Pregnant 13 year old-what can I do?

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slogirl	What a difficult situation. It will not be easy on the child having a parent so close in age. There has been a huge increase over the last 10 years of children being raised by grandparents. Even when the care is excellent and the love given freely, such children often find themselves envious of their peers being raised in a traditional home. The more people who love a child, the better; but you are most likely right in assuming that you will be doing the bulk of the parenting. Someone mentioned open adoption. Great idea. Also, I wonder if there are still homes for pregnant teens. Maybe if she got some counseling on what life would be like for both her and the baby, she'd realize that she's too young to be a parent. Every year makes a huge difference in the life of a teen. If she were 16 or 17, she might be able to pull it off; but not at 13. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

ToRi	Well this may sound harsh, but if you aren't gonna place the baby for adoption, you are gonna HAVE to take care of it somehow. At this point, the baby will be hard to raise, whether its you or your daughter whos doing it. As a mother, you should back up your daughters descision. For the sake of the child, at least try to raise the baby. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

nina never gets it	Man, who has sex at 13? I knew nothing about contraception then either... Well, you're right to want her to give up the child, although I disagree about abortion being a bad idea. But it's still her choice. So you need to sit her down and have a prolonged, CALM discussion about why it would be a bad idea to raise a baby. She seems really naive, so explain about high school and college, and what it would mean to have a baby during that time. Also tell her that you know you'll end up taking care of the baby a lot if she had it, and that that isn't fair. Tell her it's also unfair on the child to have to have a 13 year old mother and no father. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Scheisselos	I apologize early if you are offended by my answer If you are a religious family, and you follow the ideals of the Bible, WHY ARE YOU RAISING YOUR DAUGHTER IN SUCH A WAY THAT SHE WOULD LET HERSELF BONK???????? "But, ironically enough, she got pregnant at her friend's church's camping trip." Really? Congra-bloody-tulations, now isn't that just the dogs bollocks, Bob's your Uncle! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Just a Mom	I think it is heartless of you to try to make her give up her baby. I am not even going to say if I think that you can legally make her or not because I am just so mad that you would want to. You should have given her proper birth control, you know? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Tejas Rules	what a lousy parent you are. Poor child. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

chaluppa	WELL. So she got pregnant, so what. At what age did you start having sex . And did she do it voluntarily or was she coerced. And why didn't you talk to her about the birds and bees.? And why can't she raise her child. I was babysitting five kids by the time i was 11 years old and one of them was only five months old. If you are so set in not having children around tell her there are people like me who would love to have some children running around the house and she would be welcome to come along with the child. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Devorah	I don't believe you can force her to give the baby up, but if you pressure her enough and keep telling her how hard it will be to raise a baby at her age and how you aren't in the position to do it then she might agree to the adoption Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Bill.	Well it's her decision. If she wants to keep the baby, you need to let her. But make sure she knows how big of a responsibility it is to raise a child so young. Good luck. You're in my prayers. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sophie	Adoption would be a fine answer if she and the father wanted that as well. But she says she wants to keep her baby; your grandchild. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

yeahright	I feel horrible for you..and even worse for your daughter...and even worse yet again for the baby. First thing first....get preg test. Second, identify the father and let his family know...it isn't an option NOT TO DO THIS. 3rd...get a counselor, and talk to your pastor. This is also a family decision....13 is WAY younger than 16. Girls that age are just getting past barbies and that is a HUGE leap to babies. Most 13 year olds are just starting to be responsible enough to babysit infants for short periods of time. In some states, she can't even take a bus unsupervised to go to her own doctors appts. I think KUDOS for you for having the relationship with her that you do that she came to you so quickly and felt she could tell you. Everyone here can take a chill pill with their judgements. She knows her daughter....you don't. She knows her finances....you don't. I just looked into day care and it is now $320 a week in my state. Are you stepping up to pay for the care while she is in school, paying for clothes, food, and diapers? Seriously, have you seen the statistics of the likelihood of her being able to finish school and raise a baby to a successful adult at the age of 13? That being said, it is her choice legally--I would suggest getting social services help on the financial end and let her digest this info for the next several months. Than, if she decides to keep the baby...let her and see how she does. You are right--you have the choice of not raising another baby---and she has to step up and you have to be able to back off to truly let her be the adult she feels she can be. She needs to go to parenting classes during her preg. If she can't hack it and it won't be long before you both QUICKLY realize the answer to that question....the realities of what it really means to be a 13 YO mother will quickly sink in and she might change her own mind with out you forcing her. DON'T force her...she's adopted herself and the idea of what a real blood relative might truly mean to her is probably an extremely fragile thing to force anyone to make a decision about. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sky	I know you really want her to adopt but ultimatley it's not your choice. If she's really set on keeping this baby just let her know that she will have to be responsible for it and not ask you to do everything. You can't make a decision like this for your daughter and your job as a parent is to give her advise, but support her on whatever SHE decides on. Things may be financialy hard for you right now but i dont think that means forcing your daughter to give up her baby. The rest of her life shes going to regret giving it away and never seeing her child. Once the baby is here she will be 14 and I think it would be a good idea for her and the babies dad to both get part time jobs if money is an issue. you can work through this. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Ashbabe<3	im 18 i got pregnant at 16 of course my mom was furious! and was wanting the same thing.. but didn't want my bf at the time to come around me or see the baby.. well she had no choice he wanted to b in the picture as well.. my mom had no say so at all.. it was my child not hers.. my mom was scared that we wouldn make it or be able to care for the child, my mom was wonderful with me and my brothers.. i mean where could i go wrong? me and my husband did all we could to prepare for the baby, we read books took classes.. ne thing u could think of.. and i wouldn change it for the world.. me and my husband are the greatest parents ever well at least we think so. i believe we are raising her with alot of goals and happiness in her life and i hope she carrys these on through out her life i mean she is only 13mths but still she does alot of things at her age that's baby's should not be doing. but i wouldn change her for the world.. and ps.. me and my husband went to church and when they found out i was pregnant they wanted him to leave me for a few yrs and if he didn want to leave me i needed to abandon my child..so yea a jackass he is. I think ur daughter is going to be a wonderful parent. just support her, even tho ur upset about it now.. when u start gettin things for the baby and helping her prepare your love for the unborn child will b so strong and ull be glad that the baby is here. start giving ur daughter some responsibility's to prep for the baby.. like some classes.. the best book i read was " what to expect when ur expecting." if u cant find the book or just cant afford it i can send u all the baby books i have.. im not planning ne more kids atm.. but just let me know and good luck!!!!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

23 year old texas female married	Fine don't raise HER child. Let her get emancipated and move out. She can get a job if she is legally emancipated. She can apply for WIC so right there she can feed her baby, and oh by the way breast milk is FREE! She can apply for food stamps to buy groceries. And TA-NF for cash assistance to buy diapers and baby supplies. She can get section 8 housing so she has a place to live. And she can get Grants to finish her education and free childcare while she is attending school and working. What would you know about LOSING a CHILD to ADOPTION. All YOU know is what it feels like to GAIN a CHILD for ADOPTION. DON'T USE HER BODY TO GIVE ANOTHER COUPLE A BABY. You can't force her to have an abortion and you can't force her to give up her baby for adoption. Get over your morales and welcome to the 21st century. Single Mothers can be and are good mothers! EDIT: Not medicare that is for the elderly. It's Medicaid. And I wasn't bashing her. I made sure to list everything I could think of at the moment. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sarah	Perhaps you should both go to see a professional counsellor / your pastor about this situation. A third party might be able to help you both come to realisation about the situation in a better light and help you differentiate your emotions and rational reasoning and assist you both in coming to a constructive decision rather than tensions and disagreements. Your daughter is probably going through a lot emotionally as well as you. It's not easy. Legally you cannot force someone to give up their child. However, you're more than welcome to express your opinion on the situation. Think about the 'loss' process - Denial Bargaining Anger Despair Acceptance It will most likely apply when faced with such a situation. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Anha S	no, you can't make her give her baby up. I got pregnant at 17. It was against my amother's very strict and stiff moral and christian codes. She demanded I relinquish, after all, I was adopted and should know firsthand what a "gift" it was. I refused. Being adopted, the last thing I wanted to do was give up my only known flesh and blood to experience the things I had. She refused to support me in any way, and disowned me. She missed out on the first 3 years of her Granddaughters' life. That is something she will regret till the end of her life. Others have provided you with sound resources to help your daughter raise her baby. Life throws curve balls at you. It may not be fun, and it may not be what you want. If you try to force this on her one way or another, it may come to be one of your life's biggest regrets. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

chick4uphilly	well i know you can't make her give the baby up for a adoption but you could sure enough put enough pressure on her to make her want but, why would you want to do that. I new somebody who's mom made them have a abortion at 5 months and they wanted to keep the child, but the mom said she would kick them out if they did. I think you should let her choice and be supportive about her decsion but let her know about all the good things that can come out of her giving the baby up for adoption, but at the same time, if she keeps it, let her know that it's going to be a struggle juggling school and trying to hang out with friends, and tell her like you said your not going to be stuck raising a child, she did make a grown up decision so now she has to take on grown up responsibilities. good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

safa m	its her choose not urs.... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lori A	She's telling you no because she knows something you will never understand, she knows what it is like to BE adopted. All that you have given her is fine but it does not change or take away what she has lost or is missing, familia. She already knows the heart ache of adoption from one aspect, you now want her to feel the suffering from the other side? As a woman who willingly surrendered a child I can tell you that there is no greater pain. There are no words to describe the emptiness of the soul, or the feeling of empty arms. It is an ache that never ends, even after reunion. You need to sit down with your husband and decide just how screwed up you want your daughter to be, because you are proposing a double whammy, that no amount of therapy is going to fix. Be a christian, either help her for a few years till she can get out on her own, or find a friend who will. Don't make her make this decision, she already has attachment disorders. It is very possible she will resent you. Do you want to see her on anti-depressants for the rest of her life? Do you want the elephant in the room, because it will be there. I know your angry but is the final outcome going to be worth standing your ground and refusing her child? My son is expecting his first child right now too. After all I have been through surrendering my first child, this one is going no where. I'm not happy, i'm not excited about babysitting a new born while they both finish school, but I will do what I have to do to keep this child with his/her parents, because I understand. You do not understand the loss involved because you are the one who gained. There is deep loss, hurting emotional pain that can not be swept under any carpet no matter how much everyone ignores what happened. You never forget giving away a child. You never stop thinking about that child. You never quit wondering if that child is okay, loved, treated well, or still alive. I beg you not to go there, accept that this was meant to be and you were meant to be part of it. For the sake of your whole family who WILL be affected by this, do the Christian thing and keep your family together, the other children are watching and making mental notes. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Crucio	Emily I am sorry this happened but please don’t blame yourself your daughter made her own choice. (To have sex and with no protection) I agree that a 13 year old should not be a parent and adoption would probably be the best thing. However you can not force your daughter to place her baby for adoption, also whoever is the father would have a say in adoption as well. Since your daughter is adopted she probably sees this baby in a special light because unless you are in contact with her natural family this will be the first blood relative she knows. If your daughter wants to keep her baby I would make real clear to her that this is her baby and you are just the grandmother and that you (nor grandpa) will be live in sitters. It will not be you getting up at 1 am , 3 am 5am to feed the baby. Tell her that though you will help moneywise a little you wouldnt be footing the entire bill. Let her know of the big sacrifices that she is going to have to give up if she decides to keep and parent her baby. For one she is not going to have a typical teenager experience seeing that she will be a mother, not going out and partying on the weekends or going to the movies. Her social life will probably be very little seeing that most teenagers are not going to want to hang out with a baby/toddler. This means that if she is not at school or work the baby is going to be with her or the father. Since she can’t get a job to finically care for her baby she is going to have to exchange this for work around your home really step up and help out around the house. You need to contact the baby’s father as his family will also need to step up and help finically maybe the father is old enough to get some sort of job if that is the case then he needs get one pronto. Your daughter could also try doing some odd jobs around your neighborhood. You also can look into some aid programs that could help you all out. Having her start to take parenting classes and talking to other teen mothers You are Christian so I advised you to pray to the Father and ask him what his will is for this unborn child. Remember we are to do the Fathers will not our own will. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mudpie1598	It's very sad that you would put your daughter in this situation. It's never a good idea to separate a child and her mother. NEVER! If she wants to keep it you have to, as a good parent, support her decision. How dare you think that you can simply make it only your decision? You are there as "support" for your young daughter not to completely make her decisions. Just because she's also adopted it doesn't justify your decision on this. I'm sure that she wants to know who her "real" mother is. How do you have the heart to give a child away that is also of your own flesh and blood? Help your daughter out. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

grapesgum	You have two options: 1) You can help your daughter by supporting her decision or 2) You can abandon her (not legally, but I think you get my drift). You cannot force her to have her child adopted. I understand that you are still reeling over this news. Her pregnancy does not mean that you are not doing a good job with your daughter nor does it mean that she is a bad person. It is just mother nature rubbing our noses in our human frailty. Please sit down with your daughter and listen to what she is telling you about her feelings for HER child, your grandchild. Just because she is so young does not mean that she cannot have deep feelings for her baby and want to love and care for him/her for the rest of her life. Also, ask what she knows about parenting. Get her reading - today. Is there another family member who is able to help your daughter? Some people LOVE having a baby in the house and don't give a hoot about the circumstances of his/her birth. Is there a cousin, aunt/uncle who feels this way? What about the father's family? The father has rights and responsibilities too. Often in these situations, the two families partner together to keep their families intact. I also suggest that you both read this pamphlet written by a natural mother who gave her baby away and regretted it. It gives some good sound advice that is realistic. "What you should KNOW if you're considering adoption for your baby" http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index.php?id=1 I also suggest that you read this article about grandparents: http://www.exiledmothers.com/speaking_out/message_for_grandparents.html I send prayers and hopes for you and your daughter. She is probably scared to death and needs your reassurance that she will be okay. P.S. Thank you, Erin. You have a beautiful soul. ETA - If your daughter and her child are living with you, your grandchild will likely qualify to be carried on your medical insurance. You may need to sign a kinship care agreement. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

OneCrazyMommy	I understand your point, but you can't make that decision for her. Perhaps over the duration of the pregnancy she will come to terms that she cannot take care of a baby and make the right decision to put the baby up for adoption. Let her know that there is such thing as an open adoption. That way she can still be involved in her baby's life, but not have the responsibilities that come along with a child. Start taking her to parenting classes so she understands how much work being a mommy can be. Find a teen mom group and bring her there to let her see how difficult it will be to raise a child on her own. If she decides to keep the child, tell her she needs to be emancipated. The age is different state to state. She will realize real quickly how difficult it will be. Who knows, she might suprise you and be a great self sufficent mother. Good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

CP	the best thing you could do is support her n sit down n talk w/ her bout her options. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Erin L	I understand this is very difficult for you. You don't have the legal right to "make her give her baby up for adoption". However, you can make it damn hard for her to do anything else. Would it really be the "Christian" thing to do to force your daughter to live a life of grief when this baby has family who CAN take care of it? Yes, of course your daughter will need help for a few years. I think it's your job and your responsibility to help her. You don't have to take a second job or live a life in poverty, and what's BEST for this baby is to be with his or her mother if possible. Please help make that possible. Help your daughter find resourses. There are resourses for food and childcare. There are second hand clothing shops where clothes are super-cheap and most are name brand and some still even have the tags on them. Take some time and cool off. It's only been a couple of days since you were faced with this news. Let yourself really think about what loosing this baby would mean to your daughter, to you, to this baby, to your relationship with your daughter forever. Do the right thing and BE supportive. You say you are and in the same sentence state your refusal to help your daughter take responsibility and raise this child. That's not the support your daughter needs. ETA: Hey people, lets give this woman some resourses to give her some hope instead of just blasting her. WIC medicare I know there are lots of others. Please jump in and share them. ETA: oops meant medicaid 23 yr. old . . . wasn't especially talking about you . . . thanks for listing resourses. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Philippa	Please think about this as this isn't just about you nor do you know the pain of surrendering a child, you only know the joy of adopting. I do think you are being a bit selfish and thinking about what you want and not what your daughter wants. She made a mistake which she has to live with but can you honestly say you never have. You need to listen to your daughter and find out what SHE wants or she could end up resenting you, possibly hating your, for the rest of her life. Remember she knows what it's like to be adopted and she may not want this for her unborn child. If she wants to have an abortion or raise her child that should be her decision not yours. Try to be supportive. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mum of 3 Teens	From one Mother to another my heart goes out to you & your Daughter I just researched "Wiki Answers" for you & asked "Can a Parent make her 13 yr old Daughter give her Baby up for Adoption" & I'm sorry to say this but the short Answer is No! If your Daughter refuses to sign the papers there's nothing you can do to make her! But in this type of situation I would contact every available organisation that you can make sure that this is indeed correct I also don't know exactly what the US Laws are with regards to Underage Sex but I'm sure you would have Options there as well Maybe you could start with a Family Planning Organisation & they will advise you of your rights & options I only hope that while your Daughter is "in Love" with idea of Motherhood she wakes up to herself real soon & realises that Motherhood is for life! Take Care & Good Luck Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

lost	She will only grow to resent you if you force her to give away her child. When she's 18 she'll be done with you forever. Don't do this to her. Tell her that she can raise her child, but it's her job and she must do it with minimal help. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Cynthia	Oh for goodness sake, help her raise your grandchild! So things will be tough, what better reason could they be tough for? You say you're 'done' raising kids, well just wait until that baby is born. Then look him or her in the eye and tell them you are sending them away, refusing to let them be a part of your family because you're 'done' with children. You and your husband both work right? There is a loving, 2 parent home, yes? Then that's all that baby needs! Stop thinking like an irate mother and start supporting your daughter, and getting ready to do this together! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

SJM	Spend ten minutes and ten dollars to find out if she's even pregnant. Go to the grocery store. You can know tonight. IF the stick turns pink, her desire to keep her child may have nothing to do with hormones or teenage angst. It is her flesh and blood. If she's adopted, it may be her only flesh and blood. That will still be important to her when she's 93. You can't give her baby up for adoption. You can do all kinds of crappy things to her, but you can't do that. If you're a Christian, why would you want to do that? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Penny P	You should consult a lawyer to figure out what your options are. I cannot imagine how a 13 year old CHILD could raise a baby. And you are right, it would really be you and your husband doing most of the work. In addition to this, your child needs the chance to grow up and be a teenager and do all the things that go along with that. It won't happen if she's got a baby on her hip. She will learn to resent the child for keeping her from hanging out with friends, going on dates, to prom, cheerleading, football games etc etc. This is truly a sad situation. Perhaps she would agree to an open adoption where she could see the child regularly. Do you know anyone she could talk to who has raised a child as a teen? So she can see just how hard it is first hand? I don't think you should feel guilty for pushing adoption in this case. No 13 year old child is ready for motherhood. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No