to my boss. Her biological parents gave her up when they were very young and then went on to get married and have four more kids, all boys. She got in contact with them in her early 30's and has developed a relationship with all of them. She calls her real parents by their first names and her adoptive parents Mom and Dad. She is glad that she got to know them and her adoptive parents did not feel replaced because they still took priority in her life. Anyway every situation is different but this one turned out well for all parties involved so that's something for you to consider. Good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

rachael	there is nothing wrong with being curious. they are your roots for crying out loud. just because you wonder doesnt mean you had a bad life or bad parents. it is perfectly normal the agency has some nerve to go against your wishes and send you unwanted information, i would contact them and let them know of their screw up as for your birth family, life changes. they made the choice about you for a reason. think about it, has there never been a time in your life that things were really crazy and to bring in another person is almost cruel? they loved you enough to give you life and they loved you enough to give ypu A LIFE. hooray for them for working out the crap and making a good decision and being able to stick it out and find a place for themselves too. that is almost unheard of. i know you must feel hurt, but step back and look at the whole picture, they gave you a gift, a life they were unable to offer at that time in thier life, and you benefited from that. whatever you decide to do i wish you the best of luck, i met my birth family a few years ago and love having them in my life, she is NOT mom, but she is someone i love dearly and respect for the choice she made. it takes some real nerve to do what she did. i hope your experience is comforting, no matter what path you take Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Devin's mom	Your statement that they got married and had 2 more kids is a kick in the teeth, tells me that you are not completely comfortable with being adopted. Maybe now you feel that they didn't want you or didn't try hard enough to keep the family together. There are lots of reasons for our feelings when it comes to adoption. This doesn't mean that you do not love your family (the one that raised you). They are your family and will always be that. What the others are saying is probably true that many years from now you may regret not making some sort of connection with them. What you choose to do now can lay the ground work for when you are ready. Take a short amount of time to get you emotions under control as much as that is possible. Talk with your parents and join a online group of adoptees and birth parents. This will help you get a perspective from both sides. Once you have had time to digest what has happened, I would suggest you write a letter back to your birth family. Enclosing a picture is a nice gesture but your decision to make. Explain to them that your initial reaction was that you did not want to have any contact and that at this time you are still unsure of how you want to proceed. I would give them some background, generic stuff such as school you completed, sports or activities you are involved with and little info about your family, letting them know that you are happy with the way your life is right now. Also tell them that while this is where you are in your life right now, that things may change and you may want to contact them in the future and receiving the letter from them was quite a shock for you and your family. Regarding your parents, they knew there was a possibility that this day would come. It is up to you to reassure them that nothing can change your relationship with them but please be understanding of your curiosity of our past. Best of luck to you in whatever you decide. Remember they too made a very difficult choice 24 years ago but I'm sure one that they felt they had to make in everyone's best interest. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

buggerlugs	its more than natural to wonder where you came from- and i dont think youll be at rest till u do-they will never be the parents that loved and brought u up but they may become second blessing to you x Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

swelly belly	Hi hun, The way I see it, that curiosity wil always be there if you dont do anything........I was adopted at about 6 weeks, that was 25 years ago.......I found my bio mum and found out she married my bio dad too and did try for another baby after but it wasnt to be.........still, Ive learned that they did love me, but times were hard, he was 10 years older than her and she was 16 at the time of having me.........my adopted parents will always be MY parents, it takes more than giving birth to be a 'mum' and you shouldnt feel bad about it as its perfectly normal to want to know where you came from and why you are you.........I'd say go for it even if to settle any confusing feelings and you'll prob find that there was a very good reason for them giving you up - better life etc. Ill be honest, the way I felt when I found out (and I bet you may be the same) is that I was glad that I wasnt product of a drunk one night stand, and hey, at least you dont have to do seperate searching for your bio dad, everything is there in front of you. Good luck chick Xx Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

baby_girl	i am 14. nd i have been adopted since i was 3 months. i may not be as old as u but i believe that if u meet ur bio. parents and confront them that it would do u alot of good. i believe this because even though ur happy u don want to question these kind of things. if u ask questions u will not only learn about where they r coming from after they had 2 kids and they will understand how u feel. IT will give u closure and if u don wanna have a relationship wit them then itz cool but at least ur questions are answered. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

onerockinmamato2	Your biological parents made the best choice for you at that particular time in their life. My children are too young to understand right now, but when they are older if they have any questions about "why" their birthmother placed them, I will tell them that she couldn't provide for them financially or otherwise at that time in her life but she loved them very much regardless. Many birthparents go on to be successful and have more children, even together sometimes. That doesn't mean they loved the child they placed any less than they ones they decided to parent. I want my children's birthparents to have a great life and to succeed. They are working on getting their lives together in order to better take care of themselves. If they, or your biological parents, had decided to parent after an unplanned pregnancy, there is no telling what financial shape they would be in today. It's very difficult to get ahead when you're struggling to make ends meet in the first place. I think their reaching out to you with a letter and photos proves just how much they still love you and think about you, every day! If it were me, I would contact them and perhaps they can tell you everything I just did themselves. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tiny_lou1965	talk to your parents that loved and raised you... and see what they say. obviously they knew this day may come, and so should have been pre empting this response.. your biological parents may want to meet you, but if you dont want to go ahead with the meeting, then dont.. BUT.. it may answer a lot of questions, as well as raise a lot of new ones.. Good luck Hun x Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

jade t	It was very different 24 years ago, un married mothers were still frowned upon. You had a great life so don't think of it as a kick in the teeth. Think of how you will feel in 30 years time thinking that you wished you'd met your bio parents but now its too late. Your Adoptive parents are your real mum and dad and always will be but you should know who and where you came from. Good Luck with it! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No