Parents? pusshing adoption.. what should i do?

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momof3	If you really want to make a good life for your baby then do the right thing and look into a private adoption. Choose the family carefully and then let your baby have the life he or she should have while you finish your childhood and wait to start your family until you are really ready. The right thing isn't always easy, if it was then everyone would always do the right thing.Often the right thing is the hardest thing in the world and often the hardest thing you will ever have to do BUT it is still right. Keeping a baby just because you have it and it would hurt to give it up is not the right reason to keep it. Sometimes you have to grow up and learn to think about what is best for that baby not just for you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

frogsranch	Now that my husband and I are in the throws of exhaustion with 5 planned and loved children, the best support I can lean on when my life gets hard is that "my parents are still married and they stuck it out for me and kept their marriage together to raise me, so if they can do it I can". Nobody marries for life and for Children to have a stable life anymore! We are looking to adopt a last addition to our Christian family ( huge extended, original parent families) and 2 parents to raise a child, her entire life, does make a difference and does matter! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Miss. Mommy to Be	You need to ask yourself Are you ready? your life will never be the same. I'm 20 and pregnant I've decided to keep it. I'm not ready. I still wonder about adoption because there is no way I am going to be able to give this kid a half way decent life. You are 17 think about that baby and what you can do for it. It is your choice, but if you go against your parents wishes are you prepared to do this COMPLETLY on your own? Good Luck :D Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Happy mommy	First off can you financially support this child or are you expecting your parents to do that for you? If you want to keep this baby then you need to think about things like that and how you would finish school and give that baby the best life possible wanting it is just not enough you need to have a plan and i think your parents know that you don't so want to see this baby get the best life possible through adoption. However if you are set and determined to keep it then you will find a way to make that happen so just try not to stress out and think about if keeping it is the best life for it or is letting someone else take it going to be better for the child in the long run. Good Luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

durdenslabs	If you haven't finished school, can't afford a place of your own by yourself, and don't have a job it doesn't look like you'll be able to keep your child. You are still considered a minor in most states and wouldn't be allowed to keep the baby without your parents consent. Since your parents are pushing for adoption it's probably your best course of action. I mean, you got pregnant at a young age and the father of your child isn't interested. Bad decisions all around. Perhaps you could enter into an open adoption where you'll get to keep in contact with your child but he/she will be parented by another couple that can care for him/her. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Amy G	I'm sorry that you are having so much stress with your pregnancy and with your parents. This is a HUGE decision and you definitely have to do what is best for you and the baby. Being a single mom at the age of 17/18 will be a constant challenge. It is possible, but it will be VERY difficult. You and your baby will struggle if you don't have a lot of support, mainly support from your family. My husband and I adopted a baby in September. It was the most amazing thing that could have ever happened to us. Our son's birth mother was 20 years old and knew that she couldn't give her son the best life. She's an amazing person and is very strong, but felt like adoption was the best plan for her and her son. She got to choose us, we met her, and we keep in contact with her, sending her pictures of "our" son (hers and ours) along with letters of how he is doing. Adoption may not be the easiest answer, but it could be the best thing for you and your baby. Your baby would have a stable life with a loving family and you could watch him or her grow up, and possibly even have a relationship with him or her - that's called an open adoption. I know that you don't want to give into your parent's wishes, but if this becomes your dream for your baby, then it could be an amazing adventure!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

✿~☆blah☆~✿	adoption seems better at your age. Your still in HIGHSCHOOL. you dont have a job or money. When you have the baby you wont be able to work so you wont have an income. You wont be able to buy your babies necessities. Your parents dotn want you to ruin your life and probably cant afford to help you raise a baby at the point in time. Best life for your baby would be adoption! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Cavs_Fan23	It sounds as of now you are too insecure to be a mother since you still have to turn to your parents on every decision you make an you are almost an adult. If your parents are pushing and trying to shove their decisions on you they may be too controlling, and all through your life you've always let them tell you exactly what to do. What you need to do is tell them you are going to keep the baby and they need to back off. If they kick you out of the house you need to get an apartment with state financial support, and get a job and find someone willing to watch your child while you are at work. I think what may work out is if you work at a place with other single parents, find one who works a different shift and take turns babysitting, that way it won't cost you anything. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Possum	Interesting that all those that are telling you to give your child away are mostly adoptive parents - or those desperate for your child. Pfft. Keep you baby - it will be the best decisions you ever make. I've missed my mother every day of my 39 years - and she's never gotten over being forced by her mother to give me away. Where there's a will there's a way. I wish you and your baby all the good life has to offer. http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

NiK0L3 020107<3	get a job. save up every penny (unless buying things for the baby) look into insurance for young parents & WIC so they you can get free formula and basic foods when the baby is a toddler. then show you mom how responsible you are being & maybe she will calm down some. im sure one that baby is ready to come out your family will deffinetly be there for you. it is normal for parents to act out like this when finding out their kid is pregnant. but it all subsides when they see the baby for the first time. i wish the best of luck to you & im happy that you are taking action Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

allchildrenareangels	If you want to keep your baby then keep it. They can't make you put your baby up for adoption. You are an adult well legally at least. Anyway just tell them no your not signing and that you hope they except your little one. Tell them you really want them to be excited to and help you get everything together. You know like looking at baby clothes and all. Good luck I hope that they come around. Just remember they can't make you sign anything. Love, MIchelle Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

kayla's mama	one of my friends went through the same thing. i feel for you. she was sent away to give up the baby, her younger siblings didn't even know she was prego. she was the same age as you. she kept the baby after he was born but her family wouldn't let her come back and wouldn't help her at all. im pretty sure my fam was the only ones to help. last month she gave him up to an amazing family. not a day goes by that she doesn't break down and cry. honestly the hardest decision of her life. no one can make you give up your baby. that is up to you. but it will be hard if no one will be there to help you. tell your parents you need time to think and would appreciate if they would respect your decision and that you don't want to talk about it for awhile Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

GEE-GEE	You have another 6-7 months to make up your mind about whether you want to keep the baby or give it up for adoption. Take this time to enjoy your pregnancy and really research your options. Don't let anyone push you into doing something you don't want. You will be 18 soon and i would hate for you to regret anything you do just because someone else does not agree with you. Its your life. Even if your parents get upset now, its better than you regretting the rest of your life. So take it easy and wait it out. You will figure it out. Follow your heart. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mom to be	Do you have an Aunt or a family member that you can stay with until you finish school? If you want to raise your child then do it. I would also have a DNA test done so the father will have to pay child support. Good Luck, be strong. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Zuko	You know, if this weren't so serious, I would actually be laughing hysterically at some of the answers to this one. First of all, your parents CANNOT give your child away FOR you. ONLY the pregnant mother of that child can relinquish that child. Second of all, no single mother who does her research has to do it ALL ALONE. There are so many programs out there to help... so many support groups, assistance programs, my God, it makes my head spin. If you keep your child, you will not be alone. Keeping your child does not automatically mean you're going to spend the rest of your life at macdonalds or living out of a cardboard box, and it doesn't mean that from here on out, your life is going to suck. What it MEANS is that your life is going to CHANGE. Is it easy? No. But if you want to keep your child, you CAN. Don't let anyone talk you into doing something you don't want to do. Make your decision for yourself. ALSO.... please please PLEASE do NOT respond to any messages or e-mails you get from people on here who want your baby. It's a form of coercion. Remember that you DON'T know who these people are. Remember that if they're stooping so low as to try and buy babies on Y!A, there's probably a very good reason why they can't obtain a child legally. These are not the kinds of people you would ever want to give your child to, if you did decide to relinquish. Hun... I do wish you good luck. Research all of your options. Do what YOU want to do. Don't let anyone tell you what you 'should' or 'should not' do until you've made your decision for yourself. There is no right answer here, except what YOU feel is right... so make sure you educate yourself on all of the options. Again, good luck and best wishes. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Isabel A	Geez, can you see the vultures circling, here? How gross. She's saying she wants to keep her baby people! Sister, you don't owe anyone your baby no matter how infertile they are. That's their problem and your child isn't going to solve their infertility. If you want to keep him, you keep him. Find help, find support. your church, other family members, state support. You are probably eligible for financial assistance. Don't be ashamed of looking into it. That's what it's there for! Get help from people who really want to support you, not take your kid and run. And whatever you do, don't give your baby to some vulture trolling for a kid on Yahoo! Answers. How tacky! Good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Yarr	They can't make you give it up for adoption or abort it. But they probably are pushing those options because they think you can't handle it or because they don't want you to burden your future (its a lot easier to go to college without having to take care of children). If you don't have a job, get one. File for emancipation (meaning your parents are no long in charge of you and cannot control what you do) and then go get an apartment. Problem solved. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lori A	Have your parents thought about how they are going to feel about the rest of your children? Will they like them better if you are married when you have the next one? Will they accept your next child if you are an older age? Are they too young to be grandparents? Just what is it that is upsetting them to the point of making a child grow up without their parent, their mother? Are either of your parents adopted? Do they know anything about attachment disorders, abandonment issues, trust problems that some adoptees have? Do they want to be the cause of these possible problems by insisting on adoption? Do they know that adoptees records are sealed depending on where you live? That opened adoptions are not legally binding? That medical information IS NOT passed on, even when an agency says it will be? That adoptee's forms filled out at the doctors office takes about 30 seconds because all they can fill in is "DO NOT KNOW" . That rare hereditary conditions have almost killed adoptees because of sealed records? That most women who surrender, never fully recover from the loss of their child? That loosing a child to adoption is not the same as loosing a child who dies because there is no closure for those who surrender. That a lot of surrendering mothers end up on anti depressants? Ask them if they want to be responsible for all this, because over 90% of adoptee's want to have contact upon turning legal age and do often find their first families, even without their original birth certificate and ancestry information. Ask them if they are ready to take responsibility for this child being cast out of the family, because there is a really good chance that they will live another 18 years, and you are not going to take the blame for something they wanted more than the disgrace of a pregnant teen age daughter. There is no reason why you can't have a child and finish school. It wont be easy, but then again neither is this situation your in right now. You are being forced to choose one family member over another. You should think long and hard about your relationship with anyone who would put you in that position. Do you even want any of your children around someone who can be so cold. What guarantee do you have that your parents will ever accept any of your children? What is the determining factor in which children will be accepted and which will not? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

clairebear3737	I got pregnant at 17 a week before i turned 18. I was also given up for adoption at 10 weeks old. I kept my child even though adoption and abortion were suggested. He is amazing for awhile I worked went to school and raised him all full time it was serious work but God I felt alive and he was my best friend through it all my reason to make it happen. Adoption lets just say i know from my own experience it wasn't for me it seriously effects the child all though i would choose adoption over abortion any day. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mom2-3boys	Your parents aren't the ones who need to decide. YOU are THIS baby's parent. You need to start making the decisions that are best for YOUR baby. It sounds like you want to be your child's mother. Good for you! You can find ways to make it work. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything. This is a good time to start thinking like the Mama you are =-) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Independ"ant"	Your situation isn't unique.....unfortunately its actually quite common in teen pregnancies. You are 17 and can leave....they know this. Try to block them out when they can't control their mouths. Let them know you understand what they are saying but you don't need to nor want to hear it especially during your pregnancy. All you want is their unconditional support. Tell your parents you are not giving your baby to strangers(their grandchild)...it will be difficult for a few years but you will handle it with or without their support. There are many resources available to help you and you have months to get things set up. Let go of the fear. http://www.katherinearnoldi.com/collegeguide1.html I'm sure others on here will post other resources for you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Snickette	If you want to keep your baby then you should put your foot down and tell everyone involved that you will not be placing for adoption and that is that. Then begin exploring all your legal options and resources available to you and your child, including engaging the babies father in assisting to support his child, which he must legally do. Good luck to you and I hope you are blessed with a beutiful baby. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

chelseabrooke	I'm in the exact same situation as you, I'm 19 and my mother was trying to talk me into abortion at first and now she wants me to give it up for adoption, do whats in your heart, its a life changing and irriversable thing to give your baby up, my mom tells me day after day how exspensive it is and how it will be impossible for me to do it, but i remind her and you that there are many places..such a wic..families first and so on that support you while keeping your baby. if you want this baby you should keep it. i def. am keeping mine. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

grapesgum	Ignore advice from ignorant people here who advise you to give your precious baby away. Trust me - they have never lost a child to adoption and have no idea about the lasting trauma that it causes to mothers and their children. Please ask your parents to read the following two articles that were written by mothers who were pressured to give up their babies and regretted it their entire lives. They offer sound advice based on hard earned experience and life-long grief: "What you should KNOW if you're considering adoption for your baby" http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index.php?id=1 "A Special Message for Baby's Grandparents" http://www.exiledmothers.com/speaking_out/message_for_grandparents.html Do not give in to the happy-clappy myths of adoption. Do not believe the negative myths about single parenting. They are lies to get you to give your baby away so adoption agencies can make big profits. Show your mom and step-dad that you are ready to be a parent by showing responsible behavior NOW. You can do it. ETA - Do not fall for the open adoption scam. You still lose your child and experience all of the same grief and pain. MOST open adoptions are closed as soon as the adoptive parents can think of a reason to cut you off. My daughter's best friend lost her baby to open adoption lies. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

bash	You tell them that you want to raise your child....simple as that. Be prepared for ultimatums and demands, as they will likely come. It maybe difficult, I am sure they will tell you about every single horror story they've ever heard, but there are many more positive stories of you, single mothers. If they are allowing you to stay with them, great....make a solid plan for your future and how you will care for you and your baby. If they are threatening to kick you out, they will likely change their mind when the baby is here. If not, as a single mother without any additional income, you will likely qualify for all sorts of assistance. You will need to contact the father and set up child support--to help you care for the baby. This is YOUR decision to make, not your parents. BUT, you need to be an adult about it and make adult decisions. Just saying you want your baby won't be enough for your parents....so make sure you are behaving responsibly and making long term plans and goals for you and your child. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

jessica300	Please keep in mind that separating a mother and baby at birth is cruel and causes many psychological problems down the road for both you and your son or daughter. Your son or daughter is already bonding with you in utero. At birth, oxytocin, a natural hormone is released into your system that helps you further bond with your child. Google oxytocin, learn what it is to BE a mother before you let go of your RIGHT to be your son or daughter's mother. You deserve to be informed of motherhood and your options of state and federal programs available to you that will help you meet those basic needs. Please do not believe the lies that adoption agencies and their workers will tell you. Do not believe that you can hand over your child to strangers and that your baby will not know the difference. Do not believe that you are not capable of providing a stable home for your child. Do not believe that your child will be better off having lots of "stuff" rather than your love. Do not believe that your child will forget you or that you will forget your child - it just doesn't happen that way. Believe in yourself. I tell you this from personal experience of losing my son, my only child to adoption because I did not believe in myself. Losing my son has damaged my life in so many ways and has cause much grief to both him and me. Adoption is NOT the answer. Here are some links that might help you think through this decision: http://motherhelp.info/keepingyourchild.htm#hotline http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/wish.html http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf http://www.girl-mom.com/ http://www.birthmothers.info/index.html Also know that your birthing expenses may be covered by Medicare. You do NOT need someone else to cover these expenses, thus making you feel that you "owe" these people your child in exchange. http://www.cms.hhs.gov/home/medicaid.asp Be informed of aid available to people within your family who might adopt: http://www.aarp.org/families/grandparents/raising_grandchild/public_benefits_programs_can_help_grandparents.html In other words get busy and set your mind to making a plan to parent your child rather than sitting by and watching things unfold without a plan. This is a time to take charge of your life. You can do things much better than I did. I believed the adoption worker that I was worthless and had nothing to offer my son. I did not know what my alternatives were. Please do not be as ignorant as I was. Do what you need to do for you and your child. It will make you a better person. Or you can join forums like the ones that I belong to with hundreds of women mourning the loss of their children after 20/30/40/50/60 years. You never get over the loss of a child that you brought into this world. Just my humble opinion. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Minnimouse	I recently studied a degree with a young single mom. She is an excellent mother and has great qualifications and she still lives a happy social life. Her daughter is very happy and adjusted. I would actually distance yourself, go away for a weekend to somewhere quiet and peaceful, somewhere near nature. Take time to think about what YOU want, how you can provide for yourself and so on. There are schools out there for teenage or young parents to gain university entrance where the child is looked after at a daycare and you visit frequently during the day to breast feed and bond with the child. There are lots of options. Depending where you live there may also be support packages for single parents. I studied a degree in early childhood education and a recent study showed that as long as a child is given love, affection, shelter, food, health care when needed and emotional support and assistance it DOES NOT MATTER. Children of single parents if they have all of the above are just as likely to be happy, stable and successful than those with two parents. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

DevonChaos	This is your life. You need to do what you want to do here. This baby is YOURS. I was in the same situation with my first daughter. My mother wanted me to abort, then put the baby up for adoption. I did neither. She is now almost 10 years old, and I don't regret it a single second. She is my baby. You do what you need to do to keep this child if that is what you want. There are resources out there to help you find a place to live and to help you get on your feet. Don't feel bad about asking for help, that's what its there for. I've been through it, and while its not always easy, you can do it. Your baby needs YOU. ETA: Just because you are young and fertile, it doesn't mean that you owe this baby to anyone. Don't listen to these people who tell you that you are a breeder or unworthy of motherhood. You are what the baby needs. Not someone who is disrespectful to you, but wants your baby. ETA: PurpleSakura... Oh my word. I'd hardly call this girl out on her errors after reading your post. She has the right to her own child. You need to back down. She doesn't owe this baby to ANYONE ttc. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

kateiskate	Don’t listen to the people here who will tell you you can’t parent your baby. You are able to achieve any goal you want to achieve and that includes, keeping your baby, getting a good job, finishing school, having an apartment, making a good life for the two of you or anything else you could imagine. YOU are this baby’s mom. No one else is. To me you seem like you have a good head on your shoulders and have some goals in place and just really want to parent your baby. There is nothing wrong with that and don’t ever let someone try to make you feel bad for that. If someone tries to tell you “the baby will have a better life with parents who can provide for it,” you let them know that the baby needs its mom in it’s life above all material possesions others could provide. Being able to rise above adversity and challenges that lie in your way and still create a good life for you and your son or daughter to me would be setting a great example for your child. Your child would grow up knowing that all things in life worth having truly require hard work, blood, sweat, and tears. Don’t let the negative people who want to keep you down depress you or stress you. Most likely they’re being negative because they are lacking something in THEM. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Felicita1	Becoming a mother in one's teen years does NOT destroy a woman's life. Nor does it lead to poverty or a decrease in education or financial success. Those myths have been tossed out with more recent and rational research. You can assure your parents that there is nothing wrong or tragic about becoming a young mother. Many women do it, and succeed. "By the time a teen mother reachers her late twenties, she appears to have only slightly more children, is only slightly more likely to be single mother, and has no lower levels of educational attainment than if she had delayed her childbearing to adulthood. In fact, by this age teen mothers appear to be better off in some aspects of their lives. Teenage childbearing appears to raise levels of labor supply, accumulated work experience and labor market earnings and appears to reduce the chances of living in poverty and participating in the associated social welfare programs." There are resources in your community to help you keep and raise your baby. Not only that, but most colleges have parent resource centers and scholarships for single parents. If your parents don't want you to have a baby now, then how long do they expect you to wait? Until your 30s? The problem that no-one talks about is that female fertility begins declining at around age 27. So having a child while you are young and still can is actually more prudent than waiting until it is too late. And around the world, multi-generational families live together and help support each other -- so if you do need to rely on living with your parents for some part of your child's life, that is also neither bad nor strange. ETA -- I want to address some myths about open adoption. Open adoptions are promises that are not legally enforcable, even when written down. no state will enforce an open adoption agreement that will enable to see your child or receive information if the adoptive parents decide no. As well, they are not easy on the mother -- the immediate and long-term grief is as bad as having lost a child to death and this has been shown in many studies. Besides unresolved grief and loss, the mother also faces a high risk of PTSD, severe depression, and secondary infertility. Most adoption agencies though are not honest enough to tell you about these risks. Adoption is America's largest unregulated industry. You will find lots of advertising from adoption agencies and lawyers out there -- because they can offer a healthy white infant for $15,000 or more to their clients. Be careful. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Heather B	Stand your ground Louey. My guess is they'll change their tune and fall in love with their grandbaby as soon as they set eyes on him/her! Watch out for the baby predators who appear to be circling and feel they are more entitled to your baby than you are! It's disgraceful and untrue, their just jealous because you can do what they cannot - produce a baby, YOUR baby who belongs with YOU. Take care and don't let anyone talk you out of being the mother that you are. Babies want their Mommas, they don't even know they're a separate entity than their mother and to separate Mom and baby is just cruel and unnecessary. I wish I was nearby to give moral support, but know that I'm thinking of you and hoping everything turns out for the best. You many enjoy reading this from a young Mom who found the courage to stand up to the pressure to relinquish her baby. It's beautiful: http://www.girl-mom.com/node/34 Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No