My babys going to be adopted but i dont want him to hate me?

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Crucio	That is very kind of Sophia I am sure he will appreciate it. Please give your medical history to the baby’s new parents. You might also want to include heritage information make a small sketch of a small family tree, going back to maybe your great or great great grandparents. You might even include some of your favorite things, few photos of yourself and your family. As far as your child hating you I very much doubt that will happen. Hopefully he will understand that you were in no shape to raise him yourself and you only wanted the best for him. That said no one can say how he will feel about being adopted or how he will take it. Hopefully his new parents will talk about adoption to him from a young age there are many books on it now for all ages. Yes maybe you could discuss with the child’s parents about having a semi open adoption a few times a year you could get photos and updates. Perhaps they might even be ok with some physical contact a few times a year. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

MS A	Choose the adoptive parents yourself. Make sure they understand your love for this child and how much it means to you for him to know about it. My daughter is very secure in the fact that her first mother loves her. However, some adoptive parents don't nurture that love and are afraid to acknowledge that it really does exist. God bless you for loving this baby so much. One day he will understand. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tempting_butnothanks	you seem to care a lot about this baby. why are you giving it up? why don't you just work your *** off to support him? i'm not a big fan of social benefits, but as long as they are there, you should take use of what the government will help you with. the only thing i ask; please don't have any more children until you are able to support them yourself. but we all make mistakes, and both you and the baby will be happier in the long run if you stay together. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

JJ Sr.	I suggest keeping a diary that you do not mind him reading sometime in the future. I am certian it will have in it many words of love regading you and him and reasons why you have delayed your visitation with him. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Loves the Ponies	Kudos to you for realizing that you cannot provide your child with the life he deserves! I was adopted at 2 months old and I have never harbored any bad feelings for my birth mother. I have not had any desire to meet her either (except I would like to have some medical history type info.). My birth mother was 19 and her parents told her if she kept me, she'd have to move out. At 19, she wasn't able to do that and I am glad she chose to give me to a family who could look after me and give me a good life. I don't think you should keep seeing the baby. It isn't healthy for you. Try to make as clean a break as you can. Don't be afraid to get some counseling for your depression. It's nothing to be ashamed of and in your situation it is to be expected that some feelings of depression would set in. I think giving him up to be adopted by a loving family is the best way you can show him you love him. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mystacall	He wont hate you..your doing the best thing for him if you can't handle a child right now. I have a close family member who adopted out 2 children..and nothing bad ever came of that...free your mind..the rest will follow...write the letter and ask the parents to give it to the child when he turns 18! Good luck :) Put a lock of your hair in the book..then he will always have something real of you and...................your DNA! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

**♥ donna ♥**	You can register, i think its with the Samaritans but you will need to check with the adoption agency they should help you, so that in the future he can find you if he wants to.You just keep the details up to date ie change of name address etc with them and if he ever comes looking they will let you know. Good luck Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

26/07/09 Baby Girl Due :D	Im sure his adoptive parents will never speak badly of you and will explain his questions in the nicest way. think about people arntgonna want him to feel unwanted are they? so everyone will tell him it how it was, he wont hate you Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

kiddie chaos	hi, i think your a very brave and loving mum, i was adopted at 7, my mum died very young and my dad was an alcoholic who could not keep me, he has since passed away. i thank god every day that i got adopted as i know the life my dad would have given me would have been the worst imaginable(im not suggesting if you kept your baby his life would be hell thats just my story). i grew up with a very loving mum and dad who adored me as they could not have their own children. your child could never hate you as you are giving him the best chance in life. the problem i have is that i dont know much about my families medical history as my adoption was over 26 years ago and i wish i knew more on that. i think you put a lot of other mums to shame as some women get pregnant and either abort their babies or neglect them, i admire you and just put in your letter everything that comes naturally from the heart. good luck and your in my prayers xx Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Dear Abby,	One of my best friends was adopted. She has never seen her birth-parents, but she will on her 18th birthday. She understands that her mother couldn't take care of her because she was too young at the time. I think that my friend is happier not seeing her mother because it would be too hard for both of them. She loves her adopted parents very much, and looks forward to seeing her real parents, though. She doesn't hate her mother-she doesn't even know her. Your baby will NOT hate you while growing up. make sure that he/she has loving parents and a good home. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

romy l	i think you should keep him if not, then you need to explain in your letter and make the letter sincere and loving best of luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Gaia Raain	I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know it's hard. I would have suggested keeping your baby, too. I don't know what to tell you if you aren't able to keep your baby. As I understand it, if you give a child up for adoption, there is a chance (a good chance) that they will always feel abandoned. It doesn't matter WHY you're giving them up, and it doesn't matter how much you do to help them before you give them up...they might still feel abandoned by the only person they ever knew. I am not an adoptee, so I can't tell you for sure how your son will feel, but I do know that adoption is complicated, and it adds a whole different conglomeration of feelings to a person's life that they wouldn't have had otherwise. Those feelings MIGHT be good, they MIGHT be bad, and they MIGHT change over time. My point is that there is absolutely NO WAY you can be sure that your child won't feel hurt and abandoned unless you keep him. I wish you and he the best. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mommy times 2!	The best thing you can do to show him you love him is not give him away. I don't mean to be hard on you. I've got a daughter, and I'm pregnant again. My babies know me, they know NO ONE BUT me. When this baby is born, it will be just like my daughter. She couldn't be happy or comfortable with anyone but me. She listened to MY heartbeat for nine months, she ate MY food for nine months, she fell asleep listening to MY voice for nine months. No stranger could soothe her. And if I had left her, no matter the reason, she would have been hurt. Your baby can't possibly be hurt by your visits. He can only benefit from hearing the only voice he knows, feeling the only touch he wants, listening to the only voice he heard for nine months. And no matter what the reason is, if you do leave him, he will be hurt, permanently, and he will miss you always. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Inspired Spider	try and build a relationship up with the adopted parents as much as possible so that they will tell your baby about you early in life, and give them the numbers and letters... i think that is the key because ultimately they will be the link, and it will be up to them how much they talk about you. Ask if you could possibly be involved. Good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tish	honestly, sophia, the fact that you are asking these questions reveals your reticence in this decision. i understand how difficult it is to have a child from a bad situation with the father (been there), and to believe that adoption is the answer. yet, you have to understand the the child and the father are mutually exclusive. meaning, it's very possible to love a child born from a bad situation, and not love the father. although i can not tell you what to do, nor how your son will feel (neither can anyone else, BTW) you need to really REALLY give this more thought. if you are feeling this way 3 weeks after delivery (which is perfectly normal, BTW) then it's clear you are probably not solid on this decision. also, many women who have been diagnosed with depression INCLUDING APARENTS have parented their children effectively. also, you need to know that 3 week after birth, you body is still recovering from the hormonal shift; and you might need a bit more time to make this decision (been there too...i just delivered a baby 2 weeks ago). all i can offer is my advice and well wishes. the final choice is yours. and unfortunately, nobody can predict how your son will react to the adoption. nor how the adoption will affect you. ps. open adoption is not legally enforceable. the aparents can close it at anytime. if you are not able to accept that possibility, then DO NOT go through with anything yet. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Freckle Face	Sophia, How about trying to parent him yourself, first? I'm going to post some links you MUST read before signing your parental rights away forever. Make an informed decision PLEASE. I know you think keeping your baby in not that simple. From an "older" lady sometimes life is as simple as we make it. I do believe in choice. Read these links so you know what your future might hold. If you are still okay with adoption then fine you at least will be making an informed decision. I'm not judging you, i'm trying to look out for you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LHoUAQrvAk http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf http://www.keepyourbaby.com/ http://www.birthmothers.info/ http://www.keepyourbaby.com/open_adoption.html http://www.exiledmothers.com/ http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/ Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

fantasia.	I cried so much when I read this. Why do you want to have him adopted if yo u love him so much.? It must be the hardest thing on earth to do and it would kill me if I had to do it. A baby is the most precious thing you can ever have .. money possessions there is NOTHING in comparison !!!! It is the most beautiful thing in the world. Please please think again and dont give him up :( Every single word that Crazy Pregnant Lady above me has said is true and my feelings too. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Not Adopted	It sounds like you want to raise your baby, which is mother nature in action. The maternal instinct is the most scared and powerful force in nature. Without it, humans would have become extinct long ago. Get good legal advice and emotional support. It sounds like you are not ready to sign your parental rights away, it is unwise to make this decision under duress. Also, many people here have said you should arrange an "open adoption." BEWARE - most states do not legally recognize open adoption agreeements and you will have no way to enfore it! The adoptive parents can "close" the adoption at any time and completely cut you out of your baby's life. Get your own lawyer, DO NOT TRUST any legal advice given to you by adoption agencies, adoption attorneys, or social workers. Those people work ONLY for the adoptive parents, they do not care about your rights. GET YOUR OWN LAWYER AND SUPPORT NETWORK. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Courtney M.P.	I think that you should look into an open adoption or make arrangements to be able to continue to have pictures and letters exchanged. Writing him a letter that explains why you made the decision and expresses your deep love for him is wonderful. I would start a diary as well and over the years continue to write to him and tell him about your life so that if you are seperated for years when you do reunite you will be able to share with him your thoughts and care over the years. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

hhh	That is a great Idea of the book you are making for him, maybe you can write a poem for him also. But please be sure that you want to put him for adoption because sometimes we make mistakes and we regret them later. Good Luck Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

FiNgErS cRoSsEd	Im desperate for a baby and could never imagine giving a child up for adoption - is this really the only answer - to give your baby away? Please dont - he will miss you - his mommy x Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Grant Ray came on 12/8/08!	He won't hate you, more than likely he will be grateful that you did what you had to do to ensure he had a wonderful life. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Independ"ant"	Yes. Stop listening to people telling you to stop seeing him. They are telling you this so you will not bond with the baby and change your mind. Its for no other reason. They're lying to you. I would suggest not finalizing the adoption until your depression is treated and have spent adequate time with your child. You will quite possibly change your mind about placing the baby up for adoption. Your baby would be emotionally better off with you and would reconsider placing him if its only about finances. There are plenty of organizations to help you get on your feet. Edit: You are being advised to wait because you are rolling the dice on the future emotions of your child as well as this. Read Sunny and mommkates posts. This is the reality of adoption and not the sunshine being fed to you. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AruwRq0NGrzUreZAzOPwjUJq.Bd.;_ylv=3?qid=20080707182949AAdTrPK Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

xPANDEMICx	make sure his adopted parents know how much you love him and why you let him go, and tell them to tell him that a lot or whenever he asks in the future. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Monstar Cambria	I think that is a fine idea. I am not sure what kind of adoption and what the rules are in your area. I think that is a wonderful thought though. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

?	Sounds to me like you don't want to give him up? silly question but is it your decision to do it or are you being forced into it? The book and pictures sound like a lovely idea. Congrats to you by the way for not having an abortion xx EDIT ---------------- I just read your previous question...I'm so sorry what happened to you but please don't let any man make you give this baby up. The best revenge is to succeed and be successful. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

nvedukatr	I was adopted at birth. He won't hate you. But I think you're going to need some serious professional help if you think you will be able to give him away after "visiting" him for 3 weeks. Have you considered an open adoption, so that you know where he'll be and the adopting parents will know who you are? Mine was closed and it took 13 years to complete a search after I turned 18. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

♥ gӘm''gӘm ♥	leave a contact number or address or something so that he is able to contact you and keep it or tell him where he will be able to find you. I know this seems impossible because it could be 18 years down the line but i assume for a child, if u explain your situation and he does then want to give you a chance he can get intouch at any point. I'd make him aware of this too.. saying that basically if he ever needs you or would like to contact you your door is forever open. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Steven's Mommy	I think that a letter and the book are great ideas it's alot more than most moms do why they give up their kids for adoption...if this is an open adoption then just try to visit your son even if it's just once a month so he knows who you are. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tickled blue	You need to stop listening to 'everyone'....this isn't about them--it is about you and your child. You should do everything you can to show him how much you love him...include letters, pictures, pictures of his delivery, your pregnancy, his baby blanket, etc. You should write and call and visit as often as you are able. One thing you should do is try--if at all possible--to have an open adoption....so that he always knows you are a phone call or short drive away....and so that he knows that you are still in his life. It is in his best interests to have an open adoption....minus the possibility of you raising him yourself. I strongly suggest that you ignore people who don't have you and your child's best interests at heart....and only have their interests for you or for the adoptive parents. Your son needs his mommy. You are his mommy. To deny or ignore that in any way is harmful to both you and to your son. I hope you will find ways to tell your child as often as possible just how much you love him....he will need it and deserves it!! Take care! <<adoptive mommy through foster care. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sunny	Your depression will NEVER go away. And your boy will never get over your loss. Ever. Do some reading: http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org http://www.origins-usa.org http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm http://www.babyscoopera.com http://www.bastards.org/bq/babb2.html Adoption studies: http://crimemagazine.com/07/adoptionforensics,0919-7.htm http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~adoption/topics/psychopathstudies.htm http://www.angelfire.com/or/originsnsw/wendys_pres.html Books: The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier Lost and Found: the Adoption Experience AND Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness both by Betty Jean Lifton The Adopted break Silence by Jean Paton The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler Adoption: Uncharted Waters,by David Kirschner Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self by David Brodzinsky Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No