My wife and i are pondering the idea of giving our fourth child up for adoption, any ideas what to ask for?

Show all answers

Post your answer

galloppal	I agree with Glenna...why does everyone automatically think that asking for something means profit? Stop and think for a feww seconds before responding, people. Glenna has given good advice...The best to you in what must be a difficult decision to make. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

caz n	I am absolutley disgusted by this question I have five children and dont want anymore so I have been sterilised.What are you going to do after this one keep the next one? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

..:: strawberry kiss ::..	I'm sorry I don't know the answer to your question but I just felt so bad. I'm only 18 but I can only imagine what it would be like giving away a child for adoption (I love my cat like a child). I sincerely hope the best for your family and if you decide to put your child up for adoption, i hope in'shallah that they will go into a beautiful, loving and caring family . Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

beautiful	What do u mean what to ask for? U dont sell babys, thats just not right. If u already have kids y would u give this one up? This doesnt make any sense. Its def not fair to the baby either. If ur not able to take of the baby, u shouldnt of conceived it. U should reconsider it and keep it,or give up all ur kids. If ur giving it up because ur bing kind to someone that dosent have a child or cant conceive a child thats diff. its going to be very hard emotional to give up thats what u can expect and the ppl ur giving to u have to make sure u have great understanding on what kind of relationship u want with the child. Do u still want to b in the childs life or what that another thing to think about. I'm not sure y ur considering what ever the reason is i hope this helps. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Randy B	I'll take the "your glass is half full" not half empty route and assume that you mean you have no idea who to ask and what assistance may be available to you. It's sunday and I'd hate to think something so reprehensible as that you are trying to ask what you will get financially by doing this. If you have issues that need to be addressed and for some reason find that you need to place a child for adoption, contact your local office of social services. They can advise you what the process is and perhaps even provide you with assistance whereby you can still keep the child. Be glad you caught me today. If it was any other day of the week I'd have let you have it like the others. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

rockrgrl	Glenna gave some excellent advice. Another suggestion would be to contact Catholic Children's Services. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for giving the most precious gift imaginable to a loving couple. Placing a child you cannot care for, FOR WHATEVER REASON is the most loving thing you could do for that baby. My husband was adopted in 1964 and is so grateful to the loving birth mother who allowed him to be raised by a wonderful family who was able to give him the life his 16 year old bio mother could not. Please consider the baby's future in making this decision. Children need the very best start in life we can give. God bless you and your family. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

AgeofAquarius31	My advice: don't do it... Get a vasectomy, and don't get yourselves into this situation, again. My birth mom had 6 kids; I was the last, and she gave me up... I promise, even in great circumstances, where the adoptive parents are wonderful (not my situation, unfortunately), the child will wonder, "Why didn't they keep ME? They kept all the others!" Usually, in adoption cases, the first child is given up, cause they're not ready, etc,. but to give up the last one? If that's something you can truly live with, then, okay... I couldn't do that, knowing how wonderful the kids I already have, are. Not sure what you mean as far as 'what to ask for.' They won't pay you, if that's what you mean... You can get your med bills (concerning baby) paid for, and that's it... It's not eBay where the baby goes to the highest bidder. Do consider that vasectomy... It's a lot cheaper than potentially ruining a childs' life. (And the children you already have, will wonder why their sibling is gone... Very sad.) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Linzy F	So you have enough already and want to sell this one!!! OMG, imagine 20 years later when this child finds you and sees that you were comfortably married with enough kids already. Wouldn't that break your heart? If you want to help a family get a child, visit a fertility expert. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Whathappened2U	Ask that the people you are considering giving the child to get a home study and a good adoption lawyer. Make sure your get it in writing if you want an open adoption. Make sure everything you want is spelled out in black and white. If an open adoption isn't for you then you have a little less to worry about. I think it is very respectful of your child to give them to a loving family if you can't take care of them. Since you do have 3 other children you might want to consider sitting down with your wife and make a book for the baby to be given to them when they are older. One that tells them about their birth family. I was adopted and we are wanting to adopt so I have seen it from both sides. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Becca	I just don't get how anyone can pick and choose which children to keep and which ones not to!!! What can you ask for? How about money for sterilization? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Proud	If you choose to put your child up for adoption, you need to do it through a reputable adoption agency. I would suggest asking your OB if they can recommend someone for you to contact. An agency would be able to work with you and answer any questions/concerns that you have. Many women who find an adoptive family for their unborn child have their medical bills covered by the adoptive family. Other than that though, you don't really get to ask for anything as far as the pregnancy goes. You may ask for an "open adoption" though. It may be the perfect solution for you and your family. Just start doing some research and decide what would be best for you and your wife and your chidlren. *Its ironic that people are bashing you for wanting to put your 4th child up for adoption. If you asked this same question in regard to aborting the 4th child, everyone would be telling you to put him/her up for adoption. What a judgmental world we live in. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mrs. B	Wow. There is a lot to consider on this one. I wouldn't do it, but hypothetically speaking, here are some things I would consider: 1)Should the adoption be open or closed? If it is open, and the child comes looking for you later, the kid is prob gonna be really hurt and pissed that you kept all the other kids but gave him/her up. If it is kept closed, the kid will never know its true medical history or ancestry, which could be really important if a medical issue ever comes up. 2)Interview and pick the "right" family, or let an agency do it? 3) What are you going to tell the other kids you have? They can obviously see their mom's belly getting bigger, and will probably ask why there is no new baby now! 4) Will you be able to deal with this decision? It would be really wrong to get an adoptive family's hopes up and then back out of the deal. Also, will you and your wife feel resentment for each other because of this? I would make a list of things that you have specific ?s about, and specific things that are important to you for the adoptive family to have (characteristics, religious beliefs, stuff like that). Then I would take that list with you when you visit with your adoption attorney or agency. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

StacieG	Contact several adoption agencies and interview them. Check them out with the Better Business Bureau and call the references. Ask online if anyone has any experience with those agencies and solicit feedback (positive and negative). Make your decision from there. After that, you need to decide whether you want o have an open adoption or closed adoption or somewhere in between. As the birth parents you get to choose the level of openness. You'll get to decide on an adoptive family, too, so you can feel more confident in your decision. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Santa's Lil' Helper	The matter-of-fact implication of this question leaves me speechless. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

JoHn S.	Not assuming. Just look at other answers and questions from the OP. Here's a quote from one of his questions... "and just and FYI i have been talking to a couple that wants our baby and THEY offered to pay all bills and also to give us a substatial check at the end.. and they have one child and are both doctors" Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

lilybella120	Its not my place to tell you what to do but really think about it before you decide what to do. From personal experience you may be hurting this baby more than helping him/her. My mother gave me up when I was a baby, she had a baby 1 year before me and about 1 year after. She kept the other 2 just gave me up. Well my family had to contact her when I was going through a medical emergency and she still doesnt want anything to do with me. It hurts everyday knowing what she did. I always wonder why did she give me up, what made me so horrible for her to do that. Just make sure your doing the right thing FOR THE BABY. The baby didnt ask to be put in the situation you and the mother did. Dont be selfish. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

snowwillow20	Having given a child up myself, I'd have to say don't do it. It's not as easy as YOU might think. You don't GET anything, you LOSE something. What will you tell your kids you're keeping? What will your tell your 4th child, when he/she comes back to find you and asks why me? Please think long and hard before you make this monumental decision that will affect 6 peoples lives and don't think it won't. I'm not going to chastise you for thinking about doing this but you have 3 kids, what's one more? Maybe the child whould be better off, but I doubt it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

GEE-GEE	I guess I don't understand. What to ask for? The only thing you get is the satisfaction in knowing your child will finally be taking care of. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

angieness178	Oh wow... this is your fourth and you want to give it up for adoption... cmon by then shouldn't you learn something... PROTECTION! no don't give it up. you already have 3 one more wouldn't hurt to take care. Your mistake or even if it isn't a mistake, be responsible and take care of it Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

7.62 MM	Last of 10...Thank God they felt differently Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

.	HECK NO!!!! Don't do that! Lets say you have 2 brothers and a sister, right? well then your mom finds out she is pregnant with you, Right? So, she wants to put you up for adoption. How would you feel. To answer your question, you should ask for a healthy baby to raise and love. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lori A	Interesting that people ASSUME you mean money. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sizesmith	There are several ways, if you are absolutely sure, and you believe that this is what is best for all your children. Be warned, I see a lot of hateful answers coming your way, and thumbs down for me. Most people seem to hate adoption here. There is the big question, is this child already older, or a newborn. The demand for newborns is very high, and some agencies won't take an older child unless a newborn goes with it. (Don't kill the messenger, I'm just saying what goes on). There are people like myself that would love to adopt another child. If you choose a family like that, you simply go to an attorney's office and sign the consent forms, and arrange for transfer of the child, whether it be done then, or at the end of a specified waiting period. If it is a newborn, you might have to wait until it is born then make arrangements to call the AP's to pick the baby up at the hospital (or even be there for it's delivery). Make sure that no matter what, you meet the new parents, make sure that you believe that they will be better for the child, that they have a legal homestudy already done (shows they've been interested in adoption longer and have put thought into it), and that you keep every piece of paper you sign, and that you try to keep the adoption open on paper if you wish to visit the baby in the future. Even if you believe right now that you don't, still try to keep the option open, as you might change your mind and want to see the child. You cannot receive any money for a child (it's illegal), however, all attorney and home study expenses are paid by the adoptive parents. You have rights to ask anything from the AP's, to see their home, meet their extended family, etc. If they say no, you might consider finding someone else. At the very least make a very detailed medical history for him/her. If you don't wish to know who's adopting, you can have an attorney handle all the paperwork without you knowing, but I don't think it's in the best interests of the child. Be wary of people here who say they want to adopt, because there are many dangers, although there are wonderful people who have adopted and want to again, I know because I'm one of them, and would love an opportunity to adopt again, and have everything already in place for another child! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

casttostrangers	I can not even put into to words the feeling I had and still do when I found out I had 3 older sibs and 2 younger. All kept except me. I don't mean this as just a figure of speech. I mean I truly could not and still can not put it in words. Just something else to ponder about for reunion day Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Kazi	Please be more specific? If you mean questions to ask, then I would contact Planned Parenthood. If your are asking about money, then I suggest someone call the cops. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

MamaKate	Dear Joseph, Without knowing the specific reasons you are considering doing this I can only suggest that you both do a lot of research, ASAP. Shoot, just go through the Q & A's here for a brief and handy overview! Adoption is very complex and every individual situation is different. Learn your state laws! Make sure that you look at ALL sides of adoption - especially that of the adoptee. Examine all your other options (parenting assistance, kinship guardianship, tempory foster care, etc.) as well! Please, make sure you base it on a solid foundation of knowledge and thought and that it is something you can all live with. (REMEMBER: ADOPTION IS PERMANENT.) Do your very best to protect yourselves and most of all your CHILD from an unethical situation. I urge you to discuss this with family members who you trust and may be able to help you or give advice and support. (You may find you have more help than you think.) ULTIMATELY the decision is up to you guys and only you and your wife can make the best decision for yourselves. Best of luck to you and your family! I hope you find the choices that are right for you all and that you are blessed with happy and healthy futures no matter what choice you make. :) ETA: Really interesting that so many people assume "ask for" implies this person wishes to "sell" his child! I took it to mean "ask for information". It says a lot about how people think! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

blondeqtpie13	You don't get money for them. That's not how it works. However, I suggest that one or both of you get 'fixed' after this baby is born. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

grapesgum	I suggest that you make an appointment with your local department of social services and discuss it with the social workers there. They will be able to tell you what is legal and is illegal and your options as far arranging an adoption. The counselors there can also help you explore the option of keeping your child. Is there a particular reason why you are looking at adoption? Please consider the feelings of your child when he/she is older. He/she will most likely feel rejected and abandoned by his/her family. ETA - Thanks for the hint Mrs.MarkDarcy! Given your expertise with autos, if you get off your butt and work a few extra hours each week, keeping your 4th should be no problem. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Tina	It is illegal to "sell" your children. You can put your 4th child . . . or even all of your children up for adoption but it is not a "for profit" transaction. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

jamie b	what to ask for? you dont get money. you give them a better life. and since youa re talking about selling a child i think maybe you should consider it for all your children. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

PhilM	What you should do is ask how your child is going to feel when he or she discovers that you gave him or her up after keeping your other children. Adoptees often experience abandonment and rejection issues. They often have trouble trusting others and connecting with them. Please think carefully about this before you put your child through this. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No