Let's put a different spin on it...if you were pregnant?

Show all answers

Post your answer

Francesca H	its an option. she more than likely wasn't saying you are a bad mother, but a child with a disability is expensive. There are people able to do for your child as you need. Maybe you could work out an open adoption where u still visit freely. They just help relieve your financial stress and the financial burden. If you are not wanting to go the route, call your local dss they can help you with food water power utilities. and u may be eligible for a check to help with your child Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

L80_80	Hey, it was just a suggestion. That's what friends do - they give advice. Don't take it to heart. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

My Soldier is a daddy, too.	i would have been offended also.. but hey, the truth hurts... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lisa	I would respect her opinion but let her know that it was ultimately my choice. I wouldn't be really mad at her as she is just looking out for me. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

AdoreHim	Would you have felt better if she had suggested an abortion? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mscrawdad	I think any time a person we think we know very well says or does something we find offensive, it is hard to understand. I think I would take it as something my friend would consider if she were in my situation, so I wouldn't take it personally or as an insult. I would take that opportunity to get to know my "best friend" better. You don't have to agree with someone all the time to love them. If that were the case most teenagers wouldn't survive their parents! lol! Perhaps your friend was revealing to you a deep seated fear of her own and looking for some honest exchange of thoughts and ideas on the subject. If you believe this person to be someone who cares for you deeply then you have to believe they would never want you to do something that would be bad for you. And perhaps it is your friend that really doesn't know you, rather than the other way around. Sounds like a great opportunity for an overnighter to reconnect with someone important in your life. Imagine how many other things could come out of a night of 20 questions of true significance to both of you. You may find you need a new best friend or you may discover you'll never have a better one. Good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Daisey Duck	I would respect my friend for her honesty and concern. Even if i didn't agree with her I would still listen to her opinions. Then I would tell her mine. We may not agree with each other but we always support the others decisions. True friends tell you things weather you want to hear them or not. It's called honesty and sometimes it hurts. It takes a lot of love and compassion and courage to bring up a subject that might hurt another, but if it is presented in the right way it can be a very good thing. I'm so thankful my best friend never worried about stepping on my toes and always told me her thoughts and opinions weather I wanted to hear them or not. That's what best friends do. And I never got mad at her or turned my back on her, and she was always there for me also. True friends express their opinions then support the decisions made. She wouldn't be a true friend if she couldn't talk to her friend about things that are rough. Small talk don't make friendships Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

monkeykitty83	I would be offended, but if it was someone close to me whose opinion I trusted, it would also make me seriously question my ability to be a good mother (unnecessarily, as I'm actually a pretty good problem-solver, and even in a strained situation I believe I could make parenting work.) I think it would shake my confidence in ways it would be really hard to bounce back from at a time of crisis, when I wasn't in a good emotional place to begin with. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

cassie	I would be so mad like if i was also thinking about it and asked her opinion i wouldn't be mad but she has no right to say that outta the blue especially if she is a friend! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Dreamweaver ILF posse 2009	Since I was in that situation....and young...and in high school I did make the decision to relinquish...so um... obsolete question Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Emily E	I am pregnant and not in the most ideal situation. Everyone suggested abortion - that upset me much more than the few people who suggested adoption. They are distant and aren't the ones who have to live with the consequences... so they don't quite understand - when I think of it like this, don't blame them that much. It can be heartbreaking though to not have the support and to think people have such little joy / support for you :( Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1	i would go out and sell drugs or be a hooker. whatever i had to do, i would do it. i would rather slit my throat than give up my kid. no way. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

♥Trying♥	I wouldn't know what to say if a "friend" said that to me. I think it depends more on stability and not money. Your situation totally depends on what the outcome should be. If you don't have much money but are happily married and have a home with love, then you are richer than most! If you are single and have no support from friends or family and you know your situation isn't a good one to bring a baby into, then it would be hard but you should chose adoption. I spent years working with the foster care system and saw children taken from the worst environments. They would have been so much better off being given up at birth than to now have to carry the burden of all the abuse and bad memories with them for life. Some of these kids are so messed and up and have no chance of ever leading a normal life and it is so sad that they had to be put through that. Only you know what your situation is and what kind of atmosphere your baby will grow up in. If your friend thinks that your situation is unsafe or unstable then it took a lot of guts for her to step forward and tell the truth when the truth needed to be heard. If you look deep within yourself, do you think that maybe she saw something that you didn't want to acknowledge or is she totally out there? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Indian-vision	I wouldn't like my friend suggesting i abort or give for adoption. It would annoy me and thats it ! But if she nags me with her suggestion then she is no friend. I would expect her to support me. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

red elephants	True friends share their feelings and concerns. If I was in such a hard situation financially/living situation wise that my best friend was concerned it would sting probably. But I'd think I would be able to get over that realize they were simply concerned and presenting me with other options I may not have considered. If they were constantly harping on me even after I said I wasn't interested then we would probably have some serious issues. If I opted to keep my child I would hope that they would support that decision and help me figure out how to do so. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

aloha.girl59	I was in that situation. I was 21 years old and had been dating my boyfriend for only a week when I got pregnant. Carrying the child to term was not something I wanted to do as I knew I wasn't ready to parent (neither was my 23 year old boyfriend who still lived at home with his parents) and giving my child away after carrying him or her for nine months was not an option either. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jennifer L	As I mentioned in your other question, I was at one time, a pregnant teenager and my oldest sister (considerably older than I am) tried to gently bring up the idea of adoption as a "what's best for the baby" thing. It didn't offend me until later, when I thought of it. But I know she meant well and has been supportive ever since. ETA: I also had plenty of friends tell me to have an abortion. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

SJM	Being rational was not at the top of my hormonally challenged list during any of my pregnancies. I would either cry or throw things. I definitely wouldn't take it well, and I wouldn't be taking her calls for several years after. ETA: Blood is thicker than water. 'Friends' can be replaced. Children cannot. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Opedial	I would tell them to mind their own business. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Not Adopted	I would no longer consider that person a friend. Ditto for anyone who tried to convince me to have an abortion. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

S	I think it's disgusting. Money doesn't raise a child. Love and devotion does. Sure, money helps, but all the money in the world isn't a substitute for actually BEING a parent. If my very best friend ever told me this I'd be ashamed of her. I'd seriously consider our friendship. What she could have said was that she knows things will be tough, but it will work. And she could offer support - not financial, but emotional, etc. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Felicita1	Would I be happy if my best friend basically said I would be a danger to my baby, an unfit mother, and a potential abuser if I kept her? Who would be happy about that? But that's exactly what this so-called "friend" is implying. Every human being on this planet has inherent human rights. One of these human rights is the support and resources every person and their family requires in order to stay together (Article 25, Universal Declaration of Human Rights). So either your friend is saying that you are sub-human and thus do not deserve this support, or that you are potential child abuser. Either way, it is rude, insulting, and inconsiderate. Nevermind that your friend is also stating that not only does your child need to be rescued from you before you can do damage to them, but also that you deserve to bear the emotional/psychological consequences of losing your child to adoption. To what end? As punishment for having had a child at an "inconvenient" point in your life? Check out the link to Dr. Rickarby's report on the damage done to mothers by the surrender of an infant to adoption (heading "Damage" on the page at http://www.originsnsw.com/nswinquiry2/id12.html) And what of those women who wait until their late 20s and early 30s and then find out that it is too late? That age-related infertility has hit? How long are we supposed to "wait"? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

durdenslabs	I would have gotten very angry and probably cried. I'd have been angry at my "friend" and sad because someone thought my child would be better off somewhere else. As long as a person loves their child and takes care of it there is always a way. There are food stamps, medicaid, government programs that help with school supplies and clothing, and programs that help with housing as well. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Harriet	That person wouldn't be a best friend any more. A comment like that is stupid, hurtful and unhelpful. Harriet Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Flying Monkey #073177	I was in this situation 4 years ago. Found out I was pregnant by my partner of three years, was surprised but excited. He dumped me on my a$$ 12 hours after I told him I was pregnant. Due to complications I was unable to continue working and had to apply for unemployment, they gave me such a low amount I needed welfare to top it up! MANY people suggested adoption and I haven't talked to any of them since. Four years later I am an autobody/mechanical shop foreman in charge of many people, vehicles and machines living a very comfortable life that I had never dreamt possible at that time. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

DevonChaos	Well, my best friend would never suggest that. I can use my imagination though, and know that she is not adopted, and therefore doesn't have the same spin on it as I do. Whatever her choice is, I would support, and vice versa. She is the pretty much the smartest person I know, and I also know that for her to even suggest something like that, she would have a very good reason for it. I would ask her what her thinking behind this was, and try to see things from her point of view. I wouldn't ever give up a baby, but it would be interesting to see why someone who knew my life so well would think that it would be a good idea. Then I'd tell her why I was keeping the baby, and how I appreciated her opinion, even though I wasn't going to go that way. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

MamaKate	I am surprised at the number of people who say they would "listen" and "respect" their "friends" opinion but do their own thing. Maybe I'm harsh, but anyone who would suggest that someone "give up" their child doesn't seem like much of a friend to me! It is basically saying, "I don't think you are good enough to parent your own child. I have no faith in you and I am unwilling to assist you in doing so." I don't think REAL friends would ever suggest such a thing to each other. It just doesn't make any sense - if you don't think someone would make a decent parent why in the world would you be friends with them?! I don't make a habit out of being friends with child abusers/sex offenders/drug abusers/etc. or people with qualities who would make them unfit parents - do other people?! Suggesting that someone isn't going to be a good enough parent to their own child isn't supportive, helpful or friendly at all. It is derogatory, negative and hurtful. To me, REAL FRIENDS are ones who lean on each other through rough times, defend one another's honor, give a hand when it is needed, support each other's needs, cheer each other on, share each other's lives, etc. - NOT try to talk each other out of parenting their OWN CHILDREN!! I could totally understand if friends have discussions or concerns about parenting (or anything else), I even understand disagreements about parenting style, I EVEN understand stepping in if there is a serious issue such as abuse - BUT to suggest that a friend shouldn't parent (ESPECIALLY for a reason like youth, marital status, education level, financial status..you know, a VARIABLE) is not something friends do without even giving each other the OPPORTUNITY to TRY! IMO, it is rude and presumptuous to suggest to someone you DON'T know, much less to a FRIEND and I would most certainly not be including a person who suggested such a thing to me in my circle of friends. I believe in Ohanas - friends are part of families and families STICK TOGETHER. ETA: My LOVE is unconditional. My TRUST and RESPECT are another story. If you hurt me too much and I'll still love you...just from a great distance. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Anha S	I'm pretty sure I would have been destroyed. I'm not in the habit of dropping friends because they say something I don't like, but in a case like that, I don't think I could or would want to remain in a friendship, I would completely take a comment like that as my friend thinking that I could never amount to anything, and would never be able to get past my current circumstances. With a friend like that, who needs enemies. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

I ♥ Julienne (+1 XY Fetus!)	Yes I would be furious, suggesting I should give up my child. You can overcome financial hardships. Why abandon your child when in a year or two you could be financially stable? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Independ"ant"	I would consider her a fair weather ignorant friend if anything.....I don't think we would be talking much for awhile. I would understand where she was coming from and let it go.....its no secret that we live in an ignorant Materialistic society and many have gotten lost in that mentality....some intentionally others not. She's human with her flaws but I would choose not to be around it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mom1	Ah, it seems love is conditional to some here. It is unrealistic to expect others to agree with you on small things much less the big stuff. Give people the benefit of the doubt, you'd want the same from your friends and family. Now, this could cut both ways, how would you feel if a friend suggested you parent when you chose not to either through abortion or adoption? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No